Am I just a little slow?

So, I’ve got this one issue that just seems to follow me around everywhere. I honestly never really talk about myself to anyone. Lately, a few people I’m actually close to have told me that they feel like they don't really know me at all. And don't even get me started on how I come across in groups of strangers—apparently, I just seem like this stuck-up, silent wallflower 😁 It isn't that I feel a burning need to voice my opinions or constantly broadcast my thoughts, desires, feelings, or even just basic greetings. When I go on dates, I find myself just asking questions about their lives the whole time, mostly because it lets them do all the talking so I don't have to say anything about myself 😁 It’s not that I’m naturally a quiet person, per se, but I guess there's just this physical resistance I feel whenever I’m expected to talk about myself. It honestly just feels like too much effort.

Maybe it's because it feels like everyone else is just constantly bragging about themselves, and that kind of behavior just makes me recoil?

I know the irony of me opening up here, but since it's anonymous, I felt like I could finally let it out, even if it's a bit uncomfortable 😍

Is there anyone else out there who feels like this quiet, withdrawn type of person?

If that’s the benchmark for being slow on the uptake, then I suppose I should just accept my status as a chronic misfit. It isn't that I feel any particular urge to broadcast my thoughts, my ideas, or even my emotions... I just don't. I find it rather exhausting when people constantly thrust their banal little problems and trivialities onto me, especially since I make it a point never to do the same to them. They can be quite intrusive, I guess. I suppose if the other person just rambles on without expecting me to jump in or fix their mess, I can tolerate it to some degree. I don't see much point in engaging when most people in my life seem to hold views that are diametrically opposed to mine, and we rarely share any common ground. There are times when you realize that even with a perfectly reasonable debate and logical arguments, you won't get anywhere because the other side either lacks the capacity to understand or simply refuses to, clinging to their position like a stubborn child.

The internet is a different beast entirely. Out here, nobody knows who I am, which makes it significantly easier to find people who actually share my interests and perspectives—people you can actually have a conversation with and exchange ideas. It almost feels as though strangers online understand me better than the people who are supposedly close to me. Ultimately, the web offers the blissful option of just blocking people you don't want to deal with, whereas in real life, those individuals are often impossible to avoid. I end up having to pretend I'm enjoying their company, sitting there like a passive observer, listening to nonsense that doesn't interest me while feeling absolutely no desire to contribute anything constructive to the discussion.

Beyond that, I've never felt the need to call someone up or grab a coffee just to vent about whatever might be bothering me. But then again, it doesn't really bother me if I go days without saying a single word or interacting with anyone at all.

Your subconscious seems to believe that talking about yourself is selfish and pointless. That’s why you recoil from anyone who self-promotes—and honestly, you feel that same repulsion toward yourself.
But what makes self-expression bad? It’s only an issue if it becomes excessive (anything overdone is a flaw). Why couldn't sharing your story actually benefit someone else, offer fresh perspectives, build connections, or help you grow socially?

Selfishness? Loving oneself is a sin?? Give me a break. Here is the reality: LIVE AND WORK HOWEVER YOU WANT. That is your birthright, provided you actually allow yourself to claim it. And how much you'll permit depends entirely on how much value you place on yourself.
You’re associating those insults with your own identity? Start there. Once you resolve that, everything else will fall into place... naturally. From THEM, straight to YOU.

unknown

Kevin Gomez10 said:If that’s the benchmark for being slow on the uptake, then I suppose I should just accept my status as a chronic misfit. It isn't that I feel any particular urge to broadcast my thoughts, my ideas, or even my emotions... I just don't. I find it rather exhausting when people constantly thrust their banal little problems and trivialities onto me, especially since I make it a point never to do the same to them. They can be quite intrusive, I guess. I suppose if the other person just rambles on without expecting me to jump in or fix their mess, I can tolerate it to some degree. I don't see much point in engaging when most people in my life seem to hold views that are diametrically opposed to mine, and we rarely share any common ground. There are times when you realize that even with a perfectly reasonable debate and logical arguments, you won't get anywhere because the other side either lacks the capacity to understand or simply refuses to, clinging to their position like a stubborn child.

