Does your past ever haunt you?

You’ve got a point there; it would be pretty awkward considering she’s engaged. Besides, she probably already let it go—she knows you're a decent person. At the end of the day, you really only see how much someone actually cared once the story is over. It’s a shame we usually don't realize someone's true value until everything is already finished.

Shout out to Rosenkreuz and Nicholas Gonzalez8 for those insights... honestly, I’m kind of at a loss for words right now. Nothing good is actually happening, and I really don't want to just sit here and vent for the sake of it, so...

Feel free to let it all out whenever you feel the urge—whether you've got something great to share or just need to vent about something that's driving you crazy. That’s honestly the whole point of this forum, right? It's a space for us to actually speak our minds and connect 😉

fadedcobra72 said:Shout out to Rosenkreuz and Nicholas Gonzalez8 for those insights... honestly, I’m kind of at a loss for words right now. Nothing good is actually happening, and I really don't want to just sit here and vent for the sake of it, so...

They really hit the nail on the head, especially Rosenkreuz.
Man, you’re the hero here, not some loser—you’ve gotta pull yourself together.
The truth is, our society has its values totally upside down; people only seem to care about selfish, greedy moves. That’s probably why you’re looking back at an ex who was just a materialistic person with questionable morals instead of valuing women who would actually see your actions as heroic. But look, the issue starts with you—you're projecting your own self-doubt onto everyone else, rather than realizing you're the one being too hard on yourself.
Now, when it comes to cheating, both sides usually share the blame—either the spark is gone or problems were swept under the rug until someone with weaker principles finally gave in. You just have to take it as a tough life lesson. She’s clearly the kind of person you wouldn't want in your life long-term, because you already know she’d only ever value your status or your bank account, not who you are as a human being. The first step is accepting who you are, stop measuring yourself against the broken standards of this messed-up world, and quit casting pearls before swine. Just learn how much to give to people, and seriously, in the future, don't risk your career trying to fix things that are fundamentally broken—nobody is going to thank you for it.

I truly believe if you stay persistent, you can land a great job out there. I know you can be successful and absolutely crush it in your career, and once you find that footing, your health will likely follow suit—as long as you stick to a decent diet and get some exercise in. You just need to get moving instead of mourning people who aren't even on your level or complaining about a social system that's rotten to the core. Good luck.

My past is always following me around... I made so many mistakes back then, mostly because I was paralyzed by fear, surrounded by the wrong crowd, and just didn't value myself nearly enough. But things have shifted, and I’ve completely overhauled my priorities, cutting out a huge chunk of people who were nothing but takers in my life. I have to admit, looking back from where I stand now, there's a bit of bitterness creeping in when I see how some people—even the truly toxic ones—can be so slippery and manipulative, only to completely forget you exist the second you aren't useful to them anymore. So, I just ignore those types entirely now; honestly, my life feels so much lighter and cleaner without all that noise... I still find myself dwelling on my old blunders sometimes, wishing I could go back and tell my younger self to be a little wiser and carry a much stronger sense of self...

My past follows me everywhere, but I’m not bitter about it. Somehow, I manage to process everything and even find a bit of purpose in the wreckage.

I take a certain pride in the fact that life's attempts to tear me down haven't turned me into a cynical person; to me, that’s the ultimate defeat—when the bad stuff manages to eclipse the good.

There are certain people I still grieve for, and it weighs on me because I know I had a negative impact on them. I lost them forever, or at least the versions of them that existed before I entered the picture. I think I tend to overstate my influence, acting as if I played a massive role in shaping who they became, but part of me feels like I should have stepped in to save them from themselves. Then again, I’ve had to accept that I am not a savior.

Ultimately, I am satisfied with the perspective I've gained through my experiences, even if I wouldn't wish them on my own children. This journey has given me a sense of depth and breadth that most people simply lack, and I don't say that to be arrogant or condescending—it's just an observation. As they say, you can't understand hunger unless you've actually gone without.

crimsonfox26 said:Give yourself a break.

