Do you truly accept yourself?

Jacob Long said:Accepting yourself—in my book—doesn't mean you just ignore your flaws... or stay stagnant

It basically just means embracing your imperfect self and choosing to love who you are, both now and tomorrow

But what if you love those imperfections enough that they actually drive you to go out and fix them...?

I might actually dive into some deep-dive personality assessments soon... I’m trying to reach a point where I can be truly objective about my own character. It’s about not letting myself off the hook for my mistakes just because "that's who I am," because, at the end of the day, I really should be my own biggest supporter. Perfection is an impossible standard—we all know that—but I'd settle for reaching a level where I'm finally okay with who I am, finding some actual inner peace and genuine satisfaction with how I move through the world.

Oh, come on... what kind of :coffee: are we talking about here?

Look...
Sometimes I realize I’m not perfect and that I’ve got flaws. But I also get that I don't *have* to be perfect—that I'm a whole person, warts and all.

Other times, though, all I see are my mistakes. I can't find a single good thing about myself, or if I do, the bad stuff just feels way heavier.

Then there are those moments where I really want to be better and I actually fight for it...
I trip up, sure, but the drive is still there. I’m constantly pushing to improve, hoping one day I'll finally be able to shake off everything I hate about myself.

I’m not out here hurting anyone else. My flaws are self-destructive; they only ever hurt me.
It’s a clear sign that I haven't made peace with who I am yet.

I can't honestly say I love myself all the time.
Honestly, I feel the most self-love when I stop thinking about myself entirely—like when I'm busy taking care of someone else or just getting lost in a project.

I look pretty average, but when I'm feeling low, I end up feeling ugly, and that really trashes my confidence.

The truth is... my life feels like one long struggle to find some peace of mind.
A friend once told me that the song "hot and cold" perfectly describes my vibe.
I feel like I'll be working on myself and grinding forever, never truly finding that inner calm...
but hey... that's just me. That's how I am.
There are stretches where I'm at my absolute best...
but they always rotate with these dark periods where I just shut down and withdraw.
And it never ends.

I’ve always wondered... what would it be like to actually feel stable all the time?
I can't even imagine it...
So it’s just this cycle of loving myself and hating myself...
an endless loop of shifting back and forth.

Michael Diaz6 said:Look...
Sometimes I realize I’m not perfect and that I’ve got flaws. But I also get that I don't *have* to be perfect—that I'm a whole person, warts and all.

Other times, though, all I see are my mistakes. I can't find a single good thing about myself, or if I do, the bad stuff just feels way heavier.

Then there are those moments where I really want to be better and I actually fight for it...
I trip up, sure, but the drive is still there. I’m constantly pushing to improve, hoping one day I'll finally be able to shake off everything I hate about myself.

I’m not out here hurting anyone else. My flaws are self-destructive; they only ever hurt me.
It’s a clear sign that I haven't made peace with who I am yet.

I can't honestly say I love myself all the time.
Honestly, I feel the most self-love when I stop thinking about myself entirely—like when I'm busy taking care of someone else or just getting lost in a project.

I look pretty average, but when I'm feeling low, I end up feeling ugly, and that really trashes my confidence.

The truth is... my life feels like one long struggle to find some peace of mind.
A friend once told me that the song "hot and cold" perfectly describes my vibe.
I feel like I'll be working on myself and grinding forever, never truly finding that inner calm...
but hey... that's just me. That's how I am.
There are stretches where I'm at my absolute best...
but they always rotate with these dark periods where I just shut down and withdraw.
And it never ends.

I’ve always wondered... what would it be like to actually feel stable all the time?
I can't even imagine it...
So it’s just this cycle of loving myself and hating myself...
an endless loop of shifting back and forth.

That's just because you're such a balancer...😛
You're always caught between two extremes—chasing things that aren't even real, making everyone else happy while you're basically struggling to help yourself...🤔
Honestly, I'm at my best when I lean into that narcissistic side—people say that's a bad thing, but hey, maybe it isn't for everyone... some people are just built that way...

