Existential dread: Does any of this actually matter?

To be honest, my head has never been in more complete disarray..
It’s always the same: my own pointless philosophies, these endless questions, this persistent dissatisfaction and sense of emptiness. Can we not simply escape this loop of meaningless mental noise?

Why is it like this? I would give anything to understand why, perhaps even more than all of you who sit here reading these quotes together...

But then again, at certain stages of life, one cannot help but question the very purpose of existence and the objective reality of our entire human species.

I have reached a literal rock bottom. Much like the Titanic sinking to the ocean floor, I have analyzed the issues that have plagued me for years—a long, grueling stretch of time that remains absolutely unchanged, offering no movement toward improvement.

As much as I loathe them, suicidal thoughts have never been more intense or more decisive in urging me toward such a selfish, repulsive act. And yet, I have never been more resolute in my serious contemplation of them.

Why? I don't know. Is the purpose of this life found in love, family, friends, a career, or merely the act of existing? Regardless of the answer, if the past and future are illusions, and nothing in the present truly lasts...

All this waiting, this perpetual anticipation, struggling through those moments where people tell you "it will get better" or "you just have to endure"... It is the same tired rhetoric passed down through generations. We feed ourselves these delusions just to cope, only to find that life was spent waiting for a "better" that never actually arrives.

And yes, I am aware that many of you have read my nonsensical posts, which likely push the boundaries of what a twenty-five-year-old should consider rational thought. I know you believe it is "okay" to feel lost, or that everyone asks these questions. I know the cliché: that I have only just begun to live and my whole life lies ahead of me. I understand all of it.

But what is the point of seeking purpose in something so fleeting? That is the rhetorical question behind everything I ask. Nothing brings me joy anymore; nothing provides any semblance of meaning to this expenditure of life. Perhaps life will repay my ingratitude, and perhaps some of you here will judge me for it—which is perfectly acceptable.

However, I cannot deny these thoughts and this discontent, nor can I pretend to be happy when I am not...
I cannot grasp the point, the meaning, or the ultimate purpose of existence..

Is it to feel this miserable, this hollow, this fraudulent? To live in a state of constant hope, waiting for things to improve?
We spend our lives waiting: starting school, finishing school, going to college, graduating, finding a job, leaving that job, starting a family, watching children become independent, waiting for grandchildren... We spend our entire lives waiting for something. Waiting for time to pass, waiting for a response from a person, an employer, a doctor, or waiting for an illness to subside. When I look objectively at the lives of others...

It feels as though we are merely waiting for life to pass so we can return to where we came from...
I don't know what I want from life, but I know I don't want this. Not these thoughts, not these voices, not these feelings, and certainly not this damn, cursed fantasy that "it will get better" or "this too shall pass."

Things will pass, but it seems life is the only thing that truly passes.. How am I in such a state.. Ahhh

Nothing brings me joy or fulfillment anymore. Not work, not college, not love, not people, not material possessions. Absolutely nothing..
I feel nothing but a void filled with resentment and a profound lack of understanding.

Look, just give us something concrete to work with here. Nobody’s actually interested in these endless analyses, you know? You’re just venting for the sake of venting. Today, while I was working downtown, I saw people who could barely even walk—I mean it, they were struggling just to get by. I saw folks out there who have absolutely nothing. They’re going through it, truly. They're having a hard time, whereas you? You don't have to worry about being late to the office.

If you’ve actually hit rock bottom, then honestly, that’s a good thing—it means you can finally push off the floor and swim back up. Though, if I’m being real, I don't think you're quite there yet. When you truly hit the bottom, you stop worrying about all the little details and just realize, "Okay, this is it. Enough is enough. Something has to change." And that's when the work starts.

Seriously though, I really recommend seeing a therapist. It used to be easier back in the day, like when you could just call a student hotline or something. You just vent. You don't even have to bring up voices or any of the heavy stuff right away; you just talk, and they're there to listen. Over time, you'll start to realize that you aren't as "weird" or "different" as you feel—everyone is dealing with their own version of the same crap, just wrapped in different colored paper. For some, it looks like anxiety; for others, it's depression. But underneath it all, there's this sense of meaninglessness that isn't entirely unfounded, because life doesn't come with a built-in purpose—you have to create it yourself. Once you grasp that, the struggle turns into a bit of a game. You can actually learn to laugh at yourself because you don't take everything quite so personally anymore, which brings a certain lightness to things. You can still feel sad or whatever, but it stops feeling like a matter of life and death. Tragedy slowly starts turning into comedy. It won't happen overnight, but it moves in that direction.

It’s written WITHOUT SMISLENE.

