Anyone regret starting medication?

Jack Smith4 said:I'm not sure if there's already a thread for this, but let's just say this one exists now.

I can still vividly picture the exact moment during my first appointment with my psychiatrist. I can see her face, and I know precisely what the last thing out of my mouth was right before I popped that pill.

"...After this, there's no turning back." — and just like that, I swallowed 50mg of Seroquel like it was nothing. 😬

And honestly? I was right. There really is no turning back. I regret starting on meds more than anything. It was like a slow fade... bit by bit, I felt my mind and my emotions slipping away. I became so... weird. I can't even laugh or cry anymore—just absolutely NOTHING. Just a hollow shell. It’s like these drugs slowly stripped away every single emotion I ever had. Every dream, every shred of hope... they just turned it all into plain, empty WATER! 😢

Anyone else gone through something similar? ^^

That’s exactly what I told myself when I.... except my doctor didn't give me any "magic" solutions... and they weren't psych meds either. Coming back, though, my doctor basically said you have to, you don't have a choice. So here I am, on all sorts of psych meds, just picking through them. And a recovery? Maybe from psych meds, since I'm not taking Benzodiazepines or antipsychotics. It's been written down for years, Lorraine as needed. I've never actually used it. I hope there won't be a need. I might start using Lorazepam for my amphetamine cravings. I just lack energy 🤣 I'm being so silly, I should have spent all these years, every single month, putting money aside in a box to sell when things got tight with cash 🤣 Benzodiazepines are awful. You get hooked fast and easy. But I'll never forget those moments of bliss when they gave them to me to counteract the side effects of another drug. I’d just lie on my back, arms spread wide, grinning from ear to ear, staring at the ceiling, hearing nothing around me, just feeling so calm and realizing I didn't care about a single thing.
But seriously, the takeaway: don't mess around with medication 🙂

Maria Price3 said:A total void, just like you said. My best friend told me I was much more myself before I started the meds; she knows me better than anyone, so I trust her.
Every psychiatrist tells me—as if that’s supposed to be comforting—"once you stop taking them...", but it's never that simple because the medications just keep being swapped out and piling up.

They lift me up a little, then pull me down a little, and when they finally "stabilize" me (which is supposedly the whole point)—I'm just a walking bore, a flat line, a total void...
I'd love to just toss the whole lot in the trash, but I'm terrified because I know I don't have the strength left to fight whatever it was I was battling before I started messing with my chemistry; the drugs have essentially drained all my willpower and energy.
And then comes the "try a different medication" advice—great advice, really, except it's obvious I'll just be cycling through them for the rest of my life.
If someone could just tell me, or show me, or explain—how am I even supposed to feel?

Which antiepileptic are you on and what's the dosage? Does your doctor switch it out and how often?
How are your highs and lows going, and how frequent are they? Have you noticed any specific triggers?

Jack Smith4 said:Man, I’m just on 10mg of Zyprexa at night, nothing else. And honestly? I can't wait to be done with this stuff forever. I was stuck on Seroquel for ages... 300mg. Honestly, I can't even tell which of these two is worse. There was a point where things felt fine, really, but then it just turned into a total nightmare. With the Seroquel, I was basically a zombie, sleeping my life away. Switching over to Zyp woke me up a bit and I felt okay for a minute, but then... just pure coma mode again.

holy crap 😲

Jeffrey Ramos4 said:That’s exactly what I told myself when I.... except my doctor didn't give me any "magic" solutions... and they weren't psych meds either. Coming back, though, my doctor basically said you have to, you don't have a choice. So here I am, on all sorts of psych meds, just picking through them. And a recovery? Maybe from psych meds, since I'm not taking Benzodiazepines or antipsychotics. It's been written down for years, Lorraine as needed. I've never actually used it. I hope there won't be a need. I might start using Lorazepam for my amphetamine cravings. I just lack energy 🤣 I'm being so silly, I should have spent all these years, every single month, putting money aside in a box to sell when things got tight with cash 🤣 Benzodiazepines are awful. You get hooked fast and easy. But I'll never forget those moments of bliss when they gave them to me to counteract the side effects of another drug. I’d just lie on my back, arms spread wide, grinning from ear to ear, staring at the ceiling, hearing nothing around me, just feeling so calm and realizing I didn't care about a single thing.
But seriously, the takeaway: don't mess around with medication 🙂

