How to live with scars?

Lately, I’ve been spiraling quite a bit over my scars. It’s becoming a massive weight on my shoulders, especially since I’m nearing graduation and constantly worrying about my future career and how my colleagues might perceive me. I didn't dwell on it this much before, but during a recent internship, I finally saw a glimpse of where I might actually end up working, and honestly, I felt such intense shame that I kept my arms covered in long sleeves just so no one would see. Since then, I haven't been able to stop wondering what people will think of me. My parents have definitely fueled this anxiety; they've warned me that it’ll be awkward and specifically mentioned that during job interviews—where there might even be a psychologist present—I should wear long sleeves to avoid any "problems." I feel terrible, and despite everyone claiming that physical appearance doesn't matter, we all know deep down that people notice everything.
To give you an idea, I have about 50 scars on my body from several years of self-harming. Thankfully, that chapter of my life is behind me, but the marks remain. The hardest part is that they're on my arms. They aren't all huge, and I don't have dozens scattered everywhere, but there are a few that are quite visible, not to mention if the inner part of my upper arms gets exposed. 👎 When I go to the beach, it isn't a big deal if I'm with friends who already know my history, but if I were with strangers, I’d feel absolutely mortified because once I'm in a swimsuit, everything is on display. I feel like I'll just look "crazy" or unstable because of them; my arms look like I've been through a war zone, especially in the sunlight when even the faintest lines become obvious. It’s a heavy feeling to carry. Not to mention, it just feeds right back into my social anxiety. 😢

I doubt anyone here can offer firsthand professional advice, but I figured I'd ask anyway. Does anyone have any perspective? What would you honestly think if a colleague walked in with scars like mine? I also find myself fearing the future—like when I eventually have children. I worry they'll be embarrassed by their mom, and I'll feel uncomfortable around other people. You can't change the past, but living with it isn't easy at all.

So, what would you think if someone showed up to an interview with scars on their face?
Would you just write them off immediately—think they’re unstable or just "off"? Would you give them those weird looks and assume the absolute worst?
Would you pull the plug on their shot at the job right then and there?
What would your move be? 🤷

I wouldn't jump to conclusions about anyone based on appearances alone; my primary concern would be whether they possess the necessary expertise and professional qualifications for the role.
That said, if I were selecting someone for a customer-facing position within a government agency, and I had two candidates with identical credentials, I would naturally lean toward the individual with a more conventional look—someone who doesn't, for instance, have heavy tattoos covering their entire arms or other highly unconventional features.

My PTSD diagnosis was eventually scaled back to maybe 15%.
Honestly, if we were hanging out, I’d probably spend more time trying to figure out if you're still unhinged than worrying about the scars themselves.
At the end of the day—you got your cutting done for free. What can you even say about those people dropping hundreds on piercings and tattoos? I don't see much difference there, except they're throwing away a mountain of cash while you at least managed to save some money.

If your head is in a good place right now, then you shouldn't give a damn what anyone else thinks. And if someone actually cares to ask, just tell them exactly what happened.

fadedranger2 said:Lately, I’ve been spiraling quite a bit over my scars. It’s becoming a massive weight on my shoulders, especially since I’m nearing graduation and constantly worrying about my future career and how my colleagues might perceive me. I didn't dwell on it this much before, but during a recent internship, I finally saw a glimpse of where I might actually end up working, and honestly, I felt such intense shame that I kept my arms covered in long sleeves just so no one would see. Since then, I haven't been able to stop wondering what people will think of me. My parents have definitely fueled this anxiety; they've warned me that it’ll be awkward and specifically mentioned that during job interviews—where there might even be a psychologist present—I should wear long sleeves to avoid any "problems." I feel terrible, and despite everyone claiming that physical appearance doesn't matter, we all know deep down that people notice everything.
To give you an idea, I have about 50 scars on my body from several years of self-harming. Thankfully, that chapter of my life is behind me, but the marks remain. The hardest part is that they're on my arms. They aren't all huge, and I don't have dozens scattered everywhere, but there are a few that are quite visible, not to mention if the inner part of my upper arms gets exposed. 👎 When I go to the beach, it isn't a big deal if I'm with friends who already know my history, but if I were with strangers, I’d feel absolutely mortified because once I'm in a swimsuit, everything is on display. I feel like I'll just look "crazy" or unstable because of them; my arms look like I've been through a war zone, especially in the sunlight when even the faintest lines become obvious. It’s a heavy feeling to carry. Not to mention, it just feeds right back into my social anxiety. 😢

