Issues with my best friend!

Hey everyone, I’m not really sure how to kick this thread off properly. Let's just get straight to the point.

I'm talking about my best friend—we've been tight since we were kids. He’s dealt with mental health issues his whole life. Growing up, it manifested as all sorts of tics and weird habits: eye blinking, coughing, twitching his head or shoulders, needing to take two steps backward after walking five or six steps, obsessive hair combing, nail biting, an intense need for cleanliness, and checking if the front door was locked about ten times before leaving the house.

His childhood was pretty traumatic, to say the least. His dad was an alcoholic who used to beat his mom (who was battling cancer and eventually passed away), and his sister ended up running away from home. He spent a huge chunk of his time over at my place during holidays and dinners.

So, enough with the backstory. Here's why I'm posting: I feel like my friend is digging himself into a massive hole of crap.

Everything was under control until we finished school and started working. You know how it goes when you change your environment and your circle of friends. At first, he was incredibly jealous of me—because I had a girlfriend, played sports, had a solid social life... basically, things were going well for me, and anything I tried to pull him into, he just found pointless. We actually had one massive blowout fight when we were 25, and we didn't speak for a year.

Once the tension died down, we started hanging out again, but he was a completely different person. The jealousy and the belittling were gone; instead, he was super confident, almost arrogant (which I thought was a good thing at the time). But then, the "phases" started.

Each phase lasted maybe four or five months max, and every single one was exhausting for him and everyone around him.
First, he had his "soldier" phase, where he wouldn't stop bragging about everything he did during his time in the military.
Then came the die-hard sports fan phase. He spent insane amounts of money on tickets and games, which landed him in some serious trouble—he even ended up in the ER after getting into a scrap with rival fans.
And the list goes on: The Singer (joined a choir for a month), the Guitarist (bought a guitar, tried to learn, gave up after a few months), the Rocker (hung out with long-haired crowds, blasted rock music, and forced everyone around him to listen to it), the Party Animal (similar vibe to the rocker era), the Boxer (a buddy talked him into it, he bought gloves and pads, then quit after three months), the Pigeon Guy (apparently Mike Tyson loves pigeons, so this idiot decided he needed them too... he had about ten of them, spent a fortune on them, even had a custom birdhouse built for his balcony, only to release them all into the wild once he lost interest), and finally, the Falconer (since pigeons were "lame," he decided to get a Harrison's falcon to fly around the local park. He spent months studying for a falconry exam only to sleep through the actual test). On top of all this, he constantly surrounds himself with these bottom-of-the-barrel, problematic people—mostly losers or guys with nothing going for them. There are a few exceptions who hang out with him briefly or just accept him for what he is while mocking him behind his back.

It clicked for me recently: all these people he hangs out with—whether they're troublemakers or "normal"—actually have personalities. They're successful at *something*. One plays guitar amazingly, one is a DJ, one is heavily tattooed, one is a great boxer... and my friend? It feels like he’s just trying to shoplift bits and pieces of their personalities. It's like he thinks if he copies their traits, he'll magically find success or a purpose.
Basically, keeping up with his constant trends and obsessions has become draining. You can't talk to him about anything except whatever his current hyper-fixation is. I see him constantly spiraling into trouble and surrounding himself with guys much younger than him who are nothing but trouble.

Look, I respect him as a friend, and I’d go to bat for him any day if he needed help, but it feels like he’s headed in the wrong direction. He's gone so far off track that I don't think anyone can reach him anymore—except maybe a psychiatrist and some heavy-duty therapy.

The only thing I don't get is why he didn't try to rip me off on anything. It’s like he thinks he’s somehow above that. Weird.

Sorry for the low-effort post, I just needed to vent to someone. Maybe someone here has dealt with this before, or better yet, an expert who can weigh in.

Casey Peterson2 said:Hey everyone, I’m not really sure how to kick this thread off properly. Let's just get straight to the point.