Donna White50 said:That's just because you're such a balancer...😛
You're always caught between two extremes—chasing things that aren't even real, making everyone else happy while you're basically struggling to help yourself...🤔
Honestly, I'm at my best when I lean into that narcissistic side—people say that's a bad thing, but hey, maybe it isn't for everyone... some people are just built that way...

Honestly... I’ve definitely used narcissism as a way to rebuild my confidence during my low points. But even then, I do it to make others feel better, not myself...

If there weren't other people around...
I could spend my whole life stuck in my own little bubble without ever having to fight for anything.
Just stay in my room... let it all go... honestly, who cares...
It’s my love for others that keeps me moving...
Even at my absolute worst, I can't bring myself to actually hurt anyone.
Even when I have to be tough, I stop and think if the other person can actually handle it without breaking...

I could never get into a physical fight. Not because I’m scared of getting hit, but because I’m afraid I’ll hit too hard.

At the end of the day, I’ve got nerves of steel...
The only thing that bends is my path and my thoughts...
Someone else would lose their mind living in my skin, but I just have this coldness...
from being so used to dealing with problems.

They say strong people strike gently...

But self-love isn't something you can hold onto with the same intensity forever...
at least not for me..
Even when I’m acting narcissistic, it’s not coming from a dark place...

The most negative thing about me is that I don't even know how to be negative.

Terry Newman7 said:Before you jump in with your answers, just... think about this for a second—do you actually accept yourself, like, TOTALLY, just the way you are?

If you do—how did you actually pull that off?

If you don't—what’s the hold-up? What's stopping you?

Out of everyone I've ever worked with, I think I only had one coworker who truly accepted herself—or at least, that was the vibe she gave off. She wasn't some bombshell or someone constantly glued to a makeup mirror, but people just gravitated toward her—guys, girls, whoever—because she just "radiated" confidence. She was just a totally cool woman, really easy to get along with too.

I've been thinking about her for years. My best friend was actually the first one to point out how much she embraced herself, but I didn't even think about it at the time—I just knew she was awesome.

She accepted everyone else exactly as they were, including her husband, who—let's be real—had his fair share of wandering eyes. But she just knew it was nothing more than him being restless; it never caused any drama because she had much bigger things to worry about, and she knew deep down it didn't actually mean anything to him.

She accepted me, she accepted others, she accepted herself... we all just felt good when we were around her. She was magnetic.

It got me thinking—because personally, I don't accept myself, and honestly, I never have. I'm pretty sure it definitely stems from my childhood. Maybe her childhood was just... better?

Now that you've read this, take a beat and answer—do you fully accept yourself? And how does that actually show up in your life?

Anyway, where's that friend of yours now?

I accept who I am. However, there are certain flaws I struggle with—ones that feel like major setbacks to me—so I am working to eliminate them.
Life requires a constant self-upgrade. That seems normal, I guess, since we have to learn how to handle high-stress situations, become more resilient, or be more durable... Maybe even find ways to blame people less just to preserve our own peace of mind.

Michael Diaz6 said:Honestly... I’ve definitely used narcissism as a way to rebuild my confidence during my low points. But even then, I do it to make others feel better, not myself...

If there weren't other people around...
I could spend my whole life stuck in my own little bubble without ever having to fight for anything.
Just stay in my room... let it all go... honestly, who cares...
It’s my love for others that keeps me moving...
Even at my absolute worst, I can't bring myself to actually hurt anyone.
Even when I have to be tough, I stop and think if the other person can actually handle it without breaking...

I could never get into a physical fight. Not because I’m scared of getting hit, but because I’m afraid I’ll hit too hard.

At the end of the day, I’ve got nerves of steel...
The only thing that bends is my path and my thoughts...
Someone else would lose their mind living in my skin, but I just have this coldness...
from being so used to dealing with problems.

