A question for the lucky ones

For those of you who claim to be happy 🙂,

do you think it’s because you actually checked off all your big life goals—or is it just because you don't need much to stay satisfied (you know, finding joy in the little things and not letting every minor setback ruin your week)?

You crammed two different topics into one post here.

Then there’s the guy who doesn't have much going for him. Even someone slightly above his level is clearly superior. That type of person was obviously born without an ego. They’ll smile at anyone... I’ve seen people like that, and they always sleep soundly at night. Details don't bother them. They get along with everyone and never go looking for a fight.

The rest of them? Those guys who actually fought for something? They’ve probably been in a scrap at least a thousand times in their lives—whether it was physical or just verbal sparring. That first guy might be happy once he finally hits his goal, but until then, he’s constantly obsessing over how to get there, whether he takes the long way around or goes straight for it. Until he succeeds, he’s either pissed off or acting lazy, pretending to be "tough." You see this kind of behavior all over the US. First off, we have that territorial instinct—my land, my girl... it's been ingrained in us forever. Add in a lack of success to the mix, and you end up with a jerk on every street corner.

Similarly, this second guy will start chasing the next win immediately after hitting his first one, whether he realizes he's doing it or not.

Everyone loves feeling fulfilled. But happiness doesn't come from the outside; true fulfillment usually comes from the people surrounding you. That’s why I recommend anyone who feels trapped in a cage to get out of that house and find a path where they can truly express themselves.

If you want to get all astrological about it, if your father is a Saturnian and you're a Sun type, while your brother is a Jovian... basically, luck is bursting out of the brother, the Sun is trying to shine, but Saturn keeps dragging him down. Get out of that house.

By framing the question this way, you haven't really left much room for a nuanced discussion. It feels a bit binary, as if we're forced to choose between one extreme or the other. Personally, I’d argue that neither option truly captures the reality of things. For instance, I haven't checked off every single goal I've set for myself in my life just yet. Does that automatically make me an unhappy person? On the flip side, I certainly deal with my fair share of setbacks and frustrations, and I wouldn't say I'm someone who can simply settle for the bare minimum all the time. Does that mean I'm miserable, too?
Not necessarily. I consider myself a fortunate individual. Why do I feel that way? I could go on at great length about it, but to put it simply, it's because I am healthy—well, relatively speaking, at least—and I find genuine contentment in what I already possess.

Elizabeth Sanchez2 said:For those of you who claim to be happy 🙂,

do you think it’s because you actually checked off all your big life goals—or is it just because you don't need much to stay satisfied (you know, finding joy in the little things and not letting every minor setback ruin your week)?

Honestly, when I feel happy, it’s usually because I’ve allowed myself to be a bit selfish. Like, maybe I missed a deadline at work, but instead of spiraling, I'm just sitting there watching a documentary about the Chicago mob because that's what I really want to do in the moment. It's that specific feeling when I hesitate to step back into the fray—expecting some massive disaster or a huge lecture from my boss—only to find that everything is actually fine. That sudden realization brings this pure, simple sense of relief and satisfaction. 😁
Most of my happiness comes from applying that exact mindset to different parts of my life.
Sometimes I'm happy just because something good happens out of the blue, but that happens way less often than when I lean into that principle.

Elizabeth Sanchez2 said:For those of you who claim to be happy 🙂,

do you think it’s because you actually checked off all your big life goals—or is it just because you don't need much to stay satisfied (you know, finding joy in the little things and not letting every minor setback ruin your week)?

So, you've posed a question about what we require for happiness, specifically centered on whether certain objectives have been met (or haven't).
I mean, we could only really discuss it within those bounds, right? It feels like a rather narrow scope because if we drift outside that specific context, a moderator might jump in and claim we're just trolling.
As for me? I feel happy because I’ve found myself through various chapters of my life—marriage, raising kids, and yes, even some material possessions, though we tend to devalue those very things because our actual desire is to be more spiritual than we realistically are.
Regardless of anything else, one should never underestimate oneself when circumstances shift, nor should one doubt their own core convictions.
Life changes constantly, doesn't it? And yet, when things pivot, we often go searching for supernatural explanations or start blaming fate, which is just such a bizarre way to sabotage our own happiness.
In truth, it takes very little to destroy our happiness and cast doubt upon it, whereas "being happy" requires so much more; sometimes, it feels like an almost impossible feat, doesn't it?
Fascinating.