The internet is a different beast entirely. Out here, nobody knows who I am, which makes it significantly easier to find people who actually share my interests and perspectives—people you can actually have a conversation with and exchange ideas. It almost feels as though strangers online understand me better than the people who are supposedly close to me. Ultimately, the web offers the blissful option of just blocking people you don't want to deal with, whereas in real life, those individuals are often impossible to avoid. I end up having to pretend I'm enjoying their company, sitting there like a passive observer, listening to nonsense that doesn't interest me while feeling absolutely no desire to contribute anything constructive to the discussion.

Beyond that, I've never felt the need to call someone up or grab a coffee just to vent about whatever might be bothering me. But then again, it doesn't really bother me if I go days without saying a single word or interacting with anyone at all.

unknown sistah 🙂

unknown

I guess I should probably mention that I haven't really heard much from crimsonhound4 lately, though I might just be overthinking things or missing their usual updates. It feels like there's been a bit of a lull in the conversation, which is strange because they usually have such interesting perspectives on everything we discuss here. Maybe they're just busy with work or life getting in the way, but I find myself wondering what they think about the latest news. kaže: I guess there’s this deep-seated belief buried somewhere in your subconscious that talking about yourself is just selfish and, honestly, kind of pointless. Because of that, you probably feel this natural aversion toward anyone who can't stop talking about themselves—and if I'm being honest, maybe you feel that same sense of distaste directed inward toward yourself, too. I guess I wonder why people act like talking about yourself is such a bad thing. It feels like it only becomes an issue if you’re doing it excessively—because, honestly, anything done to excess, whether it's being too loud or too quiet, ends up being a flaw. But beyond that, I don't really see the harm. Your own story could potentially serve as a way to help someone else, maybe offer them some new perspectives, or even just be a tool for building deeper connections and helping yourself grow socially. It seems like a pretty natural part of getting to know one another. Yeah, there’s definitely an element of selfishness involved; but is actually loving yourself really a sin? Honestly, if you ask me, I’d just say: live your life and work your way exactly how you want to, because that is your fundamental right—though I suppose how much of that freedom you actually get to exercise depends entirely on how much value you decide to place on yourself in the first place. Do you actually associate those words—"muddy" or "retarded"—with who you are as a person? I guess if you could somehow work through that part of yourself first, everything else might just fall into place naturally... like, it would just follow from there, directly back to you.

I don't think there's anything inherently wrong with talking about yourself, you know? I mean, within reason, it’s pretty normal to share bits of your life. But for me, it just doesn't come naturally at all, and honestly, it never really has. I often find myself worrying that I’m being pushy or overbearing, and I get this nagging feeling that my little stories about myself might actually be kind of exhausting or even painful for the person on the other end of the conversation. 😁 It’s been proven time and time again that this is just how things go, so I guess there's really no point in wasting any energy trying to change it. Even with a personality like that, I actually have plenty of friends and I'd consider myself pretty social and talkative, but if you're expecting them to actually say anything meaningful about themselves... well, good luck with that. 😁 I guess it might just be because someone hasn't pointed out a potential weakness to me yet, maybe. 🤔 I don't know, I guess I've just gotten a little lost. 😁

After one casual afternoon hanging out with a group of people I barely knew, they decided to "confide" in me that the rest of the circle had labeled me—and I quote—a stuck-up, arrogant bitch who looks down on everyone. This happened a few years back, but I suspect I haven't strayed too far from that reputation lately 😳

The truth is, I am perhaps one of the most socially anxious and timid people you could meet, especially when facing strangers. In fact, I’m often so terrified of coming across as boring, uninteresting, or heaven forbid, annoying, that my desperate attempts to seem likable probably end up intimidating people instead 😁

Perhaps I should just include that in my bio ☕

Kevin Gomez10:

