Why do some people just cave to peer pressure?

I don't get it—seriously. Any kind of pressure just triggers the exact opposite reaction in me. The second I catch someone trying to push my buttons? That’s when my mind is officially made up.😍

So, when is the right time to bend? Sometimes you just have to, right? But you also have to make sure the people around you realize that giving in is a rare occurrence. You don't want them getting used to you always folding every time there's a bit of friction.

Look at professors as an example. Some know when to loosen up, while others go way overboard with being strict. Honestly, those super intense ones are becoming a rarity. It feels like what was considered perfectly normal standards about ten years ago is now being labeled as "overly harsh" today.

The answer to the question posed by this thread is incredibly straightforward.
People simply don't want to feel like outsiders in their own neighborhoods, at their jobs...

Raymond Walker5 said:To truly grasp what’s happening, you first have to understand human psychology, which—if we're being honest—is actually quite simple.
I don't really feel like diving into a massive deep dive right now (though I probably will eventually), but unfortunately, so many people never bother to build any actual character of their own. From a very young age, there's this deep-seated urge and necessity to belong to something. Because of that, people flock to all sorts of cliques and groups just to feel like they possess some inherent value or are part of something "bigger" than themselves.
So, you see some people joining extremist political factions, others joining a local pottery club, some diving headfirst into religion, and others signing up for a specific political party. They do all of this primarily so they can feel superior to everyone else by association. They base their entire self-worth on how much others validate them. If that external validation disappears, their whole ego just collapses into pure agony.

Of course, most people are conditioned from childhood to nurture social stereotypes and conformity. In our society, losing your innocence early—both socially and sexually—is often seen as a way to gain "status." You’re expected to be born, go through school, get a job, find a partner, reproduce, work, earn money, and then die. It’s almost like we're programmed like praying mantises; once the mating is done, the male is essentially expendable.

Society has trained us to accept a lot of nonsense as "normal," treating certain milestones as things that must be achieved at any cost. For instance, if you were in Japan and you lost your job or got laid off, you might feel like committing harakiri out of sheer shame, because to society, if you aren't materially useful or productive anymore, you basically cease to exist in your own eyes and everyone else's.

In other words, conformism is just an extended version of the herd mentality. Rising above it and saying "NO" to the status quo is incredibly difficult because most people suffer from a sort of "follower" mindset, easily swayed by either those with more power or simply by whoever happens to be in the majority.

Generally speaking, we live in a culture that believes the majority is always right, which is absolute nonsense. The majority is frequently quite foolish. Independent thought is rarely given any real value here.
A huge portion of the evil in this world stems from the fear of being cast out, which has led to people following ideologies and conforming to extremes for the sake of survival.

I know plenty of people from smaller towns in California who have told me straight up that if you haven't landed a career, found a spouse, and started a family by the time you hit 20, you're considered a total failure.
We are a primitive species that measures its worth through material success. When we fail to meet the arbitrary standards imposed on us by society, we view ourselves as failures.

One of the biggest absurdities was something like forcing young people to serve in the military—which, thank God, has been abolished—and framing it as a "duty." The idea that we owe anything to anyone simply because we were born is total idiocy, and we have to say NO to it if we ever want society to actually progress.

Early on in my life, I learned to expect absolutely nothing from anyone, and because of that, the close relationships I do have tend to be very healthy. I surround myself with intelligent people, people who are critical of society, empathetic toward the marginalized, and supportive of those whom society has rejected.

People ask, "Why do people give in to the pressure?" It's because they lack character. It's because they believe everything their parents or authority figures told them is the ultimate truth. People are trained like animals by religions, societies, and institutions using subtle blackmail and fears instilled from birth. If you won't behave, you'll be punished... if you don't have the latest sneakers, kids at school will mock you... if you don't get straight A's, you'll end up doing manual labor... if you don't serve your military term, you'll end up in prison... if you don't kiss up to your boss at work, you'll get fired... if you don't believe in religious nonsense, you'll go to hell... if you don't make a killing, you're a loser...