Elizabeth Sanchez2 said:For those of you who claim to be happy 🙂,

do you think it’s because you actually checked off all your big life goals—or is it just because you don't need much to stay satisfied (you know, finding joy in the little things and not letting every minor setback ruin your week)?

Look, personally, I’m happy when I’ve been grinding hard for a long stretch but I actually know what I’m doing—then I go ahead and treat myself to something like a trip, hitting the slopes, or picking up some new gadget or whatever. For me, making actual progress in my career and keeping up with my education is huge for long-term happiness—or maybe it's not even "happiness" per se, but it gives me this sense of peace and security, which definitely feeds into that whole feeling of being content. Sure, enjoying the small stuff, like grabbing a coffee with my buddies or binging a killer series or movie, isn't exactly my entire foundation for happiness, but it definitely spices up the daily grind and keeps me feeling solid.

Jonathan Howard said:Honestly, when I feel happy, it’s usually because I’ve allowed myself to be a bit selfish. Like, maybe I missed a deadline at work, but instead of spiraling, I'm just sitting there watching a documentary about the Chicago mob because that's what I really want to do in the moment. It's that specific feeling when I hesitate to step back into the fray—expecting some massive disaster or a huge lecture from my boss—only to find that everything is actually fine. That sudden realization brings this pure, simple sense of relief and satisfaction. 😁
Most of my happiness comes from applying that exact mindset to different parts of my life.
Sometimes I'm happy just because something good happens out of the blue, but that happens way less often than when I lean into that principle.

honestly, I don't think that's being selfish, it's just straight-up procrastination.

dustynomad15 said:honestly, I don't think that's being selfish, it's just straight-up procrastination.

Procrastination just happened to overlap with the example I gave. My point was that the principle of selfishness—which is distinct from procrastination—applies to pretty much every part of life.
To me, true success is having the ability to say "no" to something society labels as "huge, vital, or serious," if that thing doesn't actually bring you joy or just makes you miserable. Doing that without running away, making excuses, or feeling guilty? That’s what makes me feel successful.
For instance, I know being a parent would make me deeply unhappy. It wasn't easy to hold my ground and decide that wasn't the path for me, but I did it, and I'm proud. That's my own personal win—it took determination, and it makes me happy. When people talk about "being true to yourself," that’s what they mean. Not small stuff, but the big, heavy decisions.

My question boils down to this: people who can say—without any hesitation—that they’re actually happy. I want to know if there are more of them from the first group or the second... that's all.

Sure, hitting your goals gives you that quick hit of dopamine—it feels great in the moment—but let’s be real: true happiness isn't just some byproduct of checking boxes off a to-do list.

To me, happiness is really this profound sense of inner wellness—you know, that quiet peace and a certain kind of joy that doesn't strictly depend on anything happening outside of yourself. Though, I suppose I can't quite deny how much external things shape my mood, too; things like having a harmonious relationship with my family, maybe taking a trip somewhere new, or just getting lost in a really great book. I think there's something special about a deep, meaningful conversation with someone you care about, or perhaps catching a beautiful sunset or a quiet moment out in nature. Even the energy of a live concert or a lively club scene, or just sitting back with a glass of fine bourbon in hand when the vibes are just right, makes a difference. And oh, the food! When you encounter something truly exquisite and beautifully presented—the kind of meal that actually surprises your palate—that’s something else entirely. Then there’s the genuine loyalty of dear friends where you can truly feel that depth of connection, or even just the simple, playful charm of a pet while you're playing around together.
All of these little moments tend to spark that feeling of happiness within me.
Experiencing them and simply being present for them is what really nurtures that internal sense of joy.

Elizabeth Sanchez2 said:My question boils down to this: people who can say—without any hesitation—that they’re actually happy. I want to know if there are more of them from the first group or the second... that's all.

You might find this answer a bit confusing or even contradictory at first glance, so feel free to ask for clarification if you need it. 🙂

I’m just a happy madman. To me, this world barely matters—sometimes it feels like it doesn't even exist. Other times, it feels just as fleeting as my own shifting thoughts, much like my life or anything else I ever do. I mostly experience life like a dream, a sort of vision. Sometimes it’s a nightmare, sometimes it’s pure paradise, but in the end, it’s Nothingness within nothingness. I don't care about the outcome, any grand narrative it might spin for me, or any personal success or specific goals. They don't really interest me because dreams are like sea foam; they can be beautiful, they can be a joke, they can be terrifying, and they can lead a person to lose themselves by believing they actually live in some "real" world.

