How do I break free from my own illusions?

Don't worry, you're perfectly sane.😁 Based on your description, he really is an outlier, so I get why you feel this way. You grew attached because you focused on his best qualities, building this image of a truly exceptional guy who was always there for you. He might just be some misunderstood soul who hasn't figured himself out yet, but keeping you in limbo like that wasn't right. You aren't some emotionless machine; you're a person with feelings that can actually be hurt. Those emotions are hitting hard right now, making it feel like you'll never move on. Don't regret never meeting him in person or blame yourself—it happened the way it had to. You're young, and it isn't worth losing sleep over someone from a screen or a digital space. Time is the only thing that will break the grip of this illusion.

Arthur Young4 said:Don't worry, you're perfectly sane.😁 Based on your description, he really is an outlier, so I get why you feel this way. You grew attached because you focused on his best qualities, building this image of a truly exceptional guy who was always there for you. He might just be some misunderstood soul who hasn't figured himself out yet, but keeping you in limbo like that wasn't right. You aren't some emotionless machine; you're a person with feelings that can actually be hurt. Those emotions are hitting hard right now, making it feel like you'll never move on. Don't regret never meeting him in person or blame yourself—it happened the way it had to. You're young, and it isn't worth losing sleep over someone from a screen or a digital space. Time is the only thing that will break the grip of this illusion.

Thanks so much.
You really hit the nail on the head and didn't make it out to be some massive crisis that requires a trip to a therapist.
To be fair, the girl who suggested that to me wasn't wrong, but I think I'm still holding it together pretty well...
Though, I honestly have no idea how deep this wound goes or how much it’s actually going to shift my outlook on life.

After this thread popped up, so many girls reached out to me via DM with the exact same thing happening to them. It's clearly a huge issue...

Does anyone have any theories?
What is the deal with these guys?
Seriously, what?

Honestly, I don't care that you met him online, but seeing you act this heartbroken over him is just too much 😲

Did you exist before him? Yeah. Will you exist after him? Definitely.

In my experience, nobody is truly irreplaceable. Even the people I would have bet my life on being essential—I've said those exact words myself, only to be proven wrong by reality. Life is tougher than we are, and it moves on without them.

Keep your head up.

Jerry Bishop4 said:Honestly, I don't care that you met him online, but seeing you act this heartbroken over him is just too much 😲

Did you exist before him? Yeah. Will you exist after him? Definitely.

In my experience, nobody is truly irreplaceable. Even the people I would have bet my life on being essential—I've said those exact words myself, only to be proven wrong by reality. Life is tougher than we are, and it moves on without them.

Keep your head up.

Hey, I'm not actually falling apart as much as you might think...
I can't really dive into all the other parts of my life in this specific thread...
If I did, you’d see I barely even have the energy to be "falling apart" like you're imagining.
This thread is focused on one thing, and that's all I'm writing about here.

But I agree with you, and I think you're spot on.
Nobody is irreplaceable... absolutely nobody.
It’s just hard, because replacing someone you basically invented in your head is a different beast since it happens online, and that's why these girls end up getting hurt so much deeper and becoming so much harsher and more broken... honestly, they're just mentally wrecked by their own illusions; nothing else could break them like that.

That's why I say... this topic needs a serious approach and some actual psychology experts.

Why do we fall in love like this?
What's actually happening under the surface?

When we talked in DMs, we concluded it's basically an escape from reality, because for everyone involved, there was usually some major real-life drama going on right before it started...

Plus, no matter how many years you spend living in this digital illusion, your actual problems in the real world are just stagnating, waiting for the day you finally decide to deal with your real life... meanwhile, you're getting all those "perfect" feelings from this virtual world.

So, who are the high-risk groups that get stuck like this?
How deep does the impact go?

