The Positive side of negative Thinking by Ken Ward IT
The Positive side of negative Thinking by Ken Ward IT
People love to toss around this idea—almost like it’s an unshakeable truth—that we just need to ditch the negativity and lean hard into being positive. It sounds great on paper, right? But honestly, the whole journey of self-improvement isn't quite that straightforward. It turns out that "positive thinking" can be a bit of a double-edged sword—it helps some folks find their footing, while for others, it doesn't land at all—and a lot of it really boils down to the specific situation you're in. In fact, there are times when trying to force a positive outlook actually ends up making things feel worse.
Affirmations Can make you Feel Worse Joanna Wood of The University of Waterloo found that positive affirmations make som People feel worse. It’s one of those things where you think you're doing the right thing—like following some self-help guru's advice to just "think happy thoughts"—but instead, it backfires. It’s kind of like trying to fix a leaky faucet by just telling the sink everything is fine; eventually, you're still going to have a puddle on the floor. It’s a weird psychological loop—how the negatives disappear, and how the positive might maintain them: suppose that someone has a fear of dogs. If you just stand there shouting "I am brave!" while a Golden Retriever is staring you down, you aren't actually addressing the adrenaline spike or the shaky knees—you're just adding frustration to the mix because the affirmation doesn't match your reality. There's a lot of research into this, too. For instance, Carol Dweck wrote in her article, Perils and Promises of Praise, about how certain types of encouragement can actually undermine confidence rather than build it up. It’s all about the approach. Sometimes, leaning into the struggle is more productive than trying to force a smile through a crisis. It reminds me a bit of what people discuss regarding what is sometimes called the Second Wave in certain psychological movements—moving past the superficial stuff and getting into the actual grit of how we process emotions. Just a thought—it's definitely worth looking into if you've ever felt more drained after a "positive thinking" session.
So, I was reading up on some research recently—it’s one of those things that really makes you rethink how we approach self-help—and it turns out Affirmations Can make you Feel Worse Joanna Wood of The University of Waterloo found that positive affirmations make som People Feel worse. Back in 2009, she looked into how often students would give themselves a little pep talk, and she found that over half of them were doing it pretty regularly—especially right before hitting a big, stressful hurdle or something particularly tough. Most of them actually felt like it was helping, which is what makes it so interesting. To see if that feeling was actually backed up by reality, though, she decided to run a second study to really put it to the test.
So, she took a look at whether all those daily affirmations actually help students feel any better—you know, that whole "positive vibes only" thing. In her study, she had 68 students basically chant, "I am a lovable person," to themselves every fifteen seconds or so. It’s an interesting setup, really. But here’s the kicker: the results weren't exactly sunshine and rainbows for everyone. She discovered that while people who already had high self-esteem felt a bit of a boost, those struggling with low self-esteem actually ended up feeling worse. It sounds counterintuitive, right? Like, shouldn't more positivity always equal more happiness? Her theory was that for those folks with lower self-esteem, the affirmations just didn't land. They didn't truly believe the words they were saying, and they couldn't quite shake off the negative thoughts creeping in from the sidelines. So, instead of feeling empowered, they just felt bad—partly because they felt like they were failing at being positive, and partly because those nagging negative thoughts were still winning the tug-of-war. It’s a bit of a double whammy, honestly.
In a third study—think of it like a social experiment run at a major state university—Joanna Wood decided to see how people with different levels of self-esteem reacted to the prompt, "I am a lovable person." It’s an interesting bit of psychology, really. She looked at how people with high self-esteem handled it versus those struggling with low self-esteem, and the results were a bit of a mixed bag. For folks already feeling pretty good about themselves, the affirmation gave them a tiny boost, though nothing earth-shattering. But here’s the kicker: for those dealing with low self-esteem, the affirmation didn't actually make them feel better—it just sort of took the edge off the misery. It wasn't a cure, per se; it just leveled the playing field slightly. Ultimately, Wood concluded that while self-affirmations might offer a small lift to those who are already doing fine, they can actually backfire and leave those who truly need the encouragement feeling even worse than before.
So, I was reading about this study where Geoffrey Cohen from The University of Colorado gave students a 15 minute writing task wherein they affirmed their values. It’s pretty interesting—the effect of this on Black students (though it didn't really hit the other groups the same way) was that their academic success shot up way past what their peers were seeing. And the crazy part? That boost actually stuck around for years after the assignment was done. It seems like for certain people, just taking a moment to affirm their values and really dig into why those things matter to them can pave the way for much more success. Of course, it wasn't a magic bullet for everyone—it only worked for a specific subset of the students. It just goes to show, once again, that these kinds of procedures might be a huge help for some, but they won't necessarily move the needle for others. It's all very situational, I guess.