I suppose I should probably mention that Iochannes` hasn't really said much lately. Kevin Gomez10 says: I suspect there is a deep-seated conviction buried within your subconscious that suggests talking about oneself is both selfish and entirely unnecessary. Consequently, you likely harbor a certain aversion toward anyone who indulges in self-centered chatter—and perhaps, if I am being honest, you feel that same distaste directed toward yourself as well. I suppose one might wonder why discussing oneself is viewed through such a negative lens. It seems to me that self-disclosure only becomes problematic when it descends into excess; after all, any quality taken to an extreme—be it passion or even being overly quiet—tends to become a flaw. But I can't help but feel that sharing one's experiences could actually be quite beneficial. Perhaps your story might offer someone else a fresh perspective, facilitate deeper connections, or simply serve as a way to grow socially. It feels like a missed opportunity if we don't allow ourselves that kind of openness. Yes, there’s also the matter of selfishness; I suppose one might ask if loving oneself is truly a sin. Honestly, let me put it this way: To work and live exactly how you see fit—well, I suppose that is simply your inherent right. I suppose the extent to which you permit certain things is ultimately determined by how much value you decide to assign to yourself, though I guess that is a rather subjective measure to begin with. Do you actually associate those terms—"murky" or "retarded"—with your own character? I suppose if you could somehow reconcile that self-perception first, everything else might just fall into place naturally. It would follow quite logically, I imagine; once you address that, the rest of your issues would simply resolve themselves... specifically regarding you.

Considering the points raised about Boldano and those various transgressions, I suppose the entire post strikes me as somewhat contradictory.

What kind of errors or selfishness are we even discussing? It isn't really about that at all. Or perhaps... yes, I suppose we are indeed selfish sinners, insofar as we refuse to let others witness just how wonderful we truly are, thereby depriving them of that particular pleasure. 😬

Kevin Gomez10:

I suppose one might call this a bit of a nuisance, though I can't be entirely certain if that's the most accurate descriptor for such a persistent little irritation. Kevin Gomez10 says: Kraft sisters. 🙂 I don't suppose there is anything inherently wrong with talking about oneself, though I have always found the concept somewhat difficult to grasp. It simply hasn't come naturally to me, and I suspect it never truly will. I often find myself burdened by this nagging feeling that I might be intruding, as if my attempts at self-disclosure might somehow be tedious or even painful for the person on the receiving end of my stories. 😁 It has been proven time and again that this is simply the reality of the situation. I suppose there is little point in wasting any more energy on the matter. Despite having a personality like that, I have plenty of friends and I wouldn't say I'm an antisocial person, but if the idea is to act just to secure some sort of personal gain, heaven forbid. 😁 I suppose it might be because someone hasn't seen fit to point out a potential vulnerability to me. 🤔

And in that way, I suppose people find themselves more exposed, and consequently, perhaps a bit more vulnerable as well.

Kevin Gomez10: I suppose one might consider whether there is any real substance to the claims being made here, though I suspect that much of it remains purely speculative at this stage. It seems possible, perhaps, that we are looking at a situation where the initial impressions don't quite align with the eventual outcome, which I guess is often the case in these types of discussions.

electricfox2 said:After one casual afternoon hanging out with a group of people I barely knew, they decided to "confide" in me that the rest of the circle had labeled me—and I quote—a stuck-up, arrogant bitch who looks down on everyone. This happened a few years back, but I suspect I haven't strayed too far from that reputation lately 😳

The truth is, I am perhaps one of the most socially anxious and timid people you could meet, especially when facing strangers. In fact, I’m often so terrified of coming across as boring, uninteresting, or heaven forbid, annoying, that my desperate attempts to seem likable probably end up intimidating people instead 😁

Perhaps I should just include that in my bio ☕

Well, those were just strangers, I suppose. Though recently, a friend mentioned that I come across as cold and detached, claiming—and I quote—that I simply have no heart. 😳

I suppose it’s just one of those things where we don't really talk about ourselves because there isn't much mutual affection to go on. 😢 But honestly, maybe it's actually because I care too much that I tend to keep things to myself. I feel like certain parts of my life should probably stay reserved for the few people who truly deserve to know them, and I guess everyone else is just irrelevant, so I don't really find myself caring much about what they think anyway. 😳

