Just a random thought from a nobody

bluemason3 said:To be honest, this feels more like a psychology lecture than an actual PDF. Self-actualization depends entirely on which crowd you decide to hang out with. In this context:

- Buddhism/Advaita: Who is this "you" experiencing the problem? Where do these issues even originate? None of it—not your ego, nor the stuff happening to it—has any objective or lasting reality. Once you grasp the illusionary, transient nature of existence through a direct insight into reality, everything else just sorts itself out. If you don't have to make things difficult, don't.

- Devotional Religion: A higher power dictates and knows everything. Your best bet is to surrender and let go. Let it happen according to His will and grace. Whether it works out or not, we play by His rules.

- The Dark Path: Stop being a coward. Build yourself up, learn to look out for number one, and quit blaming everyone else for your own weaknesses. Make a fortune, maybe summon a demon in a black hoodie if you feel like it. Do whatever you want. Just make sure you're the one in control when it counts.

- Fluffy New Age Vibes: Calibrate your aura, read some mystical poem about love and wisdom, and pay someone to tell you how special you are. Basically, just get lost in the sauce.

That’s pretty much the long and short of it.

Sure, those are the broad strokes, but there’s plenty of life to live outside of religious doctrines and programmed paths. Christianity is a tricky one; they demand you give everything up with the promise of some Heaven in another place that nobody has ever actually returned from to talk about. What if you don't believe in an afterlife? Or what if it simply doesn't exist? Does any of it even matter then? And honestly, does it *really* matter if you're only doing good just to secure a spot in paradise? Because at that point, you're just manipulating yourself into creating a sense of purpose where none exists.

People need connection because, at the end of the day, we’re social animals. We give and we take whenever the mood strikes. You can't really judge who’s been more selfish or stingy, because even the tightwads are losers, or maybe Dickens was just messing with us regarding that miser who hated Christmas. Whether someone is cheap or generous usually just comes down to how they were raised. Some people are taught to be selfless from the time they can walk, while others are taught to be total narcissists. It's like how people say folks from certain regions are stingy while others are big spenders—it's often just a product of their upbringing. But that’s not the point; the point is self-actualization through giving. Man, even Mother Teresa probably wondered near the end of her life if there was any actual point to wiping the asses of the world's sickest patients, even if she did end up with all that fame and global applause. What kind of self-actualization is that? Christianity says she’s heading to a Heaven that might not exist, devotional religion would say she should have prayed or fasted more or listened closer to her guru, the Satanists would call her a fool, and the New Agers would say she should have focused on herself instead of wasting away for others. The only thing I see is that some of these selfless types burn out early, hitting a wall in their thirties or forties. So, from a pure survival standpoint, being selfless doesn't seem to pay off, but maybe, just maybe, it does from the perspective of self-actualization.

bluemason3 said:To be honest, this feels more like a psychology lecture than an actual PDF. Self-actualization depends entirely on which crowd you decide to hang out with. In this context:

- Buddhism/Advaita: Who is this "you" experiencing the problem? Where do these issues even originate? None of it—not your ego, nor the stuff happening to it—has any objective or lasting reality. Once you grasp the illusionary, transient nature of existence through a direct insight into reality, everything else just sorts itself out. If you don't have to make things difficult, don't.

- Devotional Religion: A higher power dictates and knows everything. Your best bet is to surrender and let go. Let it happen according to His will and grace. Whether it works out or not, we play by His rules.

- The Dark Path: Stop being a coward. Build yourself up, learn to look out for number one, and quit blaming everyone else for your own weaknesses. Make a fortune, maybe summon a demon in a black hoodie if you feel like it. Do whatever you want. Just make sure you're the one in control when it counts.

- Fluffy New Age Vibes: Calibrate your aura, read some mystical poem about love and wisdom, and pay someone to tell you how special you are. Basically, just get lost in the sauce.

That’s pretty much the long and short of it.

Well, buddy, that’s exactly where he runs into trouble. He can't find anyone who actually matters to him because whenever he meets someone who *could* be important, he approaches them with that attitude of yours: "No big deal, I can step up if I have to (but if I don't have to, I won't)."

...and so he just goes through the motions, consuming people and then showering them with gifts only as much as he can stomach, and only when it fits his own temporary little moment.

So, you with your marijuana-nirvana, and those self-absorbed, six-headed trolls (let's not even get into your equinox jam-making antics right now)—you guys aren't exactly producing much in the way of actual self-fulfillment.

He who leans toward emptiness finds his fulfillment in that emptiness.
He who leans toward fullness will be filled.

@ Mr. steelmarlin77, you're searching for fulfillment by looking at your own reflection in the people you've showered—and continue to shower—with attention.
...And hey, let them tell you how much they actually care about you. Don't pretend to be something you're not.

