Why do people get so weird once they're in a relationship?

I totally get that people have less free time once they start dating, but I’ve experienced this with a few folks—we’re hanging out or texting constantly, then suddenly, poof, they just vanish. You know that feeling when you reach out and they reply, but you can tell it’s just pure politeness? There's zero actual interest in talking.

So, I'm wondering, is this actually normal? It hasn't happened to me personally, but the more I think about it, the more I feel like I might be wrong about how to handle it. How should one act toward these people when they reappear after their relationship ends? Should I go with a strict but polite ignore—you know, always giving short replies and turning down every invite—or just... well, life is busy. Maybe only catch up when it actually works for me, or just be blunt and say, "What the hell? We were great friends until you got into a relationship, and now you want to act like nothing happened?" Honestly, I don't really have the desire to hang out with people like that, but then again, maybe a total ignore is better so they have to sit there and wonder why I'm being distant.

It’s an incredibly common phenomenon among women. Honestly, I’d probably put it at around 70%. I’ve had several friends just... drift away from me once they got into serious relationships. I don't even want to get into the details of how our shared lives—the dinners out, trips to Florida, summer vacations, or celebrating New Year's Day together—just evaporated overnight. Everything we had built up over years simply vanished in a single day.

I often felt like they were only hanging out with me because they felt obligated to, like checking a box on a to-do list. We had less to talk about, they seemed checked out most of the time, and whenever we did meet up, it was always rushed. It also happened a few times where they’d suddenly resurface only when things went south in their relationship—like when their boyfriends stopped including them in the group, so they’d try to show off that they had "their own" social life. Naturally, most of our conversations ended up revolving entirely around their boyfriend and their relationship drama.

It took me a long time to learn how to set boundaries and actually say, "Enough is enough." Because honestly, if you don't, you're just constantly devaluing yourself.

So, how did you end up handling that situation?

I honestly believe that once someone acts like this, the friendship is effectively over. Sure, you might still run into them occasionally or grab a drink once in a while, but you’ve basically demoted them to "acquaintance" status. You know the type—people who either completely ghost their entire social circle the second they get into a relationship, or they only make a tiny bit of effort as a rare exception. Personally? I don't buy it. It's better to just walk away. If they behave this way now, they’ll just repeat the exact same pattern in their next relationship, too. Why bother being someone's doormat?

I had a friend once where we literally only saw each other twice a year for a quick coffee. And the kicker? Before she started dating her boyfriend, everything was totally fine; we used to hang out all the time and see each other regularly. But those little coffee meetups would just turn into a venting session about how her boyfriend doesn't respect her or how he spends all his time with his buddies while she’s stuck waiting at home. In her mind, since she gave up her own friends for him, he should be doing the same. 🤣 On top of that, she’d constantly ignore my texts or give me these incredibly dismissive, half-hearted replies. There was zero interest on her part, so eventually, I just stopped reaching out. Now, she’s the one trying to pop back into my life, but I’m just not interested anymore.
Look, I get it—when you start seeing someone, you naturally spend less time hanging out with your friends. That’s just life. But there is a massive difference between being busy and completely vanishing. I'm talking about people who won't even send a quick text or reply to a message, or who literally disappear for months—even years—as if they’ve dropped off the face of the earth! Honestly, what else can you do? Just wish them the best, let them go, and focus your energy on people who actually value you.

I actually had the exact opposite experience...
I got into a relationship, then married, then pregnant...
Throughout all that, I really tried to stay close with my best friend, who was also my maid of honor...
But she just started dodging me more and more, pulling away completely...
That’s exactly when the shift happened—just total radio silence without any explanation...

The same thing happened to my husband with his best friend...
His wife wouldn't let him go anywhere—no grabbing drinks or coffee with the guys...
Eventually, she started hating everyone he hung out with and did her best to isolate him from the whole group, and since he's a bit of a pushover, he just let it happen...

People just straight-up surrender that little slice of privacy and personal freedom they should be holding onto, no matter if they're dating or married...
Being tethered to one person like an umbilical cord is definitely not healthy...

Jeremy Fowler45 said:I actually had the exact opposite experience...
I got into a relationship, then married, then pregnant...
Throughout all that, I really tried to stay close with my best friend, who was also my maid of honor...
But she just started dodging me more and more, pulling away completely...
That’s exactly when the shift happened—just total radio silence without any explanation...

The same thing happened to my husband with his best friend...
His wife wouldn't let him go anywhere—no grabbing drinks or coffee with the guys...
Eventually, she started hating everyone he hung out with and did her best to isolate him from the whole group, and since he's a bit of a pushover, he just let it happen...

People just straight-up surrender that little slice of privacy and personal freedom they should be holding onto, no matter if they're dating or married...
Being tethered to one person like an umbilical cord is definitely not healthy...

It's insecurity. I hear those same sentiments from plenty of young people, and they say it with pride. Once they marry, there are no more solo outings, only joint ones. Probably how their parents raised them. And they're terrified that if they go out, their partner might go out too—and they aren't ready for that.

fadedmason4 said:So, how did you end up handling that situation?