I doubt anyone here can offer firsthand professional advice, but I figured I'd ask anyway. Does anyone have any perspective? What would you honestly think if a colleague walked in with scars like mine? I also find myself fearing the future—like when I eventually have children. I worry they'll be embarrassed by their mom, and I'll feel uncomfortable around other people. You can't change the past, but living with it isn't easy at all.

I mean, you wouldn't even judge based on that alone—so why on earth would you think anyone else would?
You’re making a wrong assumption here—you really think there aren't empathetic people out there? There are plenty who actually get that life and its messiness can push someone to a breaking point... right?

Quincy:

If I were the one hiring someone to deal with customers in a government office all day—and I had two people with the exact same credentials—I’d definitely go with the person who looks more conventional. Like, why pick someone with tattoos covering their entire arms or something that just stands out that much? Wouldn't you want someone a bit more low-key for that kind of role?

Scars aren't even that big of a deal compared to tattoos—I mean, people always jump to conclusions about tattoos being "eccentric," right? Scars... they just look like you've actually lived through something—an accident or an injury—you know?
I mean, come on—there are plenty of tattooed people working in government jobs anyway, especially if they just wear long sleeves... right?

Maybe start off wearing a long-sleeve shirt—I mean, nobody shows up to a job interview in a tank top anyway, right? Then, once you actually get to know them, you can show those scars and be real about your past. They’ll respect you for having the guts to be honest...
Once you prove yourself through pure quality—once you actually become indispensable—nobody’s gonna care about those old scars anymore, right? They won't even try to link your past baggage to the work you're doing... or the work you're capable of doing.

Man, I’m really sorry to hear that your parents are just bringing you down more—instead of actually being there to lift you up? That's rough.
But then you're gonna have to handle that all on your own—if you really want to go through with it?

Sarah Nguyen96 said:I went through the same thing; I ended up doing mine back in March. I’ve always wanted something intense, some kind of heavy ink, but I just couldn't find the right inspiration for what to put on my skin. I was actually in a pretty dark headspace that day when I did it, but looking back, I don't regret a single thing...
No one could ever design a better tattoo than this!! 🙂)
They run deeper and they'll be there forever, but so be it... Having such a pristine, untouched body felt far too monotonous, without any marks or scars to tell a story... 🙂
It was just me and a scalpel, also three... 😁

post👍

Gerald Jackson4 said:post👍

😁

Anyway, try using Vaseline. People say it actually works...

fadedranger2 said:I wouldn't jump to conclusions about anyone based on appearances alone; my primary concern would be whether they possess the necessary expertise and professional qualifications for the role.
That said, if I were selecting someone for a customer-facing position within a government agency, and I had two candidates with identical credentials, I would naturally lean toward the individual with a more conventional look—someone who doesn't, for instance, have heavy tattoos covering their entire arms or other highly unconventional features.