(I've always found it funny how the people who claim to be the most self-aware are usually the ones with the least amount of sincerity. It's always such a shock to them when there's nobody left to remind them of what they've actually achieved—which, let's face it, is usually quite a lot.)

@ Mr. steelmarlin77, why don't you try giving back to those people in your life, not for your own sake, but for the sake of God? That is, for the One who is in charge, for the end justifies the means, and in Him lies the realization of everything. 🙂

He is the giver of Truth to every single one of us—on our own time and on our own terms.

steelmarlin77 said:Sure, those are the broad strokes, but there’s plenty of life to live outside of religious doctrines and programmed paths. Christianity is a tricky one; they demand you give everything up with the promise of some Heaven in another place that nobody has ever actually returned from to talk about. What if you don't believe in an afterlife? Or what if it simply doesn't exist? Does any of it even matter then? And honestly, does it *really* matter if you're only doing good just to secure a spot in paradise? Because at that point, you're just manipulating yourself into creating a sense of purpose where none exists.

People need connection because, at the end of the day, we’re social animals. We give and we take whenever the mood strikes. You can't really judge who’s been more selfish or stingy, because even the tightwads are losers, or maybe Dickens was just messing with us regarding that miser who hated Christmas. Whether someone is cheap or generous usually just comes down to how they were raised. Some people are taught to be selfless from the time they can walk, while others are taught to be total narcissists. It's like how people say folks from certain regions are stingy while others are big spenders—it's often just a product of their upbringing. But that’s not the point; the point is self-actualization through giving. Man, even Mother Teresa probably wondered near the end of her life if there was any actual point to wiping the asses of the world's sickest patients, even if she did end up with all that fame and global applause. What kind of self-actualization is that? Christianity says she’s heading to a Heaven that might not exist, devotional religion would say she should have prayed or fasted more or listened closer to her guru, the Satanists would call her a fool, and the New Agers would say she should have focused on herself instead of wasting away for others. The only thing I see is that some of these selfless types burn out early, hitting a wall in their thirties or forties. So, from a pure survival standpoint, being selfless doesn't seem to pay off, but maybe, just maybe, it does from the perspective of self-actualization.

My apologies for my previous post regarding the jam and the way that joke landed. 🙂

On a serious note, I will leave you with just one or two sentences:
You reap what you sow.
What you plant is what you harvest.
In my view, selfishness isn't learned; it's innate (you have to look out for yourself to ensure the survival of your inner circle), so the struggle against nature is constant. Service, while learned, becomes a habit, and once you possess that habit, there is no reason to worry about it.
It is only when we stop expecting anything in return for our labor that we truly recognize our gifts. Stay positive. 🙂

I honestly don't know what "self-actualization" even means—is it just something people write about in books? From what I’ve seen and felt so far, everything is constantly in motion, and maybe that movement itself *is* the actualization (my own perspective shifts too, so there's no guarantee that tomorrow won't look completely different from today's lack of clarity). Everything is already unfolding, so it is essentially realizing itself... Some people give themselves to their children, some to friends, some to strangers, some to ideas, some to objects, some to themselves, and then there are those who just... well, they don't give anything at all, and they eventually just wither away. Like a seed that fails to sprout and loses its strength and vital essence. But even a seed that does sprout isn't guaranteed to have the creative power to grow into a mighty tree—maybe it just becomes a hardworking shrub providing shade, or in a best-case scenario, some fruit... A seed might start to grow, only to have a sudden frost freeze it out, much like my balcony plants did this winter. Not all of them died, but most did. Did they "self-actualize" if they grew just a little bit, but not enough to be considered successful in their botanical lives (not that it's my place to judge them... or anyone else, really)? Could they have done better, or was that the limit? Does Life itself know what it's doing within the seed? Maybe they just didn't have a good gardener—someone to nurture them and watch over them. Or perhaps the icy breath of Life in winter simply blew too hard, preventing the seedling from fully manifesting. Or maybe that's just how it is? The Seed of Life that doesn't sprout, the seedling frozen by Life's cold breath, and the tree that bears fruit and creates new Life. It's all just one life...

steelmarlin77 said:Sure, those are the broad strokes, but there’s plenty of life to live outside of religious doctrines and programmed paths. Christianity is a tricky one; they demand you give everything up with the promise of some Heaven in another place that nobody has ever actually returned from to talk about. What if you don't believe in an afterlife? Or what if it simply doesn't exist? Does any of it even matter then? And honestly, does it *really* matter if you're only doing good just to secure a spot in paradise? Because at that point, you're just manipulating yourself into creating a sense of purpose where none exists.