And that is how you create a deeply psychologically damaged society. Some will argue, "Well, that's just life; it's cruel and you have to fight to survive." They'll cling to that supposed "survival of the fittest" nonsense. But it's actually the exact opposite. It's like this because you all *decided* to make it this way and chose to make life difficult. Evolution doesn't care about the "stronger" individual surviving; if that were the case, the strong would just spend all their time devouring the weak. Evolution cares about moving forward, regardless of everything—even if it means moving forward without humans entirely. Life wouldn't fail if humans disappeared. We aren't the only ones on this planet, nor are we the center of the universe.

We’re still such an underdeveloped species, honestly. We constantly find ourselves expecting things from everyone else, yet we struggle to offer even a shred of positivity to ourselves, let alone to anyone else.

To build on what you were saying, here’s a pretty cliché example from my own life back when I used to go out more often. I had this friend who constantly expected me to get up and dance. But why on earth would I dance if I wasn't actually having fun? Why should I do something that doesn't suit me just to satisfy her specific idea of a "successful night out"?

We have this fundamental inability to accept that what works for us might be completely wrong for someone else. Just because it feels normal to us to wake up at 4 AM, commute three hours to work, pull twelve-hour shifts every single day including weekends, and essentially reduce our entire existence to mere survival—that doesn't mean it's normal for anyone else.
Personally, I don't believe that life has to be lived at any cost. Because of that, I certainly don't feel obligated to survive at any cost just to fuel those social structures that seem to crave nothing but self-sacrificing slaves. I don't see any reason to play along with anyone's conformist illusions; everything we've built around us is just an illusion that we can walk away from whenever we choose.

I lost the need to be accepted or loved by others a long time ago. In my younger years, that was my heaviest burden—this massive illusion that I actually needed to have friends, much less that I needed to cater to the whims of people who are even bigger idiots than I am.
By being born, we didn't sign some cosmic contract stating that we owe anything to anyone, least of all to people who blindly follow and suck up to every social norm and stereotype out there.

As Bukowski roughly put it: "I don't like people, nor do I want to be near them, but I need them just so I can eat." And that really is the only condition we should agree to: reducing our relationship with this unwanted social system to the bare minimum required to sustain us and provide the basic necessities of life with as little hassle as possible.

Humans are inherently social creatures, driven by an almost primal urge to be accepted by their peers. When someone fails to find that sense of belonging within their own family, they inevitably go looking for it in the wider world. This often leads to a dangerous pattern: people start bending to external pressures and compromising their own values just to secure a seat at the table. It’s incredibly difficult to unlearn this mindset, especially when it's been drilled into us from childhood. It becomes particularly problematic in smaller towns or tight-knit communities where standing out is seen as a liability rather than an asset. How much of our identity are we willing to sacrifice just to avoid being the outsider?

Raymond Walker5 said:To truly grasp what’s happening, you first have to understand human psychology, which—if we're being honest—is actually quite simple.
I don't really feel like diving into a massive deep dive right now (though I probably will eventually), but unfortunately, so many people never bother to build any actual character of their own. From a very young age, there's this deep-seated urge and necessity to belong to something. Because of that, people flock to all sorts of cliques and groups just to feel like they possess some inherent value or are part of something "bigger" than themselves.
So, you see some people joining extremist political factions, others joining a local pottery club, some diving headfirst into religion, and others signing up for a specific political party. They do all of this primarily so they can feel superior to everyone else by association. They base their entire self-worth on how much others validate them. If that external validation disappears, their whole ego just collapses into pure agony.

Of course, most people are conditioned from childhood to nurture social stereotypes and conformity. In our society, losing your innocence early—both socially and sexually—is often seen as a way to gain "status." You’re expected to be born, go through school, get a job, find a partner, reproduce, work, earn money, and then die. It’s almost like we're programmed like praying mantises; once the mating is done, the male is essentially expendable.

Society has trained us to accept a lot of nonsense as "normal," treating certain milestones as things that must be achieved at any cost. For instance, if you were in Japan and you lost your job or got laid off, you might feel like committing harakiri out of sheer shame, because to society, if you aren't materially useful or productive anymore, you basically cease to exist in your own eyes and everyone else's.