Every time they suddenly reach out after a fight—you know, the boyfriend heads out with his friends and leaves you hanging—you have a few choices:
you can just say no because you actually have a life and responsibilities... or you can point out that they’re calling now, despite being MIA for months...

Honestly, if someone screws over a long-time friend just because they started dating someone new—they were never actually a real friend to begin with. For people like that? It’s a permanent block and zero headspace for them.

Roger Scott17 said:Honestly, if someone screws over a long-time friend just because they started dating someone new—they were never actually a real friend to begin with. For people like that? It’s a permanent block and zero headspace for them.

I am 100% on board with this!

fadedmason4 said:So, how did you end up handling that situation?

I let them know that their behavior was hurtful, but eventually, I realized it didn't matter what I said—to them, I was always just an obligation on a checklist, regardless of how often we actually hung out. So, after a while, I just checked out. It’s just human nature, I guess... we all have those people who see us as tools rather than friends.

Later on, whenever they’d call—which, let’s be honest, was 99% of the time just to vent about relationship drama—I wasn't available anymore. I’d make sure I was "busy" right when the heavy topics started, or I’d tell them I’d much rather talk about something else entirely. Of course, that led to some sulking on their end.

They’re just incredibly transparent people, and frankly, they were never really my friends to begin with. To me, they’re just acquaintances, nothing more. I even shut down one of them when she tried to suggest I be her maid of honor for a wedding she’s planning years away—even though she isn't even engaged yet. Sometimes you just have to draw the line.

Why even bother stressing over this? If someone can't find a single second for you while they're in a relationship, but then immediately jumps into something else the moment you break up, just let them go. Seriously, screw people like that. What kind of value do they actually bring to your life? 🤔

Let’s be honest for a second—those people who suddenly cut you off or distance themselves the moment they enter a new relationship? They actually checked out of your life a long time ago; you just didn't see the signs unfolding right in front of you. At the end of the day, it almost always boils down to sheer selfishness.

analogviper9 said:Let’s be honest for a second—those people who suddenly cut you off or distance themselves the moment they enter a new relationship? They actually checked out of your life a long time ago; you just didn't see the signs unfolding right in front of you. At the end of the day, it almost always boils down to sheer selfishness.

"Almost always?" What, so there are unselfish people out there who ghost you too? But sure, mostly it's just the selfish ones. 😁

fadedgull42 said:"Almost always?" What, so there are unselfish people out there who ghost you too? But sure, mostly it's just the selfish ones. 😁

Selfishness is definitely the rule here. 👍

And let’s not forget there are some truly disturbed individuals out there too—which is exactly why I used the word "mostly" in the first place! 😁

I’ve pretty much stopped hanging out with people who get into relationships. Usually, once they settle down, we run out of things to talk about because they have zero time for their hobbies anymore. Everything revolves around their partner, and once the kids show up, the conversation just becomes a non-stop loop about diapers and milestones. Honestly, I don't care what they ate for lunch or how many times they changed a diaper...

I've figured out which ones are just acquaintances, and honestly, I'm done wasting my energy on them.
As for the people who actually matter, I can't see how that would ever happen.

I have friendships that have stood the test of time for decades now. Most of us are married with kids, but these are the people I will always make an effort to call or grab a drink with whenever possible. Because our lifestyles and the distances between us don't always allow for frequent hangouts, we rely on social media, FaceTime, and email to stay in the loop.

To me, friendship is absolutely paramount, and I firmly believe that making dedicated time for the people you care about isn't just a luxury—it's a necessity.🙂

fadedgull42 said:"Almost always?" What, so there are unselfish people out there who ghost you too? But sure, mostly it's just the selfish ones. 😁

Perhaps they’re just being selfless? Maybe they're pouring their entire souls into their partner without a single thought for anyone else. It's that classic "two bodies, one soul" kind of thing, right? Haha.🤣

What really gets under my skin about people like that is when they finally decide to snap out of it—or maybe they just get bored—and suddenly they’re crawling back. They start popping up everywhere, trying to force their way back into the conversation and flooding my inbox with these mindless little messages. It’s almost funny, isn't it? They act as if we all just developed instant amnesia overnight, as if we’ve completely forgotten everything they did before. Do they honestly think things can just go back to exactly how they were? Not a chance.

Look, once you get into a serious relationship, your priorities shift—that’s just how life works. It should be totally normal to find that sweet spot between being a couple and still making sure you don't lose yourself in the process. But if a buddy suddenly ghosts you the second they get a girlfriend, let's be real: you were never actually on their radar to begin with.

Junky just stumbled onto that chemical magic trick... that whole dopamine loop. It’s possible he’s "not himself" right now. You gotta be a friend and step in—do some intervention before he gets too hooked, before it’s too late... you know, before things get serious like marriage or whatever. We need a rational way to pull him out of this that doesn't rely on some metaphysical Hail Mary or treating a biochemical hack like a spiritual crisis. Or maybe just bruise his ego enough so he realizes he's being played... stay sharp. Watch closely, body and soul... wait a bit and just watch the fallout. You'll see the shift in perspective once you realize you're standing above this fallen version of Junky... someone so far gone that all he can talk about is... well, it sounds fake. Like this weird, otherworldly, liturgical nonsense meant just to save face. The drug is zlo!