That’s just being humble and low-key

Find someone who actually appreciates that and enjoy yourselves

Kevin Gomez10 said:If that’s the benchmark for being slow on the uptake, then I suppose I should just accept my status as a chronic misfit. It isn't that I feel any particular urge to broadcast my thoughts, my ideas, or even my emotions... I just don't. I find it rather exhausting when people constantly thrust their banal little problems and trivialities onto me, especially since I make it a point never to do the same to them. They can be quite intrusive, I guess. I suppose if the other person just rambles on without expecting me to jump in or fix their mess, I can tolerate it to some degree. I don't see much point in engaging when most people in my life seem to hold views that are diametrically opposed to mine, and we rarely share any common ground. There are times when you realize that even with a perfectly reasonable debate and logical arguments, you won't get anywhere because the other side either lacks the capacity to understand or simply refuses to, clinging to their position like a stubborn child.

The internet is a different beast entirely. Out here, nobody knows who I am, which makes it significantly easier to find people who actually share my interests and perspectives—people you can actually have a conversation with and exchange ideas. It almost feels as though strangers online understand me better than the people who are supposedly close to me. Ultimately, the web offers the blissful option of just blocking people you don't want to deal with, whereas in real life, those individuals are often impossible to avoid. I end up having to pretend I'm enjoying their company, sitting there like a passive observer, listening to nonsense that doesn't interest me while feeling absolutely no desire to contribute anything constructive to the discussion.

Beyond that, I've never felt the need to call someone up or grab a coffee just to vent about whatever might be bothering me. But then again, it doesn't really bother me if I go days without saying a single word or interacting with anyone at all.

I second 🙂,there are plenty of us like this😁

It just doesn't work for me. It never has. I often get this feeling that I'm being intrusive, and that deep down, my conversational partners are actually hurt by my stories about myself. And many times, that’s turned out to be true.

That’s exactly my point. It comes down to your own self-perception. If you feel like you're being intrusive, then you *are* being intrusive—because that’s how you perceive yourself. It isn't about them.
It's you, not them, who feels wounded by your own narratives. But that's actually a good thing; you have the chance to fix it because you're aware. You can observe and learn.

That is the core of your issue: the difficulty of truly focusing on yourself. Speak and act—do everything—for your own sake. That's it. There's the wisdom.

I think it's because someone might expose a weakness of mine.

That makes people more exposed, and automatically more vulnerable.

Vulnerable? What's the harm in opening up? What on earth are we talking about here? Nonsense.

So now it sounds like we don't talk about ourselves because we don't love ourselves. In reality, it's precisely because I love myself that I don't want to talk about myself. Certain things will only be known by the chosen few who deserve to know. Everyone else is irrelevant. I couldn't care less about their opinions.

Let's try to frame it more accurately: let's swap "talking about oneself" with "expressing oneself."

"Because I love myself, I don't want to talk about myself," or "Because I love myself, I don't want to express myself"... it doesn't really hold water.

Alright, I think I'll take some time to sit with what you said and really wrap my head around your post.

I’m noting this down—it’s easily one of the three most irritating things about my personality.

I have never been one for much self-promotion, if I'm being honest.
Perhaps it is simply because I have spent more time listening to others than speaking, or perhaps the mental exertion required to philosophize about one's own life is just a bit too taxing for my temperament. :P

crimsonhound4 said:I suppose it’s just one of those things where we don't really talk about ourselves because there isn't much mutual affection to go on. 😢 But honestly, maybe it's actually because I care too much that I tend to keep things to myself. I feel like certain parts of my life should probably stay reserved for the few people who truly deserve to know them, and I guess everyone else is just irrelevant, so I don't really find myself caring much about what they think anyway. 😳

Well put!

Andrew Price3 said:

It just doesn't work for me. It never has. I often get this feeling that I'm being intrusive, and that deep down, my conversational partners are actually hurt by my stories about myself. And many times, that’s turned out to be true.