I'm talking about my best friend—we've been tight since we were kids. He’s dealt with mental health issues his whole life. Growing up, it manifested as all sorts of tics and weird habits: eye blinking, coughing, twitching his head or shoulders, needing to take two steps backward after walking five or six steps, obsessive hair combing, nail biting, an intense need for cleanliness, and checking if the front door was locked about ten times before leaving the house.

His childhood was pretty traumatic, to say the least. His dad was an alcoholic who used to beat his mom (who was battling cancer and eventually passed away), and his sister ended up running away from home. He spent a huge chunk of his time over at my place during holidays and dinners.

So, enough with the backstory. Here's why I'm posting: I feel like my friend is digging himself into a massive hole of crap.

Everything was under control until we finished school and started working. You know how it goes when you change your environment and your circle of friends. At first, he was incredibly jealous of me—because I had a girlfriend, played sports, had a solid social life... basically, things were going well for me, and anything I tried to pull him into, he just found pointless. We actually had one massive blowout fight when we were 25, and we didn't speak for a year.

Once the tension died down, we started hanging out again, but he was a completely different person. The jealousy and the belittling were gone; instead, he was super confident, almost arrogant (which I thought was a good thing at the time). But then, the "phases" started.

Each phase lasted maybe four or five months max, and every single one was exhausting for him and everyone around him.
First, he had his "soldier" phase, where he wouldn't stop bragging about everything he did during his time in the military.
Then came the die-hard sports fan phase. He spent insane amounts of money on tickets and games, which landed him in some serious trouble—he even ended up in the ER after getting into a scrap with rival fans.
And the list goes on: The Singer (joined a choir for a month), the Guitarist (bought a guitar, tried to learn, gave up after a few months), the Rocker (hung out with long-haired crowds, blasted rock music, and forced everyone around him to listen to it), the Party Animal (similar vibe to the rocker era), the Boxer (a buddy talked him into it, he bought gloves and pads, then quit after three months), the Pigeon Guy (apparently Mike Tyson loves pigeons, so this idiot decided he needed them too... he had about ten of them, spent a fortune on them, even had a custom birdhouse built for his balcony, only to release them all into the wild once he lost interest), and finally, the Falconer (since pigeons were "lame," he decided to get a Harrison's falcon to fly around the local park. He spent months studying for a falconry exam only to sleep through the actual test). On top of all this, he constantly surrounds himself with these bottom-of-the-barrel, problematic people—mostly losers or guys with nothing going for them. There are a few exceptions who hang out with him briefly or just accept him for what he is while mocking him behind his back.

It clicked for me recently: all these people he hangs out with—whether they're troublemakers or "normal"—actually have personalities. They're successful at *something*. One plays guitar amazingly, one is a DJ, one is heavily tattooed, one is a great boxer... and my friend? It feels like he’s just trying to shoplift bits and pieces of their personalities. It's like he thinks if he copies their traits, he'll magically find success or a purpose.
Basically, keeping up with his constant trends and obsessions has become draining. You can't talk to him about anything except whatever his current hyper-fixation is. I see him constantly spiraling into trouble and surrounding himself with guys much younger than him who are nothing but trouble.

Look, I respect him as a friend, and I’d go to bat for him any day if he needed help, but it feels like he’s headed in the wrong direction. He's gone so far off track that I don't think anyone can reach him anymore—except maybe a psychiatrist and some heavy-duty therapy.

The only thing I don't get is why he didn't try to rip me off on anything. It’s like he thinks he’s somehow above that. Weird.

Sorry for the low-effort post, I just needed to vent to someone. Maybe someone here has dealt with this before, or better yet, an expert who can weigh in.