If it’s truly bothering you, then perhaps it is time to seek out some professional guidance: start with a dermatologist. They might actually have a viable solution. If that fails to yield results, you could consider plastic surgery. Don't fall for those flashy TV commercials for miracle creams; while certain topical treatments might offer some relief, shouldn't you consult a specialist first to avoid throwing your money down the drain? (As far as I understand, they can be effective on fresh scars... though one can never be entirely certain.)
To pursue plastic surgery through insurance, you can get a referral, but the process is tedious: you visit a primary care physician, who then refers you to a psychiatrist, who finally provides the necessary opinion stating that the procedure is essential because it’s hindering your ability to live a normal life.
Until then, there are always long sleeves. Who cares if you’re a little uncomfortable when it's 95 degrees out? Some people wear long sleeves in the middle of a scorching American summer simply because they are self-conscious about scars, have sensitive skin, or just prefer the style.
The deeper issue, however, is learning to accept your own history and refusing to let it become a source of self-condemnation so that you can move forward.
If you are doing okay now, then the past is behind you. If you aren't, then by all means, seek professional help.

I cut myself about two years ago. I’ve got a tiny scar left, but nothing too deep to leave a permanent mark.

But for about a month after that, I was covered in scratches and scabs. During that window, I went in for an interview at this hostel. On paper, I was perfect for the job, but the manager told me straight up that she doesn't hire people prone to violence. She probably saw the marks and jumped to her own conclusions.

I don't want to be mean, but most employers are just total jerks who overanalyze everything. 🤷

Honestly, I have a different issue. No one has said anything to my face yet, but I figure someone could easily mistake me for a junkie. I'm translucent—like, deathly pale—and my veins pop out like crazy whenever it gets hot or if I tense my arms. It looks terrible; I look like a straight-up crackhead.

Sarah Nguyen96 said:I did it too. I carved them out myself back in March. I’ve always wanted some intense tattoos, but I just couldn't find any inspiration for what to get. I was going through a depressive episode the day I did it, and honestly? No regrets.
No one could ever make a better tattoo than this!! 🙂)
They go deeper and they'll stay visible for the rest of my life, but whatever. Having a perfectly clean body without any scars or marks felt way too monotonous for me. 🙂
Just me using a scalpel, also 3 😁

Man, you kids are getting crazier by the day. 🤣

Come on, seriously, are you even sane? On a psychology forum filled with unstable people, you're sitting here talking all passionately about how you cut yourself and how great you feel now.

🤣

And with a scalpel, no less. 😲

If those scars are still relatively fresh, you might want to look into using some Vaseline.
I guess if you’re consistent with applying it, they end up being way less noticeable in the long run. Plus, you won't really deal with that hard, raised texture. It also probably helps lower the risk of getting any weird skin irregularities later on.

vividorca9 said:Man, you kids are getting crazier by the day. 🤣

Come on, seriously, are you even sane? On a psychology forum filled with unstable people, you're sitting here talking all passionately about how you cut yourself and how great you feel now.

🤣

And with a scalpel, no less. 😲

Yeah, I'm satisfied with them. I still remember when I cut myself; blood was getting everywhere and I could barely stop the bleeding. 😁😁😁😁😁

People are way too wrapped up in their own movies to notice anyone else's scars.

Maybe just shave it all off and go bald to distract everyone from those scars instead

goldencanyon6 said:People are way too wrapped up in their own movies to notice anyone else's scars.

Coming from you, that's just a pathetic, hollow sentiment devoid of any actual substance or motive.👍

Lawrence Bailey77 said:Coming from you, that's just a pathetic, hollow sentiment devoid of any actual substance or motive.👍

and yet, here you are, poking at people struggling with their psychology—people who might not even have the mental capacity
trenutno vidjeti neke stvar?

And let’s not forget those tasteless jokes, too

Larry Lewis said:and yet, here you are, poking at people struggling with their psychology—people who might not even have the mental capacity
trenutno vidjeti neke stvar?

🤣

Give it a rest... this forum practically raised him, 😬 so why don't you just leave him alone, 🙂 Lawrence Bailey77😁

Anthony Perez28 said:🤣

Give it a rest... this forum practically raised him, 😬 so why don't you just leave him alone, 🙂 Lawrence Bailey77😁

Intellect? Is that what we're calling it now? Are you reading? Are you actually thinking? Honestly, I feel like throwing myself off a bridge—though maybe I won't, because let's be real, things aren't always going my way...

Excuse me? 🤔