Do you truly accept yourself?

Michael Diaz6 said:Both you and I have this knack for helping everyone else while being totally useless when it comes to ourselves.
😁 You aren't actually as bad as you made yourself out to be above; you're just way too hard on yourself.
Honestly, someone else with your personality—just without all that self-criticism—wouldn't have any issues at all.
It’s our curse...

Everyone carries some kind of curse on their back... there's no doubt about that, which is why I don't think this thread is getting too deep. We can never truly "accept" ourselves fully—because if we did, life would lose its drive, right? We need that constant push to grow and evolve. People can accept themselves by acknowledging their flaws instead of running from them, though. We all have baggage—some things we recognize and fix, others we just can't touch. Life basically forces us to keep pivoting, for better or worse... Honestly, if someone tells you they're perfect and totally satisfied with who they are, run the other way...

I really dig your vibe, though—you think, you analyze, and you're always looking for ways to make life better for yourself and others. You're a genuinely good person, just watch who you open up to, because people can be pretty ruthless. You've got strength inside, even if you seem vulnerable on the outside... you don't have to be everyone's personal service station. The world keeps spinning even if you don't give 100% to everyone, and besides, you can't anyway... 👍

If Grandma were a guy, she'd be named Doug... just like me, if I were... but hey, it is what it is. You can't run away from yourself...

Smokey, how old are you anyway?
What you’re posting is textbook people-pleaser syndrome...
I struggle with it too, but reading your stuff just left me speechless.
You really don't have any personal boundaries.
You're constantly catering to everyone else—sacrificing your own desires, needs, and opinions—like you're losing your sense of self. It makes it impossible to find any direction in life when you can't even bring yourself to put yourself first.
You need to realize this and deal with it, because it's incredibly damaging and unhealthy in the long run.
It usually stems from growing up in homes with alcoholism, depression, or sick family members, where the kid—in this case, you—is forced to carry way more responsibility and caretaking than they can actually handle.
That's just how you were raised.
Work on it.

Donna White50 said:But what if you love those imperfections enough that they actually drive you to go out and fix them...?

It’s not about loving the flaws—it’s about accepting the whole package. You embrace who you are right now, imperfections and all, because you don't need to be flawless to be worthy of love or just to feel enough.
Since you actually give a damn about yourself, you'll naturally work on the stuff that can be improved.
But things you can't change? Like if someone was born without a leg? You just accept that and love the person as they are.
We all love people despite their baggage, so why wouldn't we extend that same grace to ourselves?

I struggle with self-acceptance—deeply.

It started with my sexuality; I spent years ignoring it, pretending it simply wasn't there—and now that I’ve finally faced the truth, the self-loathing has actually intensified. It was never the path I intended for myself, yet suddenly, I'm expected to just embrace it... and honestly, the judgment from the people around me certainly doesn't help my own internal battle.

Then, there is the matter of my personality—which, if I'm being honest, isn't much to praise. I tend to be quite self-centered, always prioritizing my own interests first; I lack spontaneity, and I’m perpetually skeptical and distrustful—even though, paradoxically, I am constantly seeking validation and attention from others while simultaneously wanting everything handed to me on a silver platter. The worst part is the cycle of broken promises I make to myself; I swear I'll change, yet I fall right back into the same patterns. In essence, I am lying to myself. So, I suppose this is who I am, but I cannot bring myself to accept it until I undergo some sort of transformation.

Furthermore, my willpower is often non-existent. While I might be able to live with my laziness, I find myself caught in these exhausting mental loops—constantly arguing with myself about whether I am lazy or not—which creates a kind of indecisiveness that truly wears on my nerves. Not to mention my tendency toward being too easygoing or my emotional fragility. I even feel a sense of shame regarding my hobbies, as I view them as utterly useless to anyone else... and so on.

I may possess positive qualities, but I can't seem to claim them either. Every time I attempt to think something kind about myself, I immediately shut the thought down by countering it with "realistic" facts.

So, there it is: I simply cannot accept myself.

No.
I spend a good amount of my time daydreaming about being someone else entirely—someone more attractive, more successful, and happier. I’ve come to terms with my inner self, which I wouldn't change, but my outward persona hasn't changed because it hasn't brought much positivity to my life.

Justin Collins2 said:I struggle with self-acceptance—deeply.

It started with my sexuality; I spent years ignoring it, pretending it simply wasn't there—and now that I’ve finally faced the truth, the self-loathing has actually intensified. It was never the path I intended for myself, yet suddenly, I'm expected to just embrace it... and honestly, the judgment from the people around me certainly doesn't help my own internal battle.

Then, there is the matter of my personality—which, if I'm being honest, isn't much to praise. I tend to be quite self-centered, always prioritizing my own interests first; I lack spontaneity, and I’m perpetually skeptical and distrustful—even though, paradoxically, I am constantly seeking validation and attention from others while simultaneously wanting everything handed to me on a silver platter. The worst part is the cycle of broken promises I make to myself; I swear I'll change, yet I fall right back into the same patterns. In essence, I am lying to myself. So, I suppose this is who I am, but I cannot bring myself to accept it until I undergo some sort of transformation.

Furthermore, my willpower is often non-existent. While I might be able to live with my laziness, I find myself caught in these exhausting mental loops—constantly arguing with myself about whether I am lazy or not—which creates a kind of indecisiveness that truly wears on my nerves. Not to mention my tendency toward being too easygoing or my emotional fragility. I even feel a sense of shame regarding my hobbies, as I view them as utterly useless to anyone else... and so on.