Just wanted to tweak things a bit...

My past is knocking on my door again... it disappears for a few days, then it hits me, and every time it gets harder. Today I’m scrolling through job postings and I see this guy—a former colleague of mine, one of those guys I called out for his criminal bullshit in previous posts—sitting pretty in some manager role at a company that was actually looking for my specific skillset. It doesn't even matter that he’s never stepped foot inside a factory in his life, but what really burns me up is that this employer promised *me* the gig, then just went ghost. I tried reaching out, nothing. He doesn't even meet the legal requirements for the position, but apparently, rules don't apply to him. He just steamrolls over everyone, his whole life, and somehow keeps climbing. The guy is full of himself—it's nauseating—and clearly, sucking up to the right people works wonders.

And I obviously "blew it" because after the employer contacted me and told me to start packing my bags for the move, they either suddenly realized I had too much integrity or this guy had some political connections... even a contact told me recently, "Yeah, we know your type, we're going with someone else."

Can you imagine if I hadn't figured this out? If I'd actually applied to that jerk! He's probably enjoying watching me struggle, and if I had applied, it would look like I was begging him for a job. I’d rather drop dead than work under or with that loser ever again!

Every time I think I've finally moved past all this... nope. I can't. I'm too sensitive to it. It won't let go... I just can't get away from it anymore. I'm bitter, and honestly, there are moments where I feel like doing something drastic—to myself or anyone else. I actually get those people who show up at federal buildings threatening to blow themselves or others up... I used to not understand them, thinking violence solves nothing... I still don't think it does, but I get how people snap when they hit their limit.

Being home is a total nightmare; I'm stuck caring for elderly relatives and I am so done with it. Instead of getting any thanks, I just get told I'm useless and that everyone else is working hard... even my sister moved away just to escape this mess, found some absolute bottom-feeder of a guy (he's a disaster, but she chose him just to get out of here).

I'm looking for work anywhere outside this part of the States, anywhere outside the US, anywhere outside of Europe... I'm losing my mind!!!!

I stopped taking antidepressants because they weren't doing anything, and I'd already cycled through enough of them. And of course, just like I thought—I feel even worse without them.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just down every pill I have left in the cabinet and wash it down with whiskey or whatever the hell! If I knew it would actually work, I wouldn't hesitate. But no, I also need everyone to know that I failed... just a worthless, unsuccessful piece of trash! As if people aren't constantly telling me, "Why didn't you just kiss more ass? You're complaining now, but you didn't play the game."

P.S. Let's be clear—I'm not saying everyone who succeeds got there by being a suck-up. Not at all. I know plenty of people who earned everything through hard work. It just eats at me that I wasn't one of them, while these "kiss-ass" types sailed right through.

fadedcobra72 said:My past is knocking on my door again... it disappears for a few days, then it hits me, and every time it gets harder. Today I’m scrolling through job postings and I see this guy—a former colleague of mine, one of those guys I called out for his criminal bullshit in previous posts—sitting pretty in some manager role at a company that was actually looking for my specific skillset. It doesn't even matter that he’s never stepped foot inside a factory in his life, but what really burns me up is that this employer promised *me* the gig, then just went ghost. I tried reaching out, nothing. He doesn't even meet the legal requirements for the position, but apparently, rules don't apply to him. He just steamrolls over everyone, his whole life, and somehow keeps climbing. The guy is full of himself—it's nauseating—and clearly, sucking up to the right people works wonders.

And I obviously "blew it" because after the employer contacted me and told me to start packing my bags for the move, they either suddenly realized I had too much integrity or this guy had some political connections... even a contact told me recently, "Yeah, we know your type, we're going with someone else."

Can you imagine if I hadn't figured this out? If I'd actually applied to that jerk! He's probably enjoying watching me struggle, and if I had applied, it would look like I was begging him for a job. I’d rather drop dead than work under or with that loser ever again!