In other words, conformism is just an extended version of the herd mentality. Rising above it and saying "NO" to the status quo is incredibly difficult because most people suffer from a sort of "follower" mindset, easily swayed by either those with more power or simply by whoever happens to be in the majority.

Generally speaking, we live in a culture that believes the majority is always right, which is absolute nonsense. The majority is frequently quite foolish. Independent thought is rarely given any real value here.
A huge portion of the evil in this world stems from the fear of being cast out, which has led to people following ideologies and conforming to extremes for the sake of survival.

I know plenty of people from smaller towns in California who have told me straight up that if you haven't landed a career, found a spouse, and started a family by the time you hit 20, you're considered a total failure.
We are a primitive species that measures its worth through material success. When we fail to meet the arbitrary standards imposed on us by society, we view ourselves as failures.

One of the biggest absurdities was something like forcing young people to serve in the military—which, thank God, has been abolished—and framing it as a "duty." The idea that we owe anything to anyone simply because we were born is total idiocy, and we have to say NO to it if we ever want society to actually progress.

Early on in my life, I learned to expect absolutely nothing from anyone, and because of that, the close relationships I do have tend to be very healthy. I surround myself with intelligent people, people who are critical of society, empathetic toward the marginalized, and supportive of those whom society has rejected.

People ask, "Why do people give in to the pressure?" It's because they lack character. It's because they believe everything their parents or authority figures told them is the ultimate truth. People are trained like animals by religions, societies, and institutions using subtle blackmail and fears instilled from birth. If you won't behave, you'll be punished... if you don't have the latest sneakers, kids at school will mock you... if you don't get straight A's, you'll end up doing manual labor... if you don't serve your military term, you'll end up in prison... if you don't kiss up to your boss at work, you'll get fired... if you don't believe in religious nonsense, you'll go to hell... if you don't make a killing, you're a loser...

And that is how you create a deeply psychologically damaged society. Some will argue, "Well, that's just life; it's cruel and you have to fight to survive." They'll cling to that supposed "survival of the fittest" nonsense. But it's actually the exact opposite. It's like this because you all *decided* to make it this way and chose to make life difficult. Evolution doesn't care about the "stronger" individual surviving; if that were the case, the strong would just spend all their time devouring the weak. Evolution cares about moving forward, regardless of everything—even if it means moving forward without humans entirely. Life wouldn't fail if humans disappeared. We aren't the only ones on this planet, nor are we the center of the universe.

We’re still such an underdeveloped species, honestly. We constantly find ourselves expecting things from everyone else, yet we struggle to offer even a shred of positivity to ourselves, let alone to anyone else.

To build on what you were saying, here’s a pretty cliché example from my own life back when I used to go out more often. I had this friend who constantly expected me to get up and dance. But why on earth would I dance if I wasn't actually having fun? Why should I do something that doesn't suit me just to satisfy her specific idea of a "successful night out"?

We have this fundamental inability to accept that what works for us might be completely wrong for someone else. Just because it feels normal to us to wake up at 4 AM, commute three hours to work, pull twelve-hour shifts every single day including weekends, and essentially reduce our entire existence to mere survival—that doesn't mean it's normal for anyone else.
Personally, I don't believe that life has to be lived at any cost. Because of that, I certainly don't feel obligated to survive at any cost just to fuel those social structures that seem to crave nothing but self-sacrificing slaves. I don't see any reason to play along with anyone's conformist illusions; everything we've built around us is just an illusion that we can walk away from whenever we choose.

I lost the need to be accepted or loved by others a long time ago. In my younger years, that was my heaviest burden—this massive illusion that I actually needed to have friends, much less that I needed to cater to the whims of people who are even bigger idiots than I am.
By being born, we didn't sign some cosmic contract stating that we owe anything to anyone, least of all to people who blindly follow and suck up to every social norm and stereotype out there.

As Bukowski roughly put it: "I don't like people, nor do I want to be near them, but I need them just so I can eat." And that really is the only condition we should agree to: reducing our relationship with this unwanted social system to the bare minimum required to sustain us and provide the basic necessities of life with as little hassle as possible.

