Fear of commitment: Is it irrational or just me?

I’m not even sure if this belongs on this sub—or if someone hasn't already beaten me to it—but I figured this is where the most interesting takes would be.

Lately, I can't shake the feeling that more and more young people are becoming irrationally terrified of actually... you know, having responsibilities. Being in your twenties has basically become synonymous with "finding yourself," which, let's be honest, is usually just code for dragging out college forever, living off your parents' dime, and disappearing every weekend. It used to be seen as a red flag, a total deviation from the norm, but now? It’s practically the standard. Meanwhile, taking on any real life commitment is treated like a massive mistake. Everyone seems to be waiting for some "perfect" window in their mid-thirties, which feels less like a psychological milestone and more like a biological deadline for finally starting an adult life.

"Take your time with school; you'll have plenty of misery waiting for you once you start working a real job."
"Don't jump into a serious relationship or marriage yet; go live it up while you can before life gets heavy."
"Kids are nothing but stress and baggage—don't ruin your youth by committing to that."
"Don't get a dog or even a goldfish; it's too much responsibility." 😁

Why do we think it’s like this?
Where did this massive shift come from, where "slacking off" is fine but growing up is a tragedy?
Why has stepping up and actually entering adulthood become such a stigmatized, negative thing?

That’s an interesting topic you've raised.
The truth is, life might be easier that way, though I suppose there's another side to the argument.
Regardless, there are far more pressing, existential matters to contemplate in this world than someone in their twenties worrying about how they'll put food on the table.
God forbid anyone has to deal with that. 👎 😁
The fact that many people still rely on their parents for financial security well into adulthood proves that life has never been easier, despite how much everyone else tries to convince us otherwise.
I honestly can't decide if that's a bad thing or not.

Since we are discussing this specific artist, let them go to hell for all I care.

I just want to point out that accountability never actually lands on their shoulders, nor does it ever truly rest with us. We’ve been screwed over by every single administration that came before this one, yet somehow, somehow, they still manage to dodge the blame. Honestly, it’s hard to even wrap my head around how much of a mess we're in. 🙄 🙂

Amanda Reed6 said:I’m not even sure if this belongs on this sub—or if someone hasn't already beaten me to it—but I figured this is where the most interesting takes would be.

Lately, I can't shake the feeling that more and more young people are becoming irrationally terrified of actually... you know, having responsibilities. Being in your twenties has basically become synonymous with "finding yourself," which, let's be honest, is usually just code for dragging out college forever, living off your parents' dime, and disappearing every weekend. It used to be seen as a red flag, a total deviation from the norm, but now? It’s practically the standard. Meanwhile, taking on any real life commitment is treated like a massive mistake. Everyone seems to be waiting for some "perfect" window in their mid-thirties, which feels less like a psychological milestone and more like a biological deadline for finally starting an adult life.

"Take your time with school; you'll have plenty of misery waiting for you once you start working a real job."
"Don't jump into a serious relationship or marriage yet; go live it up while you can before life gets heavy."
"Kids are nothing but stress and baggage—don't ruin your youth by committing to that."
"Don't get a dog or even a goldfish; it's too much responsibility." 😁

Why do we think it’s like this?
Where did this massive shift come from, where "slacking off" is fine but growing up is a tragedy?
Why has stepping up and actually entering adulthood become such a stigmatized, negative thing?

It's because everything you mentioned often ends up looking like petty, small-minded avoidance. Plus, for most people, achieving those milestones is only possible by drowning in credit card debt or student loans—something they're terrified of because they've seen exactly how that downward spiral ends.

Jamie Davis9 said:That’s an interesting topic you've raised.
The truth is, life might be easier that way, though I suppose there's another side to the argument.
Regardless, there are far more pressing, existential matters to contemplate in this world than someone in their twenties worrying about how they'll put food on the table.
God forbid anyone has to deal with that. 👎 😁
The fact that many people still rely on their parents for financial security well into adulthood proves that life has never been easier, despite how much everyone else tries to convince us otherwise.
I honestly can't decide if that's a bad thing or not.

Since we are discussing this specific artist, let them go to hell for all I care.

