I feel like a coward. I've lost my backbone. :(

Carl Rivera43 said:Peter Murphy6 always drops these little nuggets of self-help advice. Honestly, you might actually stumble onto something useful if you look hard enough!

Honestly, what are you all even doing in this thread besides acting like amateur life coaches?😁 She actually gave some solid advice.

Jamie Davis9 said:Honestly, what are you all even doing in this thread besides acting like amateur life coaches?😁 She actually gave some solid advice.

It’s not about whether we've changed or stayed the same. It's really about just saying what's actually on your mind instead of just reciting lines from some textbook written by a bunch of pseudo-psychology analysts.

Carl Rivera43 said:It’s not about whether we've changed or stayed the same. It's really about just saying what's actually on your mind instead of just reciting lines from some textbook written by a bunch of pseudo-psychology analysts.

Honestly, you aren't even looking for guidance, you're just desperate for attention, and frankly, you've crossed a line here.

Jamie Davis9 said:Honestly, you aren't even looking for guidance, you're just desperate for attention, and frankly, you've crossed a line here.

And you? You’re the one seeking attention by pointing fingers and blaming me. It’s pretty obvious something is bothering you. Did I bruise your ego or something?

If only that were actually the case.

Jamie Davis9 said:If only that were actually the case.

What do you mean by "at least"...? Do you think it’s an ego thing for him, or is there something else eating away at him?

Angela White2 said:I’ve never been one for combat sports; there’s nothing about fighting that appeals to me, and I’d much rather avoid it entirely. Yet, the violence persists, and the panic is just mounting. I have no desire to engage in a fight with them—I just want this all to stop.

I hear you. I know that feeling well—not from my own experience, per se, but still... Look, martial arts isn't just about learning how to throw a punch. Above all, it’s about defense. But what I’d emphasize most is the sheer confidence built in those environments, especially when you find the right instructor. For young people lacking "backbone and grit," as you put it, the coach is everything.

When you work on your presence and self-assurance, your entire demeanor shifts. You start projecting an aura that tells potential aggressors you aren't some easy target.

That’s the real goal behind training. I don't know where you're located, but look for a local Krav Maga Club. Think of it as a journey of self-discovery, not just hitting a heavy bag—which, in the case of this specific discipline, isn't even really the point.

Angela White2 said:I hope I’ve posted this in the right section; let me know if I need to move it.

Basically, I’m 19, and my main issue is a genuine fear of physical confrontation. I just can't bring myself to stand up to anyone. It's always been this way—I was a peaceful kid from the start, and that isn't the problem. The problem is that I've been a victim of continuous bullying for two and a half years now.

It all started back in late 2015/early 2016, and it hasn't stopped since. It's been a traumatic, horrible stretch of time, and everything has gone downhill because it feels like everyone is either trying to push me around or messing with my head. Since early 2016, this one guy and his group of friends have been harassing me daily. It's been two and a half years of this, and I haven't had the guts to do anything about it because I don't know how to fight, nor do I ever want to. Secondly, I lack the courage to take a stand or confront an aggressor. I've always been the type to stay quiet and just take the crap rather than speaking my mind and demanding respect. Third, whenever I face these guys or get into any kind of heated argument, I just freeze. I get so overwhelmed by fear that my mind goes blank and I start stuttering. I end up acting like a complete coward, and it eats at me. It makes me feel less masculine and undignified because I can never shut down a provocation.

Because this has been going on since 2016, the issue persists. I run into these bullies almost every day since I live in a small town, so avoiding them is impossible—especially in the summer when everyone is out and about. Every single time, I freeze up and react like a coward. I'm looking for any way to solve this.

Over these last two and a half years, I've thought about this constantly, and it's turned into serious anxiety, which has caused other issues for me.

Because of this, I've never had a girlfriend. It feels like girls are only attracted to those "tough guys," and I feel like I'm not man enough. I constantly imagine walking through town with a girl and someone starts messing with her, and I'd just stand there like a loser, unable to do anything because I can't fight and I can't stand my ground. That would be the ultimate embarrassment.

I simply don't have that fighting instinct in me, and that's the core of the problem.

I don't know how to fight, I'm afraid to stand up for myself, and I can't handle provocations. I've even been slapped a few times, which is incredibly humiliating.