Upbringing plays a massive role in how we turn out. Too often, parents fail to teach their children how to think critically, opting instead to steer them away from forming their own independent perspectives. I frequently observe this pattern where a child asks "why?" and the parent simply shuts it down with a blunt "because I said so." It’s a conversation killer. Instead of offering an explanation, they could easily pivot by asking, "Well, what do you think?" By defaulting to that kind of authority-based reasoning, we are essentially training kids from a very young age to be passive observers. We teach them to just accept circumstances as they are, rather than teaching them to analyze the situation, draw their own conclusions, and then decide whether to act on those findings or at least form a reasoned stance. Is it any wonder we struggle with such a reactive society?

Look, parents really do hold all the cards here. If you grow up in a house where you can't actually talk to anyone—where everything is just silence or judgment—and you see your own folks obsessing over what the neighbors or the folks at the local Starbucks think about them, you’re probably going to end up mirroring that exact same neurotic behavior. It becomes your default setting.

The real fix? You’ve gotta embrace it. You have to accept and actually like the person staring back at you in the mirror, and then go out and find your tribe—people who actually get you and have your back. Most people spend their entire lives chasing some manufactured version of "normal" dictated by society, but let me tell you, true "normal" is just being unapologetically yourself.

David Fisher23 said:Humans are inherently social creatures, driven by an almost primal urge to be accepted by their peers. When someone fails to find that sense of belonging within their own family, they inevitably go looking for it in the wider world. This often leads to a dangerous pattern: people start bending to external pressures and compromising their own values just to secure a seat at the table. It’s incredibly difficult to unlearn this mindset, especially when it's been drilled into us from childhood. It becomes particularly problematic in smaller towns or tight-knit communities where standing out is seen as a liability rather than an asset. How much of our identity are we willing to sacrifice just to avoid being the outsider?

Upbringing plays a massive role in how we turn out. Too often, parents fail to teach their children how to think critically, opting instead to steer them away from forming their own independent perspectives. I frequently observe this pattern where a child asks "why?" and the parent simply shuts it down with a blunt "because I said so." It’s a conversation killer. Instead of offering an explanation, they could easily pivot by asking, "Well, what do you think?" By defaulting to that kind of authority-based reasoning, we are essentially training kids from a very young age to be passive observers. We teach them to just accept circumstances as they are, rather than teaching them to analyze the situation, draw their own conclusions, and then decide whether to act on those findings or at least form a reasoned stance. Is it any wonder we struggle with such a reactive society?

Another layer to this is that so many people struggle to offer genuine love—not even to themselves, let alone others. We carry these endless expectations of one another, finding it nearly impossible to accept people for who they truly are. Honestly, it’s one of the biggest systemic issues in our society today.
We constantly try to bend others to fit our own needs and desires. We want to control, manipulate, or demand things, ranking a person's worth as a human being based purely on how useful they are to us, simply because that's the pattern we've seen others use on us.
It starts with parents, continues through society, and manifests in our romantic relationships.

Sometimes, it isn't just about a lack of guidance from parents or social structures; it's also about the individual's inability to reach a level of maturity where they can finally think for themselves. It takes immense strength to break away from those heavy societal expectations and rigid stereotypes.
In the end, most people walk around believing they have a unique "personality," completely unaware that who they are is largely a byproduct of their environment. Their thoughts aren't truly theirs, and their worldview isn't something they built—it was programmed into them.

Too many people enter relationships for one singular reason: to satisfy their own lowest impulses through another person, whether they realize they're doing it or not. Of course, that's fundamentally wrong, but it's how the world operates. I truly believe we need to learn to let other beings exist as they are, helping them flourish in their own truth rather than demanding they become something else to suit us. Unfortunately, driven by insecurity and narrow mindsets, we tend to expect others to be the vessels for our own unfulfilled wants.

If every single person made just one small gesture toward someone else each day—purely out of love and goodwill, rather than selfishness, fear, or insecurity—the world would be a completely different place.