I get where you're coming from, but honestly, it’s rarely these extreme cases of literal survival. It’s usually just middle-class kids who aren't losing their livelihoods because of these "obligations," they're just choosing comfort. Look at those studies showing how the US has some of the highest numbers of grown men still living in their childhood bedrooms. I know the economy and job market are rough, but is it really impossible to move out? I wouldn't say so. Based on what I see around me—which is why I'm even asking—it’s mostly people who have some kind of income but find it way more convenient to live at home and dodge the bills, the laundry, and the cooking (let Mom handle it), all under the guise of "finding myself while I'm young." But from my perspective, that's not happening. These people staying home until they're 35 and stalling on responsibilities aren't traveling the globe or learning to crochet or playing the violin. They're probably just 😁

What I mean is, it feels like there's a huge wave of unfulfilled young adults—and highly educated ones at that—who are just paralyzed by the fear of "real life," so they artificially extend that high school lifestyle well into their mid-30s.

Nancy Bishop4 said:It's because everything you mentioned often ends up looking like petty, small-minded avoidance. Plus, for most people, achieving those milestones is only possible by drowning in credit card debt or student loans—something they're terrified of because they've seen exactly how that downward spiral ends.

Oh, really? Is it actually impossible without loans? I wouldn't go that far. And I’m not even talking about the specific stuff I listed—I mean more of a general gut instinct when any topic involving commitment comes up. It’s like that whole "Oh, I love dogs, but a pet is such a huge responsibility since you have to walk them" vibe. People use that exact same logic to dodge every major life obligation and responsibility out there.

Look, let's be real: we live better now than ever before. No one can convince me otherwise. We are where we are because our ancestors survived millions of years of famine and disease just to reproduce, yet today we claim things are "too hard" and we can't afford to be independent.

I look at my grandparents. They barely finished middle school, but my grandpa worked his tail off to support my mom and her sister through law school. Both of them stayed home until they were 35 because they didn't want the "burden" of responsibilities. To me, it doesn't seem like they couldn't do it; it seems like they just wouldn't. And honestly, it makes me wonder why.

Has our standard of living climbed so high that we're too embarrassed to admit it? It’s like, "I can't afford marriage and kids," but they aren't actually worried about kids going hungry or living in poverty—they're worried they won't have enough left over for skiing trips, summer vacations, or getting a brand-new iPhone every six months. That's the reality.

Nancy Bishop4 said:It's because everything you mentioned often ends up looking like petty, small-minded avoidance. Plus, for most people, achieving those milestones is only possible by drowning in credit card debt or student loans—something they're terrified of because they've seen exactly how that downward spiral ends.

Look, they don't necessarily have to buy property.
In my experience, it really boils down to lifestyle choices.

People want to actually enjoy their paycheck rather than just using it to settle bills.
I get that, I really do, but if that’s your mindset, you aren't going to get ahead in life.

Amanda Reed6 said:Oh, really? Is it actually impossible without loans? I wouldn't go that far. And I’m not even talking about the specific stuff I listed—I mean more of a general gut instinct when any topic involving commitment comes up. It’s like that whole "Oh, I love dogs, but a pet is such a huge responsibility since you have to walk them" vibe. People use that exact same logic to dodge every major life obligation and responsibility out there.

Look, let's be real: we live better now than ever before. No one can convince me otherwise. We are where we are because our ancestors survived millions of years of famine and disease just to reproduce, yet today we claim things are "too hard" and we can't afford to be independent.

I look at my grandparents. They barely finished middle school, but my grandpa worked his tail off to support my mom and her sister through law school. Both of them stayed home until they were 35 because they didn't want the "burden" of responsibilities. To me, it doesn't seem like they couldn't do it; it seems like they just wouldn't. And honestly, it makes me wonder why.

Has our standard of living climbed so high that we're too embarrassed to admit it? It’s like, "I can't afford marriage and kids," but they aren't actually worried about kids going hungry or living in poverty—they're worried they won't have enough left over for skiing trips, summer vacations, or getting a brand-new iPhone every six months. That's the reality.