On the flip side, despite everything I just said, I still get a kick out of thinking about things I truly care about. These things are purely positive and incredibly useful. Plus, I’m the one who has to make them happen since I’m the one who understands them; I dive in, research, try to contribute as much as I can, and give it my absolute all to see things through.

Then there's a third point: even with all that "on the flip side" stuff, none of it really touches me deeply. I’ve given myself completely. I also realize that nothing I achieve belongs to the "me" who feels like he should own things. I don't belong to this world, nor does this world belong to me—in a different sense, we are One (neither truly exists categorically, and ultimately, I exist and this world exists within me). Because of that, I try to wake up all those sleeping, frightened people, because I was once terrified myself before I burned myself down to nothing.

Ding-dong! 🙂🙂

Interesting—not sure if you’re actually into spiritual disciplines or just some kind of "self-taught" enthusiast?

Elizabeth Sanchez2 said:Interesting—not sure if you’re actually into spiritual disciplines or just some kind of "self-taught" enthusiast?

Honestly, I’m just incredibly hard on myself. 🙂

I really believe in one core principle that you have to work on constantly, otherwise you’ll just end up spinning your wheels: focus on good thoughts, good words, and good deeds—and don't cut corners. Spirituality doesn't allow for compromises. You can practice all the techniques you want, but if the goal isn't to be a decent human being—to stop harboring negativity and to help others whenever the opportunity arises—then those techniques are pretty much useless. Life isn't just a set of exercises.
Prayer matters, and God is especially important, but serving God through our treatment of people is what truly counts. Whatever you choose to call it, that's the heart of it.

I’m honestly not sure how I’d even go about defining happiness—or even which angle to take with it. I’m still pretty young, so I feel like hitting big milestones or "success" can kind of sit on the back burner for now, at least in terms of being some final destination.
When it comes to people in general, you shouldn't have to overthink it too much. If you follow the "glass half full" logic: things could always be worse, so you're basically on your way to being a relatively happy person. But if you lean into that pessimistic vibe: things could always be better, but since you can't control that, you aren't really happy.
Let me try to paint a picture with some extreme scenarios.
Example 1. You’ve basically made it. You’re loaded, totally set for life (your whole existence is just traveling and meeting cool people). On top of that, you’re super sharp, crushing your goals, everyone loves you, and you’re a genuinely generous person. You’ve got an amazing family, you give back to those in need, and you’re compassionate. Basically, you’ve checked all the boxes. You’re a lucky guy because, compared to the rest of the population, you’re in that top 2-3% who actually pull it off.
But man, you could still be incredibly miserable just because you still don't know who you actually are. Like, what is a human being? How did we get here? What’s the actual point of living? You’re fully aware of how flawed humanity is—and how flawed you are, too. You can't help but think everything could be so much better. Plus, there's always that nagging thought that you could lose the money, the reputation, and everything else in a heartbeat.
I mean, what are you even doing in the middle of the universe, with all these billions and billions of galaxies spinning around?

Example 2. You’re broke. No future in sight. Maybe you feel like you lack talent, you’re just drifting, and health issues are eating away at you. Life feels pretty hollow, and there aren't many ways to climb the ladder. And the kicker? You’re fully aware of all of it. But somehow, you’re still happy, simply because things could have been way worse. It could have been worse than not being born at all. So, you just tune out the problems and find joy in the little things that actually feed your soul. You realize life might feel meaningless, but you know it's not your fault that things turned out this way. So, you just decide to enjoy whatever you've got.

So, yeah, there’s no magic formula. Honestly, the sweet spot is probably somewhere in the middle—kind of in that gray area between being happy and being miserable. Just stay level-headed, don't get too swept up in the drama, and appreciate the small stuff. That’s my personal mantra. Be just unhappy enough to stay grounded, and just happy enough to enjoy the ride. Obviously, that sounds a bit robotic and nobody is actually like that, but it’s a good goal to aim for. Also, don't rush toward the massive stuff. Don't get drunk on the idea of fame, power, or that urge to look down on everyone else. Don't lose your head. At least, not recklessly—taking it slow is fine, but just... watch your step.

I honestly think there’s this third dimension to happiness that’s super hard to pin down. It’s like this mix of genetics, hormones, and just who you are from day one, all baked into your personality. So, let me give you a little glimpse into my life so you get what I mean.