Ronald Jones said:I have a question regarding the topic in the title.

To illustrate my point, let me offer a few examples.

a) Suppose we attend a social gathering where, naturally, one is expected to drink something. What is the purpose of this, truly, if I am already aware that I don't enjoy it? In fact, I find the very notion of being obligated quite distasteful. Why is it that people succumb to this pressure, have a few drinks, and then subsequently expect that individual to actually get intoxicated? 😳 🙄 It is quite the same situation with cigarettes. 😳 😳

b) Furthermore, why is there such an obligation to be in a relationship right now? Is there something inherently wrong with me if I am single? Am I supposed to simply abandon all my standards and settle for the very first person who happens to be somewhat attractive? 😳 🍿 Yet, I observe that a vast number of people simply give in to these societal expectations. ☕ ☕

It’s because they’re young and naive—they just don't get that they aren't living for anyone else but themselves. They fail to realize that the people demanding they conform aren't exactly footing their bills or putting food on their tables. And let's be real: most of those people expecting total compliance probably won't even be around as friends in the long run, much less step up to help when life actually gets messy. If things go sideways and real, serious problems hit, you can bet those same conformists won't be the ones coming to your rescue.

Once people finally figure out the difference between those who actually have their back and those who are just along for the ride—then, and only then, will they realize who’s actually worth making compromises for, who's worth bending over backwards for, and who isn't. It's a hard lesson, but it happens fast once you see the truth.

Raymond Walker5 said:To truly grasp what’s happening, you first have to understand human psychology, which—if we're being honest—is actually quite simple.
I don't really feel like diving into a massive deep dive right now (though I probably will eventually), but unfortunately, so many people never bother to build any actual character of their own. From a very young age, there's this deep-seated urge and necessity to belong to something. Because of that, people flock to all sorts of cliques and groups just to feel like they possess some inherent value or are part of something "bigger" than themselves.
So, you see some people joining extremist political factions, others joining a local pottery club, some diving headfirst into religion, and others signing up for a specific political party. They do all of this primarily so they can feel superior to everyone else by association. They base their entire self-worth on how much others validate them. If that external validation disappears, their whole ego just collapses into pure agony.

Of course, most people are conditioned from childhood to nurture social stereotypes and conformity. In our society, losing your innocence early—both socially and sexually—is often seen as a way to gain "status." You’re expected to be born, go through school, get a job, find a partner, reproduce, work, earn money, and then die. It’s almost like we're programmed like praying mantises; once the mating is done, the male is essentially expendable.

Society has trained us to accept a lot of nonsense as "normal," treating certain milestones as things that must be achieved at any cost. For instance, if you were in Japan and you lost your job or got laid off, you might feel like committing harakiri out of sheer shame, because to society, if you aren't materially useful or productive anymore, you basically cease to exist in your own eyes and everyone else's.

In other words, conformism is just an extended version of the herd mentality. Rising above it and saying "NO" to the status quo is incredibly difficult because most people suffer from a sort of "follower" mindset, easily swayed by either those with more power or simply by whoever happens to be in the majority.

Generally speaking, we live in a culture that believes the majority is always right, which is absolute nonsense. The majority is frequently quite foolish. Independent thought is rarely given any real value here.
A huge portion of the evil in this world stems from the fear of being cast out, which has led to people following ideologies and conforming to extremes for the sake of survival.

I know plenty of people from smaller towns in California who have told me straight up that if you haven't landed a career, found a spouse, and started a family by the time you hit 20, you're considered a total failure.
We are a primitive species that measures its worth through material success. When we fail to meet the arbitrary standards imposed on us by society, we view ourselves as failures.

One of the biggest absurdities was something like forcing young people to serve in the military—which, thank God, has been abolished—and framing it as a "duty." The idea that we owe anything to anyone simply because we were born is total idiocy, and we have to say NO to it if we ever want society to actually progress.

Early on in my life, I learned to expect absolutely nothing from anyone, and because of that, the close relationships I do have tend to be very healthy. I surround myself with intelligent people, people who are critical of society, empathetic toward the marginalized, and supportive of those whom society has rejected.