Which antiepileptic are you on and what's the dosage? Does your doctor switch it out and how often?
How are your highs and lows going, and how frequent are they? Have you noticed any specific triggers?

holy crap 😲

Look, 300mg of Ser is basically the same thing as 15mg of Zyprexa... we aren't exactly talking massive doses here. Some folks out there are pushing 600+... I actually went through a dark period where I was feeling pretty suicidal, so the doctors basically forced me onto this Ser stuff, and I ended up staying on it for a long time because, honestly, it’s damn good at killing those suicidal thoughts...

I don't feel any regret. My only real regret is that I even need them in the first place—because, obviously, I’d much rather just be healthy.
Since I actually started taking them for a specific reason (and a specific goal), I have to admit the pros and cons are pretty evenly balanced—though the benefits still win out for me.

After about five years of playing tug-of-war with different medications, I’ve finally hit that sweet spot with my combo—I don't feel empty anymore. Yeah, there were phases where I tried to quit everything at once, and let me tell you—it was a disaster, both physically and mentally.

With this current regimen, I’ve actually managed to fall in love, get over a broken heart, find bits of myself again, and enjoy the little things. I’ve even learned to forgive others (and myself)—stuff I could never have done while stuck in the absolute hell of depression.

Look, I’m not "pro-meds" and I’m not "anti-meds"—everyone is an individual, and what works for me won't necessarily work for someone else. In my opinion, the best way to handle it is to make your own calls in close cooperation with your doctor.

But if we're talking long-term health—beyond just the initial guilt of starting pills—the biggest thing is that I’ve owned my mistakes and moved past them. It is so much easier to live when you aren't spinning in circles of self-loathing over things that happened ages ago.🙂.

They really helped me get back on track—they didn't dull my edges or send me floating off into some hazy cloud nine, whatever that means. I can still feel the full spectrum of emotions; I haven't turned into a zombie, nor am I constantly wired. Honestly, though, a huge part of the progress came from psychotherapy—there, I said it!😛

I don't feel any regret, except for one thing: I wish I had started using them sooner, back when I could have actually gotten my life in order and handled all this stress with a bit more grace.

Man, I'm seriously hitting a slump right now. 😢

Jack Smith4 said:Man, I'm seriously hitting a slump right now. 😢

I don't think so.
I've definitely been through those phases—blaming myself for everything—thinking if I’d just acted differently or started sooner, things would be different. When you're on meds that just don't fit, you end up feeling exactly like this. I was a total zombie—taking 12 mg of Risperdal a day on my 45kg frame, mixed with 5mg Xanax, Aketon, and Seroxat—just completely numb. No emotions, no nothing. Just empty inside and a zombie on the outside.
And let me tell you, I was stuck in a whole different kind of hell until the right therapy finally clicked.
Now, I can actually feel the full spectrum of emotions again, though it hasn't been that way for a long time. When it first started coming back, it was... weird. Like, "Wait, I actually have feelings, interests, and desires—I'm not dead inside" 😲🤣.

bluetinker11 said:I don't think so.
I've definitely been through those phases—blaming myself for everything—thinking if I’d just acted differently or started sooner, things would be different. When you're on meds that just don't fit, you end up feeling exactly like this. I was a total zombie—taking 12 mg of Risperdal a day on my 45kg frame, mixed with 5mg Xanax, Aketon, and Seroxat—just completely numb. No emotions, no nothing. Just empty inside and a zombie on the outside.
And let me tell you, I was stuck in a whole different kind of hell until the right therapy finally clicked.
Now, I can actually feel the full spectrum of emotions again, though it hasn't been that way for a long time. When it first started coming back, it was... weird. Like, "Wait, I actually have feelings, interests, and desires—I'm not dead inside" 😲🤣.