I've thought about talking to my parents or reporting this to the local police, but I hesitate because I don't want to look like an even bigger wimp or a snitch.

Does anyone have any advice?

How can I develop that fighting instinct? How can I find the nerve to respond to provocations, whether they are verbal or physical?

Any advice at all would be appreciated and helpful.

What's your relationship with your parents like? Can you lean on them for support? There might be some deeper stuff at play here...

Angela White2 said:I hope I’ve posted this in the right section; let me know if I need to move it.

Basically, I’m 19, and my main issue is a genuine fear of physical confrontation. I just can't bring myself to stand up to anyone. It's always been this way—I was a peaceful kid from the start, and that isn't the problem. The problem is that I've been a victim of continuous bullying for two and a half years now.

It all started back in late 2015/early 2016, and it hasn't stopped since. It's been a traumatic, horrible stretch of time, and everything has gone downhill because it feels like everyone is either trying to push me around or messing with my head. Since early 2016, this one guy and his group of friends have been harassing me daily. It's been two and a half years of this, and I haven't had the guts to do anything about it because I don't know how to fight, nor do I ever want to. Secondly, I lack the courage to take a stand or confront an aggressor. I've always been the type to stay quiet and just take the crap rather than speaking my mind and demanding respect. Third, whenever I face these guys or get into any kind of heated argument, I just freeze. I get so overwhelmed by fear that my mind goes blank and I start stuttering. I end up acting like a complete coward, and it eats at me. It makes me feel less masculine and undignified because I can never shut down a provocation.

Because this has been going on since 2016, the issue persists. I run into these bullies almost every day since I live in a small town, so avoiding them is impossible—especially in the summer when everyone is out and about. Every single time, I freeze up and react like a coward. I'm looking for any way to solve this.

Over these last two and a half years, I've thought about this constantly, and it's turned into serious anxiety, which has caused other issues for me.

Because of this, I've never had a girlfriend. It feels like girls are only attracted to those "tough guys," and I feel like I'm not man enough. I constantly imagine walking through town with a girl and someone starts messing with her, and I'd just stand there like a loser, unable to do anything because I can't fight and I can't stand my ground. That would be the ultimate embarrassment.

I simply don't have that fighting instinct in me, and that's the core of the problem.

I don't know how to fight, I'm afraid to stand up for myself, and I can't handle provocations. I've even been slapped a few times, which is incredibly humiliating.

I've thought about talking to my parents or reporting this to the local police, but I hesitate because I don't want to look like an even bigger wimp or a snitch.

Does anyone have any advice?

How can I develop that fighting instinct? How can I find the nerve to respond to provocations, whether they are verbal or physical?

Any advice at all would be appreciated and helpful.

To start with, stop censoring all the "bad words" on the forum. Then, try saying them out loud. Start a little quiet, then louder, then even louder, maybe even slamming your fist on the table. Once you've practiced, say it to the first person who gives you a dirty look. 🥳

Jamie Davis9 said:Charles, if you actually have this protective instinct buried somewhere inside you but just don't know how to channel it, you really ought to read her post. 🙂 She makes some incredibly profound points:

Thanks, but before my ego gets way too big—since you actually hit on that one inspiring quality I'm constantly chasing but rarely feel like I've mastered—wisdom—I gotta mention that I've been having a serious internal debate about this whole idea of love being a form of ownership. 😲

I'm not talking about owning a person, or any part of them. It's more about owning yourself, because you're the one who actually holds the love, not the recipient. You basically project a shield over the person you care about, trying to "possess" them.

It’s kind of discouraging, honestly—after all the mental gymnastics and self-defense philosophies, it all just boils down to honor in the end.

Anyway... who even is Charles? 🐔

Carl Rivera43 said:It’s not about whether we've changed or stayed the same. It's really about just saying what's actually on your mind instead of just reciting lines from some textbook written by a bunch of pseudo-psychology analysts.

Don't insult me, Master.

Look, I am the definition of selfish—where did you get the idea that I'd ever quote anyone else to back up my own thoughts?
I don't think I've ever cited someone else just to validate my own "theory."
Let alone go out and read books about it.
I've got my own playbook in my head, and I know exactly how to find it and speak my truth.

So yeah, every single word is mine. If you personally don't like my take on things, well, that's your problem.

Angela White2 said:I hope I’ve posted this in the right section; let me know if I need to move it.