They say strong people strike gently...

But self-love isn't something you can hold onto with the same intensity forever...
at least not for me..
Even when I’m acting narcissistic, it’s not coming from a dark place...

The most negative thing about me is that I don't even know how to be negative.

Personally, I love seeing people happy and helping them out, but not necessarily because I’m some saint—it’s more about protecting myself from bad vibes. Call me a selfish narcissist if you want, but I’m mostly chasing my own satisfaction—emotional, physical, whatever—and other people are just tools I use to make sure I stay feeling good... or at least, not bad.
Bad emotions just gross me out, honestly.
I only get blunt with people if they mess with my dignity or my personal space; otherwise, if I'm not feeling someone, I just ghost them without a second thought. I mostly stick to surface-level relationships that don't demand much responsibility, deep thinking, or constant attention...
I know I should try to change that, BUT these are just my defense mechanisms...
The only person I give genuine, full-throttle love to is my partner—with her, I’m 100% in.
I don't think I'm "strong," I've just learned how to endure like a beast... and that's not strength, it's just running away from reality instead of facing things head-on. Real strength is actually being the opposite of how I just described myself...

Donna White50 said:Personally, I love seeing people happy and helping them out, but not necessarily because I’m some saint—it’s more about protecting myself from bad vibes. Call me a selfish narcissist if you want, but I’m mostly chasing my own satisfaction—emotional, physical, whatever—and other people are just tools I use to make sure I stay feeling good... or at least, not bad.
Bad emotions just gross me out, honestly.
I only get blunt with people if they mess with my dignity or my personal space; otherwise, if I'm not feeling someone, I just ghost them without a second thought. I mostly stick to surface-level relationships that don't demand much responsibility, deep thinking, or constant attention...
I know I should try to change that, BUT these are just my defense mechanisms...
The only person I give genuine, full-throttle love to is my partner—with her, I’m 100% in.
I don't think I'm "strong," I've just learned how to endure like a beast... and that's not strength, it's just running away from reality instead of facing things head-on. Real strength is actually being the opposite of how I just described myself...

Then you really are hot and cold.

To be fair, I'm the same way. When I'm with my partner, I totally melt and lose... well, a bit of myself... to that love.
Get what I mean? I think most of us do... 😂

Plus, I have this weird quirk where if I see anyone struggling, even a little, I basically absorb their problem.
I literally go looking for people who need help. I surround myself with broken people and underdogs just because I want to fix them.
I can't stand seeing someone in a crowd looking down, or I start feeling this massive wave of pity, and then I'm immediately buzzing around them trying to make them laugh. No one is allowed to be sad around me. If I can't help, even in a tiny way, I feel like crap...
I’ll end up calling people and organizing whole damn rescue missions for them.
And because I'm this sensitive, I'll tear up at a sad song or a depressing movie...
People don't see my real flaws.
Not that it matters to them anyway.
There's zero benefit for me... except I can sleep peacefully and avoid feeling guilty.
I'd fly across the country to help you if you were in a bad spot.
But for myself? I wouldn't do 2% of that.

Michael Diaz6 said:Then you really are hot and cold.

To be fair, I'm the same way. When I'm with my partner, I totally melt and lose... well, a bit of myself... to that love.
Get what I mean? I think most of us do... 😂

Plus, I have this weird quirk where if I see anyone struggling, even a little, I basically absorb their problem.
I literally go looking for people who need help. I surround myself with broken people and underdogs just because I want to fix them.
I can't stand seeing someone in a crowd looking down, or I start feeling this massive wave of pity, and then I'm immediately buzzing around them trying to make them laugh. No one is allowed to be sad around me. If I can't help, even in a tiny way, I feel like crap...
I’ll end up calling people and organizing whole damn rescue missions for them.
And because I'm this sensitive, I'll tear up at a sad song or a depressing movie...
People don't see my real flaws.
Not that it matters to them anyway.
There's zero benefit for me... except I can sleep peacefully and avoid feeling guilty.
I'd fly across the country to help you if you were in a bad spot.
But for myself? I wouldn't do 2% of that.

