How to handle myself at work...

About two months ago, I started working at a juvenile detention center—it used to be a reform school—and I am struggling immensely with how to establish any kind of authority with the kids. It just isn’t clicking... I have this nagging sensation that I come across as dim-witted or just plain boring, and consequently, they have absolutely no respect for me. It seems like my colleagues don't deal with this level of defiance, though... They wander into my office whenever they please, and if I try to set a boundary—like telling them not to spit—they all decide to start spitting at once. They walk through parts of the facility where they clearly aren't allowed to be... We have two boys in our group who are particularly difficult.
I am also terrified to even approach my coworkers about this, because I feel like they can sense I wasn't cut out for this role, and I dread them judging my professional competence.
To be honest, I've always struggled with self-confidence, which naturally leads to insecurity and, ultimately, fear. I am also quite hypersensitive, and I tend to take everything personally... It feels as though the kids can smell that vulnerability on me, and they use it to push my buttons. They swear constantly and speak to me as if I were some helpless child.

Are there any workshops or programs out there designed to help build self-confidence and teach assertive communication? Does anyone have any advice to offer? Yesterday, after my shift ended, I spent two hours just sitting there crying... I recently signed my contract, and now I am seriously contemplating handing in my resignation.

The mere thought of having to go back to work next week makes me feel physically ill. It is truly awful... How can I manage to stay composed when one of them is threatening me, cursing at me, or telling me he's going to beat us all up once he gets out? He even slams his fist against the cabinets and the walls right in front of me...

Thank you...

If I were you, I’d reach out to my coworkers and just ask for some advice. They have more mileage under their belts than you do 🙂 and honestly, maybe these kids see that the veterans have your back, so they aren't being quite as aggressive.
There is absolutely no shame in asking for guidance. It beats running headfirst into a brick wall.

Look, I deal with people from Rome all the time—and I’m not trying to generalize everyone, because sure, some are absolute gems, but others can be straight-up feral—so I totally get why work feels like a total nightmare right now.
Some days, walking into the office feels like I’m heading toward the guillotine... 😢

Over time, I’ve just learned how to tune certain things out. Sometimes, when someone tries to provoke me or get a rise out of me, I just stay calm and turn the whole thing into a joke. It doesn't always work...
But let's be real: the second they sense weakness, they'll try to screw you over even harder.

Go talk to your colleagues. They were once in your shoes.
Hang in there! 🙂

I haven't personally dealt with a situation quite like this, but I can offer some general perspective. It really all comes down to your own self-perception; they’re just going to mirror whatever you project and exploit any cracks in your confidence. Once you start truly valuing yourself, you'll find you have the clarity to react appropriately. You also need to establish authority—make sure they understand that you’re the one with the experience and that without your guidance, they’re essentially lost. Fear is a powerful motivator, and if you have to be blunt or use a bit of biting sarcasm to show them what's actually coming for them in life, then do it. Don't give them the satisfaction of seeing how much you care, either; don't let them see that their behavior affects you. When they realize you're just ignoring them and staying wrapped up in your own world, they'll start paying attention. It's a bit like those old-school trainers back in Sapientia who used to handle unruly dogs. If you're dealing with teenagers specifically, though, I'd suggest a more level approach—treat them more like peers and leverage that innate teenage desire to fit in with the crowd.

So, I was actually venting about this to a buddy of mine yesterday—she’s babysitting right now—and she told me she ran into the exact same headache you're dealing with. Her strategy? She just stopped fighting the current. She started chilling out, keeping them entertained, and basically leading by example instead of barking orders. It’s wild, but once she shifted gears, they actually started vibing with her and following her lead.

I'm with Nicholas Gonzalez8 on this one—leadership matters. You can't just drift through; you have to become the person who actually dictates the pace of the game. Once they see that you’ve got a real vision and a plan in place, they’ll start following your lead...

Hey everyone, I was wondering if there are any other people here who work in juvenile detention or residential youth facilities? I’ve been called in for an interview for a counselor position at one of these centers, and while I am fully qualified as a teacher, they seem to be prioritizing psychologists and social workers for the role. It’s quite a trek for me to travel all the way across the country for a job that I might not even land, though on the flip side, there aren't many applicants for the three open spots they're looking to fill. To be honest, the director really intimidated me during our initial talk; her questions were pretty intense, and now I’m second-guessing whether I’d actually be a good fit for this kind of environment. That's why I'm reaching out—I’d love to hear from anyone who has worked in a similar setting or is currently in the field. I've heard stories about people walking away from the job almost immediately after seeing how things actually run on the ground, so any insight or firsthand experience you could share would be incredibly helpful.