Do intrusive thoughts actually matter?

wanderinggull11 said:I think I know where this started. It hit its peak during a massive period of anxiety from a stressful situation I was dealing with. It's been dragging me down ever since. But the last ten days? They've been brutal. This thing convinced me that I actually *want* this. That's how it feels. I've lost my drive, my motivation, my will—everything. I can't do anything because there's this constant internal feeling that I want to end it all and that I truly mean it. No logic works against it anymore. I started taking Anafranil today, 25 mg twice a day. Hopefully, it helps clear the fog so I can actually think rationally again.

It sounds like you got trapped in that high-stress situation, and when we're under that kind of pressure, rational thinking basically goes out the window. When you try to force yourself against something you don't actually want, but feel like you can't fight off, you just end up piling on even more stress. I'm not sure exactly which medication you're on, but the goal is for it to help pull you out of this headspace. To make things move along a little smoother, try to focus on small things that used to bring you joy, no matter how trivial they seem. Go for a walk, watch the trees bloom, get lost in a book, or go out and buy the most expensive chocolate bar you can find. Just try to find those tiny moments.

Joseph Bailey41 said:It sounds like you got trapped in that high-stress situation, and when we're under that kind of pressure, rational thinking basically goes out the window. When you try to force yourself against something you don't actually want, but feel like you can't fight off, you just end up piling on even more stress. I'm not sure exactly which medication you're on, but the goal is for it to help pull you out of this headspace. To make things move along a little smoother, try to focus on small things that used to bring you joy, no matter how trivial they seem. Go for a walk, watch the trees bloom, get lost in a book, or go out and buy the most expensive chocolate bar you can find. Just try to find those tiny moments.

I started taking Anafranil twice a day at 25 mg plus Lexapro. Now I'm dealing with side effects, and that stupid suicidal feeling hasn't even left yet.

wanderinggull11 said:I started taking Anafranil twice a day at 25 mg plus Lexapro. Now I'm dealing with side effects, and that stupid suicidal feeling hasn't even left yet.

Have you actually been able to talk things through with anyone, or did they just hand you the meds and tell you to come back for a follow-up in a month?

wanderinggull11 said:Hey everyone, thanks for getting back to me. Today at work, my thoughts were hitting so hard I actually felt physically weak. Had to take some Advil, but even that didn't help. Did I get anything done? Who knows. It’s just this constant loop. For the past few days, I've been stuck in this headspace where I genuinely feel like I want out. It’s moved past thinking; it’s become a feeling. I feel like I want this, and I don't know how to flip the switch. All those logical reasons I used to give myself to stay—they're all falling apart. I'm left with nothing. My mind keeps racing toward the future, but I have zero goals. I was at the gym today just feeling like a dead weight. No motivation. Nothing brings me joy anymore. Even grabbing coffee with coworkers feels exhausting; I just sit there in silence because I have no patience left. This started as a trivial thought I dismissed as nonsense, but it haunted me for days until it turned into this deep-seated certainty. I can't talk myself out of it anymore. I saw a therapist today and vented for an hour, but they just sat there nodding. It didn't make me feel any better. It gets to the point where I hate myself. I feel completely incapable. It’s like I truly want to die, and meanwhile, every reason I had to live is evaporating—especially since the things I used to care about don't matter to me anymore. Honestly, I doubt my girlfriend would even care what state I'm in. How am I supposed to prove to myself that I won't go through with it? I try to tell myself "it's just thoughts," but it goes deeper than that. It's a gut feeling now. It's crawled inside me.

Most psychologists aren't specifically trained for OCD; you really need to see a psychiatrist or a psychotherapist so you can combine medication with actual therapy—that's the only real, long-term fix. Anything else is basically just drinking chamomile tea.

Joseph Bailey41 said:Have you actually been able to talk things through with anyone, or did they just hand you the meds and tell you to come back for a follow-up in a month?

I talked to my private psychiatrist. I’ve got another appointment tomorrow, so we'll see what he says. The worst part is I can't afford actual psychotherapy. If only the clinics covered by my insurance offered it, things would be different.

wanderinggull11 said:I talked to my private psychiatrist. I’ve got another appointment tomorrow, so we'll see what he says. The worst part is I can't afford actual psychotherapy. If only the clinics covered by my insurance offered it, things would be different.

Have you ever considered looking into a partial hospitalization program or a day hospital?

Joseph Bailey41 said:Have you ever considered looking into a partial hospitalization program or a day hospital?

No. What even is that?

Joseph Bailey41

wanderinggull11 said:No. What even is that?

It's like attending various outpatient programs—usually group therapy sessions—at the local psychiatric hospital assigned to your area, but you don't actually stay overnight. For example:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/departments-centers/psychiatry/overview/ovc-20076380

Joseph Bailey41 said:Joseph Bailey41

It's like attending various outpatient programs—usually group therapy sessions—at the local psychiatric hospital assigned to your area, but you don't actually stay overnight. For example:

http://www.mayoclinic.org/departments-centers/psychiatry/overview/ovc-20076380

The real question here is, where on earth did he even come from???

Reach out to a crisis center—if you happen to be in NYC, you can just head over to Mount Sinai, but if you aren't local, please feel free to call anytime.

I don’t really have much experience dealing with obsessive thoughts myself, so I’m not entirely sure how much weight my perspective carries here. But, this is what I tend to do when I notice thoughts surfacing that feel identical to symptoms. Things like the general pointlessness of existence and stuff like that. You did a good job identifying that these thoughts don't actually align with your core values. Whenever I recognize a thought as being nothing more than a symptom, I tell myself that it isn't "me," period. It’s just the result of some temporary chemical imbalance in the brain at that specific moment. I just let the thought exist; I don't fight it, but I don't cling to it either. It isn't me. I just keep repeating that to myself. It’s like background noise—it might be annoying, but it isn't important. Eventually, after a while, it passes.

So, my answer is no—that thought holds absolutely zero significance!!!

What I think people were trying to get at is that there is significance in the *fact* that the thought is appearing, suggesting that there might be an underlying need you haven't addressed yet. In other words, it only matters in a roundabout way—as a tool to figure out what you actually need (and honestly, the advice they gave you seemed solid). This kind of clarity doesn't happen on a linear timeline; it happens in leaps and bounds. One moment something clicks, then later, something else does. Just give yourself some time.
The thought itself, in its literal form, truly carries no weight whatsoever!!! It’s more like a riddle where the actual meaning is something else entirely. It’s similar to having a dream; the dream isn't the reality, it's just a representation of something else.

If you aren't in a state where you can make it to an emergency room or a crisis center, there are hotlines you can call whenever this starts happening. That idea about outpatient treatment is a good one. It might also be really beneficial to take some medical leave from work—just to focus on yourself, spend some time outdoors, and get some sunlight.

Just keep in mind that there are periods when this isn't happening to you, which means it is possible to find relief.