That's rough.. I used to be exactly like that too.. my therapist tells me it actually stems from selfishness—altruism mostly comes from self-interest, true altruists are pretty rare. You want to help others just to boost your own value—that's just egoism.
Not anymore, though. Now I mostly focus on myself and I feel way better. At least I'm not wasting energy on people who don't deserve it or doing a Sisyphus job; now I try to please myself and build up my own confidence.
First fact: you can't actually help anyone else; they can only help themselves. You can give advice, or let them soak up some good vibes by hanging out with you, but it isn't your job to make people happy—they have to do that themselves since they're responsible for their own emotional state...

The fact that you neglect yourself is another huge issue—you shouldn't be doing that. You always have to put yourself first. If you have the willpower and the energy left over after taking care of yourself, then you can give it to others and work on deepening your connections—not like me, where I turned inward and only graze the surface of my relationships whenever it suits me.

The upside of narcissism is you feed off others instead of letting them feed off you. Playing the victim and having low self-esteem is a terrible way to live, at least for me—you have zero control over your own life when everyone else is just pushing you around...

It's worth noting that both of these are essentially two bad extremes; neither leads to a balanced life. A narcissist falls apart if they aren't the center of attention or if things aren't going their way—they're fragile personalities who need masks and armor to protect themselves from the world, because deep down, they're just incredibly sad and wounded..

I don't know... I still don't see how this makes me selfish...
Sometimes you just don't have the energy, but you can't even turn your back on people...
Here’s an example...
For years now, I've been doing hair for my family members... look, I'm not a professional stylist, but I've got a knack for it, so why not...
Soon it spread to some friends and neighbors...
I figured, okay... you know... I don't charge them, it doesn't even cross my mind. I know what things are like right now and it's easy for me to do...
But now it's spread through the whole town.
It's always something—go dye your neighbor's hair, or help some local kids get ready before school...
The peak is the old guys who still want me to give them a shave on the go 🙂
I get home from work... I'd love to just crash, but nope...

Then there's "can you watch the kids?"

Or "help out in the garden," which isn't a big deal for me...
Or "run to Target for me, lady..."
Then there's this guy who's falling apart because of a breakup... or that woman who's totally spiraling...
And that third one, God knows what she wants...
😂 Honestly, I'd rather just stop feeling sorry for everyone and be mean, just tell them all to fuck off...

But I can't...
I think to myself, "Look, I'm young, he's old, damn it... no, I just can't do that." If I did, I'd feel so terrible that I'd probably end up apologizing for not being able to do something.

And at work...
People asking for favors, swapping shifts, working when it's not even my scheduled time...
Screw it...

It's easy to say no, but when I see someone actually struggling... I always end up thinking, "Whatever, screw it, I'll rest when I'm dead anyway."

Since I work retail at a grocery store... man... the seniors have a thousand different requests, and it's not just that... those poor souls just want someone to talk to since they're lonely...
So you listen, even when you're not really in the mood because it gets exhausting... but whatever... it's not like I'm gonna die...

And so...
Anyway... yeah... I wish I could be the type of person who could just say fuck off. It would be easier to accept myself if I didn't force myself to be "better" all the time...

So now, after work, I'm heading out to do stuff that isn't even for me, even though I'm exhausted... what a crappy day.

Michael Diaz6 said:I don't know... I still don't see how this makes me selfish...
Sometimes you just don't have the energy, but you can't even turn your back on people...
Here’s an example...
For years now, I've been doing hair for my family members... look, I'm not a professional stylist, but I've got a knack for it, so why not...
Soon it spread to some friends and neighbors...
I figured, okay... you know... I don't charge them, it doesn't even cross my mind. I know what things are like right now and it's easy for me to do...
But now it's spread through the whole town.
It's always something—go dye your neighbor's hair, or help some local kids get ready before school...
The peak is the old guys who still want me to give them a shave on the go 🙂
I get home from work... I'd love to just crash, but nope...