I may possess positive qualities, but I can't seem to claim them either. Every time I attempt to think something kind about myself, I immediately shut the thought down by countering it with "realistic" facts.

So, there it is: I simply cannot accept myself.

Being self-critical enough to notice yourself... acceptance happens when you start breaking down those defense mechanisms...
Seeking approval versus confronting what you've accepted; that's the next level... accepting possibilities (or lack thereof)...
Viewing metamorphosis as a constant, ongoing thing... you can accept it if you see it as permanent... but there's always a ceiling...

ironrider11, you got a link with more info on this?

So, I just finished this book a therapist recommended—The Wounded Child and Me—written by a theologian and a psychologist working together. It adds a bit of a Christian spiritual angle, sure, but the main takeaway is that if we actually want to heal and feel whole, we have to ditch that childish obsession with being perfect. You know, that "if I'm not flawless, nobody will love me" mindset? We’ve gotta embrace both our light and dark sides. Once you face them, you can actually start growing in the right direction.
Honestly, as an intro to understanding how the psyche works and where all our masks come from? Not bad at all.

Terry Newman7 said:Before you jump in with your answers, just... think about this for a second—do you actually accept yourself, like, TOTALLY, just the way you are?

If you do—how did you actually pull that off?

If you don't—what’s the hold-up? What's stopping you?

Out of everyone I've ever worked with, I think I only had one coworker who truly accepted herself—or at least, that was the vibe she gave off. She wasn't some bombshell or someone constantly glued to a makeup mirror, but people just gravitated toward her—guys, girls, whoever—because she just "radiated" confidence. She was just a totally cool woman, really easy to get along with too.

I've been thinking about her for years. My best friend was actually the first one to point out how much she embraced herself, but I didn't even think about it at the time—I just knew she was awesome.

She accepted everyone else exactly as they were, including her husband, who—let's be real—had his fair share of wandering eyes. But she just knew it was nothing more than him being restless; it never caused any drama because she had much bigger things to worry about, and she knew deep down it didn't actually mean anything to him.

She accepted me, she accepted others, she accepted herself... we all just felt good when we were around her. She was magnetic.

It got me thinking—because personally, I don't accept myself, and honestly, I never have. I'm pretty sure it definitely stems from my childhood. Maybe her childhood was just... better?

Now that you've read this, take a beat and answer—do you fully accept yourself? And how does that actually show up in your life?

Yes, I accept myself completely. I am who I am, and frankly, I couldn't possibly be any better version of myself than I am at this very moment. That’s true despite my flaws, despite the specific struggles I deal with, and regardless of everything I’ve endured or the mental health battles I'm still fighting... this is me. One of a kind. And yes, I accept myself fully.

I grew up under parents with incredibly high expectations. Everything had to be flawless; I had to be the absolute best at everything I touched. I was expected to reach the highest levels of education, find a wonderful husband, have children... and eventually, I checked all those boxes. But now, at 37 years old, I finally realize that I have the right to make mistakes without tearing myself apart. I have the right to fail. I don't have to be some "super-woman," a perfect mother, daughter, or wife every single second of the day.
I have the right to give myself a hug when I mess up and offer myself some comfort instead of constant self-punishment.

I have the right to be exactly who I am. And I accept myself completely—perfectly imperfect, just as I am.

Jacob Long said:It’s not about loving the flaws—it’s about accepting the whole package. You embrace who you are right now, imperfections and all, because you don't need to be flawless to be worthy of love or just to feel enough.
Since you actually give a damn about yourself, you'll naturally work on the stuff that can be improved.
But things you can't change? Like if someone was born without a leg? You just accept that and love the person as they are.
We all love people despite their baggage, so why wouldn't we extend that same grace to ourselves?

And that is precisely the point.👍

I’m leaning all the way in—flaws, virtues, and everything in between. 🙂 Let’s be honest, we all carry that second side within us.

Drew Lee3 said:I’m leaning all the way in—flaws, virtues, and everything in between. 🙂 Let’s be honest, we all carry that second side within us.

Everyone has their strengths and their baggage. Some people just struggle to own their flaws, while others can't handle owning their wins.

Man... it’s such a roller coaster.
Some days I’m cool with myself, other days? Not so much. One minute I’m feeling pretty damn good about who I am, and the next, I just want to punch myself in the face.
Then there are those rare moments when I don't even give a damn about whether I like myself or not—that's honestly the best feeling. 🤣

I accept it. I wouldn't be standing here today if things had gone any other way.
I embrace my flaws too, and I'm fully aware of them. But there are certain traits—like my stubbornness and my pride—that I have no intention of changing. They are part of my DNA, regardless of how much people might complain about them.
It’s more than just self-acceptance, though. To be honest, I have a bit of an ego about it all. Growing up in a very traditional, conservative household, I still managed to break away and carve out my own path in life.😁

darkcanyon10 said:Man... it’s such a roller coaster.
Some days I’m cool with myself, other days? Not so much. One minute I’m feeling pretty damn good about who I am, and the next, I just want to punch myself in the face.
Then there are those rare moments when I don't even give a damn about whether I like myself or not—that's honestly the best feeling. 🤣

It’s like you’re describing me. 😂