ruggedskipper11 said:Jerry Wilson13, man, living in the moment and just focusing on today? That’s basically a rebirth. It’s like you can finally breathe!
But me? I’m never in the moment. Everything just feels like it's passing me by because my head is constantly spinning with these negative, out-of-control thoughts.
Back in the day, reading books about all this stuff actually helped. My faith isn't what it used to be, but when things get heavy, you grab onto whatever you can find.
The questions you asked—man, they hit me right in the chest.
To answer where I'm at: honestly, ever since I opened my eyes this morning, I've been terrified. I'm scared of myself—specifically, how I'll react if that certain person doesn't call or text. I'm scared of feeling totally lost and failing at even the simplest daily tasks. I worry about how I'm gonna hide this restless, miserable version of myself from the people close to me. I wonder if I'll burn myself out with all this anxiety to the point where I can't even hit the gym (and honestly, that's the one thing that keeps me sane). Then the spiral starts. I start thinking we won't see each other anymore. I wonder if I messed up, or if they noticed something was off during our last hangout... if they realized I'm struggling.
Look, dear, what you’ve got going on in there isn't something physical or tangible... It's your thoughts. That's all they are.
just I've been sitting here thinking about this... just letting my mind wander through all the different angles of the situation. There's so much to unpack when you really dig into the details. It’s easy to take things at face value, but if you pause for a second—really sit with it—you start seeing those subtle layers that most people just breeze right past. I'm trying to wrap my head around the core of it all, weighing the pros and cons, looking for that one piece of logic that makes everything click. It's a lot to process, honestly. Just processing. Thinking.Nothing massive, nothing grand... just plain overwhelming.
What’s on your mind?
What exactly goes into this? What's the actual breakdown?
She’s nothing. One minute you think you have it all figured out... then by the end of that very same day, you've completely flipped your perspective and you're thinking something else entirely. If that's the case, what even is a thought?
Why on earth are you taking them so incredibly seriously?Just let your thoughts flow... Don't fight them. You're only letting them tear you apart because you're constantly threatening them, battling them head-on. You’re treating them like some kind of foreign invader—something unwanted, something that's going to physically destroy you.
Look, man... those are just thoughts. 😉
They don't mean a thing. They can't do anything. They’re so incredibly tiny and insignificant that nobody else—not one soul—can even see them, hear them, or feel them... And yet, that's exactly why they matter so much.
Your thoughts aren't YOU. You are whatever you actually are, regardless of what you happen to be thinking about yourself at any given second. In reality, you’re a completely different person every single day. Every single moment, you're someone else entirely—it all just depends on those thousand different variables and tiny aspects that make up a life. If you can actually wrap your head around that, you'll realize just how much massive power you truly hold. It's a power you possess simply because you were born into this world. You need to "own" your thoughts and your feelings. Don't be ashamed of them. Just don't let them end up owning you instead...
There’s no such thing as a "wrong" thought. At the end of the day, a thought is just a thought. Even the darkest, most twisted ideas can't actually hurt anyone—they won't kill or wound a single soul unless you decide to take that step and turn them into an action.
Why exactly are you so afraid that you’ll end up doing something you don't actually want to do?🤔Alright... here’s an example. A thought pops into your head... aha, okay, now you’ve suddenly realized this and that... and then what? So what?! Just let it be. Run it through your internal system—let it weave its way through all those tangled threads of yours until it finds an exit. If it isn't useful to you, if it doesn't actually bring you any peace or comfort, just let it pass. Calmly. Acknowledge that it’s there, acknowledge that it arrived, and simply allow it to find its way out of your system. It’s that easy, really. Just simple and effortless. However it showed up, it’ll just go *poof* and vanish. Especially if you don't give it any "life-or-death" importance...
What is there to be so afraid of? Honestly, I still can't wrap my head around what exactly you're terrified of.
Are you really not going to see him?
Trust me on this one—right at this very second, while you and I are sitting here typing away, there are countless people out there going through heartbreaks three hundred times more intense than anything you’d feel if that person just stopped calling. And you know what? Guess what happens next. Every single one of them is going to stay alive. They’re going to keep breathing... they'll keep laughing loudly... they'll show up to work, find new love, and keep moving forward.
How can you not grasp just how much grit we actually have? We’re absolute savages when it comes to toughness.
At the end of the day, we’re all just human. We all deal with that gut-wrenching fear of failing. It's something we all face.
Just plain disappointment.
Loss.
But look, those fears aren't going to paralyze us. We get it—even if everything hits the fan all at once, it won't break us. It’ll be a total circus. Honestly? A complete, chaotic mess. But let's be real: life isn't just one long stretch of pain. It's not even a month of pure hopelessness or a single brutal year. Life is also made up of those butterflies in your stomach—the kind you feel yourself, even if you're too guarded to actually let yourself enjoy them. It's about those fresh, fragrant springs. It's about the snow falling on decorated streets in a quiet suburb. It's about friends, weddings... the birth of children, that truly divine blessing. There is so much waiting for you... so much beauty. So much greatness.