People need connection because, at the end of the day, we’re social animals. We give and we take whenever the mood strikes. You can't really judge who’s been more selfish or stingy, because even the tightwads are losers, or maybe Dickens was just messing with us regarding that miser who hated Christmas. Whether someone is cheap or generous usually just comes down to how they were raised. Some people are taught to be selfless from the time they can walk, while others are taught to be total narcissists. It's like how people say folks from certain regions are stingy while others are big spenders—it's often just a product of their upbringing. But that’s not the point; the point is self-actualization through giving. Man, even Mother Teresa probably wondered near the end of her life if there was any actual point to wiping the asses of the world's sickest patients, even if she did end up with all that fame and global applause. What kind of self-actualization is that? Christianity says she’s heading to a Heaven that might not exist, devotional religion would say she should have prayed or fasted more or listened closer to her guru, the Satanists would call her a fool, and the New Agers would say she should have focused on herself instead of wasting away for others. The only thing I see is that some of these selfless types burn out early, hitting a wall in their thirties or forties. So, from a pure survival standpoint, being selfless doesn't seem to pay off, but maybe, just maybe, it does from the perspective of self-actualization.

Look, sorry, but if Mother Teresa really did ask herself that, then everything she preached her whole life basically goes out the window... the entire image people built around her just falls apart. Because if your whole idea of self-fulfillment is helping and serving others, you can't go expecting anything in return, right? Not even a smile or a kind word... your sustenance should be the actual work you did for those people...

So honestly, if you aren't finding that inner spark through helping others, don't bother doing it at all. If that's not where you find your fuel, you won't find what you're looking for that way; you'd be better off looking somewhere else entirely...

It takes actual guts to pull that off. You don't need special bravery just to survive; when you're starving, necessity forces your hand, plain and simple. But acting with courage? That’s not required for basic survival, yet it's absolutely vital if you actually want to grow as a person. I think it really just boils down to that. Courage builds you up, while cowardice just tears you apart from the inside. Now, if I wanted to work directly for God, I guess He’d have to give me a call first, but honestly, it feels like God calls anyone who dares to act bravely, while turning His back on those cowards who just look the other way whenever evil shows up. God is courage, and Satan is nothing but cowardice. There was a time when giving to others was seen as a virtue, encouraged by the powers that be, and it didn't take much backbone to step up. But today? It feels like there’s some parts of this country where it’s practically illegal to feed a homeless person. If you do it, you end up in court—maybe you get slapped with a fine or even spend a month in jail just for feeding someone on the street. And the person who snitches on you? They’re considered a "loyal citizen," maybe even getting some reward for preventing a crime. Around here, it’s still okay if you help someone privately, though even that can get messy, but if you actually want to advocate for things like making sure all kids have food in school, better education, or universal healthcare without wanting to suck up to the wealthy elites or beg for a job... then suddenly you're labeled a socialist, a totalitarian, or responsible for things like the horrors of Jazovka or Rakov Creek. They'll say you're honoring some criminal dictator, and they'll try to throw you in a cell. Look, I don't care much for politics, but I'm not blind. Even the Church helped fuel this mess, though I suppose the new Pope Franjo realized he can't keep going like that or he'll lose his entire flock. You can't just have that top 1% of super-rich people showing up to church like it's the Middle Ages while everyone else is treated like a peasant.

Adam Ross6 said:Well, buddy, that’s exactly where he runs into trouble. He can't find anyone who actually matters to him because whenever he meets someone who *could* be important, he approaches them with that attitude of yours: "No big deal, I can step up if I have to (but if I don't have to, I won't)."

...and so he just goes through the motions, consuming people and then showering them with gifts only as much as he can stomach, and only when it fits his own temporary little moment.

So, you with your marijuana-nirvana, and those self-absorbed, six-headed trolls (let's not even get into your equinox jam-making antics right now)—you guys aren't exactly producing much in the way of actual self-fulfillment.

He who leans toward emptiness finds his fulfillment in that emptiness.
He who leans toward fullness will be filled.

@ Mr. steelmarlin77, you're searching for fulfillment by looking at your own reflection in the people you've showered—and continue to shower—with attention.
...And hey, let them tell you how much they actually care about you. Don't pretend to be something you're not.

(I've always found it funny how the people who claim to be the most self-aware are usually the ones with the least amount of sincerity. It's always such a shock to them when there's nobody left to remind them of what they've actually achieved—which, let's face it, is usually quite a lot.)

@ Mr. steelmarlin77, why don't you try giving back to those people in your life, not for your own sake, but for the sake of God? That is, for the One who is in charge, for the end justifies the means, and in Him lies the realization of everything. 🙂

He is the giver of Truth to every single one of us—on our own time and on our own terms.