God. 26 years old. And honestly? I feel incredibly lucky. Why? Who knows. I don't really have a "reason." I don't own much, my career path isn't exactly impressive yet, money is tight, I'm dealing with some chronic health stuff, lost my parents, and don't even get me started on romance (yeah, I know, sounds totally depressing lol). But despite all that, I am genuinely happy. Happiness is the ultimate goal for me, even if I've still got a long way to go.
When things get heavy, I lead with logic instead of letting my emotions take over. I try my best not to let deadlines or responsibilities freak me out, but if they do, I just lean on that logic thing I mentioned earlier.
I'm almost always smiling—even when I'm just walking down the street, sitting in meetings, or riding the subway. Sometimes I'll just start laughing for no reason, which can be pretty awkward in public.
Having this mindset has helped so much with my people skills too. Whether it's friends, clients, or coworkers, they usually just vibe with that positivity and send it right back at me.

Looking at my own life, here’s why I think I stay so upbeat:
- I refuse to let negativity take root; I just choose to embrace the good.
- I'm content with where I am right now while I work toward my big goals.
- The higher my emotional IQ, the less chance I have of falling into stress, depression, or feeling unsatisfied.

Elizabeth Sanchez2 said:For those of you who claim to be happy 🙂,

do you think it’s because you actually checked off all your big life goals—or is it just because you don't need much to stay satisfied (you know, finding joy in the little things and not letting every minor setback ruin your week)?

What even is happiness?

It's a decent question. Makes you stop and think. It varies from person to person, and life experience plays a huge role.

I think the idea of luck versus misery is perfectly captured in the movie Titanic. Leonardo DiCaprio and some other guy are playing poker; one guy bets big and loses, while the other takes the pot. One is fuming, yelling about his bad luck, while the other is riding high on his winning streak. Who’s actually happier? The guy losing his shirt and blaming fate, or the guy who just happened to catch a lucky hand?

Casey Richardson7 said:I honestly think there’s this third dimension to happiness that’s super hard to pin down. It’s like this mix of genetics, hormones, and just who you are from day one, all baked into your personality. So, let me give you a little glimpse into my life so you get what I mean.

God. 26 years old. And honestly? I feel incredibly lucky. Why? Who knows. I don't really have a "reason." I don't own much, my career path isn't exactly impressive yet, money is tight, I'm dealing with some chronic health stuff, lost my parents, and don't even get me started on romance (yeah, I know, sounds totally depressing lol). But despite all that, I am genuinely happy. Happiness is the ultimate goal for me, even if I've still got a long way to go.
When things get heavy, I lead with logic instead of letting my emotions take over. I try my best not to let deadlines or responsibilities freak me out, but if they do, I just lean on that logic thing I mentioned earlier.
I'm almost always smiling—even when I'm just walking down the street, sitting in meetings, or riding the subway. Sometimes I'll just start laughing for no reason, which can be pretty awkward in public.
Having this mindset has helped so much with my people skills too. Whether it's friends, clients, or coworkers, they usually just vibe with that positivity and send it right back at me.

Looking at my own life, here’s why I think I stay so upbeat:
- I refuse to let negativity take root; I just choose to embrace the good.
- I'm content with where I am right now while I work toward my big goals.
- The higher my emotional IQ, the less chance I have of falling into stress, depression, or feeling unsatisfied.

Well, I don't know, I guess I see things quite differently... I look at people around me who aren't particularly ambitious or driven, maybe a bit limited in their scope, they aren't really pushing themselves forward or accumulating much wealth, and they don't seem to care. They just live their lives with whatever they have, but honestly, they look a lot happier to me than the people who are smarter or more successful in their careers...

As for myself, I can't really say I'm happy, even though I suppose I have every reason to be. I'm financially stable, I've achieved everything I set out to do, my kids are great—and most importantly, they're healthy—and I'm working... but I just don't have that sense of happiness inside me. I remember once having it, though...

The real kicker is when we start trying to feed that massive ego of ours.

It’s a total losing game—honestly, a fool's errand—because the ego is never satisfied; it just keeps clawing for more and more, no matter how much you give it.

A beautiful quote for you:

"Fulfilling a desire doesn't actually end it; it just pushes it aside for a moment before it resurfaces even stronger. Think about when you're hungry—you eat to satisfy that craving, but pretty soon, you're hungry all over again. If you overeat, you might even feel pain or discomfort right in the middle of satisfying that urge. It’s the same with any worldly desire. They offer nothing more than fleeting moments of happiness. Even at the very peak of fulfillment, that joy starts to fade almost instantly. Because of this, worldly desires can never lead to lasting peace. Instead, they inevitably invite endless suffering. When someone is consumed by these earthly cravings, an overwhelming harvest of hardship is bound to follow. Desire is the root of great suffering: that is simply the law of life."