Must be nice. Honestly, I don't even know which meds caused my mess, and I've cycled through enough pills to stock a pharmacy. At this point, I'm not even sure I have the mental energy left to keep playing trial and error, waiting months just to see if something actually works...

redranger2 said:I don't feel any regret, except for one thing: I wish I had started using them sooner, back when I could have actually gotten my life in order and handled all this stress with a bit more grace.

Exactly—looking back at everything, I remember my first panic attack happened during high school, but honestly, the anxiety and depression were already creeping in way before that...

fadedbear92 said:Exactly—looking back at everything, I remember my first panic attack happened during high school, but honestly, the anxiety and depression were already creeping in way before that...

If I’d started dealing with this sooner, I probably would've flunked out by sophomore year of college. At least this way, I only ended up losing a single year of uni...

Jack Smith4 said:If I’d started dealing with this sooner, I probably would've flunked out by sophomore year of college. At least this way, I only ended up losing a single year of uni...

Based on what you just shared, it sounds like your treatment hasn't quite hit the mark yet.🤔

fadedbear92 said:Based on what you just shared, it sounds like your treatment hasn't quite hit the mark yet.🤔

Man, I’ve been through the absolute ringer with meds... just a whole suitcase full of them at one point...
Antidepressants? Yeah, forget about it. It’s a lose-lose situation. You either end up feeling totally depressed and suicidal, or you turn into this hyper-aggressive wreck that's just pissed off at the entire world... honestly, that whole category is a hard pass for me...
Antipsychotics... honestly, they all feel like the exact same pile of garbage to me...

Jack Smith4 said:Must be nice. Honestly, I don't even know which meds caused my mess, and I've cycled through enough pills to stock a pharmacy. At this point, I'm not even sure I have the mental energy left to keep playing trial and error, waiting months just to see if something actually works...

What's your actual diagnosis?
Generally, most medications hit pretty quickly, except for antidepressants—those usually take a couple of weeks to start working, and if you don't feel anything by then, you switch to something else. It's just a shame that not all therapists follow that protocol.

Jack Smith4 said:Man, I’ve been through the absolute ringer with meds... just a whole suitcase full of them at one point...
Antidepressants? Yeah, forget about it. It’s a lose-lose situation. You either end up feeling totally depressed and suicidal, or you turn into this hyper-aggressive wreck that's just pissed off at the entire world... honestly, that whole category is a hard pass for me...
Antipsychotics... honestly, they all feel like the exact same pile of garbage to me...

See, if you find a shrink who actually brings some real experience to the table and genuinely gives a damn about their patient, they'll keep grinding until they find the right combination for you. Have you stuck with the same doctor this whole time, or have you been switching them up? And how are things going with psychotherapy?

fadedbear92 said:What's your actual diagnosis?
Generally, most medications hit pretty quickly, except for antidepressants—those usually take a couple of weeks to start working, and if you don't feel anything by then, you switch to something else. It's just a shame that not all therapists follow that protocol.

So, my sister told me there's a chance she might hook me up with some Valfax eventually... but she’s setting some serious terms. She said she won't go over 37.5mg, and even then, I've gotta show up with a massive bouquet of roses and basically beg her on my knees just to get a look-in. Talk about high stakes...

So, here’s the breakdown on the diagnosis: we’re looking at F21 versus F60.3, plus some non-organic non-specific psychosis... honestly, just a whole lot of clinical jargon to wrap my head around...