I don't know what kind of theory you've cooked up here, but none of this makes any sense to me.

bluemason3 said:First, you take some wheat and mix it with energized water and Himalayan yeast to bake a loaf of bread right under the sun. Once that bread is ready, you place it at the center of a Mother Earth labyrinth, specifically carved out on an energy ley line. Then, you bring over an animal that matches your inner totem to eat it. That’s how you clear any karmic baggage tied to whatever intention was set during ejaculation.

Now I just need a cat to help me avoid self-sabotaging my life. 🙂

It sounds like you're totally messing with my friend, that labyrinth walker guy. He lives on raw food and drinks nothing but energized water. But get this—he refuses to undergo prostate surgery because, according to the statistics he follows, half of the men who have the procedure lose their ability to ejaculate entirely.
He’d honestly rather die of cancer than lose his "pumping" capability. Mind you, the man is 58 years old...😁

I mean, isn't self-actualization more about a state of being? Like, a feeling, an openness, or just a sense of being filled up from within? It’s that internal substance that settles a frantic, out-of-control mind. I don't think it's about trying to cram everything into some rigid system of theoretical definitions or forcing the concept into a specific box or shape. Honestly, if you look at everything an individual has gone through—all their assumptions, what they wanted, what they believed, what they did or didn't do given the circumstances of this tiny, fragile little life we're living—it’s pretty clear to everyone on a personal level anyway.

Self-actualization is a feeling. If we absolutely have to categorize it, then it’s an emotional category, not some set of criteria for what can or cannot be achieved. There’s nothing to compare it against. Sure, maybe you could measure it within a tiny micro-environment or a specific niche, but on a macro level? Not a chance.

What I'm getting at is that self-actualization is largely about perception. It’s defined by the boundaries of the framework you exist within, acting as a principle of what's even possible under certain conditions. A guy living in a remote tribe reaches self-actualization at one point; someone living in New York City hits it at another; a person navigating life without a leg finds it in their own way, and so on...

steelmarlin77 said:Do you ever feel like you actually made something of yourself in this life? Because, honestly, I haven't. I poured everything I had into it, really gave my all and handed out everything I could spare to the people around me—to everyone I actually cared about—but apparently, I’m just not important enough to even warrant a response to a post like this. Not that they’d even know I wrote it, anyway. If I had to kick the bucket today, I’m pretty sure all those people have someone else more vital, or way more significant, than me to worry about. They’d move on and forget me pretty damn fast, maybe some would take a little longer, but that’s basically the whole story.

Is that supposed to be enough? You know, for enlightenment, or self-discovery, or reaching the absolute peak of human achievement?
It has to be, because there isn't anything else left to grab onto.

That feeling? It’s temporary. You can crank up the intensity with your own thoughts, or you can try to dial it back and turn it into something else entirely.

Think of it like a fire where you get to choose what kind of fuel to throw on.
In this scenario, the emotion you're riding is the flame, and your thoughts are the fuel.

If you keep feeding the fire with thoughts that you're a complete loser and a failure, that fire is going to burn you alive. But if you remember what you've contributed to the world—what you want, what you dream about, what you're capable of—then that fire becomes warmth.

Just because you don't see the results of your hard work right now doesn't mean you've been throwing it all into the wind.

steelmarlin77 said:Do you ever feel like you actually made something of yourself in this life? Because, honestly, I haven't. I poured everything I had into it, really gave my all and handed out everything I could spare to the people around me—to everyone I actually cared about—but apparently, I’m just not important enough to even warrant a response to a post like this. Not that they’d even know I wrote it, anyway. If I had to kick the bucket today, I’m pretty sure all those people have someone else more vital, or way more significant, than me to worry about. They’d move on and forget me pretty damn fast, maybe some would take a little longer, but that’s basically the whole story.

Is that supposed to be enough? You know, for enlightenment, or self-discovery, or reaching the absolute peak of human achievement?
It has to be, because there isn't anything else left to grab onto.

No. But it’s a phase, and it's a necessary part of the system.
It passes.

It has to be, because there isn't anything else.

There is. You just can't see it right now because of the Dark Night of the Soul.
It passes.

steelmarlin77 said:Do you ever feel like you actually made something of yourself in this life? Because, honestly, I haven't. I poured everything I had into it, really gave my all and handed out everything I could spare to the people around me—to everyone I actually cared about—but apparently, I’m just not important enough to even warrant a response to a post like this. Not that they’d even know I wrote it, anyway. If I had to kick the bucket today, I’m pretty sure all those people have someone else more vital, or way more significant, than me to worry about. They’d move on and forget me pretty damn fast, maybe some would take a little longer, but that’s basically the whole story.