Haha, oh man... she’s something else.
Those foggy autumn mornings.

It looks like you haven't really set any priorities in your life yet.
Your ambitions are all over the place.

A life without desire, purpose, or ambition isn't actually living—it’s just existing, day after day.
When you lack a real sense of purpose, a brain that’s wired to tackle concrete challenges starts looking for outlets elsewhere. It either settles for trivial nonsense that doesn't matter, or it turns toward self-destructive habits, which seems to be exactly what you're doing right now.

Find some meaning. Sort out your priorities. Set some actual goals.
That is quite literally the only way to climb out of the headspace you're stuck in.

Why on earth would you think it’s all pointless? Is it because the hard sciences have drilled it into our heads that if you can't touch it or measure it, it isn't real?

The true beauty of being alive lies in growth—in nurturing your own qualities and reaching for your potential, no matter what form that takes.
Try looking at the world through a more soulful lens for once. We’ve handed too much control over to pure rationalism, obsessing over "why" everything exists. It’s a fundamental mistake.
Science has provided us with some truly magnificent breakthroughs, but I fear it has also stifled the human spirit. It has pushed this cynical narrative that nothing matters, leading people to believe that life is so hollow we might as well just give up entirely.

It isn't that there's no purpose; it's simply that we don't know what it is. We can only catch tiny, fleeting glimpses of the truth through our incredibly limited perspectives.
But look at the facts: You are here. You are alive. You are breathing. You have a body, and you have the freedom to choose. You could decide tomorrow to shift your mindset just a fraction, and that tiny adjustment alone would be a massive victory.
Find some role models, find some inspiration, and let yourself be moved by them.

https://scontent.fzag1-1.fna.fbcdn.n...cd&oe=5A971411

Carl Rivera43 said:Look, just give us something concrete to work with here. Nobody’s actually interested in these endless analyses, you know? You’re just venting for the sake of venting. Today, while I was working downtown, I saw people who could barely even walk—I mean it, they were struggling just to get by. I saw folks out there who have absolutely nothing. They’re going through it, truly. They're having a hard time, whereas you? You don't have to worry about being late to the office.

Joseph Bailey41 said:If you’ve actually hit rock bottom, then honestly, that’s a good thing—it means you can finally push off the floor and swim back up. Though, if I’m being real, I don't think you're quite there yet. When you truly hit the bottom, you stop worrying about all the little details and just realize, "Okay, this is it. Enough is enough. Something has to change." And that's when the work starts.

Seriously though, I really recommend seeing a therapist. It used to be easier back in the day, like when you could just call a student hotline or something. You just vent. You don't even have to bring up voices or any of the heavy stuff right away; you just talk, and they're there to listen. Over time, you'll start to realize that you aren't as "weird" or "different" as you feel—everyone is dealing with their own version of the same crap, just wrapped in different colored paper. For some, it looks like anxiety; for others, it's depression. But underneath it all, there's this sense of meaninglessness that isn't entirely unfounded, because life doesn't come with a built-in purpose—you have to create it yourself. Once you grasp that, the struggle turns into a bit of a game. You can actually learn to laugh at yourself because you don't take everything quite so personally anymore, which brings a certain lightness to things. You can still feel sad or whatever, but it stops feeling like a matter of life and death. Tragedy slowly starts turning into comedy. It won't happen overnight, but it moves in that direction.

There are two very constructive pieces of advice here. 👍

Get to actual, concrete work as soon as possible... don't waste time wondering if it "matters" or not, because if you hesitate, you're right back at square one.

The advice from Flying is to stop obsessing over your own issues and try looking at the world around you instead. Being hyper-fixated on yourself only drags you deeper into the hole.

Both of these tips really helped me out. And since The Master has been sitting on the couch for a while now, he knows exactly how much I used to spin my wheels before I finally pushed myself to find real work.

Flying, how on earth can you think it’s "great" that it’s sitting at the bottom? That isn't great at all, and frankly, if you really think about it, there is no such thing as "the bottom," if you catch my drift.

mistydrifter55 said:https://scontent.fzag1-1.fna.fbcdn.n...cd&oe=5A971411

And we’re just supposed to take their word for it because Jean-Paul Sartre said so? As if he’s some kind of infallible oracle. Yeah, right.

To me, being a decent human being comes down to two things:
1. Being useful
2. Being creative

Everything else is just mental gymnastics and nonsense.

darksurfer4 said:Flying, how on earth can you think it’s "great" that it’s sitting at the bottom? That isn't great at all, and frankly, if you really think about it, there is no such thing as "the bottom," if you catch my drift.