People ask, "Why do people give in to the pressure?" It's because they lack character. It's because they believe everything their parents or authority figures told them is the ultimate truth. People are trained like animals by religions, societies, and institutions using subtle blackmail and fears instilled from birth. If you won't behave, you'll be punished... if you don't have the latest sneakers, kids at school will mock you... if you don't get straight A's, you'll end up doing manual labor... if you don't serve your military term, you'll end up in prison... if you don't kiss up to your boss at work, you'll get fired... if you don't believe in religious nonsense, you'll go to hell... if you don't make a killing, you're a loser...

And that is how you create a deeply psychologically damaged society. Some will argue, "Well, that's just life; it's cruel and you have to fight to survive." They'll cling to that supposed "survival of the fittest" nonsense. But it's actually the exact opposite. It's like this because you all *decided* to make it this way and chose to make life difficult. Evolution doesn't care about the "stronger" individual surviving; if that were the case, the strong would just spend all their time devouring the weak. Evolution cares about moving forward, regardless of everything—even if it means moving forward without humans entirely. Life wouldn't fail if humans disappeared. We aren't the only ones on this planet, nor are we the center of the universe.

We’re still such an underdeveloped species, honestly. We constantly find ourselves expecting things from everyone else, yet we struggle to offer even a shred of positivity to ourselves, let alone to anyone else.

To build on what you were saying, here’s a pretty cliché example from my own life back when I used to go out more often. I had this friend who constantly expected me to get up and dance. But why on earth would I dance if I wasn't actually having fun? Why should I do something that doesn't suit me just to satisfy her specific idea of a "successful night out"?

We have this fundamental inability to accept that what works for us might be completely wrong for someone else. Just because it feels normal to us to wake up at 4 AM, commute three hours to work, pull twelve-hour shifts every single day including weekends, and essentially reduce our entire existence to mere survival—that doesn't mean it's normal for anyone else.
Personally, I don't believe that life has to be lived at any cost. Because of that, I certainly don't feel obligated to survive at any cost just to fuel those social structures that seem to crave nothing but self-sacrificing slaves. I don't see any reason to play along with anyone's conformist illusions; everything we've built around us is just an illusion that we can walk away from whenever we choose.

I lost the need to be accepted or loved by others a long time ago. In my younger years, that was my heaviest burden—this massive illusion that I actually needed to have friends, much less that I needed to cater to the whims of people who are even bigger idiots than I am.
By being born, we didn't sign some cosmic contract stating that we owe anything to anyone, least of all to people who blindly follow and suck up to every social norm and stereotype out there.

As Bukowski roughly put it: "I don't like people, nor do I want to be near them, but I need them just so I can eat." And that really is the only condition we should agree to: reducing our relationship with this unwanted social system to the bare minimum required to sustain us and provide the basic necessities of life with as little hassle as possible.

Great post, and you hit the nail right on the head.
If you ever write a book, you absolutely have to immortalize this in one of the chapters. 👍

crimsoncanyon2 said:It’s because they’re young and naive—they just don't get that they aren't living for anyone else but themselves. They fail to realize that the people demanding they conform aren't exactly footing their bills or putting food on their tables. And let's be real: most of those people expecting total compliance probably won't even be around as friends in the long run, much less step up to help when life actually gets messy. If things go sideways and real, serious problems hit, you can bet those same conformists won't be the ones coming to your rescue.

Once people finally figure out the difference between those who actually have their back and those who are just along for the ride—then, and only then, will they realize who’s actually worth making compromises for, who's worth bending over backwards for, and who isn't. It's a hard lesson, but it happens fast once you see the truth.

Great post, and you hit the nail right on the head.
If you ever write a book, you absolutely have to immortalize this in one of the chapters. 👍

Honestly, I feel like publishers are just waiting with open arms for me.🤣
Though, I suppose I’d actually get around to writing that book if there were people out there interested enough to actually buy it.