Every time I think I've finally moved past all this... nope. I can't. I'm too sensitive to it. It won't let go... I just can't get away from it anymore. I'm bitter, and honestly, there are moments where I feel like doing something drastic—to myself or anyone else. I actually get those people who show up at federal buildings threatening to blow themselves or others up... I used to not understand them, thinking violence solves nothing... I still don't think it does, but I get how people snap when they hit their limit.

Being home is a total nightmare; I'm stuck caring for elderly relatives and I am so done with it. Instead of getting any thanks, I just get told I'm useless and that everyone else is working hard... even my sister moved away just to escape this mess, found some absolute bottom-feeder of a guy (he's a disaster, but she chose him just to get out of here).

I'm looking for work anywhere outside this part of the States, anywhere outside the US, anywhere outside of Europe... I'm losing my mind!!!!

I stopped taking antidepressants because they weren't doing anything, and I'd already cycled through enough of them. And of course, just like I thought—I feel even worse without them.

Sometimes I wonder if I should just down every pill I have left in the cabinet and wash it down with whiskey or whatever the hell! If I knew it would actually work, I wouldn't hesitate. But no, I also need everyone to know that I failed... just a worthless, unsuccessful piece of trash! As if people aren't constantly telling me, "Why didn't you just kiss more ass? You're complaining now, but you didn't play the game."

P.S. Let's be clear—I'm not saying everyone who succeeds got there by being a suck-up. Not at all. I know plenty of people who earned everything through hard work. It just eats at me that I wasn't one of them, while these "kiss-ass" types sailed right through.

The absolute most vital thing here is making sure you walk away from this wreckage with some hard-won wisdom. You might feel like you're losing the battle right now, but there is absolutely no reason to surrender; a war can still be won in the end. 😉 And I’m not talking about those slimy former colleagues of yours who seem to be climbing the corporate ladder at your expense, but rather the grander trajectory of your entire life. In my own experience, some of the most devastating setbacks I've endured actually turned out to be massive turning points that paved the way for something far superior. It just takes a little bit of distance and time to look back and see how those chaotic moments were actually building blocks for a better future.
On another note, looking back through the lens of what you know now, would you take the exact same path regarding exposing that corporate fraud at the firm?

David Green11 said:The absolute most vital thing here is making sure you walk away from this wreckage with some hard-won wisdom. You might feel like you're losing the battle right now, but there is absolutely no reason to surrender; a war can still be won in the end. 😉 And I’m not talking about those slimy former colleagues of yours who seem to be climbing the corporate ladder at your expense, but rather the grander trajectory of your entire life. In my own experience, some of the most devastating setbacks I've endured actually turned out to be massive turning points that paved the way for something far superior. It just takes a little bit of distance and time to look back and see how those chaotic moments were actually building blocks for a better future.
On another note, looking back through the lens of what you know now, would you take the exact same path regarding exposing that corporate fraud at the firm?

Nah, I wouldn't. And honestly? It kills me that I wouldn't! Because it means I was just your typical spineless American loser—someone who just complains and whines without ever actually doing anything about it.

But... there's a "but." I think guys like that wouldn't even hire me anymore. I've overhauled my resume and changed how I approach the job hunt, and I'm pretty damn sure those shady types won't touch me—or at least they won't try to drag me into their bullshit because they'll know I won't play along. Maybe that's why I haven't landed an employer yet 🤣 — I don't even know where I get the energy to laugh at myself.

Feeling a little better today, I guess...

fadedcobra72 said:Nah, I wouldn't. And honestly? It kills me that I wouldn't! Because it means I was just your typical spineless American loser—someone who just complains and whines without ever actually doing anything about it.

But... there's a "but." I think guys like that wouldn't even hire me anymore. I've overhauled my resume and changed how I approach the job hunt, and I'm pretty damn sure those shady types won't touch me—or at least they won't try to drag me into their bullshit because they'll know I won't play along. Maybe that's why I haven't landed an employer yet 🤣 — I don't even know where I get the energy to laugh at myself.

Feeling a little better today, I guess...