I'm also curious about the psychological profiles of guys and girls who kill time this way without any goal, and who can't seem to move past the internet even when they offer hope?
What is their deal?
What actually connects these two types of people?
On one side, you have someone desperate for an escape from reality, and on the other, someone who specifically needs that kind of person just to boost their own ego?
What's the link there?

Also, what are the red flags for those dangerous manipulators?
(One girl mentioned being careful around people who are obsessed with astrology and/or God)
That sounded pretty interesting.
Is there anything else?

Come on, psychologists, let's hear it—think deeply and give us some real conclusions.

This is the sickness of the modern age.

Feelings are one thing...
but I want the facts.
The brain is an organ just like any other, and I want to know what goes wrong with the information input—what are we flooding ourselves with that makes it start "malfunctioning"?

Well, you aren't being too sensitive 😲

I’ve definitely learned my lesson about internet traps and how easy it is for someone to pretend to be someone they aren't. But honestly, people always end up showing their true colors eventually.
Just watch for the red flags; they always show up. It’s the exact same thing as meeting people in real life.
At least, that's been my experience.
Who can really blame women when they miss those signs? No one, because it happens just as much offline. I’d say meeting people online is pretty much the same thing.
People don't just ignore reality here; they do it in the real world, too. Like, if you go out to a club in NYC, you'll see the same thing. So, I'd say your issue is basically the same as what happens in person. 😲
People lie to themselves all the time—online, in person, everywhere.

I think that's the only real issue here, rather than the internet itself.

Jerry Bishop4 said:Well, you aren't being too sensitive 😲

I’ve definitely learned my lesson about internet traps and how easy it is for someone to pretend to be someone they aren't. But honestly, people always end up showing their true colors eventually.
Just watch for the red flags; they always show up. It’s the exact same thing as meeting people in real life.
At least, that's been my experience.
Who can really blame women when they miss those signs? No one, because it happens just as much offline. I’d say meeting people online is pretty much the same thing.
People don't just ignore reality here; they do it in the real world, too. Like, if you go out to a club in NYC, you'll see the same thing. So, I'd say your issue is basically the same as what happens in person. 😲
People lie to themselves all the time—online, in person, everywhere.

I think that's the only real issue here, rather than the internet itself.

Yeah, there is definitely something to that.
But see, I feel like what we're talking about here is something else entirely.
Like... some people out there just have zero common sense (not trying to be mean!) I just mean they act totally irrational when they let certain things slide.
But here, the real headache comes from people who actually *do* have common sense—people who know how to set boundaries, how to walk away, and how to keep their confidence intact—yet there's this weird "glitch" online that somehow bypasses all that logic and creates a mess anyway...

I totally agree that people tend to delude themselves in general, but this feels different...

I honestly think the issue lies solely with the person who's "falling in love."
But then again, what's the actual trigger for that kind of behavior?

What's the real catch?

As time goes on, you're left with so many unanswered questions hanging over your head.

Why does it happen?
Like, how can someone chat for years and then suddenly decide they just can't meet up in person?
What is actually going through their heads?
And why does it seem to happen to so many people?

It’s not that there's anything specific here, it's more about the underlying truth of it all 😲
As if I didn't deal with illusions in my real life? Of course I did. Even when everything pointed the other way, I chose to see what felt beautiful to me—it doesn't always have to be some gritty drama like you'd see on a gritty HBO show 😲 I made my own mistakes and faced my own consequences; that was the whole point.
Look, if you have confidence in your actual life, you'll have it here too. But if you lack it there, you won't find it here either
I'm not pretending to be someone else by logging onto this forum; my handle is just who I am.
Maybe in the real world, you just don't let anyone get close—which is much easier to manage than it sounds—so you avoid those situations and call it a day.
But people come online for different reasons. Since everyone is constantly connected these days, avoiding the internet is getting harder and harder, even if it isn't impossible.