Well, I just meant that if we've truly hit rock bottom, the only way left to go is up. Or, I guess you could dig an even deeper hole if you really put your mind to it—though I can't imagine why anyone would bother doing that. 🤷

Joseph Bailey41 said:Well, I just meant that if we've truly hit rock bottom, the only way left to go is up. Or, I guess you could dig an even deeper hole if you really put your mind to it—though I can't imagine why anyone would bother doing that. 🤷

My point is more general, really; there is no such thing as "rock bottom," because things can always spiral even further downward...

A person should always be striving for something better; you shouldn't have to wait until everything is completely falling apart before you decide to move forward.

Does the thread starter happen to have a medical diagnosis or something?

Morgan Campbell4 said:To be honest, my head has never been in more complete disarray..
It’s always the same: my own pointless philosophies, these endless questions, this persistent dissatisfaction and sense of emptiness. Can we not simply escape this loop of meaningless mental noise?

Why is it like this? I would give anything to understand why, perhaps even more than all of you who sit here reading these quotes together...

But then again, at certain stages of life, one cannot help but question the very purpose of existence and the objective reality of our entire human species.

I have reached a literal rock bottom. Much like the Titanic sinking to the ocean floor, I have analyzed the issues that have plagued me for years—a long, grueling stretch of time that remains absolutely unchanged, offering no movement toward improvement.

As much as I loathe them, suicidal thoughts have never been more intense or more decisive in urging me toward such a selfish, repulsive act. And yet, I have never been more resolute in my serious contemplation of them.

Why? I don't know. Is the purpose of this life found in love, family, friends, a career, or merely the act of existing? Regardless of the answer, if the past and future are illusions, and nothing in the present truly lasts...

All this waiting, this perpetual anticipation, struggling through those moments where people tell you "it will get better" or "you just have to endure"... It is the same tired rhetoric passed down through generations. We feed ourselves these delusions just to cope, only to find that life was spent waiting for a "better" that never actually arrives.

And yes, I am aware that many of you have read my nonsensical posts, which likely push the boundaries of what a twenty-five-year-old should consider rational thought. I know you believe it is "okay" to feel lost, or that everyone asks these questions. I know the cliché: that I have only just begun to live and my whole life lies ahead of me. I understand all of it.

But what is the point of seeking purpose in something so fleeting? That is the rhetorical question behind everything I ask. Nothing brings me joy anymore; nothing provides any semblance of meaning to this expenditure of life. Perhaps life will repay my ingratitude, and perhaps some of you here will judge me for it—which is perfectly acceptable.

However, I cannot deny these thoughts and this discontent, nor can I pretend to be happy when I am not...
I cannot grasp the point, the meaning, or the ultimate purpose of existence..

Is it to feel this miserable, this hollow, this fraudulent? To live in a state of constant hope, waiting for things to improve?
We spend our lives waiting: starting school, finishing school, going to college, graduating, finding a job, leaving that job, starting a family, watching children become independent, waiting for grandchildren... We spend our entire lives waiting for something. Waiting for time to pass, waiting for a response from a person, an employer, a doctor, or waiting for an illness to subside. When I look objectively at the lives of others...

It feels as though we are merely waiting for life to pass so we can return to where we came from...
I don't know what I want from life, but I know I don't want this. Not these thoughts, not these voices, not these feelings, and certainly not this damn, cursed fantasy that "it will get better" or "this too shall pass."

Things will pass, but it seems life is the only thing that truly passes.. How am I in such a state.. Ahhh

Nothing brings me joy or fulfillment anymore. Not work, not college, not love, not people, not material possessions. Absolutely nothing..
I feel nothing but a void filled with resentment and a profound lack of understanding.

Nah, you definitely have—and man, it looks pretty messy. You really should hit up a therapist and just talk things through with someone pro.
You’re dragging a ton of baggage behind you, and honestly? All these deep questions and overthinking about "purpose" feels like a way to dodge the actual issues. Usually, people dive into that stuff when they're hitting a depressive slump—getting lost in big philosophical questions that nobody’s ever actually answered anyway.

Look, everyone is searching for their own sense of purpose. Not many people ask the heavy stuff like you are right now, but most people just live life and try to figure out why they're here as they go. If you strip everything else away, life itself is the point... you've got the job of passing on your genes, otherwise, you're just gone, nothing left... That's basically how all meaning is woven together. And while some folks might want "meaning" to be something else—something more profound than our little human follies—that's really just down to the individual...
Stop overanalyzing, start fixing the actual problems, and hit me up later this afternoon. You're not doing great..