Is that supposed to be enough? You know, for enlightenment, or self-discovery, or reaching the absolute peak of human achievement?
It has to be, because there isn't anything else left to grab onto.

How did you land on the idea that this should be enough for enlightenment, self-knowledge, or the peak of self-actualization?

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure if I follow what you’re getting at here—are you unhappy because people don't seem to appreciate your generosity, or is it more that you haven't managed to build any deep connections with anyone?

Do you really think there's nothing higher than giving? After spending years working in non-profits, I’d have to disagree. Interaction is always a two-way street, or rather, there is no such thing as a free lunch...

steelmarlin77 said:Sure, those are the broad strokes, but there’s plenty of life to live outside of religious doctrines and programmed paths. Christianity is a tricky one; they demand you give everything up with the promise of some Heaven in another place that nobody has ever actually returned from to talk about. What if you don't believe in an afterlife? Or what if it simply doesn't exist? Does any of it even matter then? And honestly, does it *really* matter if you're only doing good just to secure a spot in paradise? Because at that point, you're just manipulating yourself into creating a sense of purpose where none exists.

People need connection because, at the end of the day, we’re social animals. We give and we take whenever the mood strikes. You can't really judge who’s been more selfish or stingy, because even the tightwads are losers, or maybe Dickens was just messing with us regarding that miser who hated Christmas. Whether someone is cheap or generous usually just comes down to how they were raised. Some people are taught to be selfless from the time they can walk, while others are taught to be total narcissists. It's like how people say folks from certain regions are stingy while others are big spenders—it's often just a product of their upbringing. But that’s not the point; the point is self-actualization through giving. Man, even Mother Teresa probably wondered near the end of her life if there was any actual point to wiping the asses of the world's sickest patients, even if she did end up with all that fame and global applause. What kind of self-actualization is that? Christianity says she’s heading to a Heaven that might not exist, devotional religion would say she should have prayed or fasted more or listened closer to her guru, the Satanists would call her a fool, and the New Agers would say she should have focused on herself instead of wasting away for others. The only thing I see is that some of these selfless types burn out early, hitting a wall in their thirties or forties. So, from a pure survival standpoint, being selfless doesn't seem to pay off, but maybe, just maybe, it does from the perspective of self-actualization.

From a New Age perspective, that’s also fine, since you’ve essentially integrated those people into your own experience. They’re just fragments of who you are.
😁

hollowpuma762 said:That feeling? It’s temporary. You can crank up the intensity with your own thoughts, or you can try to dial it back and turn it into something else entirely.

Think of it like a fire where you get to choose what kind of fuel to throw on.
In this scenario, the emotion you're riding is the flame, and your thoughts are the fuel.

If you keep feeding the fire with thoughts that you're a complete loser and a failure, that fire is going to burn you alive. But if you remember what you've contributed to the world—what you want, what you dream about, what you're capable of—then that fire becomes warmth.

Just because you don't see the results of your hard work right now doesn't mean you've been throwing it all into the wind.

No. But it’s a phase, and it's a necessary part of the system.
It passes.

It has to be, because there isn't anything else.

There is. You just can't see it right now because of the Dark Night of the Soul.
It passes.

Is that how it feels to you? It doesn't feel hopeless to me.
I think, if anything, you should start a thread over in psychology. If you even bother...

Scott Miller4 said:How did you land on the idea that this should be enough for enlightenment, self-knowledge, or the peak of self-actualization?

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure if I follow what you’re getting at here—are you unhappy because people don't seem to appreciate your generosity, or is it more that you haven't managed to build any deep connections with anyone?

Do you really think there's nothing higher than giving? After spending years working in non-profits, I’d have to disagree. Interaction is always a two-way street, or rather, there is no such thing as a free lunch...

From a New Age perspective, that’s also fine, since you’ve essentially integrated those people into your own experience. They’re just fragments of who you are.
😁

Is that how it feels to you? It doesn't feel hopeless to me.
I think, if anything, you should start a thread over in psychology. If you even bother...

With certain types of people, you don't even have to give much. There are folks out there who get absolutely nothing from anyone because they're outcasts, or coming out of mental wards, or prison, or just living in the gutter and struggling to survive. For those people, even the smallest gesture can be a massive deal, something that can spark a genuine, deep connection. And they actually know how to value it. But what happens if some of those people are already dead? Then that connection is gone forever. It’s funny how the thick-skinned types tend to climb the ladder to power more easily and usually end up with all the cash, but that's just the way the world turns. The more sensitive souls, the ones who actually bother to connect deeply, find it harder to grab hold of those things. They tend to live shorter lives or face a higher risk of getting sick and kicking the bucket. I won't go dragging specific names into this, but let's just say stress is a nasty beast—it wreaks havoc on the psyche and shows up everywhere, whether it's stomach ulcers, cancer, various blood disorders, or just endless psychological issues. That's why they say misery never travels alone. Having a real bond with those people means walking through double the suffering right alongside them. You end up carrying someone else's cross for part of the journey. And that cross is heavy for you too, especially when you're already lugging around your own. That’s how you really find out who your friends are when you're neck-deep in shit. The ones who stick around, those are your people. When things are going great, you can find "friends" as far as the eye can see.

