Does your past ever haunt you?

Zablua: The past doesn't follow us. We follow it.
It’s worth remembering: whatever we did back then, we did the best we could given our perspective and options at that exact moment. Or, more simply, we acted on what we believed was the most effective way to get what we thought we needed right then.
So, it isn't an error. There is no such thing as an error in isolation.
The only reason guilt exists is because your current consciousness is clashing with how you perceived that action at the time. Of course you feel "guilty"; or more accurately, it’s only natural that you "realize" the weight of that past action... but there's no need for actual guilt.

The purpose of guilt isn't to punish. The purpose of guilt is to teach us how to forgive ourselves. At the time, we simply didn't know better. If we had, we wouldn't have done it. Right?

crimsonfox26 said:Give yourself a break.

Yes, and honestly, that’s easier said than done. But once you finally manage to grant yourself that forgiveness and decide to move forward with your life... that's really all there is to it. 🙂

crimsonfox26 said:Give yourself a break.

Now, where on earth am I supposed to find that button? 🤷

We all carry a history of actions that have shaped who we are in this moment and who we will become...
If those events had never occurred, would we truly be the same people today?
I find it difficult to believe in mere coincidence...
There have been many times when I felt forced to choose between two lesser evils—though I cannot say for certain if I made the right choice.

Perhaps one must endure certain hardships to gain the wisdom necessary to recognize patterns in the future...
Life isn't entirely bleak, even if certain struggles feel as though they might erode one's very soul...
There are moments of profound darkness that seem to linger far too long...
But then, I remind myself...
There is a purpose behind it all...
What is there to learn? Perhaps simply how to avoid making the same mistakes again.🙄

Those nasty memories from when I was going through my psychosis just won't leave me alone.
I can’t shake this feeling that I wasn't just "off"—I genuinely believed my version of reality was the only one that made sense. It felt right.
Everyone keeps trying to ground me, telling me it was all just a symptom and there’s nothing to be afraid of. I know they’re right, I really do, but still... it takes a while to actually believe that yourself.
Until then, I've got other voices trying to convince me otherwise 😁 🤣

Lawrence Bailey77 said:well, if we were to 😁

then I suppose one should apply that logic to everyone else equally... wouldn't that be fair? 😵

It actually strikes me as perhaps the finest piece of advice or life philosophy one could encounter... though I'm likely just being self-deprecating here.. 🕺

Respect to Jim T. 👍

I recall a rather profound perspective shared by a young woman I spoke with once—it was only for about two hours, mind you—but her insight was immensely helpful during that particular stretch of my life. I suppose I owe her a debt of gratitude.

After listening to me ramble for a bit, she offered something that, while not directly addressing my specific circumstances, resonated on a much deeper level. I won't linger on the details, though..

"Looking backward brings nothing but guilt" (regret and all that nonsense)
"Looking forward brings only fear" (that creeping anxiety, doubt, and wondering what might happen next)
"Stay in the present" .. being fully aware of who and where you are.. right now.

Those were her words, though this is merely my own interpretation after roughly fifteen years of reflecting on them. Still, I believe it's worth passing along.

Cheers.👍

🙂
I really like how she explained things.

Andrew Price3 said:Zablua: The past doesn't follow us. We follow it.
It’s worth remembering: whatever we did back then, we did the best we could given our perspective and options at that exact moment. Or, more simply, we acted on what we believed was the most effective way to get what we thought we needed right then.
So, it isn't an error. There is no such thing as an error in isolation.
The only reason guilt exists is because your current consciousness is clashing with how you perceived that action at the time. Of course you feel "guilty"; or more accurately, it’s only natural that you "realize" the weight of that past action... but there's no need for actual guilt.

The purpose of guilt isn't to punish. The purpose of guilt is to teach us how to forgive ourselves. At the time, we simply didn't know better. If we had, we wouldn't have done it. Right?

👏

Ronald Jones said:Yes, and honestly, that’s easier said than done. But once you finally manage to grant yourself that forgiveness and decide to move forward with your life... that's really all there is to it. 🙂

It's tough if we don't make a firm decision to do it. We stubbornly cling to what happened. For what reason?
😁Are we actually terrified of that liberating realization—the weight of taking full responsibility when you finally have freedom without anything left to cling to?