Falling in love in person is exactly the same as falling in love here. Since everyone is online at all hours of the day and night now, it's easy to spend every waking moment with someone, whereas in real life, that's a lot tougher to pull off unless you have zero responsibilities. Online, it's seamless.
And that's really the key: when people bond online, you often spend way more time with that person than you ever would if they lived right next door 😲

Some people might just have a pattern where they want everything to stay strictly digital, not caring about anyone else's needs as long as they get what they want.

Maybe Kathryn Bigelow’s *Strange Days* actually nails how things really work... I mean, from what I’ve felt, looking at someone's photos is like this instant flash of everything you're craving, especially if their vibe in writing hits just right. It isn't weird that guys dream about supermodels while women obsess over Hollywood A-listers or rock stars... we're all just mesmerized by stuff that feels out of our league, so that whole "blinded by beauty" thing makes total sense. Maybe we're just hunting for a love that can actually match that level of perfection, that absolute stunner... sounds kind of childish, right? But honestly, who among us can actually resist or find the strength to just say no?

There’s really no point in endless messaging if there isn't a genuine desire to meet in person. You’ve actually met him, so you’re in a better position to judge. He might just be insecure, lacking the confidence to face the reality of whether you'll actually click once the screen is gone. It’s also possible he’s dealing with some deep-seated frustrations regarding women, using this digital connection to patch up wounds left by someone from his past. Or maybe he’s just terrified of getting hurt again. Some people are simply lost in their own search for identity, drifting without knowing what they truly want—those types can be difficult to read. Regardless, it’s a dead end. What were his actual excuses for avoiding a meeting?

shadowheron49 said:Hey, I'm not actually falling apart as much as you might think...
I can't really dive into all the other parts of my life in this specific thread...
If I did, you’d see I barely even have the energy to be "falling apart" like you're imagining.
This thread is focused on one thing, and that's all I'm writing about here.

But I agree with you, and I think you're spot on.
Nobody is irreplaceable... absolutely nobody.
It’s just hard, because replacing someone you basically invented in your head is a different beast since it happens online, and that's why these girls end up getting hurt so much deeper and becoming so much harsher and more broken... honestly, they're just mentally wrecked by their own illusions; nothing else could break them like that.

That's why I say... this topic needs a serious approach and some actual psychology experts.

Why do we fall in love like this?
What's actually happening under the surface?

When we talked in DMs, we concluded it's basically an escape from reality, because for everyone involved, there was usually some major real-life drama going on right before it started...

Plus, no matter how many years you spend living in this digital illusion, your actual problems in the real world are just stagnating, waiting for the day you finally decide to deal with your real life... meanwhile, you're getting all those "perfect" feelings from this virtual world.

So, who are the high-risk groups that get stuck like this?
How deep does the impact go?

I'm also curious about the psychological profiles of guys and girls who kill time this way without any goal, and who can't seem to move past the internet even when they offer hope?
What is their deal?
What actually connects these two types of people?
On one side, you have someone desperate for an escape from reality, and on the other, someone who specifically needs that kind of person just to boost their own ego?
What's the link there?

Also, what are the red flags for those dangerous manipulators?
(One girl mentioned being careful around people who are obsessed with astrology and/or God)
That sounded pretty interesting.
Is there anything else?

Come on, psychologists, let's hear it—think deeply and give us some real conclusions.

This is the sickness of the modern age.

Feelings are one thing...
but I want the facts.
The brain is an organ just like any other, and I want to know what goes wrong with the information input—what are we flooding ourselves with that makes it start "malfunctioning"?

We fall in love because that experience is addictive. We crave it, even if we never intended to seek it out.

There are definitely manipulators hiding among astrologers and religious types, sure, but they exist in every single group of people. Don't go making broad generalizations—trust me on that. There’s really only one way to spot a manipulator, whether it's in real life or online: watch for the gap between what they say and what they actually do. If their words don't match their actions, you've got your answer. And get this—the pros are even craftier; they'll throw you a bone by acting decent once in a while, just so they can let you down again later.