Scott Miller4 said:How did you land on the idea that this should be enough for enlightenment, self-knowledge, or the peak of self-actualization?

I have to admit, I’m not entirely sure if I follow what you’re getting at here—are you unhappy because people don't seem to appreciate your generosity, or is it more that you haven't managed to build any deep connections with anyone?

Do you really think there's nothing higher than giving? After spending years working in non-profits, I’d have to disagree. Interaction is always a two-way street, or rather, there is no such thing as a free lunch...

From a New Age perspective, that’s also fine, since you’ve essentially integrated those people into your own experience. They’re just fragments of who you are.
😁

Is that how it feels to you? It doesn't feel hopeless to me.
I think, if anything, you should start a thread over in psychology. If you even bother...

I’m not a huge fan of looking at other human beings as just mere fragments of myself. For all I know, maybe I’m just a fragment of them, sitting here thinking I'm some uniquely special entity. Or maybe the truth is somewhere drifting in the middle.

I just wanted to give a massive shout-out to everyone who chimed in on this thread. Honestly, you guys are all pretty incredible, unique individuals and I love the whole lot of you—even the ones who stayed quiet. With this many brilliant, decent, and straight-shooting people hanging out here, we really ought to be building our own little Shangri-la right here on American soil, if it weren't for those few thousand crooks running the country. But hey, whatever, let’s just keep moving...

Ryan Wilson2 said:How old are you actually? Are we talking 60? Or maybe 70?

I'm holding steady, kind of like a Zen monk. 😁

Here’s a joke about it. Some kids are talking about their grandfathers, and one kid goes, "My grandpa is 50, and he can still crank out 50 push-ups." Another one pipes up, "Well, my great-grandpa is still out there chasing skirts." Then little Peter says, "My grandpa is 90, and he's getting married." Everyone just stares at him like he's crazy, and Peter adds, "He wouldn't even want to, but he totally messed up."

Alternative ending: he wouldn't even want to, but the old timers are forcing his hand....

Just gotta vibe with life.

Am I seeing things clearly enough to accept that I can't fight what's actually happening... because, well, it's real?

Or am I just living in some fantasy where life is supposed to follow my exact script?

Real life always sweeps away our fantasies since things obviously don't run on my terms.

The bigger the gap between how we think things should be and how they actually are, the more it hurts... because reality has a way of absolutely wrecking our house of cards—all those ideas about how life should flow or how people should act toward us.

Life is unstoppable in its daily grind, no matter how much we try to imagine it differently.

Every moment, life wakes us up and shows us it isn't what we thought it was.

The more stubborn we get with our illusions, the harder and more often reality hits us to snap us out of it.

Depression and feeling low suck, but honestly, they usually stem from those illusions we hold onto.

Life wakes us up in ways that hurt sometimes, but it's meant to bring us into alignment with it... so we can walk side-by-side instead of fighting against it because things didn't go our way.

Life gets way simpler when you just roll with it, kind of like how a mirror effortlessly reflects everything in front of it, letting the whole crazy, changing spectrum of life pass by without getting clouded or broken.

steelmarlin77 said:With certain types of people, you don't even have to give much. There are folks out there who get absolutely nothing from anyone because they're outcasts, or coming out of mental wards, or prison, or just living in the gutter and struggling to survive. For those people, even the smallest gesture can be a massive deal, something that can spark a genuine, deep connection. And they actually know how to value it. But what happens if some of those people are already dead? Then that connection is gone forever. It’s funny how the thick-skinned types tend to climb the ladder to power more easily and usually end up with all the cash, but that's just the way the world turns. The more sensitive souls, the ones who actually bother to connect deeply, find it harder to grab hold of those things. They tend to live shorter lives or face a higher risk of getting sick and kicking the bucket. I won't go dragging specific names into this, but let's just say stress is a nasty beast—it wreaks havoc on the psyche and shows up everywhere, whether it's stomach ulcers, cancer, various blood disorders, or just endless psychological issues. That's why they say misery never travels alone. Having a real bond with those people means walking through double the suffering right alongside them. You end up carrying someone else's cross for part of the journey. And that cross is heavy for you too, especially when you're already lugging around your own. That’s how you really find out who your friends are when you're neck-deep in shit. The ones who stick around, those are your people. When things are going great, you can find "friends" as far as the eye can see.