Basically, I’m 19, and my main issue is a genuine fear of physical confrontation. I just can't bring myself to stand up to anyone. It's always been this way—I was a peaceful kid from the start, and that isn't the problem. The problem is that I've been a victim of continuous bullying for two and a half years now.

It all started back in late 2015/early 2016, and it hasn't stopped since. It's been a traumatic, horrible stretch of time, and everything has gone downhill because it feels like everyone is either trying to push me around or messing with my head. Since early 2016, this one guy and his group of friends have been harassing me daily. It's been two and a half years of this, and I haven't had the guts to do anything about it because I don't know how to fight, nor do I ever want to. Secondly, I lack the courage to take a stand or confront an aggressor. I've always been the type to stay quiet and just take the crap rather than speaking my mind and demanding respect. Third, whenever I face these guys or get into any kind of heated argument, I just freeze. I get so overwhelmed by fear that my mind goes blank and I start stuttering. I end up acting like a complete coward, and it eats at me. It makes me feel less masculine and undignified because I can never shut down a provocation.

Because this has been going on since 2016, the issue persists. I run into these bullies almost every day since I live in a small town, so avoiding them is impossible—especially in the summer when everyone is out and about. Every single time, I freeze up and react like a coward. I'm looking for any way to solve this.

Over these last two and a half years, I've thought about this constantly, and it's turned into serious anxiety, which has caused other issues for me.

Because of this, I've never had a girlfriend. It feels like girls are only attracted to those "tough guys," and I feel like I'm not man enough. I constantly imagine walking through town with a girl and someone starts messing with her, and I'd just stand there like a loser, unable to do anything because I can't fight and I can't stand my ground. That would be the ultimate embarrassment.

I simply don't have that fighting instinct in me, and that's the core of the problem.

I don't know how to fight, I'm afraid to stand up for myself, and I can't handle provocations. I've even been slapped a few times, which is incredibly humiliating.

I've thought about talking to my parents or reporting this to the local police, but I hesitate because I don't want to look like an even bigger wimp or a snitch.

Does anyone have any advice?

How can I develop that fighting instinct? How can I find the nerve to respond to provocations, whether they are verbal or physical?

Any advice at all would be appreciated and helpful.

Just move. Get out of that environment where being violent is considered "cool."

You aren't built that way, and no amount of training is going to change who you are at your core.

Either enroll in college and head somewhere else for school, and find a crowd that actually fits your vibe.
Or just pack up, find a job elsewhere, and I'll say it again: find people who actually suit you.

Let's be honest, do you really deserve anything other than being picked on?

Betty Fowler said:Let's be honest, do you really deserve anything other than being picked on?

Where on earth do you get the idea that anyone deserves to be bullied? 😒

(unless we're talking about the bullies themselves; I'd happily see them get a taste of their own medicine just so they finally understand what helplessness feels like)

Matthew Castillo5 said:Where on earth do you get the idea that anyone deserves to be bullied? 😒

(unless we're talking about the bullies themselves; I'd happily see them get a taste of their own medicine just so they finally understand what helplessness feels like)

Cowards don't possess a single quality I respect.

I used to only tolerate cowardice in women, but since my views on gender roles have gradually leveled out, that particular female privilege is starting to fade.

Betty Fowler said:Cowards don't possess a single quality I respect.

I used to only tolerate cowardice in women, but since my views on gender roles have gradually leveled out, that particular female privilege is starting to fade.

So, let me get this straight: if someone lacks even one quality that I personally value, they somehow deserve to be bullied? Funny how that works. 😁

Joseph Bailey41 said:So, let me get this straight: if someone lacks even one quality that I personally value, they somehow deserve to be bullied? Funny how that works. 😁

Well, you’re already doing exactly that😉.

Author, if you can—please just get out of that environment. Honestly, it’s much better to be labeled a Coward than to end up behind bars because of some idiots... and believe me, there are plenty of people who have traded their freedom for a misguided sense of pride.

P.S. Look, I’m not against getting even, really! But you have to plan it out—very, very carefully. You don't want to end up on the wrong side of the FBI...