Joseph Bailey41 said:If you’ve actually hit rock bottom, then honestly, that’s a good thing—it means you can finally push off the floor and swim back up. Though, if I’m being real, I don't think you're quite there yet. When you truly hit the bottom, you stop worrying about all the little details and just realize, "Okay, this is it. Enough is enough. Something has to change." And that's when the work starts.

Seriously though, I really recommend seeing a therapist. It used to be easier back in the day, like when you could just call a student hotline or something. You just vent. You don't even have to bring up voices or any of the heavy stuff right away; you just talk, and they're there to listen. Over time, you'll start to realize that you aren't as "weird" or "different" as you feel—everyone is dealing with their own version of the same crap, just wrapped in different colored paper. For some, it looks like anxiety; for others, it's depression. But underneath it all, there's this sense of meaninglessness that isn't entirely unfounded, because life doesn't come with a built-in purpose—you have to create it yourself. Once you grasp that, the struggle turns into a bit of a game. You can actually learn to laugh at yourself because you don't take everything quite so personally anymore, which brings a certain lightness to things. You can still feel sad or whatever, but it stops feeling like a matter of life and death. Tragedy slowly starts turning into comedy. It won't happen overnight, but it moves in that direction.

Just one quick thought on something you said. You're right, life has no meaning. We're the ones who give it meaning.
To the OP, if you're actually up for it, I’d suggest reading Viktor Frankl. That whole existential vacuum thing you're hinting at? He really tackled that in his books, and they might be pretty inspiring. But hey, no pressure, obviously...

Honestly, anyone currently stuck on a psych couch seriously needs to just pack their bags, fly out to Tibet, and meditate there until the end of time. It’s pretty much the only way to fix things at this point! ☕

Joseph Bailey41 said:
I’m just trying to say that there’s no such thing as rock bottom—things can always get even worse...

You have to keep striving for improvement; you shouldn't just sit around waiting for everything to fall apart.

Does the OP have some kind of diagnosis?

As far as I know, no, though they might be able to get one if they ask nicely. 😬

To me, "rock bottom" is that moment when you realize all your efforts to improve are actually backfiring, and you're just digging yourself deeper into a hole. At that point, you either have to become Yoda or just give up.

@ maystor, between working two jobs and keeping up with my college courses, I’m at a total loss for what else I could possibly do...
I feel for those people, truly. But I have no intention of building my own success—or justifying my existence—on the foundation of someone else's misfortune.
I try my best to avoid being that kind of person.

As for me, I’ve managed to reach a point where I can actually afford to show up late to work. Honestly? I just told them straight up that I lack the motivation—read: financial incentive—to commute nearly ninety minutes before my shift starts. So, there it is.

@leteca, I spent some time volunteering at a Red Cross counseling center once. It was great; I genuinely missed it. But eventually, I hit a plateau. I stopped showing any sign of progress, and that was that. Why would I assume I’m special? Maybe I'm unconventional, but "special"? Hardly.

@8472, am I really this dense that I can't even manage basic grammar?
I have a few major ambitions—two or three big goals that I know would completely turn my life around...
But as my mother likes to say, nothing grows in a field of dreams. At this point, I simply lack the will. I can't find it in anything. Work, people, romance... nothing feels fulfilling anymore.

@pjegavi poriluk, I'm not sure, perhaps because of the "things" I've written... I am not the type to believe solely in what is visible, so no. I don't subscribe to a purely materialistic worldview. Still, this entire existential phenomenon feels utterly senseless. What is the purpose of growth? I'm going to die regardless. Is the goal merely to live life with some semblance of spiritual maturity? Who knows.

@tox, like I mentioned, it's two jobs, college, and studying. I'm not sure if I can push my brain any further. Yesterday, I found myself standing outside a meeting after being gone for God knows how long. It's a shame I didn't get the chance to meet you; we probably crossed paths. But such is life. I agree with you, though—doesn't everything originate from within, from some deep part of oneself? :/

@nosonja, I think caricature turns into variation when you hit rock bottom. You reach that stage where you simply cannot go any lower, where you look in the mirror and can't even muster a facial expression you recognize—where you hate yourself enough that you're just completely done with the feeling. When you finally snap, it leads to either suicide or a total transformation. I have quite a few diagnoses; I'd have to check my medical records, but they all stemmed from an ecstasy overdose.

@radical, honestly, I'd love to leave. But what am I supposed to tell the doctor? "Hey, look, I'm not doing well and I'd like to speak with a professional"? I mean, I know what to say, but... I don't know.
Generally speaking, I don't suffer from much shame, nor do I struggle with self-confidence regarding most things in life. This, however, is a reflection of a weak mind. Or something. It's embarrassing to admit.