That’s exactly my point. It comes down to your own self-perception. If you feel like you're being intrusive, then you *are* being intrusive—because that’s how you perceive yourself. It isn't about them.
It's you, not them, who feels wounded by your own narratives. But that's actually a good thing; you have the chance to fix it because you're aware. You can observe and learn.

That is the core of your issue: the difficulty of truly focusing on yourself. Speak and act—do everything—for your own sake. That's it. There's the wisdom.

I think it's because someone might expose a weakness of mine.

That makes people more exposed, and automatically more vulnerable.

Vulnerable? What's the harm in opening up? What on earth are we talking about here? Nonsense.

So now it sounds like we don't talk about ourselves because we don't love ourselves. In reality, it's precisely because I love myself that I don't want to talk about myself. Certain things will only be known by the chosen few who deserve to know. Everyone else is irrelevant. I couldn't care less about their opinions.

Let's try to frame it more accurately: let's swap "talking about oneself" with "expressing oneself."

"Because I love myself, I don't want to talk about myself," or "Because I love myself, I don't want to express myself"... it doesn't really hold water.

Yes, it does seem quite nonsensical. I mean, I suppose the argument is that people might become more vulnerable if they share themselves with others, providing certain individuals with enough information during moments of weakness to potentially cause harm or injury, among other things.
But, in my estimation, that doesn't really seem to harm anyone or anything at all. 🤦

Screw me, all the women are gathering 🤦 Now I'm gonna be 🙂 and 🙂

from 🐔 😂

Anyway, back to the point—there's a huge difference between being an open book and knowing exactly how much to reveal. Most people just don't get it... they're too naive. They overshare and then blame everyone else for knowing too much. 🤷 You gotta know when to hold back.

Kevin Gomez10 said:Yes, it does seem quite nonsensical. I mean, I suppose the argument is that people might become more vulnerable if they share themselves with others, providing certain individuals with enough information during moments of weakness to potentially cause harm or injury, among other things.
But, in my estimation, that doesn't really seem to harm anyone or anything at all. 🤦

How exactly does information cause harm? Explain it to me. Where does it hit? Is there a specific body part, or am I going to start bleeding internally? Where? I’m looking all over myself for a spot where information is causing physical pain or injury, but I can't find anything.

Andrew Price3 said:How exactly does information cause harm? Explain it to me. Where does it hit? Is there a specific body part, or am I going to start bleeding internally? Where? I’m looking all over myself for a spot where information is causing physical pain or injury, but I can't find anything.

I guess it just means your feelings get hurt when someone hits a nerve, right? 🙂

Anyway, thanks to everyone for the replies. 😍

Maybe I am just an idiot 🙂

And, like someone else already pointed out, I’m cold, unattractive, and a self-absorbed bitch. 😳

But I'm not.

crimsonhound4 said:I guess it just means your feelings get hurt when someone hits a nerve, right? 🙂

Anyway, thanks to everyone for the replies. 😍

The soul? The soul hurts? How can you even be sure it’s the soul? An eternal, immortal soul... how could it feel pain?

Or maybe... maybe it's just some decaying illusion. A belief, or an idea about how things ought to be—or shouldn't be. Maybe it’s just the parts of you that aren't actually *you*... perhaps you're just slowly shedding everything that isn't your truth. Or... or...

.. and listen to this; once everything is finally cleared away—and it will be—the pain will stop.

Andrew Price3 said:How exactly does information cause harm? Explain it to me. Where does it hit? Is there a specific body part, or am I going to start bleeding internally? Where? I’m looking all over myself for a spot where information is causing physical pain or injury, but I can't find anything.

Andrew Price3 said:The soul? The soul hurts? How can you even be sure it’s the soul? An eternal, immortal soul... how could it feel pain?

Or maybe... maybe it's just some decaying illusion. A belief, or an idea about how things ought to be—or shouldn't be. Maybe it’s just the parts of you that aren't actually *you*... perhaps you're just slowly shedding everything that isn't your truth. Or... or...

.. and listen to this; once everything is finally cleared away—and it will be—the pain will stop.

You might want to move this discussion over to the philosophy or religion subforums.