Back in 2007, Carol Dweck wrote in her article, Perils and Promises of Praise, that she and her team kept running into the same pattern: telling kids they’re smart gives them a quick little ego boost, sure—but it’s usually followed by a massive wave of baggage. We're talking a whole laundry list of downsides, like being terrified of failing, dodging any kind of risk, doubting their own abilities the second things go sideways, and just generally struggling to bounce back from a setback. Basically, kids actually perform much better when you praise the actual grind—the effort and the way they apply themselves—rather than just complimenting who they "are." It's a bit of a trap, really. If we convince ourselves that we’re inherently brilliant, we start avoiding anything that might challenge that image. Then, when we inevitably mess up, the internal monologue shifts from "Okay, I need to put in more work here" to "Wow, I'm just stupid." And honestly? This logic carries over into pretty much everything else. How the negatives disappear, and how the positive might maintain them: suppose that someone has a fear of dogs—well, applying this to things like beauty or health can lead to some pretty messy side effects too. If you build your entire identity around being beautiful, you're going to be way more devastated if someone ignores you, compared to if you focused on things you actually have control over—like being a great listener or just staying persistent. It’s all about where you pin your sense of worth.
So, if we’re looking at the idea that positive thinking can actually backfire and leave us feeling even lower than before—can it truly be harmful? It’s a fair question, really. I mean, we’ve all been there—trying to force a smile when everything feels like it's falling apart, almost like trying to put a Band-Aid on a broken leg. You know what I mean? It doesn't quite fix the underlying issue, and sometimes, it just makes the frustration sting a little more because you feel like you're "failing" at being positive. It's a bit like that study mentioned earlier, where Affirmations Can make you Feel Worse Joanna Wood of The University of Waterloo found that positive affirmations make som People Feel worse. There's a certain tension there—this gap between where we are and where we think we "should" be. When that gap gets too wide, the mental gymnastics can get pretty exhausting. It’s not necessarily that positivity itself is the enemy, but rather that forced optimism can act like a pressure cooker—it builds up all that unaddressed reality until things just feel... off. So, yeah, there's definitely a point where trying to stay upbeat can become its own kind of burden.
Maybe we’ve been looking at "staying positive" all wrong—like, maybe it’s actually working against us? It sounds counterintuitive, I know. We’re always told to just think happy thoughts and everything will fall into place, but there’s a growing sense that forcing a smile when things are falling apart isn't just useless; it might actually be making things harder. It reminds me of that study where Affirmations Can make you Feel Worse Joanna Wood of The University of Waterloo found that positive affirmations make som People Feel worse. It’s a strange concept, right? You try to tell yourself you're confident or successful, but if you don't actually feel that way deep down, the gap between the lie and the reality creates this weird, uncomfortable tension. It's like trying to fix a leaky faucet by just telling the sink it's doing a great job—it doesn't change the plumbing. There’s also this idea from Carol Dweck wrote in her article, Perils and Promises of Praise, about how the way we approach mindset can really shape our growth. If we focus too much on the surface-level "good vibes," we might miss the actual mechanics of how we learn and adapt. Think about it this way: How the negatives disappear, and how the positive might maintain them: suppose that someone has a fear of dogs. If they just try to "think positively" about dogs without actually addressing the underlying anxiety, they aren't really solving anything. They're just masking it. It's similar to what people discuss regarding What is sometimes called the Second Wave in psychological approaches—moving past simple positivity toward something more nuanced and grounded. I guess what I'm getting at is that maybe being honest about the struggle is more productive than pretending everything is sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, acknowledging the mess is the only way to actually start cleaning it up.
It’s kind of funny how our brains work—sometimes, trying to manifest success actually backfires. It sounds counterintuitive, right? You'd think picturing yourself winning would get you in the zone, but there's some interesting research suggesting it might actually trip you up. For instance, a researcher named Lien Pham at the University of California ran a study where one group of students was asked to spend time visualizing themselves crushing a major midterm and walking away with an 'A.' When you compare them to a control group—students who just went about their business without the mental imagery—the visualizers actually ended up performing worse. It turns out that just a few minutes of daydreaming about being successful can quietly chip away at your actual drive to put in the work, which ultimately leads to lower grades. This whole idea caught the attention of Gabriele Oettingen. In a piece featured in Peter Gollwitzer's *Psychology of Action*, she dives into whether all this positive fantasy actually helps us succeed. Her conclusion? Sometimes, it just makes things harder. It’s like warming up for a marathon by sitting on the couch imagining the finish line—you feel the victory, but your muscles haven't actually done any of the training.
