Feeling totally unmotivated lately

I honestly have no idea how to dig myself out of this hole. I’m such a sweet, positive person, really, so why does it feel like life just takes aim at me in every single direction? No matter how hard I try to keep my head up and stay sane, something just comes along and knocks the wind out of me. It’s been going on for years...

Work—I’m making like $2,000 or $3,000 less than I actually should be. Why? Because I'm young, I'm a WOMAN (yeah, they pay us less), and on paper, I don't have more than three years of experience. They don't give a damn about what I actually know or how much I've improved. If I want a decent salary, like $5,000 or $6,000, I have to pick up side gigs on top of my main job, which I do. Basically, I'm working myself into an early grave. 🤦 And get this—this has been the story for years. Then some new guy shows up, becomes my boss, makes way more money than me, and has even less training? And I'm the one teaching *him* how to do the job. Like, hello?? I’m stuck because I can't seem to find another job anywhere.

Family—one of my parents is seriously ill, and according to the doctors, we could lose them any day now. I've been dealing with the trauma of their illness since I was 17, carrying this weight in my heart and soul for years, just constantly fighting it. To make things even worse, my other parent is cheating—my brother and I just found out recently. And it wasn't just a one-time thing; it was basically a whole lifestyle, hooking up with all sorts of random people and couples. 🤦👎🙂 Can you even imagine what that does to a person? I mean, I don't think anyone could. Losing all trust in your own parent... the shame is so overwhelming that I'm losing my grip on everything. I don't even know who I am anymore or what I'm even living for.

My husband—he avoids me like the plague. He's always hanging out with his buddies or buried in work. There's just zero room for me in his life. When we are together in bed, it's maybe 30 minutes to an hour at most. And I mean—nothing. Usually, it's just right before sleep, then boom, lights out.

Friends—I barely have any. Most of them are either married or tied up with boyfriends/girlfriends. They're all living these "normal" lives. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here wondering where my life is even headed. Where am I supposed to find the strength? What am I even fighting for? I try to meet new people, try to socialize, try to build a career... but for what? I'm working like a dog for nothing.
I keep asking myself if I should go see a therapist, if that would even help. I've gone to self-help seminars, read all the books... but something always comes along to shake me up, and I just can't break free from these problems. Every single part of my life is just a constant cycle of chaos. 🙄👎🤔🙂
What am I supposed to do?!

Change everything you possibly can to find your happiness.
Keep this in mind: your life is exactly what you make of it.

We don't always have control over health issues right away, but we have control over almost every other part of our lives. So, start making moves.
If you're stuck with an idiot husband who treats you like garbage, get a divorce.
You have to learn to love yourself first.
Got a job you hate? Quit and find a new one!
And as for friends? You really only need one decent person in your corner.
All you need is a little bit of courage.
Good luck! You claim to be a positive person, but from where I'm sitting, you seem hyper-focused on the negatives. Be positive. The willpower will follow eventually. You have the strength to rebuild your life.

Reading what you wrote, I can only say that you are an incredibly BRAVE person. You asked where you find the strength to pull all this off? Honestly, you already answered that yourself. You’ve managed to overcome every single one of those heavy situations, and that’s where your power comes from.

As someone who isn't even close to facing the kind of struggles you are, I can tell you that I truly admire your determination to keep moving forward and keep fighting. It proves that it really can be done.

In my humble opinion, I would tackle things from the bottom up. Start by seeing what you can fix with your husband, then look toward your family to see if there's any chance for change or potential happiness there (as for that upcoming loss, I don't think any of us can tell you how to handle that—everyone processes grief differently). The way I see it, death doesn't always have to feel like an ending; if that person has been suffering for such a long time, maybe it's time to start finding peace with that reality?
Regarding your job, if you can manage it, I’d suggest sticking it out for those 8 hours just to secure a steady paycheck, while spending every other waking moment searching for something new. That’s exactly what I would do. If your finances allow for it, though, just quit and take a few months to yourself to get all these pieces of your life sorted out.