It isn't necessarily worse that you ended up out of work (even though that is absolutely devastating!) as much as it is the fact that nobody actually held anyone accountable. I assume you had the receipts.
You mentioned hating the idea of becoming a typical American cynic; believe me, I find myself questioning my own integrity for the exact same reason. But once I realize that nothing is going to happen to them except maybe a couple of brief mentions in some local news columns, I have to wonder: is it truly worth gambling your entire livelihood and future 🤔
?

David Green11 said:It isn't necessarily worse that you ended up out of work (even though that is absolutely devastating!) as much as it is the fact that nobody actually held anyone accountable. I assume you had the receipts.
You mentioned hating the idea of becoming a typical American cynic; believe me, I find myself questioning my own integrity for the exact same reason. But once I realize that nothing is going to happen to them except maybe a couple of brief mentions in some local news columns, I have to wonder: is it truly worth gambling your entire livelihood and future 🤔
?

It’s not even about those guys getting away with it—it’s that I’m the one who got wrecked. Maybe one day I’ll be sitting there thinking, "Thanks a lot, if they hadn't been around, I'd still have my career..." (fill in the blank). I guess there's still a tiny spark of hope left in me, or maybe it's just pure spite toward people like them.

It isn't worth it, Nicole—but honestly, if there were more people like me out there, things would actually change. But people are cowards. The second you start making waves, they try to sink you. I'm on my own—no kids, no wife—so maybe that's why I can afford to be this reckless... or why I was.

I don't even know anymore. The one thing I am 100% sure of is that I am never putting myself in this position again. I'm done tilting at windmills. Because let's be real—people like that won't even hire me. Period. If they're digging into my past—which they clearly are—then they already know there's no point in hiring me and expecting me to pull illegal stunts.

But hey, what's the point of having integrity if a bunch of suck-ups are just going to mock me and decide my fate?

When I really think about it, the bigger the scammers are, the better it works out for them—not just in business, but in their personal lives too! 🙂

Man, I seriously hate it when I start spiraling into all those "what if" questions about the past.
-Like, how, why, where, when... or just constantly wondering if things would've gone differently if I'd handled stuff another way, or what would've happened if... you know, the usual nonsense.

Don't you feel like you're just falling into this bottomless pit when you do that?

fadedcobra72 said:It’s not even about those guys getting away with it—it’s that I’m the one who got wrecked. Maybe one day I’ll be sitting there thinking, "Thanks a lot, if they hadn't been around, I'd still have my career..." (fill in the blank). I guess there's still a tiny spark of hope left in me, or maybe it's just pure spite toward people like them.

It isn't worth it, Nicole—but honestly, if there were more people like me out there, things would actually change. But people are cowards. The second you start making waves, they try to sink you. I'm on my own—no kids, no wife—so maybe that's why I can afford to be this reckless... or why I was.

I don't even know anymore. The one thing I am 100% sure of is that I am never putting myself in this position again. I'm done tilting at windmills. Because let's be real—people like that won't even hire me. Period. If they're digging into my past—which they clearly are—then they already know there's no point in hiring me and expecting me to pull illegal stunts.

But hey, what's the point of having integrity if a bunch of suck-ups are just going to mock me and decide my fate?

When I really think about it, the bigger the scammers are, the better it works out for them—not just in business, but in their personal lives too! 🙂

Being honest gets you nowhere. You'll just end up getting screwed over even harder in life. But is the solution to become a total piece of trash? No way.

Look at me. Finished college, and now I've been sitting at home for years without a job. Every time I try something, it just falls apart like a house of cards. A lot of people have basically spat in my face because they think I'm some kind of slacker who doesn't want to work. And these were my friends. Now when I see them out on the street, it's like we never even knew each other. It's like they don't even recognize me. Maybe they're just too ashamed to say hi, I don't know.

And even in my mess—and man, this is easily the darkest time of my life—I know I never want to turn into scum like them. That's exactly why it cost me everything, staying a nobody. I refused to become someone who judges everyone else based solely on how much money they have.

fadedcobra72 said:It’s not even about those guys getting away with it—it’s that I’m the one who got wrecked. Maybe one day I’ll be sitting there thinking, "Thanks a lot, if they hadn't been around, I'd still have my career..." (fill in the blank). I guess there's still a tiny spark of hope left in me, or maybe it's just pure spite toward people like them.