Take a look at this interesting scenario. There was a study involving twenty-five women participating in a weight loss program at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital—women who were dealing with significant weight issues, averaging around 233 pounds. During the program, they were asked to visualize a future where they finished the regimen and were headed to a pool party. They’d describe these mental images and then label them as either positive or negative, while also rating how they felt about their own bodies. Now, imagine two different responses. One woman might say, "Oh, I’d just feast on everything in sight—probably even polish off everyone else's leftovers... and honestly, I'd likely still be overweight." Then you have another who says, "I’d be super disciplined about my food intake... and I'd definitely show off my new, slim figure." Which group do you think actually saw results? It’s counterintuitive, I know, but in the actual study, the women with those "negative" fantasies ended up losing about 24 pounds more than the ones focused on the "positive" visions. It catches most people off guard—it really does. As Oettingen points out, it seems like those mental images centered on being thin or resisting temptation actually acted as a roadblock to real weight loss. It makes you wonder, though—how do these positive visualizations impact other areas of our health? Does simply visualizing a better outcome actually help us heal faster, or is it just wishful thinking that gets in our way?
Back in '95, there was this study by Oettingen looking at how kids fighting cancer used fantasy as a way to cope—and the results were actually pretty eye-opening. It turns out that leaning too hard into those sunny, positive daydreams actually predicted a tougher road to recovery. It sounds counterintuitive, I know—you’d think thinking happy thoughts would help—but the reality is that true healing requires real, gritty action, like following strict medical protocols or pushing through some seriously painful treatments. When people get stuck in that "everything will just work itself out" mindset, it kind of suppresses the drive needed to actually do the work, because they start believing recovery will just happen effortlessly, almost like magic. Fast forward to 2002, and Oettingen ran another study on people recovering from hip replacement surgery, and the pattern held up: once again, those purely positive fantasies ended up being more of a hurdle than a help.
So, what actually happens when we throw a few negatives into the equation? It’s an interesting thought—you know, looking at how the balance shifts once things aren't just purely optimistic. In their States of Mind model, Robert Schwarz and Gregory Garamoni suggested that for most people to stay grounded and functional, there’s this ideal ratio for our internal dialogue—kind of like the golden ratio you see in art or nature. They basically proposed a mix of about two-thirds positive and one-third negative. I remember reading that Oettingen looked into this as well, exploring how that specific blend affects us. It makes sense, really—if everything is sunshine and rainbows, you lose your edge, but if it's all gloom, you can't move forward. It's all about that middle ground.
Her research delved into all sorts of areas—how we handle our thoughts in romantic relationships, how it impacts our career climbs, and even how it plays out with our physical health. The big takeaway? Just leaning into positive fantasies doesn't actually help much; if anything, it kind of gets in the way of real progress. It turns out that focusing on the negatives can actually be a bit more effective, but there’s a catch—the real magic happens when you balance things out. When she had participants look at both the potential perks and the potential pitfalls, they outperformed everyone else. They did better than the folks who only focused on the downsides, and they definitely crushed the group that stuck strictly to positive thinking. This wasn't just theoretical, either—it had real-world applications, like with patients recovering from hip surgery. Those who weighed both the good and the bad ended up bouncing back much faster than the ones who just tried to wish their way through it with pure positive thinking.
Actually, there’s an even heavier side to the whole "positive thinking" thing—it can get pretty intense. Back in '87, a researcher named Morgens Jensen looked into a study involving 52 women battling breast cancer, and what they found was pretty sobering. It turns out that things like suppressing negative emotions or retreating into these comforting daydreams were actually linked to the spread of the disease. To me, it just goes to show how much harm can come from trying to push down the bad stuff or hiding away in a positive fantasy instead of actually facing reality.
One of the big things we really need to tackle here is the whole way we handle negative thoughts. It feels like whenever you try to just push them down or shove them into a corner—kind of like trying to hold an inflated beach ball underwater—they just end up popping back up even harder. We're going to dive into how to actually manage that next.