I don't know what to tell you... I mean, honestly? It’s just the same old story playing out on loop. You look at the news, you look at how things are moving in this country, and it feels like we're all just circling the drain while everyone pretends everything is totally fine. It’s exhausting, really. Just constant noise and zero substance... And then you see people like fadedbear92 trying to make sense of it all, or Jack Smith4 jumping in with those theories that almost make you believe them for a second. Almost. But then reality hits you like a freight train and you realize we're just spinning our wheels. It’s kind of pathetic if you think about it too long, but I guess that's just life in America now... nothing ever actually changes, does it? Just different faces, same tired script...

fadedbear92 said:See, if you find a shrink who actually brings some real experience to the table and genuinely gives a damn about their patient, they'll keep grinding until they find the right combination for you. Have you stuck with the same doctor this whole time, or have you been switching them up? And how are things going with psychotherapy?

The head of psychiatry over at Mercy Hospital herself actually recommended my current doctor, but honestly, I can't say anything more than that...

So, I’m doing this group therapy thing now. Honestly, it’s been a total circus. I’ve already cycled through three different therapists, and let me tell you, the luck has been nonexistent... First, I was seeing this rookie who barely had two years under her belt, and then she just vanished on maternity leave. Then things got real messy—I ended up hospitalized for a month under some absolute moron of a doctor. And once I finally got out? That guy basically told me to kick rocks. He straight-up brushed me off, saying he couldn't work with me anymore and that I’d have to go find someone else all on my own. Just left me hanging like that... what a joke.

Jack Smith4 said:So, my sister told me there's a chance she might hook me up with some Valfax eventually... but she’s setting some serious terms. She said she won't go over 37.5mg, and even then, I've gotta show up with a massive bouquet of roses and basically beg her on my knees just to get a look-in. Talk about high stakes...

So, here’s the breakdown on the diagnosis: we’re looking at F21 versus F60.3, plus some non-organic non-specific psychosis... honestly, just a whole lot of clinical jargon to wrap my head around...

I don't know what to tell you... I mean, honestly? It’s just the same old story playing out on loop. You look at the news, you look at how things are moving in this country, and it feels like we're all just circling the drain while everyone pretends everything is totally fine. It’s exhausting, really. Just constant noise and zero substance... And then you see people like fadedbear92 trying to make sense of it all, or Jack Smith4 jumping in with those theories that almost make you believe them for a second. Almost. But then reality hits you like a freight train and you realize we're just spinning our wheels. It’s kind of pathetic if you think about it too long, but I guess that's just life in America now... nothing ever actually changes, does it? Just different faces, same tired script...

The head of psychiatry over at Mercy Hospital herself actually recommended my current doctor, but honestly, I can't say anything more than that...

So, I’m doing this group therapy thing now. Honestly, it’s been a total circus. I’ve already cycled through three different therapists, and let me tell you, the luck has been nonexistent... First, I was seeing this rookie who barely had two years under her belt, and then she just vanished on maternity leave. Then things got real messy—I ended up hospitalized for a month under some absolute moron of a doctor. And once I finally got out? That guy basically told me to kick rocks. He straight-up brushed me off, saying he couldn't work with me anymore and that I’d have to go find someone else all on my own. Just left me hanging like that... what a joke.

Have you had a chance to chat with our guy Diego yet?

fadedbear92 said:Have you had a chance to chat with our guy Diego yet?

I’m leaning more toward the edge cases myself... I'm definitely not some "pure" F21 type. Hell, even my own wife isn't quite sure what I am anymore...

Jack Smith4 said:Must be nice. Honestly, I don't even know which meds caused my mess, and I've cycled through enough pills to stock a pharmacy. At this point, I'm not even sure I have the mental energy left to keep playing trial and error, waiting months just to see if something actually works...

I feel absolutely thrilled by what you quoted there.

Sometimes I regret it, sometimes I don't. Mostly, I just regret swallowing everything whole without doing my own homework. I actually trusted doctors who barely even saw me. Back then, forums didn't exist—or maybe I just hadn't found them yet.

Hey. So, when does it count as minor disturbances without any specific thesis for