First of all, why do you assume everyone places the same importance and value on these things that you do?
For many people, the things you hold dear are completely worthless.
Secondly, why does it matter what others choose to do with their lives, and who are you to lecture them?
Thirdly, what makes you so certain that your perception of the world is more accurate than theirs?

Jack Jones7 said:Look, they don't necessarily have to buy property.
In my experience, it really boils down to lifestyle choices.

People want to actually enjoy their paycheck rather than just using it to settle bills.
I get that, I really do, but if that’s your mindset, you aren't going to get ahead in life.

And does renting somehow count as progress?
🤦

I suppose one might argue that escaping our obligations is actually quite logical, given that human beings aren't really designed to be tethered down, but rather to exist in a state of freedom. It seems to me that this tension is perhaps what's manifesting lately through various physical ailments and just a general sense of widespread discontent. I imagine some people will inevitably claim that things were better back in the days of the old social safety nets because there was at least a sense of security provided by the state. Nowadays, however, that certainty simply isn't there.

Nancy Bishop4 said:First of all, why do you assume everyone places the same importance and value on these things that you do?
For many people, the things you hold dear are completely worthless.
Secondly, why does it matter what others choose to do with their lives, and who are you to lecture them?
Thirdly, what makes you so certain that your perception of the world is more accurate than theirs?

And does renting somehow count as progress?
🤦

Look, I’m not judging anyone or trying to preach to the choir, but if I’m curious about how things ended up this way, then I’m going to ask. ☕

I’m not talking about the people who have actual goals—the ones chasing non-traditional paths and actually putting in the work. I totally get that (honestly, who’s to say I’m not one of them?), but what I'm getting at is this weird fear of commitment in the crowd that isn't even doing anything productive. You know, the "drifters" who just run away from any kind of responsibility.

And honestly? Trying to convince me that just coasting through life while worshiping your own comfort is some kind of noble value worth respecting... yeah, that's going to be a hard sell. 😵

It’s all because people pushed too hard on forcing responsibility far too early.

But I don't see anyone swinging too far in the opposite direction. Most people still get married or settled by their thirties at the latest, hold down jobs, and deal with their student loans.
What parents preach is one thing; what kids actually end up doing is something else entirely.

northernlynx5 said:I suppose one might argue that escaping our obligations is actually quite logical, given that human beings aren't really designed to be tethered down, but rather to exist in a state of freedom. It seems to me that this tension is perhaps what's manifesting lately through various physical ailments and just a general sense of widespread discontent. I imagine some people will inevitably claim that things were better back in the days of the old social safety nets because there was at least a sense of security provided by the state. Nowadays, however, that certainty simply isn't there.

I find that a little contradictory, honestly. How can you say we’re designed for freedom while also arguing people were happier under communism or socialism? Those systems are basically cages. 🤔

Maybe there's a parallel to be drawn there, though. Socialism basically treated adults like children; the system "took care" of everything, effectively stripping away the weight of personal responsibility and turning individual destiny into a government matter. So, is that liberating or limiting? To me, it feels limiting, but that's a whole other rabbit hole.

Amanda Reed6 said:Oh, really? Is it actually impossible without loans? I wouldn't go that far. And I’m not even talking about the specific stuff I listed—I mean more of a general gut instinct when any topic involving commitment comes up. It’s like that whole "Oh, I love dogs, but a pet is such a huge responsibility since you have to walk them" vibe. People use that exact same logic to dodge every major life obligation and responsibility out there.

Look, let's be real: we live better now than ever before. No one can convince me otherwise. We are where we are because our ancestors survived millions of years of famine and disease just to reproduce, yet today we claim things are "too hard" and we can't afford to be independent.

I look at my grandparents. They barely finished middle school, but my grandpa worked his tail off to support my mom and her sister through law school. Both of them stayed home until they were 35 because they didn't want the "burden" of responsibilities. To me, it doesn't seem like they couldn't do it; it seems like they just wouldn't. And honestly, it makes me wonder why.

Has our standard of living climbed so high that we're too embarrassed to admit it? It’s like, "I can't afford marriage and kids," but they aren't actually worried about kids going hungry or living in poverty—they're worried they won't have enough left over for skiing trips, summer vacations, or getting a brand-new iPhone every six months. That's the reality.