I’m not a huge fan of looking at other human beings as just mere fragments of myself. For all I know, maybe I’m just a fragment of them, sitting here thinking I'm some uniquely special entity. Or maybe the truth is somewhere drifting in the middle.

We’re all going to die eventually. That's just how it goes. But I guess that isn't really a reason to stop trying to connect with people, is it? 🙂

It’s kind of interesting how the thick-skinned types seem to slide into positions of power so much easier. They usually have the money to back it up, too, but it just is what it is. I guess more sensitive souls—the ones who actually bother to connect deeply with things—just don't tend to reach out and grab those opportunities quite as often.

Maybe it isn't even about who finds it easier or harder to climb the ladder to power. I guess people with more sensitive souls don't actually get much satisfaction from those kinds of positions, so they probably aren't even looking for them in the first place.

Sometimes you end up carrying someone else's burdens for a while. It’s heavy, I guess. And that cross feels just as weighted down even when you add your own struggles on top of it. That’s usually how you figure out who your real friends are—when everything is hitting the fan and things are genuinely falling apart. The ones who actually stick around? Those are your people. When life is going great, though, you can have a "friend" for every person in New York City. It's easy to be there when the sun is shining.

You really find out what someone is made of when things go sideways. That's just how it works. I guess you can't truly know a person until they're staring down a crisis.

William Roberts3 said:Just gotta vibe with life.

Am I seeing things clearly enough to accept that I can't fight what's actually happening... because, well, it's real?

Or am I just living in some fantasy where life is supposed to follow my exact script?

Real life always sweeps away our fantasies since things obviously don't run on my terms.

The bigger the gap between how we think things should be and how they actually are, the more it hurts... because reality has a way of absolutely wrecking our house of cards—all those ideas about how life should flow or how people should act toward us.

Life is unstoppable in its daily grind, no matter how much we try to imagine it differently.

Every moment, life wakes us up and shows us it isn't what we thought it was.

The more stubborn we get with our illusions, the harder and more often reality hits us to snap us out of it.

Depression and feeling low suck, but honestly, they usually stem from those illusions we hold onto.

Life wakes us up in ways that hurt sometimes, but it's meant to bring us into alignment with it... so we can walk side-by-side instead of fighting against it because things didn't go our way.

Life gets way simpler when you just roll with it, kind of like how a mirror effortlessly reflects everything in front of it, letting the whole crazy, changing spectrum of life pass by without getting clouded or broken.

That's all pretty abstract, though. But how do you handle a concrete mess? Like, say, you love two different people, but they absolutely loathe each other, and both of them are giving you an ultimatum: ditch the other one or lose me forever. I'm telling you, that's a real-world problem that can only be solved by triage. You have to pick who matters more and cut the other one loose, no matter how much it sucks. How would you handle that "shoulder to shoulder" thing with life in that scenario? You could also just do nothing, let them both dump you and tear each other apart, or just ditch both of them right now and go find a third option. It seems to me that for these kinds of inevitable, recurring headaches, you really need thick skin. And I see these thick-skinned types all over the place—people who delegate their problems, dodge their debts, act cold toward anyone in need, cause chaos, steal, climb the corporate ladder, and just thrive... Did life reward them with that thick skin because it just doesn't care about anyone else? In a specific case like that, do you think you should be a pacifist and let nature take its course, or should someone like that get a little "rubbed the wrong way" so their skin thins out and they actually start paying attention to others next time? I don't think it's always wrong to push back; if people acted with a bit more backbone, maybe we wouldn't run into these endless, unsolvable conflicts all the time. Because, truthfully, these impossible situations fuel the thick-skinned people, and those people, in turn, fuel the situations. It's a feedback loop.

I’d go a step further and say I’ve actually landed on the idea that anger isn't necessarily some kind of bad thing. Every religion out there tells you it is, though. In Christianity, they label "wrath" as a mortal sin, grouping it right up there with sloth, gluttony, and greed. In our society, we treat being angry like it's just as anti-social as being a parasite, being lazy, or being arrogant. But honestly, if you don't have a little rage in you, how are you supposed to change anything—not just to make things better, but to move forward at all? If you’re always perfectly fine with how things are, if you’re just perpetually indifferent, doesn't that sting in its own way? Isn't that also a kind of sin? You look at our icons, the ones people study in school, and they’re either writing sweet little poems like Dobriša Cesarić or they've turned into total fossils like Krleža, or they’re clinging to old-school traditional values like Mile budak. But you aren't going to find the ones who actually talk about fury or resistance. Instead, we get people focused on defeat and shame, like Kovačić with his "In the Registry." We’ve become a nation of spineless people—folks who have nothing but a spine meant for bending, lacking the actual brainpower to use that spine to steer ourselves toward something meaningful. I'm not preaching nihilism here, I'm just pointing out that sometimes you have to tear down what's rotten if you ever want to actually progress.