Then there's "can you watch the kids?"

Or "help out in the garden," which isn't a big deal for me...
Or "run to Target for me, lady..."
Then there's this guy who's falling apart because of a breakup... or that woman who's totally spiraling...
And that third one, God knows what she wants...
😂 Honestly, I'd rather just stop feeling sorry for everyone and be mean, just tell them all to fuck off...

But I can't...
I think to myself, "Look, I'm young, he's old, damn it... no, I just can't do that." If I did, I'd feel so terrible that I'd probably end up apologizing for not being able to do something.

And at work...
People asking for favors, swapping shifts, working when it's not even my scheduled time...
Screw it...

It's easy to say no, but when I see someone actually struggling... I always end up thinking, "Whatever, screw it, I'll rest when I'm dead anyway."

Since I work retail at a grocery store... man... the seniors have a thousand different requests, and it's not just that... those poor souls just want someone to talk to since they're lonely...
So you listen, even when you're not really in the mood because it gets exhausting... but whatever... it's not like I'm gonna die...

And so...
Anyway... yeah... I wish I could be the type of person who could just say fuck off. It would be easier to accept myself if I didn't force myself to be "better" all the time...

So now, after work, I'm heading out to do stuff that isn't even for me, even though I'm exhausted... what a crappy day.

Does it actually feel good having all these people hovering around you? A hundred people, everyone praising you, saying you're amazing, a great friend, a lifesaver, or "thanks for coloring my hair for free for five years, you're such a sweetheart"... blah blah blah...
It's a lot...
And you become a slave to that feeling...
You don't have the strength to say no because you know exactly what would happen...
You wouldn't be the center of attention anymore, you wouldn't be showered with compliments, and you wouldn't be building this house of cards based on the fact that OTHERS ARE USING YOU. And once they can't use you anymore, you'll be the worst person in the world—they'll say anything about you just to justify the fact that they *owe* you services, so they can label you a jerk for not providing them for free...
You'll never get that appreciation back because it isn't coming from sincerity, it's coming from opportunism. It's nice to be polite and hold the door for an old man walking into a shop, but you shouldn't be a pushover carrying his groceries all the way home for free...
Either way, it's going to drain you because you're giving yourself away to others...
You're afraid that if you say no, you won't exist, but the truth is the exact opposite: you'll finally find yourself. Because other people use your freedom—they take it from you just to give it to themselves. Freedom is the most precious thing you have in life, so it's up to you...😛

Now this is a juicy topic 🙂

Honestly, looking at myself, I’d say I’m pretty happy with who I am, and I think that goes hand-in-hand with what you mentioned—letting people see the flaws and imperfections while they still want to hang out with you. That doesn't mean I'm totally oblivious to my mess-ups, though. If anything, I'm constantly running these little "self-improvement" projects in my head. I’ve always got this drive to be better than I was yesterday, pushing myself to the limit, but I also love taking a second to look back and realize how far I've actually come. I guess that's what gives me my confidence. I accept myself, sure, but I'm definitely not just settling for where I am right now. Something like that.

You hit the nail on the head regarding how people who are actually comfortable in their own skin tend to be magnetic and great to be around. Now, whether that’s because they’re genuinely happy or if they’ve just learned to swallow their dissatisfaction and keep it private is a whole other story. But let's be real: nobody really wants to spend their weekend hanging out with someone who's constantly tearing themselves apart or stuck in a deep funk.

Fair enough. There’s some truth to that..
even if at the end of the day everyone steps up to help me or at least promises the moon and stars...
It’s not like I do it for that... I can't and don't want to pay anyone back because, honestly... most of them aren't exactly winning right now either...