It’s funny how we try to police our own brains, isn't it? We have this idea that if we just push the dark thoughts far enough down—like burying something in the backyard hoping it won't sprout—everything will suddenly be sunshine and rainbows. But honestly, that usually backfires. It's like trying to hold an inflated beach ball underwater; eventually, your arms get tired, and that thing is going to pop up and smack you right in the face. There's actually some interesting research on this. For instance, Affirmations Can make you Feel Worse Joanna Wood of The University of Waterloo found that positive affirmations make som People Feel worse. It sounds counterintuitive, I know—you'd think telling yourself you're amazing would work—but if there's a massive gap between what you're saying and what you actually feel, it just creates this weird internal friction. It can actually leave you feeling more depleted than when you started. Then you have the work done by Geoffrey Cohen. The University of Colorado gave students a 15 minute writing task wherein they affirmed their values, and it had a profound impact. Specifically, The Effect of this on Black students was quite significant. It wasn't about forcing "positivity," but rather grounding themselves in what actually mattered to them. It reminds me of how Carol Dweck wrote in her article, Perils and Promises of Praise. She touches on how the way we frame things—whether we focus on innate talent or the effort we put in—changes everything. It’s a bit like the difference between telling a kid they're "smart" versus telling them they worked really hard on a project. One builds a fragile ego, while the other builds actual resilience. How the negatives disappear, and how the positive might maintain them: suppose that someone has a fear of dogs. If they just try to ignore the fear or pretend it doesn't exist, the anxiety just sits there, simmering. But if they approach it through a different lens—maybe focusing on their ability to manage discomfort—the dynamic shifts. It’s almost like what people call the Second Wave in certain psychological movements—it's less about fighting the bad stuff and more about finding a way to coexist with it while moving forward. It's about Freeing The mind from the constant battle of "good vs. bad." Inspired by Kipling's If, I think there's a certain strength in being able to sit with the messiness of life without needing to immediately fix it with a catchy slogan or a forced smile. Life is complicated, and maybe our thinking should be allowed to be a little messy too.
A big chunk of the "positive thinking" crowd argues that we just shouldn't tolerate any negative thoughts at all—basically, just push them aside. But here’s the funny thing about that—it's almost ironic—because trying to suppress those thoughts usually just makes them loop back around even harder. It's like when you're driving down the highway and you tell yourself, "Whatever you do, don't think about a pink elephant," and suddenly, there's that damn elephant everywhere. One of the most reliable ways to get someone to fixate on something is to explicitly tell them not to think about it. I remember reading about how this concept really fascinated certain literary circles in Eastern Europe...
The American writer, Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821-1881), once mused in his work, Winter Notes on Summer Impressions:
Give yourself a little challenge—just a simple one—and try this: attempt to go just a few minutes without thinking about a polar bear. I promise you, that big, white, fuzzy thing will pop into your head every single minute. It’s like trying to ignore a flickering lightbulb in a quiet room; the harder you focus on not noticing it, the more it dominates your attention.
You know, I was thinking about this old anecdote involving Leo Tolstoy—one of those legendary writers from back in the day—who used to play these little mental games with his younger brother. He actually dared the kid to stand in a corner and try to stop thinking about a polar bear. It’s such a classic example of how the mind works, isn't it? The second you tell yourself *not* to think about something specific, like a big white bear, that's exactly what starts looping in your head. It’s almost like trying to hold a beach ball underwater—the harder you push against it, the more aggressively it pops back up to the surface.
So, I was thinking about this study by Harvard psychologist Daniel Wegner—he actually wrote a whole book on it called *White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts: Suppression, Obsession and the Psychology of Mental Control*. It’s pretty wild stuff. Basically, in one of his experiments, he told people to just think about whatever they wanted... with one massive catch: absolutely no thinking about white bears! If a white bear popped into their head, they had to ring a bell. Well, poor Wegner ended up being completely deafened by that constant ringing! And here's the kicker—it wasn't like the participants were obsessing over the bear every single second, but it just kept drifting back into their minds, uninvited, like a song you can't get out of your head. It really makes you wonder how much of our mental struggle is just us fighting against ourselves, you know?
Trying to force a thought away—sort of like how Tolstoy used to do with his younger brother—really just sets a trap for yourself. It’s a bit of a feedback loop; the harder you fight to push a specific idea down, the more it decides to show up for an encore. Honestly, when you tell someone "don't think about that negative thing," you're basically guaranteeing it'll be the only thing on their mind.
Whenever we get stuck in a loop with certain intrusive thoughts, the worst move is to try and bury them—because, as I mentioned, they'll just keep resurfacing. Instead, we ought to let them surface naturally and actually face them head-on. Giving ourselves the grace to sit with those negative feelings is a much healthier way to deal with things. It reminds me of how the American author John Steinbeck put it in *The Winter of Our Discontent*, and I think it captures the vibe perfectly:
Mike heard me out, staring at a spot between my eyes. 'Yeah!' he said. 'I know about that. Trouble is, a guy tries to shove it out of his head. That don't work. What you got to do is kind of welcome it.'