There isn't anything inherently wrong with the mindset that leads to this experience, nor is there anything wrong with the experience itself. We all do plenty of stupid things throughout our lives, but honestly, without those mistakes, we wouldn't learn a damn thing or become the people we are today.

You live for that rush, don't you? That digital high, that pure adrenaline hit from the virtual grind... it’s everything. We just keep pushing forward because, honestly, the line between the real world and the simulation is getting thinner by the second.

shadowheron49 said:Hey, I'm not actually falling apart as much as you might think...
I can't really dive into all the other parts of my life in this specific thread...
If I did, you’d see I barely even have the energy to be "falling apart" like you're imagining.
This thread is focused on one thing, and that's all I'm writing about here.

But I agree with you, and I think you're spot on.
Nobody is irreplaceable... absolutely nobody.
It’s just hard, because replacing someone you basically invented in your head is a different beast since it happens online, and that's why these girls end up getting hurt so much deeper and becoming so much harsher and more broken... honestly, they're just mentally wrecked by their own illusions; nothing else could break them like that.

That's why I say... this topic needs a serious approach and some actual psychology experts.

Why do we fall in love like this?
What's actually happening under the surface?

When we talked in DMs, we concluded it's basically an escape from reality, because for everyone involved, there was usually some major real-life drama going on right before it started...

Plus, no matter how many years you spend living in this digital illusion, your actual problems in the real world are just stagnating, waiting for the day you finally decide to deal with your real life... meanwhile, you're getting all those "perfect" feelings from this virtual world.

So, who are the high-risk groups that get stuck like this?
How deep does the impact go?

I'm also curious about the psychological profiles of guys and girls who kill time this way without any goal, and who can't seem to move past the internet even when they offer hope?
What is their deal?
What actually connects these two types of people?
On one side, you have someone desperate for an escape from reality, and on the other, someone who specifically needs that kind of person just to boost their own ego?
What's the link there?

Also, what are the red flags for those dangerous manipulators?
(One girl mentioned being careful around people who are obsessed with astrology and/or God)
That sounded pretty interesting.
Is there anything else?

Come on, psychologists, let's hear it—think deeply and give us some real conclusions.

This is the sickness of the modern age.

Feelings are one thing...
but I want the facts.
The brain is an organ just like any other, and I want to know what goes wrong with the information input—what are we flooding ourselves with that makes it start "malfunctioning"?

It’s honestly because we aren't falling for a real person, but rather for the fantasy we've built up in our own heads. I mean, where could you possibly find anyone more perfect than the version of someone you've invented yourself, right? Nothing can really compete with that.😍

The internet is basically the ultimate playground for this kind of thing, since you can just tuck all your own little fantasies right into the gaps between the lines of text—essentially reading into what isn't even there.

On the forums, we pretty much reached the conclusion that it's just a form of escapism, especially since most of us were dealing with some sort of real-life stress or issues right before it all started...

And yeah, that doesn't really help the situation either.

Emotions are just emotions...
I'm looking for the actual facts here.
The brain is just an organ like any other, and I want to know what goes wrong with how it processes information—what kind of clutter we're feeding it that causes it to start functioning "incorrectly."

Well, everyone has some kind of internal fantasy they can latch onto, and once you're hooked, it's incredibly hard to shake off. You see it all the time with girls who obsess over guys who constantly let them down, yet they act like everything is perfectly fine.
Yours feels particularly intense because it happened online, so I assume you haven't actually sat across from a flesh-and-blood human being yet, which would have likely led to a much faster reality check. Though, even that is optional, because our brains absolutely love to trick us in real life too, making us ignore obvious red flags just so we can keep the illusion alive. It's probably worth asking yourself what specific unmet need this fantasy is helping you fulfill, or what void you were trying to plug while you were talking for so long. Once you figure that out, you can actually work on satisfying that need in the real world.

shadowheron49 said:Hey everyone.
I feel like the people here actually know how to give real answers, and while this might belong in a general vent thread, this is more about my mental state, so I’m looking for some "deeper" advice.

