My buddy is heading off to a beautiful q...

I'm not even sure how to start this, but here goes nothing...

Yesterday, I got a call from some woman claiming to be a Dr. T, and she asked if I could come down to Mayo Clinic this Monday with a friend for a psychiatry appointment.
I was caught completely off guard.
I knew my buddy sees a psychiatrist about once a month because he deals with bipolar disorder and PTSD. I knew he was on meds, but honestly, the guy is fine—he’s never struck me as someone who is "mentally ill," because that’s just not how he carries himself.
We haven't hung out intensely over the last year or two because I've been buried under family and work obligations, but we’d still catch a game here and there, grab a beer, that kind of thing.

Let me backtrack for a second.
When I asked the doctor why she was calling me specifically, she told me that nobody else seems to care about him. She said he shows up to his sessions smelling terrible and looking like a wreck. Apparently, when she asked him to bring a family member along next time for support, he insisted it be me, since his parents don't give a damn about him, his mom is a bit eccentric (she's super religious, but you know how that goes), and he's had a falling out with his brother.

So, I told the doctor, "Alright, fine, I'll be there."
I hopped in my car, went to see him, and man, what a sight.
It looked like my friend hadn't showered or shaved in at least two weeks. I asked him straight up, "Dude, what the hell is going on with you?"
He just goes, "Nothing, I'm fine. I just have to see the doctor or she'll lock me up in a psych ward for a few days"—and I know he's actually been through that twice before.
After an hour of talking, I was left in total shock.
My friend is seriously spiraling.
He’s talking nonsense, speaking in riddles and codes. He starts bringing up demons and "protectors" and says he won't list them all because it doesn't make sense.
At first, I reacted like, "What are you talking about? Protectors? Are you serious?" (Because we've always been blunt with each other and I don't really do subtle), but after he snapped at me—not physically, but just yelling and being incredibly insulting—I didn't know how to handle it. I mostly just stayed quiet and nodded along.

I won't go too far into the weeds here, but I wanted to ask: has anyone ever dealt with something like this?
Is the psychiatrist going to interview both of us at the same time? And if she does, what am I supposed to do?
Look, I don't want to tell her to his face that his condition has tanked compared to just a couple of months ago, but on the flip side, the guy desperately needs help. Hospitalization is looking very likely.
The thing is, he's actually expecting me to lie for him—to say we hang out all the time and everything is totally fine and blah blah blah.
By the time I finished processing everything and realized I might be able to sort some of this out with the doctor over the phone, she had already clocked out for the day and wouldn't be back until Monday.
The appointment is set for 9:00 AM, which is right when she starts her shift.

What should my move be?

He’ll just tell her he's at the doctor, and then he'll head out at three o'clock sharp 😉

Tough spot. I’ve got a buddy who’s pretty much just as unhinged, at least based on what you said about yours. Hard to reason with him sometimes because he tends to get pretty aggressive verbally. But if he's expecting you to lie for him, maybe the smartest move is to sit him down today and just lay it out. Tell him you aren't taking his side and you're going to tell her exactly how things look from your perspective. Set those boundaries early so he doesn't try to gaslight you into something. Either show up as a real friend who's being honest, or don't go at all. Since that second option would probably blow up in his face, even he—despite the attitude—will likely back down once he realizes where you stand.

At the end of the day, if things are actually that bad, just tell her the truth, even if you haven't addressed it with him yet. She needs to hear it, whether it comes directly from you or if she hears it through the grapevine. Sometimes the latter actually hits harder.

I wouldn't exactly advise you to go out and lie—that’s just not your style—but I would suggest being very careful about sharing your actual impressions regarding your friend. It might be better to cushion things with phrases like "I'm not quite sure" or "I don't know for certain," just to keep some distance. Eventually, when you have a moment, you should probably find a way to speak with your doctor privately. Even though your intentions are clearly coming from a good place, there is always that risk—however small—that they could interpret your honesty as a sort of "betrayal" or even a conspiracy. At the end of the day, one has to wonder if any real good would actually come from being too blunt right now.

Just tell her you guys grab some BBQ here and there, but you've kept your distance and never really got into any of those "deep" conversations.

Chris Robinson25 said:Just tell her you guys grab some BBQ here and there, but you've kept your distance and never really got into any of those "deep" conversations.

Yeah, say that right in front of them both. Then, when you get a moment alone, tell her the truth and let the doctor know you're worried—you have to handle stuff like this delicately. Honestly, modern society does absolutely nothing to help people struggling with mental health.

Michael Morgan5 said:I'm not even sure how to start this, but here goes nothing...