Here are a few things to chew on: 😁

David Green11 said:Now, where on earth am I supposed to find that button? 🤷

In your own consciousness.
Just decide that it doesn't matter to you anymore.

I feel like I’m turning into some sort of preacher here. 😲

🤣

neonsailor26 said:Do your past mistakes ever come back to haunt you?
Do you find yourself looking back with regret over them?
I’ve certainly made my fair share—some minor slip-ups, and others that were quite significant...
And yes, I do regret them, but it feels as though they’re still lingering right there beside me—almost like some kind of curse, heaven forbid 😢 .
How about you all? How do you deal with those old shadows?

They’ve been following me my entire life, honestly. But if I’m being real, those stumbles taught me more than anything else, and I do my absolute best to ensure I don't trip over the same stone twice. Those errors—they shaped me into the person I am today, though... well, that doesn't mean I don't wish I could have avoided them altogether. It isn't just about my own skin, either; so many of those choices ended up affecting the people closest to me, too. That’s where the real regret hits home. But there’s no turning back the clock. All you can do is keep moving forward, hopefully a little wiser and a lot more careful than before.

silentridge said:They’ve been following me my entire life, honestly. But if I’m being real, those stumbles taught me more than anything else, and I do my absolute best to ensure I don't trip over the same stone twice. Those errors—they shaped me into the person I am today, though... well, that doesn't mean I don't wish I could have avoided them altogether. It isn't just about my own skin, either; so many of those choices ended up affecting the people closest to me, too. That’s where the real regret hits home. But there’s no turning back the clock. All you can do is keep moving forward, hopefully a little wiser and a lot more careful than before.

I agree. Though, I also think those people close to us ended up "profiting" on a spiritual level in their own way. Most of us learn best through direct experience, but we pick things up just by being in the orbit of others—close enough to feel it, but far enough to observe.

I’ve been sitting here wondering if there’s actually a meaningful distinction between remorse and guilt.

My own take? I get the sense that remorse is that internal ache—that genuine regret for something WE actually did. Guilt, on the other hand, feels like it could be something external, a weight shoved onto you by someone else.

Or am I just overthinking it? Are they essentially two sides of the same coin?

What’s your perspective on this?

To me, regret is about the things I failed to do, whereas guilt is about the mistakes I actually made that ended up hurting someone else.

When it comes to being an adult—honestly, I rarely find myself looking back with regret over my actions. It’s quite simple, really: I don't tend to do things that I know I can't live with.

As for guilt? Well, that creeps in occasionally, though usually only because someone else manages to force it upon me, often over the most trivial nonsense. I have to admit, I'm a bit too susceptible to emotional blackmail and manipulation, which is something I still need to work on. But when it comes to my own core decisions? No, I don't do regret. What's done is done.

Daniel Booth9 said:We all carry a history of actions that have shaped who we are in this moment and who we will become...
If those events had never occurred, would we truly be the same people today?
I find it difficult to believe in mere coincidence...
There have been many times when I felt forced to choose between two lesser evils—though I cannot say for certain if I made the right choice.

Perhaps one must endure certain hardships to gain the wisdom necessary to recognize patterns in the future...
Life isn't entirely bleak, even if certain struggles feel as though they might erode one's very soul...
There are moments of profound darkness that seem to linger far too long...
But then, I remind myself...
There is a purpose behind it all...
What is there to learn? Perhaps simply how to avoid making the same mistakes again.🙄

I'm with you there, and I'd just add that behind every concession, there's usually a decent enough reason why we do what we do—one that doesn't always need a massive deep dive. Sometimes we just pick the path that feels slightly more bearable in the moment, even if it isn't necessarily the "right" one. It's just part of being human—the second-guessing, the uncertainty, the hard calls, and the fallout. Sometimes you just have to focus on staying true to yourself, which doesn't always mean you made the perfect choice. I think the real test of maturity comes afterward... seeing how much good we can actually pull out of a mistake...
Anyway, I'm just glad to hear you're doing alright🙂.