True... you're definitely a favorite among the moochers 🤣 and hey, fine... being used feels like that sometimes...

I don't see how I'm going to become a better version of myself if I get selfish and only look out for number one... though maybe this is just a different kind of selfish... hmmm... wait... how does a non-selfish person even live? 🤣

I know I have more luck than brains, 😂 because there's always someone showing up at just the right moment to pull me out of the gutter...
That's just "a higher power" at work...

And my main issue is that I need to love myself... but I think I first need to figure out what my actual goal in life is, then I'd actually fight for it... right now I'm just a bit lost... I don't know what's worth holding onto... so I just end up being useful... hoping I stumble upon some passion for something I actually give a damn about...
Then you'd see how easily I'd crush anything in my way..
But since I've got nothing... whatever..

Michael Diaz6 said:Fair enough. There’s some truth to that..
even if at the end of the day everyone steps up to help me or at least promises the moon and stars...
It’s not like I do it for that... I can't and don't want to pay anyone back because, honestly... most of them aren't exactly winning right now either...

True... you're definitely a favorite among the moochers 🤣 and hey, fine... being used feels like that sometimes...

I don't see how I'm going to become a better version of myself if I get selfish and only look out for number one... though maybe this is just a different kind of selfish... hmmm... wait... how does a non-selfish person even live? 🤣

I know I have more luck than brains, 😂 because there's always someone showing up at just the right moment to pull me out of the gutter...
That's just "a higher power" at work...

And my main issue is that I need to love myself... but I think I first need to figure out what my actual goal in life is, then I'd actually fight for it... right now I'm just a bit lost... I don't know what's worth holding onto... so I just end up being useful... hoping I stumble upon some passion for something I actually give a damn about...
Then you'd see how easily I'd crush anything in my way..
But since I've got nothing... whatever..

Just aim for this...
do it because it makes you happy, you've got the time, you enjoy it, you're hanging out with friends, and helping feels morally right.
Don't do it because you're out of time, you're exhausted, you need space, you can't handle the pressure or all these obligations, and you just want to do your own thing..
So, if it brings you joy, cool... but if you can't even help an old lady cross the street—even with valid reasons—then you've got a major problem on your hands...

Honestly, nobody has "the" purpose in life, it's not even a real thing. We're all just bouncing from one goal to the next, moving from point A to point B, trying to squeeze everything we can out of every single day and living in the moment without stressing over what happened or worrying too much about what's coming next. Life happens right now, in this second..
Big life goals are mostly an illusion anyway. Life is just a collection of bigger and smaller milestones—work, school, friends, partying, money, partners, traveling, pleasure, sex... just going from one thing to the next...

You're being selfish in the wrong way, giving stuff away just to get a trophy from other people, which honestly just hurts you in the long run. If you go the other way, you become a total jerk who uses people, making everyone suffer, and no matter what you achieve, you won't be happy and it'll never be enough. It's smarter to play with both extremes until you find that sweet spot in life... where you aren't a pushover, but you aren't a total asshole either...

I mean, there’s definitely some truth to that.

Michael Diaz6 said:I mean, there’s definitely some truth to that.

Guess it's my turn to teach you something for once—usually, it's the other way around... 🙂

Donna White50 said:Guess it's my turn to teach you something for once—usually, it's the other way around... 🙂

Both you and I have this knack for helping everyone else while being totally useless when it comes to ourselves.
😁 You aren't actually as bad as you made yourself out to be above; you're just way too hard on yourself.
Honestly, someone else with your personality—just without all that self-criticism—wouldn't have any issues at all.
It’s our curse...

No sane person can ever truly accept themselves entirely. It’s just madness...
It is enough to simply embrace your nature without needing total self-acceptance...
We should lean into what is good, while continuing to fight against the parts of us that aren't.

As the saying goes; the hardest battle you'll ever face is the one against yourself.