Yesterday, I got a call from some woman claiming to be a Dr. T, and she asked if I could come down to Mayo Clinic this Monday with a friend for a psychiatry appointment.
I was caught completely off guard.
I knew my buddy sees a psychiatrist about once a month because he deals with bipolar disorder and PTSD. I knew he was on meds, but honestly, the guy is fine—he’s never struck me as someone who is "mentally ill," because that’s just not how he carries himself.
We haven't hung out intensely over the last year or two because I've been buried under family and work obligations, but we’d still catch a game here and there, grab a beer, that kind of thing.

Let me backtrack for a second.
When I asked the doctor why she was calling me specifically, she told me that nobody else seems to care about him. She said he shows up to his sessions smelling terrible and looking like a wreck. Apparently, when she asked him to bring a family member along next time for support, he insisted it be me, since his parents don't give a damn about him, his mom is a bit eccentric (she's super religious, but you know how that goes), and he's had a falling out with his brother.

So, I told the doctor, "Alright, fine, I'll be there."
I hopped in my car, went to see him, and man, what a sight.
It looked like my friend hadn't showered or shaved in at least two weeks. I asked him straight up, "Dude, what the hell is going on with you?"
He just goes, "Nothing, I'm fine. I just have to see the doctor or she'll lock me up in a psych ward for a few days"—and I know he's actually been through that twice before.
After an hour of talking, I was left in total shock.
My friend is seriously spiraling.
He’s talking nonsense, speaking in riddles and codes. He starts bringing up demons and "protectors" and says he won't list them all because it doesn't make sense.
At first, I reacted like, "What are you talking about? Protectors? Are you serious?" (Because we've always been blunt with each other and I don't really do subtle), but after he snapped at me—not physically, but just yelling and being incredibly insulting—I didn't know how to handle it. I mostly just stayed quiet and nodded along.

I won't go too far into the weeds here, but I wanted to ask: has anyone ever dealt with something like this?
Is the psychiatrist going to interview both of us at the same time? And if she does, what am I supposed to do?
Look, I don't want to tell her to his face that his condition has tanked compared to just a couple of months ago, but on the flip side, the guy desperately needs help. Hospitalization is looking very likely.
The thing is, he's actually expecting me to lie for him—to say we hang out all the time and everything is totally fine and blah blah blah.
By the time I finished processing everything and realized I might be able to sort some of this out with the doctor over the phone, she had already clocked out for the day and wouldn't be back until Monday.
The appointment is set for 9:00 AM, which is right when she starts her shift.

What should my move be?

This is a massive mess caused by an unprofessional psychiatrist. The guy is in the middle of a psychotic episode—he gets aggressive if you push back (and trust me, you don't want to push back)—and now she's calling *you* to "save" the situation? She should have already hospitalized him for his own good; I honestly don't get what she thinks is going to happen.

It's tough to say what the right call is here. If you show up and she suggests hospitalization, he’s going to pin the whole thing on you (he might even feel the urge to get back at you). Like you rightly pointed out, you can't even have a straight conversation with him right now. Maybe just give him a call today and let him know you can't make it tomorrow. Once he's feeling better, go visit him at the hospital and explain that you were overwhelmed and didn't know how to handle it.

Also, call his dad and explain why you can't be there. Ask him to keep an eye on his son tomorrow. Tell him to watch him closely today, and if he sees things taking a turn for the worse (since the paranoia is obvious), he shouldn't hesitate to call 911.

In the morning, tell the psychiatrist 🙄 that you just couldn't take on this kind of responsibility. Good luck.

Why do you think she’s being irresponsible? Michael Morgan5 mentioned the psychiatrist knows he’s been hospitalized twice already with zero improvement—and since he doesn't have any real support from his immediate family, she reached out to a friend so they could talk things through together. In my book, having solid support during therapy is everything. That’s why the doctor called the friend. To me, a real friend is someone who actually stands by you during the rough patches, not just when things are easy. I don't know about your definition, though.
Michael Morgan5, look, you've heard a few different takes here, but at the end of the day, the call is yours. If it isn't totally wrecking your work-life balance or messing with your business, just go see the doctor on Monday and lay all the cards on the table. Tell her the truth. And honestly? If this whole mess is weighing too heavily on you, tell the guy's father to keep a closer eye on his son. It might be for the best.

Don't mess with him... You are essentially his only—and arguably most vital—link to a "reality" that, if you ask me, is built on a foundation of nonsense. From his perspective, if he were to trust you, it could be devastating if you were to
stab him in the back. Therefore, maintaining communication with him, regardless of how taxing it might be, is absolutely necessary just to gauge his mental state. Perhaps there is a need, even if only momentarily, to set aside one's own interests and focus entirely on aiding a man who has clearly lost, or is rapidly losing, his grip on himself.
😉It's a massive responsibility... In my estimation, this isn't merely some "litmus test" for him. 😁As for what you're saying regarding the field of psychiatry... well, it isn't quite that straightforward. Regardless of the protocols they have in place or how much documentation dictates their procedures, these assessments remain deeply personal and... uh... I am glad I haven't made their jobs too difficult.