Just soak in that moment when you feel the spark.
When you find yourself thinking about him, just let that initial rush of infatuation hang in the air for a bit... Don't overthink it. Stick to reality instead. Observe what’s actually happening right now. Focus on the facts—the things that are measurable. Things you can see. Things you can touch...
Stop trying to analyze things you can neither predict nor control! If it isn't "meant to be," it won't work out. The relationship won't grow. But honestly? That is completely out of your hands. It's out of his hands, too... It all comes down to the "chemistry" in your bodies. It's pure biology. 😉 You can't influence that with your thoughts any more than you could pick up a pen off a desk just by thinking about it. The pen is just there. It sits there. Even if you lose your mind over it, it stays put until you physically move it. Emotions work the exact same way. Either the feelings are mutual and strong enough, or they aren't. You have zero influence over that. Just enjoy those little moments of early infatuation... because they count!! Even if they fizzle out by next week, savor them now. Give yourself permission to do that. You have every right to dream that this is "the one" until proven otherwise.
Can you trigger endorphins in someone else's body using nothing but your thoughts?
No.
So, stop trying to micromanage his emotions... or making assumptions about how he feels.
Try to make your thoughts work *for* you instead. Use them as a catalyst to amplify that initial surge of dopamine... a sweet text... a cute message... a "good morning" or a great cup of coffee... a joke that made you laugh... a solid workout... All of these are things your mind can take and build upon, creating something beautiful inside your own body...
On the flip side, those same thoughts—and all those endorphins—can turn into sludge. You can water them down with fear, frustration, and obsessive paranoia... if you let yourself. If you take them too seriously. If you give them too much room to breathe in your mind...
An old Native American legend tells of a grandfather talking to his grandson: "We all have two wolves fighting inside us constantly. One is white and carries all the virtues. He is good, joyful, affectionate, and kind. The other is black, embodying our flaws. Pride, ego, vanity, hatred, envy." The grandson asked which wolf wins the fight.
The old chief replied, "The one you feed most often."
Feed the positive. Nourish the joy. Let everything else pass through your system... like water going down a drain...
You mentioned you work out...
Well, so do I. 👍
Use that time to sweat out all the negativity.
Don't just exercise for the sake of exercising. Meditate while you do it... visualize those negative thoughts and hit them with your movements. Destroy them. Kick those fears and paranoias away forcefully with your feet... your knees... your kettlebells... 😉 It might sound a little crazy, but try it. Trust me, it works wonders!
Afterward, take a shower. Use a nice lotion. Light a scented candle... Lie down on the couch, smelling wonderful. Close your eyes and try to think of absolutely nothing.
Even if it's just for thirty minutes a day.
Try to focus on nothing except what you hear, see, or feel in that exact second... Give your mind a break.
In those moments, don't even think about him. Turn off your phone. Retreat into your own world where you are the most important person. A place where you will never betray yourself. Where you will always be your own best friend. Rebuild that trust in yourself...
Eat something delicious. Put on music that brings back happy memories. Watch a movie you absolutely love... Be unapologetically kind to yourself. Dedicate these moments to yourself and don't let anyone or anything in this world interfere with this sacred ritual. You have every right to be selfish.
Realize that everything starts from within you.
Everything that is wounded needs to heal. Everything you went through in your childhood (and I'm sure you likely experienced moments that caused you to start fearing everything so obsessively) happened then... a long time ago. Break those ties. Realize you aren't that child anymore... The fears you lived through back then (which trained your body to maintain this level of anxiety just so you know how to function) are no longer real. They aren't reality.
Realize that your mind is basically "manufacturing" these patterns right now. Since those old habits are the only blueprint it recognizes, it’s just making things up out of thin air to keep you stuck in that same old imbalance.
Just see it for what it is. Try flipping the script. Take back the power that actually belongs to you... Understand that if you truly want to, all of this can stop. Right now. The moment you say so. The second you decide.
I’ve gone head-to-head with my own mind more times than I can count. It was a long, exhausting war... and honestly, the fighting isn't over yet. But I finally realized how much time I wasted living exactly how my confused, deceived mind told me to. I also learned a hard truth: nobody is going to fight my battles for me. Nobody is going to win them on my behalf. If that’s the reality, then I have to arm myself and be willing to bleed a little every single day. It’s not easy. There will be highs and there will be crushing lows. Some fights are going to follow you for the rest of your life... But the absolute most important thing is that you keep fighting! Don't you dare give up.
What matters is how hard you try. Every single scratch you earn while trying to reclaim your ground counts. Nothing is ever "in vain."
Just believe in yourself.