It seems his upbringing wasn't quite what it should have been.
Does he even have a father or any close relatives nearby?
Who does he live with?
And where is that sister of his now?
One of his parents—I would assume—constantly compared him to others, nagging him about how someone else was better at a job, or a sport, or just anything at all, right? It sounds like they instilled this desperate need in him to prove himself, not to satisfy his own soul or anyone else, really, but strictly to please his parents.
All that accumulated frustration and such a fragile sense of self-worth... isn't that exactly what is making him who he is today?
That is why he clings to those specific groups of people; he’s looking for a space where he won't face criticism or feel humiliated in any way.
He hangs out with younger crowds because, in their eyes, he can project an air of authority—even if it's entirely manufactured.
He appears to be struggling with OCD, mixed with elements of paranoia, mania, and depression as well.
In order for him to feel validated, to confirm his very identity, he feels he has to be 100% invested in whatever he does, or he simply doesn't care at all. This puts him in such a precarious position, doesn't it? Because, in reality, he cannot distinguish between what is right and what is wrong.
He tries to form these intense attachments to anyone or anything—be it an actor, a singer, a boxer, or heaven knows what...
While you are busy trying to show interest in becoming more than just casual acquaintances, he doesn't even perceive you as a person; you are merely an object for him to orbit around. If you were to pull away? He wouldn't care one bit.
He absolutely needs professional help. You have to think carefully: who influences him most? Who does he actually respect as an authority figure? You might have to use a little subtle persuasion to convince him to seek aid.
For instance, you could say, "Hey, that certain actor is incredibly cool, but you know, the news and the internet are saying that ever since he started seeing someone at the psychiatric clinic, he's become 1,786 times better than he was before."
If he has formed an emotional bond with that actor, he might actually listen to you.
You essentially have to craft a narrative for him, a sort of movie in his head, that makes going to a mental health facility seem desirable.
You know how he reacts, don't you? You know his patterns. He is quite predictable, so that is how you must approach him.
The truth is, he is in deep, deep trouble.

Thanks for the advice. It’s crystal clear that nobody takes me or my input seriously—especially when this lightning bolt is busy scanning the room while I'm talking. And you hit the nail on the head regarding the paranoia. He's convinced he's being followed and constantly does these frantic checks on the stove before leaving the house. He has a father who doesn't live with him and a sister who drops by occasionally. When she visits, she just fills his head with nonsense—telling him he's the hottest guy, a brilliant singer, the smartest kid, that he can do anything... she's basically turned him into a complete degenerate.
Bottom line: you covered everything I missed or forgot to mention in my original post.
I’m going to try talking to his sister. She holds some kind of authority over him, so maybe if I can't get through to him directly, listening to her might work.
I've realized he gets incredibly angry and jealous whenever I talk to his friends. At one party, he actually cornered me and told me that since he organized the whole thing, we had to sing with him, but then he forbade me from talking to "his crowd." It was pathetic.
I honestly don't know whether to knock him out when he acts this disrespectful or just stay far away from him entirely.

Look, he’s basically constructed this tiny, insulated little bubble around himself—a private universe where he can finally feel significant and find some sense of worth. If he senses even the slightest hint of a threat, he overreacts. It doesn't matter what the context is; his reaction is always dialed up to eleven.
And honestly? You have become a threat to that equilibrium. That’s why he won't outright reject your friendship, but there's a catch: he will only accept it if it unfolds exactly according to his own twisted script.
There is no way for you to make progress or achieve anything meaningful here; you'll just end up exhausting yourself until you eventually give up out of pure desperation.
He’s become unreachable. He has retreated so deep into his own world that his version of reality only satisfies him—to everyone else, it looks completely irrational, which, let's be honest, it probably is.

His sister is trying to use her authority—assuming she actually has any—to apply some basic psychology and coax a positive trait out of him, or at least try to blunt that incredibly abrasive temperament of his.
But it isn't working. She's just not getting through to him.
I suspect you're wasting your breath with her, but... I suppose if you haven't tried, you can't truly know, right?
Trying to force things with him won't yield results; all you'll do is walk away with a heavy conscience.
Don't distance yourself too drastically, but don't forget that you need an exit strategy. If his behavior starts becoming unpredictable, you need a backup plan—a way to step back while the dust settles.
In other words, maintain a "hot and cold" approach.
Trying to hold onto him based on who he was ten or more years ago is a lost cause. He isn't that person anymore.

Thanks for all the suggestions and advice. No one’s given me anything concrete until now, but I’m definitely taking yours to heart.