Did your psychiatrist not lay out exactly what she expects from you?🤷
I find it hard to believe she’d actually want you bad-mouthing him right to his face.

Honestly, I think you should just give his parents a heads-up—what they decide to do with that info is on them. You can't carry the weight of his choices on your shoulders.

lonetiger98 said:Did your psychiatrist not lay out exactly what she expects from you?🤷
I find it hard to believe she’d actually want you bad-mouthing him right to his face.

Honestly, I think you should just give his parents a heads-up—what they decide to do with that info is on them. You can't carry the weight of his choices on your shoulders.

.. but why on earth wouldn't someone be held responsible? ☕

Thanks to everyone for understanding and for all the advice.

I did a little digging today, and apparently, this doctor isn't the type to just toss people into the hospital for no reason; she prefers sticking to medication-based therapies.
But here’s the kicker: he hasn't actually been taking his meds for a year now. He only pops them the day before a session.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for her to catch on—honestly, I don't know, I'm totally out of my depth here.
I don't even know what specific drugs he's on.

As for his parents, like I said before, that’s just off the table.
I didn't want to get into the weeds because it feels wrong to air someone else's family drama, but since we're talking anonymously here, I'll say this: his old man is a total patriarchal tyrant who hates everything and everyone, and he's basically washed his hands of the kid. He provides a bed and food, sure, but money, clothes, hygiene stuff? Forget it. He wouldn't even help out when he needed to cover the hospital bill for his leg.
His mother is a sweetheart, but she’s become so deeply religious that I can't even bring myself to be objective about her. Unfortunately, there's no help coming from her side either.
And he hasn't spoken to his brother in ages.
So, at the end of the day, it's just me.
Fifteen years ago, we were practically attached at the hip, but life happens... marriage, kids, work... that's just how it goes.
I can't exactly go out for a stroll whenever the mood strikes when I've got four kids to look after, and it's not my job to babysit him. I'm not his nanny.
It's a sad state of affairs, really. 😢

Anyway, I'm heading out tomorrow.
I have no idea what to expect, so I'll just have to wing it once I get there.
I'm driving him there and back, so I'll probably just play the part of the dutiful driver, unless I get a chance to corner the doctor for a private word.
If not, I've got the office number, and I'll give her a call as soon as I drop him off at home.

Michael Morgan5 said:Thanks to everyone for understanding and for all the advice.

I did a little digging today, and apparently, this doctor isn't the type to just toss people into the hospital for no reason; she prefers sticking to medication-based therapies.
But here’s the kicker: he hasn't actually been taking his meds for a year now. He only pops them the day before a session.
Maybe that's why it's so hard for her to catch on—honestly, I don't know, I'm totally out of my depth here.
I don't even know what specific drugs he's on.

As for his parents, like I said before, that’s just off the table.
I didn't want to get into the weeds because it feels wrong to air someone else's family drama, but since we're talking anonymously here, I'll say this: his old man is a total patriarchal tyrant who hates everything and everyone, and he's basically washed his hands of the kid. He provides a bed and food, sure, but money, clothes, hygiene stuff? Forget it. He wouldn't even help out when he needed to cover the hospital bill for his leg.
His mother is a sweetheart, but she’s become so deeply religious that I can't even bring myself to be objective about her. Unfortunately, there's no help coming from her side either.
And he hasn't spoken to his brother in ages.
So, at the end of the day, it's just me.
Fifteen years ago, we were practically attached at the hip, but life happens... marriage, kids, work... that's just how it goes.
I can't exactly go out for a stroll whenever the mood strikes when I've got four kids to look after, and it's not my job to babysit him. I'm not his nanny.
It's a sad state of affairs, really. 😢

Anyway, I'm heading out tomorrow.
I have no idea what to expect, so I'll just have to wing it once I get there.
I'm driving him there and back, so I'll probably just play the part of the dutiful driver, unless I get a chance to corner the doctor for a private word.
If not, I've got the office number, and I'll give her a call as soon as I drop him off at home.

Real classy move on your part. Such a tragic little tale. Good luck.

I assume they'll need some input from someone close to him to get the full picture before deciding on a treatment plan. It's nothing unusual, and typically these conversations don't happen all at once. (Aside from you being called, though that's fine—he rejected everyone else in the family anyway, which isn't strictly necessary...)
If things happen simultaneously, just follow through with your plan to call back whenever you feel unable to give an honest answer in the moment.

Don't try to argue with him about his stories; he's experiencing psychosis right now and his perception of reality is distorted. Challenging him will only make him feel misunderstood, and clearly, he views you as a trusted confidant. You won't win him over by trying to prove him wrong.