I completely understand your perspective, but we are the ones who shaped them this way, and they were more than happy to accept the terms.
Comfort in exchange for freedom—is there any worse trade-off? 🙂 Especially since it absolutely numbs the brain.

It feels like there isn't, though I'm certainly not the best judge of these things given my own flaws.

Jamie Davis9 said:I completely understand your perspective, but we are the ones who shaped them this way, and they were more than happy to accept the terms.
Comfort in exchange for freedom—is there any worse trade-off? 🙂 Especially since it absolutely numbs the brain.

It feels like there isn't, though I'm certainly not the best judge of these things given my own flaws.

That’s exactly my point. People trade their freedom for comfort, and then they usually toss away any shred of ambition or self-fulfillment along with it. If people actually used that "freedom" for something meaningful, it wouldn't leave them feeling so mentally numb.

Amanda Reed6 said:Look, I’m not judging anyone or trying to preach to the choir, but if I’m curious about how things ended up this way, then I’m going to ask. ☕

I’m not talking about the people who have actual goals—the ones chasing non-traditional paths and actually putting in the work. I totally get that (honestly, who’s to say I’m not one of them?), but what I'm getting at is this weird fear of commitment in the crowd that isn't even doing anything productive. You know, the "drifters" who just run away from any kind of responsibility.

And honestly? Trying to convince me that just coasting through life while worshiping your own comfort is some kind of noble value worth respecting... yeah, that's going to be a hard sell. 😵

The idea of what counts as "productive" is incredibly subjective.
You could easily make the same argument about your own lifestyle—that, at its core, it's just another version of coasting, just wrapped in different packaging.
If you really look at it, most people are basically just coasting through life when all is said and done.

Besides, whose ego are we supposed to be catering to if not our own?

Maybe it’s just because they've been brainwashed by "internet culture." You see all sorts of stuff online and start dreaming up these wild fantasies. But real life isn't Hollywood, even if some people act like it is...
It's also down to chronic laziness and a few other things.

It’s honestly kind of shocking, actually sad, how hard it is nowadays to find a couple of extra hands to help you out for an hour or two and actually pay them a decent $100$67.
But no, 🙂 they won't just give you a straight "no" and say they're busy; instead, they lack the decency to do even a little bit of manual labor. And while they're supposed to be working, they can't risk missing a single notification on their smartphones. Their best excuse? They've got parents, grandparents, or a spouse waiting at home that they can just play around with...

The irony is that these same people will show up the next day begging $0.67 for coffee money or a pack of cigarettes, all while acting all tough and asking, "Hey man, you got any cash?" 🤔
🤣 It’s ridiculously twisted, but seriously pathetic.

I've heard it personally and through conversations quite a few times—people in big cities have this attitude: "There's no way I'm working a 7-to-3 shift every single day!"

And how could they find time for anything else when
they spend all day mooching, coming up with ways to make sure nobody accidentally finds them a job, and even using those cheap little tears to manipulate people...
They're just totally Facebook-brained.

I mean, I get it, with everything going on, it's impossible to work 7-to-3 every day! Like, oh my god, you'd have to commute back and forth every single day too. No way!!

There will always be these losers daydreaming about fast money and a movie star lifestyle, whether they're young or old...

Time seems to move faster now, everything demands more, and it feels like everyone has less time; but I don't think today's world is any better for catching the "laziness virus" or trying to live like a Hollywood diva.

Life isn't easy or comfortable for these people, no matter how much they convince themselves they can live off others forever. Reality can hit them pretty hard after a while...

Luckily, they aren't the majority, because who knows what the US would look like if they were...

@Nancy Bishop4 Not mine.

@William Roberts3 I’m signing off on every single one of those examples. Honestly, I’ve run into this exact type of person more times than I care to admit lately, and it’s really got me spiraling about the whole thing. Maybe it’s just my bubble or the people I’m hanging out with right now, but it feels like there's a massive surge of this among my age group. It’s getting pretty alarming. It seems like everyone’s main life goal has shifted toward just floating along the path of least resistance—basically choosing comfort over everything else. They dodge any actual work, progress, or productivity just because they view those things as "obligations." 😁 I really hope I’m just seeing things wrong. 😬

I feel called 😁

I’ve been thinking about how taking on heavy responsibilities at a young age—say, in your early twenties—has started to get a bad reputation lately. Personally, I disagree, and if I look around at what's actually happening in the real world, I think my perspective holds water.
It’s true that this trend is picking up steam, but I wouldn't go so far as to say society is actually giving it a thumbs up right now.