I understand that everyone finds their own sense of meaning in certain things. As for me? I find it nowhere. 😞

Morgan Campbell4 said:@ maystor, between working two jobs and keeping up with my college courses, I’m at a total loss for what else I could possibly do...
I feel for those people, truly. But I have no intention of building my own success—or justifying my existence—on the foundation of someone else's misfortune.
I try my best to avoid being that kind of person.

As for me, I’ve managed to reach a point where I can actually afford to show up late to work. Honestly? I just told them straight up that I lack the motivation—read: financial incentive—to commute nearly ninety minutes before my shift starts. So, there it is.

@leteca, I spent some time volunteering at a Red Cross counseling center once. It was great; I genuinely missed it. But eventually, I hit a plateau. I stopped showing any sign of progress, and that was that. Why would I assume I’m special? Maybe I'm unconventional, but "special"? Hardly.

@8472, am I really this dense that I can't even manage basic grammar?
I have a few major ambitions—two or three big goals that I know would completely turn my life around...
But as my mother likes to say, nothing grows in a field of dreams. At this point, I simply lack the will. I can't find it in anything. Work, people, romance... nothing feels fulfilling anymore.

@pjegavi poriluk, I'm not sure, perhaps because of the "things" I've written... I am not the type to believe solely in what is visible, so no. I don't subscribe to a purely materialistic worldview. Still, this entire existential phenomenon feels utterly senseless. What is the purpose of growth? I'm going to die regardless. Is the goal merely to live life with some semblance of spiritual maturity? Who knows.

@tox, like I mentioned, it's two jobs, college, and studying. I'm not sure if I can push my brain any further. Yesterday, I found myself standing outside a meeting after being gone for God knows how long. It's a shame I didn't get the chance to meet you; we probably crossed paths. But such is life. I agree with you, though—doesn't everything originate from within, from some deep part of oneself? :/

@nosonja, I think caricature turns into variation when you hit rock bottom. You reach that stage where you simply cannot go any lower, where you look in the mirror and can't even muster a facial expression you recognize—where you hate yourself enough that you're just completely done with the feeling. When you finally snap, it leads to either suicide or a total transformation. I have quite a few diagnoses; I'd have to check my medical records, but they all stemmed from an ecstasy overdose.

@radical, honestly, I'd love to leave. But what am I supposed to tell the doctor? "Hey, look, I'm not doing well and I'd like to speak with a professional"? I mean, I know what to say, but... I don't know.
Generally speaking, I don't suffer from much shame, nor do I struggle with self-confidence regarding most things in life. This, however, is a reflection of a weak mind. Or something. It's embarrassing to admit.

I understand that everyone finds their own sense of meaning in certain things. As for me? I find it nowhere. 😞

Unconventional, special, it’s all the same thing. From what you’ve shared, I get the impression you feel somewhat isolated from everyone else—like you’ve gone through things they haven't, which makes it hard to find any real connection. That’s a very common feeling for people dealing with trauma, and honestly, your family situation sounds pretty toxic.

There are therapists, counselors, shamans, healers... it doesn't really matter which path you take. What matters is finding someone who is truly ready to listen and understand without forcing their own opinions on you. At the end of the day, you're the only one who can discover your own purpose in life; nobody else can do that for you.

It seems to me that, for starters, you could really benefit from opening up to someone—just letting out all that negativity you're carrying around before you eventually hit a breaking point. It’s only logical that when you're in a state of rage, you aren't going to find much empathy. The tools you picked up during counseling are still with you and can help; the professional you worked with got you to a certain point, but they reached their limit. Now, it's time for someone else to step in. This continues until you learn how to manage your own emotions and frustrations, plan for your future, and build deeper connections. In short, until you learn how to actually live.

Haha, Morgan Chase5, you’ve really taken me back to those days when I’d be sitting in a waiting room at a mental health clinic, just staring at the wall and wondering, "What on earth am I supposed to say?"
I’ll spend all this time meticulously constructing my sentences—even entire paragraphs in my head—only to be struck by a wave of stage fright, much like an actor facing a sold-out crowd at Broadway! I find myself obsessing over whether the doctor will actually grasp my meaning when I’m being so vague and scattered.
But then, the moment the specialist calls my name and I sit down across from her, it’s as if a dam has broken; everything just flows out without a single hiccup.
She has this knack for asking precisely the right question, and suddenly, I’m simply speaking my truth in the moment.
It turns out the reality of the conversation is far more seamless than the chaotic mess I had imagined in my head. 😉