It isn't worth it, Nicole—but honestly, if there were more people like me out there, things would actually change. But people are cowards. The second you start making waves, they try to sink you. I'm on my own—no kids, no wife—so maybe that's why I can afford to be this reckless... or why I was.

I don't even know anymore. The one thing I am 100% sure of is that I am never putting myself in this position again. I'm done tilting at windmills. Because let's be real—people like that won't even hire me. Period. If they're digging into my past—which they clearly are—then they already know there's no point in hiring me and expecting me to pull illegal stunts.

But hey, what's the point of having integrity if a bunch of suck-ups are just going to mock me and decide my fate?

When I really think about it, the bigger the scammers are, the better it works out for them—not just in business, but in their personal lives too! 🙂

And what kind of signal does that send to potential whistleblowers? It basically tells them to just sit down and shut up. 😢

fadedcobra72 said:It’s not even about those guys getting away with it—it’s that I’m the one who got wrecked. Maybe one day I’ll be sitting there thinking, "Thanks a lot, if they hadn't been around, I'd still have my career..." (fill in the blank). I guess there's still a tiny spark of hope left in me, or maybe it's just pure spite toward people like them.

It isn't worth it, Nicole—but honestly, if there were more people like me out there, things would actually change. But people are cowards. The second you start making waves, they try to sink you. I'm on my own—no kids, no wife—so maybe that's why I can afford to be this reckless... or why I was.

I don't even know anymore. The one thing I am 100% sure of is that I am never putting myself in this position again. I'm done tilting at windmills. Because let's be real—people like that won't even hire me. Period. If they're digging into my past—which they clearly are—then they already know there's no point in hiring me and expecting me to pull illegal stunts.

But hey, what's the point of having integrity if a bunch of suck-ups are just going to mock me and decide my fate?

When I really think about it, the bigger the scammers are, the better it works out for them—not just in business, but in their personal lives too! 🙂

That moment is inevitable, and when it arrives, just remember my words. 😉

fadedcobra72 said:It’s not even about those guys getting away with it—it’s that I’m the one who got wrecked. Maybe one day I’ll be sitting there thinking, "Thanks a lot, if they hadn't been around, I'd still have my career..." (fill in the blank). I guess there's still a tiny spark of hope left in me, or maybe it's just pure spite toward people like them.

It isn't worth it, Nicole—but honestly, if there were more people like me out there, things would actually change. But people are cowards. The second you start making waves, they try to sink you. I'm on my own—no kids, no wife—so maybe that's why I can afford to be this reckless... or why I was.

I don't even know anymore. The one thing I am 100% sure of is that I am never putting myself in this position again. I'm done tilting at windmills. Because let's be real—people like that won't even hire me. Period. If they're digging into my past—which they clearly are—then they already know there's no point in hiring me and expecting me to pull illegal stunts.

But hey, what's the point of having integrity if a bunch of suck-ups are just going to mock me and decide my fate?

When I really think about it, the bigger the scammers are, the better it works out for them—not just in business, but in their personal lives too! 🙂

Exactly. The most important thing in this country is checking the right boxes, which really just means blending perfectly into the machine. The ones who thrive are the average performers—they do their jobs just well enough to stay under the radar without ever being seen as a threat. If we actually wanted to fix the issue of whistleblowers and all the other systemic rot, we would need to overhaul the entire concept of accountability. If heads actually rolled for negligence—starting from the janitorial staff all the way up to the CEO at a massive firm like ExxonMobil—I honestly believe every single problem would vanish overnight. But of course, a system built on true responsibility doesn't suit those currently holding the reins of power. 😢

fadedcobra72 said:It’s not even about those guys getting away with it—it’s that I’m the one who got wrecked. Maybe one day I’ll be sitting there thinking, "Thanks a lot, if they hadn't been around, I'd still have my career..." (fill in the blank). I guess there's still a tiny spark of hope left in me, or maybe it's just pure spite toward people like them.