Independence = having your own place
For most people in my neck of the woods, renting is seen as the most viable path—even if it means being just one missed rent check away from sleeping on the sidewalk.
And hey, that’s fine, provided you know there’s a safety net waiting for you back at your parents' house.
But working solely just to keep a roof over your head? Hmm... 🤔 that doesn't exactly sound like an appealing way to live.

We also have to acknowledge that as our standard of living has risen, so has our sense of instability and insecurity.
That’s really where the catch lies: security and stability. We moved forward too fast. That rapid progress trampled over a lot of people along the way; we see it every single day—this hyper-accelerated pace of life that ruthlessly crushes the most vulnerable among us, and it has left its mark.

Roger Parker5 said:I feel called 😁

I’ve been thinking about how taking on heavy responsibilities at a young age—say, in your early twenties—has started to get a bad reputation lately. Personally, I disagree, and if I look around at what's actually happening in the real world, I think my perspective holds water.
It’s true that this trend is picking up steam, but I wouldn't go so far as to say society is actually giving it a thumbs up right now.

Independence = having your own place
For most people in my neck of the woods, renting is seen as the most viable path—even if it means being just one missed rent check away from sleeping on the sidewalk.
And hey, that’s fine, provided you know there’s a safety net waiting for you back at your parents' house.
But working solely just to keep a roof over your head? Hmm... 🤔 that doesn't exactly sound like an appealing way to live.

We also have to acknowledge that as our standard of living has risen, so has our sense of instability and insecurity.
That’s really where the catch lies: security and stability. We moved forward too fast. That rapid progress trampled over a lot of people along the way; we see it every single day—this hyper-accelerated pace of life that ruthlessly crushes the most vulnerable among us, and it has left its mark.

As for the second part, I’m pretty much on board with what was said.

Regarding both the whole renting thing and "working just to survive," I tend to look at it this way: if you’re stuck in that grind, you’re probably going to hustle way harder to dig yourself out. It gives you an edge. Compare that to someone living in a comfortable status quo where they never have to move an inch. I’m not talking about extreme cases where people are literally starving, but it feels like more and more American parents are encouraging their kids to stay home, coddling them and footing the bill for every little whim.

Amanda Reed6 said:I’m not even sure if this belongs on this sub—or if someone hasn't already beaten me to it—but I figured this is where the most interesting takes would be.

Lately, I can't shake the feeling that more and more young people are becoming irrationally terrified of actually... you know, having responsibilities. Being in your twenties has basically become synonymous with "finding yourself," which, let's be honest, is usually just code for dragging out college forever, living off your parents' dime, and disappearing every weekend. It used to be seen as a red flag, a total deviation from the norm, but now? It’s practically the standard. Meanwhile, taking on any real life commitment is treated like a massive mistake. Everyone seems to be waiting for some "perfect" window in their mid-thirties, which feels less like a psychological milestone and more like a biological deadline for finally starting an adult life.

"Take your time with school; you'll have plenty of misery waiting for you once you start working a real job."
"Don't jump into a serious relationship or marriage yet; go live it up while you can before life gets heavy."
"Kids are nothing but stress and baggage—don't ruin your youth by committing to that."
"Don't get a dog or even a goldfish; it's too much responsibility." 😁

Why do we think it’s like this?
Where did this massive shift come from, where "slacking off" is fine but growing up is a tragedy?
Why has stepping up and actually entering adulthood become such a stigmatized, negative thing?

Times have changed. I was literally just reading a thread where 40-year-olds are obsessed with Xbox.

Moms put their kids down just so they can get some gaming time in.

It's a little bit of everything. A cocktail of consumerism, social media, tech addiction, pure hedonism, bad parenting, and trash media has turned us all into eternal children.