Hey everyone. I honestly don't even know where to start—if I actually tried to lay it all out, I’d end up writing a book, and frankly, I wouldn't even know how to finish it... It feels a little embarrassing to even be posting this on a forum like this, to be honest.
I feel like I am the past, the present, and the future all at once. I’m the dream behind all those little smiley faces on the right side of the screen. Maybe I’ll come back here, maybe I won't. I see everything happening around me—or maybe I’m just dreaming, though it doesn't feel like a dream. All I know is that my faith in God keeps me grounded, along with the incredible support from so many people. I have this deep sense of what is right and what is wrong (and who is actually in charge), and my conscience is incredibly sharp, even about the smallest things. It has to be something beyond the natural world, you know? .................................................. .................................................. .................it goes on like that...

Could you maybe break this down a bit more clearly? Honestly, I’m having a really hard time following what you’re actually trying to say here—it's all a bit of a muddle. Feel free to just shoot me a DM if that's easier.

Andrew Price3 said:Zablua: The past doesn't follow us. We follow it.
It’s worth remembering: whatever we did back then, we did the best we could given our perspective and options at that exact moment. Or, more simply, we acted on what we believed was the most effective way to get what we thought we needed right then.
So, it isn't an error. There is no such thing as an error in isolation.
The only reason guilt exists is because your current consciousness is clashing with how you perceived that action at the time. Of course you feel "guilty"; or more accurately, it’s only natural that you "realize" the weight of that past action... but there's no need for actual guilt.

The purpose of guilt isn't to punish. The purpose of guilt is to teach us how to forgive ourselves. At the time, we simply didn't know better. If we had, we wouldn't have done it. Right?

👍
Exactly. I’d also add that since we can't change the past, there's zero point in dwelling on it just to beat ourselves up. If we actually practice some self-love and acceptance, we'll realize we made a wrong call based on the best intentions we had at the time. We did what we did because we didn't know any better or couldn't see any other way. You can look at people who have wronged you the same way—they probably just did the best they could with the tools they had in that moment.

I think it’s super important to look back at our slip-ups with a clear head, mostly so we can learn about ourselves and others and avoid hitting the same potholes down the road. But there shouldn't be room for hatred or guilt in that process. Those two feelings just eat away at your soul and poison your mind; they don't do anyone any favors. We have to forgive ourselves and others. It's tough when the stakes are high, but if you think about it logically, if we've already been hurt by those mistakes once, why keep torturing ourselves with guilt and resentment? That pain has already done its damage, so we should just stop the bleeding and try to focus on what's ahead.

Indeed. Certain memories have begun to take on a life of their own—much like ghosts. And unlike many other specters I have encountered during my lengthy tenure here, which suggests they have achieved some form of immortality, these hauntings imply something even more unsettling: that forgiveness and forgetting are nothing more than convenient fictions.

neonsailor26 said:Do your past mistakes ever come back to haunt you?
Do you find yourself looking back with regret over them?
I’ve certainly made my fair share—some minor slip-ups, and others that were quite significant...
And yes, I do regret them, but it feels as though they’re still lingering right there beside me—almost like some kind of curse, heaven forbid 😢 .
How about you all? How do you deal with those old shadows?

I speak with absolute sincerity. Even now, those moments from when I was between ten and twenty years old seem to chase me out of nowhere. And yet, here I am, nearly forty-one.

I never really looked at them as mistakes 😵 I just didn't know any better, and honestly, there were some things I just wasn't interested in doing any differently.

wiredangler71 said:I never really looked at them as mistakes 😵 I just didn't know any better, and honestly, there were some things I just wasn't interested in doing any differently.

That’s pretty much spot on. 👍

Sometimes you just can't act any other way. That was just the reality of the situation back then. For whatever reason, we made certain calls—even if we knew deep down they were bad decisions at the time.

There is zero point in dwelling on the past and over-analyzing everything. A "mistake" is nothing more than a label we slap on things when we look back from the present. If we start dissecting everything like that, we're just spinning our wheels in a loop we'll never escape.

I still carry this weight—this lingering regret over leaving America because of that fever dream of a vision I had. In the end, I barely made it back in one piece. While I was abroad, I experienced some truly incredible highs, but they were all overshadowed by the fact that I returned home completely broken, utterly unable to even finish my freshman year of college. That burden still hangs over me today, though I am slowly, painstakingly, trying to let go of those struggles and find a way to move forward.