It isn't worth it, Nicole—but honestly, if there were more people like me out there, things would actually change. But people are cowards. The second you start making waves, they try to sink you. I'm on my own—no kids, no wife—so maybe that's why I can afford to be this reckless... or why I was.

I don't even know anymore. The one thing I am 100% sure of is that I am never putting myself in this position again. I'm done tilting at windmills. Because let's be real—people like that won't even hire me. Period. If they're digging into my past—which they clearly are—then they already know there's no point in hiring me and expecting me to pull illegal stunts.

But hey, what's the point of having integrity if a bunch of suck-ups are just going to mock me and decide my fate?

When I really think about it, the bigger the scammers are, the better it works out for them—not just in business, but in their personal lives too! 🙂

Why let their mockery get to you? Let them go on living their small, pathetic little lives without letting them drain your energy. You have much more important things to focus on, and that starts with taking care of yourself.

fadedcobra72 said:It’s not even about those guys getting away with it—it’s that I’m the one who got wrecked. Maybe one day I’ll be sitting there thinking, "Thanks a lot, if they hadn't been around, I'd still have my career..." (fill in the blank). I guess there's still a tiny spark of hope left in me, or maybe it's just pure spite toward people like them.

It isn't worth it, Nicole—but honestly, if there were more people like me out there, things would actually change. But people are cowards. The second you start making waves, they try to sink you. I'm on my own—no kids, no wife—so maybe that's why I can afford to be this reckless... or why I was.

I don't even know anymore. The one thing I am 100% sure of is that I am never putting myself in this position again. I'm done tilting at windmills. Because let's be real—people like that won't even hire me. Period. If they're digging into my past—which they clearly are—then they already know there's no point in hiring me and expecting me to pull illegal stunts.

But hey, what's the point of having integrity if a bunch of suck-ups are just going to mock me and decide my fate?

When I really think about it, the bigger the scammers are, the better it works out for them—not just in business, but in their personal lives too! 🙂

I have to disagree here. It might look like they're winning because they've secured high-ranking positions, piles of cash, or even captivating partners, but if there is even a shred of conscience left in their souls, I truly believe they must live with a constant, gnawing sense of inner turmoil.

Yeah, it follows me constantly—specifically those exact issues I’ve never quite managed to come to terms with. It’s just this endless loop, over and over again. I guess that's how it works; as long as you're fighting against reality instead of just accepting things for what they are, it's going to haunt you. There isn't a manual for how to actually let go of certain things, feelings, or past events. Everyone has to figure out that process on their own, I suppose. Honestly, I don't even know what I'm rambling about anymore...😁

Joshua Williams41 said:Yeah, it follows me constantly—specifically those exact issues I’ve never quite managed to come to terms with. It’s just this endless loop, over and over again. I guess that's how it works; as long as you're fighting against reality instead of just accepting things for what they are, it's going to haunt you. There isn't a manual for how to actually let go of certain things, feelings, or past events. Everyone has to figure out that process on their own, I suppose. Honestly, I don't even know what I'm rambling about anymore...😁

You write well 🙂

Jerry Moore5 said:Guilt is an understatement. I know now that what I did back then was wrong—understatement, clearly—and looking back, it’s easily the biggest mistake of my life. Now, I just have to live with it.

I also don't think it's right to reach out to her. She’s still in touch with my sister, so I know she’s doing well, and she’s engaged now on top of that. Countless times I've thought about finding her, whether in person or over the phone, just to talk (or try to) about everything I did. But then I wonder what would actually happen if I did. I don't want to mess up her life if things are going good for her, regardless of how much my own conscience weighs on me. It's been almost five years.

Just call her. Go find her. Find out if she really is happy so you aren't spending the rest of your life banging your head against a wall.

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:You write well 🙂

Well, thanks. That’s just my humble experience speaking, I guess 😛