Life can feel incredibly heavy and complicated sometimes, but at the end of the day, things turn out as good or as bad as we make them.

Best of luck 🙂

My apologies, friends—I completely blanked there. But honestly, what are you even going to do with a massive social circle? Like Charles Anderson6 pointed out, having just one true friend is plenty. You just need someone you can actually talk to, and that’s enough.
I don't even have the bandwidth to see all my own friends, so there's no way you're going to manage that when you're juggling this many responsibilities and setbacks.

Take a few days just for yourself to decompress without constantly worrying about what everyone else thinks. Speaking from experience, the absolute worst thing you can do is focus on other people instead of your own well-being; that kind of stress will eat away at your entire being, and honestly, it’s an incredibly hard hole to climb out of once you're in it—I know because I've been there more times than I care to admit. Also, one more thing: don't try too hard to go out and hunt for friends. It comes off as desperate and, frankly, pretty awkward.

lonedriver65 said:I honestly have no idea how to dig myself out of this hole. I’m such a sweet, positive person, really, so why does it feel like life just takes aim at me in every single direction? No matter how hard I try to keep my head up and stay sane, something just comes along and knocks the wind out of me. It’s been going on for years...

Work—I’m making like $2,000 or $3,000 less than I actually should be. Why? Because I'm young, I'm a WOMAN (yeah, they pay us less), and on paper, I don't have more than three years of experience. They don't give a damn about what I actually know or how much I've improved. If I want a decent salary, like $5,000 or $6,000, I have to pick up side gigs on top of my main job, which I do. Basically, I'm working myself into an early grave. 🤦 And get this—this has been the story for years. Then some new guy shows up, becomes my boss, makes way more money than me, and has even less training? And I'm the one teaching *him* how to do the job. Like, hello?? I’m stuck because I can't seem to find another job anywhere.

Family—one of my parents is seriously ill, and according to the doctors, we could lose them any day now. I've been dealing with the trauma of their illness since I was 17, carrying this weight in my heart and soul for years, just constantly fighting it. To make things even worse, my other parent is cheating—my brother and I just found out recently. And it wasn't just a one-time thing; it was basically a whole lifestyle, hooking up with all sorts of random people and couples. 🤦👎🙂 Can you even imagine what that does to a person? I mean, I don't think anyone could. Losing all trust in your own parent... the shame is so overwhelming that I'm losing my grip on everything. I don't even know who I am anymore or what I'm even living for.

My husband—he avoids me like the plague. He's always hanging out with his buddies or buried in work. There's just zero room for me in his life. When we are together in bed, it's maybe 30 minutes to an hour at most. And I mean—nothing. Usually, it's just right before sleep, then boom, lights out.

Friends—I barely have any. Most of them are either married or tied up with boyfriends/girlfriends. They're all living these "normal" lives. Meanwhile, I'm sitting here wondering where my life is even headed. Where am I supposed to find the strength? What am I even fighting for? I try to meet new people, try to socialize, try to build a career... but for what? I'm working like a dog for nothing.
I keep asking myself if I should go see a therapist, if that would even help. I've gone to self-help seminars, read all the books... but something always comes along to shake me up, and I just can't break free from these problems. Every single part of my life is just a constant cycle of chaos. 🙄👎🤔🙂
What am I supposed to do?!

The parent you're worrying about isn't your responsibility—that's on whoever made those vows in good times and bad. As for your husband and family, you need to carve out time to actually talk and work on the relationship; if there's no respect, then you walk. At work, you've gotta fight for yourself—either demand what you're worth or move on.
The reason you feel like you're failing at life is because you've put everyone else ahead of yourself—your parents, your husband, your coworkers, your boss... everyone. You've left nothing for you. Want to know a secret? Everyone else will be just fine without you... they just don't step up because they don't have to, since you're busy fixing everything for them. If you don't realize this and start focusing on yourself, you're going to end up totally burnt out. Trust me, I've been there, and it happened to me too... but today I'm smarter, I've got money, and I'm happy.