First piece of advice: hit the gym. Consistency is everything when it comes to training. Second: adopt a bit of that Fight Club philosophy. You have to realize that we’re all just human beings, and everyone feels fear. The difference is, you aren't afraid of getting into a scrap; you’re afraid of the embarrassment. Let me tell you from experience—back when I was your age, I once laid out some local tough guy. And his big move? He called the cops on me... All this talk about walls and ego... Look, if someone actually jumps you, call the police and leave it at that. Don't overthink the fights. Just get out there, enjoy life, and meet someone great. If some girl tries to egg you on to go fight someone, don't fall for it. Just tell her straight up that she's being immature, and walk away. Avoid girls who push you toward violence; they’re usually nothing but trouble. Best regards. Oh, and I forgot to mention: I used to be exactly like you, but you should never stop learning as long as you're alive!

neonsailor26 said:Well, you’re already doing exactly that😉.

Author, if you can—please just get out of that environment. Honestly, it’s much better to be labeled a Coward than to end up behind bars because of some idiots... and believe me, there are plenty of people who have traded their freedom for a misguided sense of pride.

P.S. Look, I’m not against getting even, really! But you have to plan it out—very, very carefully. You don't want to end up on the wrong side of the FBI...

And honestly... if you think typing on a forum counts as harassment, then I really wouldn't want to be in your shoes when you finally decide to stop hiding behind your mom's apron strings. ☕

Joseph Bailey41 said:And honestly... if you think typing on a forum counts as harassment, then I really wouldn't want to be in your shoes when you finally decide to stop hiding behind your mom's apron strings. ☕

https://www.stopbullying.gov/cyberbu...-it/index.html 😉 .

Once I finally make my escape from her shadow, I'll probably just end up running straight under yours 😒 .

Angela White2 said:I hope I’ve posted this in the right section; let me know if I need to move it.

Basically, I’m 19, and my main issue is a genuine fear of physical confrontation. I just can't bring myself to stand up to anyone. It's always been this way—I was a peaceful kid from the start, and that isn't the problem. The problem is that I've been a victim of continuous bullying for two and a half years now.

It all started back in late 2015/early 2016, and it hasn't stopped since. It's been a traumatic, horrible stretch of time, and everything has gone downhill because it feels like everyone is either trying to push me around or messing with my head. Since early 2016, this one guy and his group of friends have been harassing me daily. It's been two and a half years of this, and I haven't had the guts to do anything about it because I don't know how to fight, nor do I ever want to. Secondly, I lack the courage to take a stand or confront an aggressor. I've always been the type to stay quiet and just take the crap rather than speaking my mind and demanding respect. Third, whenever I face these guys or get into any kind of heated argument, I just freeze. I get so overwhelmed by fear that my mind goes blank and I start stuttering. I end up acting like a complete coward, and it eats at me. It makes me feel less masculine and undignified because I can never shut down a provocation.

Because this has been going on since 2016, the issue persists. I run into these bullies almost every day since I live in a small town, so avoiding them is impossible—especially in the summer when everyone is out and about. Every single time, I freeze up and react like a coward. I'm looking for any way to solve this.

Over these last two and a half years, I've thought about this constantly, and it's turned into serious anxiety, which has caused other issues for me.

Because of this, I've never had a girlfriend. It feels like girls are only attracted to those "tough guys," and I feel like I'm not man enough. I constantly imagine walking through town with a girl and someone starts messing with her, and I'd just stand there like a loser, unable to do anything because I can't fight and I can't stand my ground. That would be the ultimate embarrassment.

I simply don't have that fighting instinct in me, and that's the core of the problem.

I don't know how to fight, I'm afraid to stand up for myself, and I can't handle provocations. I've even been slapped a few times, which is incredibly humiliating.

I've thought about talking to my parents or reporting this to the local police, but I hesitate because I don't want to look like an even bigger wimp or a snitch.

Does anyone have any advice?

How can I develop that fighting instinct? How can I find the nerve to respond to provocations, whether they are verbal or physical?

Any advice at all would be appreciated and helpful.

Look, you actually *do* have a fighting instinct. It’s innate. The simple fact that you want to take action regarding the problems tormenting you proves that the instinct is there.

Now, we just need to figure out why it isn't operating at the level you want it to be.

My advice? Talk to your parents first about what you're going through, and then definitely see a psychologist. If you keep suppressing this and letting it happen, you’re eventually going to hit a breaking point—and I really wouldn't want to be around when you finally explode...

And honestly, it wouldn't be a bad idea to contact the police either, because what they are doing to you is straight-up criminal.