It all started ages ago, meeting someone online—honestly, the biggest illusion ever created.
I met this guy, and we spent so much time messaging back and forth; even though I have a totally grounded life offline, he had such a massive impact on me that after all those months of his advice, his photos, and our endless talks... he became a genuine part of my reality.

He became... someone incredibly important to me. So important that at first, it was just "falling in love," but eventually, that word didn't even begin to cover what I was feeling...

But... we never actually met...
There was never an opportunity for anything to happen...
And then our connection just snapped, suddenly and likely forever...

The thing that’s destroying me right now is this: He isn't here, and technically, he was never even "there"...
yet the fallout from him is everywhere, especially inside my head.
I had a few relationships before him... and I never thought of myself (at least, I didn't) as someone who suffers too much or stays stuck for too long...
But now... I am truly hurting.
That entire long stretch of time was just a mirage; everything I wanted was a fantasy, every dream I had about finally seeing him was just... a hallucination. It all feels as surreal as a dream.
I can't get over it, and I can't forget him...
More often than not, just when I think I've finally moved on... I dream about him...
I'm just... hurting. I'm suffering and I don't even know why—is that even possible?

Because of that illusion... him... I can't seem to fall for anyone else, because nobody compares to him.
Subconsciously, I find myself measuring every guy against him... and nobody even comes close to him... to the illusion.
I'm not some immature kid; I'm in my mid-twenties, and if I'm reacting this irrationally... I just don't know how to help myself.

He’s left me with an unanswered question...
a dream that never finished playing out...
like a single square of chocolate left from a whole bar...
an unfinished story...
Will I be stuck in this agony forever?
In this illusion?

I'm terrified of that... it would be the ultimate punishment...
How do I wake up from this fantasy?
How do I just keep living?

Is this even normal?

Hahaha, man, this reminds me so much of Jelen Procitaj from Andricev. 🙂
Read Andricev's work—specifically the story about the woman who isn't there. 🙂

shadowheron49 said:Exactly... that's what I'm talking about.
It's all just a construct.

These feelings were triggered in such an unnatural way that now they feel unnaturally intense.
The brain doesn't always distinguish between things; it doesn't care so much about what you see, but rather how you interpret what's right in front of you.
Through my own fantasies, deep talks, and everything else, my brain basically lived out a whole real picture, a whole real life.
The emotions are real.
The pain is real,
even though in reality, nothing ever happened.

If anyone gets where I'm coming from...
I find the whole thing absolutely fascinating.

Once you grasp this truth, you're finally on the path to waking up from the illusion. :-)

Robin Jones2 said:Once you grasp this truth, you're finally on the path to waking up from the illusion. :-)

So true.

The more time passes, the more everything just starts clicking into place, and honestly, there’s really only a tiny bit left of that old feeling...
maybe even a little lingering urge to hear his voice or see him again, but it's nothing I'd actually dwell on...
before long, I probably won't even remember it at all.

Your brain stores everything, but the real trick is not just reacting to the same old patterns over and over—you’ve gotta cut them off right at the root.

Look, shadowheron49, I totally get where you're coming from, and honestly, it’s probably hitting a lot of us just as hard... we aren't missing anything, we just need to actually look at this...

ambercrane722 said:Look, shadowheron49, I totally get where you're coming from, and honestly, it’s probably hitting a lot of us just as hard... we aren't missing anything, we just need to actually look at this...

I've got Venus in Scorpio, and man, this is spot on. Seriously. It’s so accurate it actually trips me out because they're using the exact same words I use to describe myself.
Thanks for sharing this, ambercrane722.

Honestly, I’m just sitting here wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do... it's not like I had a choice in the matter.

Of course, things will improve—just try to avoid places where you might run into him virtually.
I am far more concerned about this whole business regarding Venus in Scorpio.🤔