steelmarlin77 said:That's all pretty abstract, though. But how do you handle a concrete mess? Like, say, you love two different people, but they absolutely loathe each other, and both of them are giving you an ultimatum: ditch the other one or lose me forever. I'm telling you, that's a real-world problem that can only be solved by triage. You have to pick who matters more and cut the other one loose, no matter how much it sucks. How would you handle that "shoulder to shoulder" thing with life in that scenario? You could also just do nothing, let them both dump you and tear each other apart, or just ditch both of them right now and go find a third option. It seems to me that for these kinds of inevitable, recurring headaches, you really need thick skin. And I see these thick-skinned types all over the place—people who delegate their problems, dodge their debts, act cold toward anyone in need, cause chaos, steal, climb the corporate ladder, and just thrive... Did life reward them with that thick skin because it just doesn't care about anyone else? In a specific case like that, do you think you should be a pacifist and let nature take its course, or should someone like that get a little "rubbed the wrong way" so their skin thins out and they actually start paying attention to others next time? I don't think it's always wrong to push back; if people acted with a bit more backbone, maybe we wouldn't run into these endless, unsolvable conflicts all the time. Because, truthfully, these impossible situations fuel the thick-skinned people, and those people, in turn, fuel the situations. It's a feedback loop.

So, it sounds like your biggest headache is basically your mother and your lovely wife.😁

steelmarlin77 said:That's all pretty abstract, though. But how do you handle a concrete mess? Like, say, you love two different people, but they absolutely loathe each other, and both of them are giving you an ultimatum: ditch the other one or lose me forever. I'm telling you, that's a real-world problem that can only be solved by triage. You have to pick who matters more and cut the other one loose, no matter how much it sucks. How would you handle that "shoulder to shoulder" thing with life in that scenario? You could also just do nothing, let them both dump you and tear each other apart, or just ditch both of them right now and go find a third option. It seems to me that for these kinds of inevitable, recurring headaches, you really need thick skin. And I see these thick-skinned types all over the place—people who delegate their problems, dodge their debts, act cold toward anyone in need, cause chaos, steal, climb the corporate ladder, and just thrive... Did life reward them with that thick skin because it just doesn't care about anyone else? In a specific case like that, do you think you should be a pacifist and let nature take its course, or should someone like that get a little "rubbed the wrong way" so their skin thins out and they actually start paying attention to others next time? I don't think it's always wrong to push back; if people acted with a bit more backbone, maybe we wouldn't run into these endless, unsolvable conflicts all the time. Because, truthfully, these impossible situations fuel the thick-skinned people, and those people, in turn, fuel the situations. It's a feedback loop.

Those who set ultimatums, no matter how good they are, aren't truly looking out for you. It's especially brutal when it involves family, but if it's someone else, the logic remains. Remember, you were born alone and you will die alone, so prioritize being a friend to yourself first.

Injustice is a bitter pill. We live in a world where unfairness happens daily. You have two choices: fight every injustice you see (which is noble, but wastes energy on things likely beyond your control), or act within your own sphere of influence. We can't exactly solve the famine in sub-Saharan Africa, so focus on helping your own community.
The qualities you possess are not a curse; rather, you have a beautiful, learned trait. Imagine if there were 3.5 billion people like you—half the world population thinking this way would elevate humanity to a magnificent level. So, act according to what you've learned. If you want to look out for your own interests a little (though I believe everyone does, as we are only human), there is no shame in that. The more people like you exist, the more beautiful and just the world becomes. Remember, by changing ourselves, we change the world. And if you can't enjoy life a little, what was the point of it all?
Here is a bit of motivation for you.

http://www.ted.com/talks/matthieu_ri..._be_your_guide

Now, if the situation involves a woman or a mother, it becomes incredibly difficult. I suspect there are similar stories on this forum, so look there for perspective. On one hand, your mother gave you life, and on the other, a partner carries your legacy forward; eventually, you'll have to make a choice. Just remember, a mother's love is unconditional 😁, whereas for women, it's a bit more complicated 🙂.
Cheers to 🙂

Benjamin Taylor6 said:So, it sounds like your biggest headache is basically your mother and your lovely wife.😁

👍
You analyzed that quite well again. 🙂 Are you a surgeon by any chance? 😁