Wishing you the best of luck tomorrow. I know this isn't easy for you...

I’m being totally serious here, though. If he’s going on about demons and parasites and all that, clearly doctors aren't cutting it. Why don't you suggest he spends some time at a church? Or maybe find him a spot at a farmstead where he can trade some hard work for room and board? There's something about honest labor that clears the head. And honestly, who knows, maybe he actually needs an exorcist? 🙂

Jokes aside, I’m not exactly a traditional believer and I don't know much about religious customs, so I'm not sure if that's even a thing people do (though I don't see why it wouldn't be). I know a guy I used to know who found a lot of peace through a religious community, but don't ask me for specifics because I really don't have those details handy. But seriously, why not just ask him what he's talking about? Like, how does he breathe? Who knows, maybe he really would find some peace and salvation in a church. If his mom has him worked up this much, he'll probably figure out who to turn to anyway...

Anyway, good luck. It's obvious you're a good person and a solid friend, but just watch out—don't let his craziness pull you under. He needs someone steady, someone who can be there constantly, and with your job and family commitments, I don't think you should take that risk.

vividcrane21 said:I’m being totally serious here, though. If he’s going on about demons and parasites and all that, clearly doctors aren't cutting it. Why don't you suggest he spends some time at a church? Or maybe find him a spot at a farmstead where he can trade some hard work for room and board? There's something about honest labor that clears the head. And honestly, who knows, maybe he actually needs an exorcist? 🙂

Jokes aside, I’m not exactly a traditional believer and I don't know much about religious customs, so I'm not sure if that's even a thing people do (though I don't see why it wouldn't be). I know a guy I used to know who found a lot of peace through a religious community, but don't ask me for specifics because I really don't have those details handy. But seriously, why not just ask him what he's talking about? Like, how does he breathe? Who knows, maybe he really would find some peace and salvation in a church. If his mom has him worked up this much, he'll probably figure out who to turn to anyway...

Anyway, good luck. It's obvious you're a good person and a solid friend, but just watch out—don't let his craziness pull you under. He needs someone steady, someone who can be there constantly, and with your job and family commitments, I don't think you should take that risk.

He needs to start taking his medication consistently instead of just once a month, and then we can worry about spiritual healing. Those "demons" will certainly vanish once he actually follows medical advice... 😉

Oh, man, I totally missed that. My bad. But look, I’m really not one for pills—I try to steer clear of them whenever I possibly can—so I’d definitely suggest they go talk to someone else about it. If there's any way to make it happen, maybe they could find some kind of outdoor job? Just change up the scenery entirely. That's why I was thinking about something like working at a nursery, or maybe joining a summer camp or a ranching program... honestly, I don't know all the specific names for those kinds of things or how they're organized.

Why wouldn't they give it a shot? It's pretty obvious they're pushing back against that whole "meds plus therapist" routine. They seem sharp enough to tell a friend, "Hey, you need to be straight with the doctor about what's actually going on." To me, it doesn't feel like some deep-seated mental breakdown. It feels more like their environment is just toxic. You've got the parents, the brother, having zero friends, and clearly no steady job or responsibilities to keep them grounded.

Let me know how it went!

Such a heartbreaking situation—honestly, at least you’ll get to spend today by his side. And look, he absolutely has to stick to the prescribed meds; doctors don't just hand those out for fun. Just be upfront with the doctor about what's going on with your dad and the rest of the family too—keep it real. Let me know how it goes.

The whole situation is just pure chaos.

I won't ramble too much, but we were chatting on the way to his psychiatrist appointment, and since my buddy was looking significantly better today than he did last Friday, I decided to be blunt. I told him straight up what I thought, explaining that I only wanted to say it for his own sake and that I intended to share it with the doctor as well.
He didn't push back at all; he was completely on board.
It’s a total 180 from the last time we sat down together.

To be clear, I wasn't trying to dictate treatment or anything during the session with the psychiatrist. I just offered my perspective on how he's been acting, backed it up with a few observations, and gave her a—well, let's call it a "mostly objective" description of his living situation (there were certain things I couldn't bring up while he was standing right there, but honestly, that probably doesn't even matter now).

To my absolute shock, the doctor basically shrugged it off. She told us she can't force anyone to take their medication, said we should just watch over him as best we can, and mentioned he doesn't even have to come back if he doesn't want to. 😕
She just said if things take a sudden turn for the worse, we need to make sure we get him to her office or to the ER, etc., etc.

Throughout the entire conversation between the two of them, my friend didn't utter a single coherent sentence. You could have cut the tension in that room with a knife. That's why I was so caught off guard by her reaction.

I'm honestly at a loss here. I have no idea what the next move is.