Raymond Walker5 said:Another layer to this is that so many people struggle to offer genuine love—not even to themselves, let alone others. We carry these endless expectations of one another, finding it nearly impossible to accept people for who they truly are. Honestly, it’s one of the biggest systemic issues in our society today.
We constantly try to bend others to fit our own needs and desires. We want to control, manipulate, or demand things, ranking a person's worth as a human being based purely on how useful they are to us, simply because that's the pattern we've seen others use on us.
It starts with parents, continues through society, and manifests in our romantic relationships.

Sometimes, it isn't just about a lack of guidance from parents or social structures; it's also about the individual's inability to reach a level of maturity where they can finally think for themselves. It takes immense strength to break away from those heavy societal expectations and rigid stereotypes.
In the end, most people walk around believing they have a unique "personality," completely unaware that who they are is largely a byproduct of their environment. Their thoughts aren't truly theirs, and their worldview isn't something they built—it was programmed into them.

Too many people enter relationships for one singular reason: to satisfy their own lowest impulses through another person, whether they realize they're doing it or not. Of course, that's fundamentally wrong, but it's how the world operates. I truly believe we need to learn to let other beings exist as they are, helping them flourish in their own truth rather than demanding they become something else to suit us. Unfortunately, driven by insecurity and narrow mindsets, we tend to expect others to be the vessels for our own unfulfilled wants.

If every single person made just one small gesture toward someone else each day—purely out of love and goodwill, rather than selfishness, fear, or insecurity—the world would be a completely different place.

I would argue that one follows the other. It is impossible to offer genuine affection to someone else if we haven't mastered the ability to be kind to ourselves first.

We are stuck in this perpetual loop of projecting expectations onto one another, unable to accept anyone for who they actually are. Honestly, isn't that one of the fundamental fractures in our society?
We have this constant urge to bend others to our own whims, to control them, manipulate them, and demand things from them. We end up grading their value as human beings based on how well they serve us, simply because that is the toxic pattern we’ve inherited from everyone else.
It starts with parents, it's reinforced by society at large, and it carries straight into our romantic relationships.

Regarding those expectations, I'd add that people consistently demand far more than they are willing to contribute. I've seen plenty of relationships where one person is habitually unfaithful, yet they absolutely cannot stomach it when the shoe is on the other foot. It happens in all sorts of ways; for instance, people expect their partners to hang on every word they say, but the moment that partner tries to speak up, they dismiss them or shut the conversation down entirely.

Many people enter relationships for a single, selfish reason: to satisfy their most primal impulses through another person, whether they realize it or not. While obviously flawed, that is essentially how the social machinery turns. I believe we ought to allow another human being to just exist as they are and support their growth, rather than trying to mold them into something else. Unfortunately, fueled by insecurity and low emotional intelligence, we tend to treat people as tools to fulfill our own desires.

People claim to love their partners while simultaneously trying to micromanage every aspect of their personality to suit their own needs. Similarly—and I hear this quite often myself—parents will boast about providing everything for their children in terms of material wealth, yet they rarely provide the one thing that actually matters: the freedom for those children to become their true selves.

If every person performed just one act a day driven purely by love and goodwill—rather than selfishness, fear, or insecurity—the world wouldn't look anything like it does today.

But then again, as they say: "Don't hold your breath."

It’s much like what several others have pointed out—it all comes down to that deep-seated need for belonging. There’s this pervasive, almost subconscious thought process where you tell yourself, 'If I just act like them, they'll finally accept me.'
I know that feeling all too well; I've lived it. Honestly, I can't even begin to describe the sheer misery and emptiness I felt while trying to force myself into the pack, masquerading as someone I was never meant to be. For starters, I don't actually like alcohol. In fact, the whole idea of it turns my stomach. If I drink anything at all, it’s strictly beer. I won't even go into how many glasses of nauseating shots, cheap tequila, vodka, or various liqueurs I forced down my throat just to avoid hearing that dreaded, repetitive question: "So, why aren't you drinking anything?" Because I simply don't want to, for heaven's sake 🙄. Generally speaking, I can't stand going out, dancing in those dark, sweaty clubs, or listening to mindless trash music, yet that was precisely what I spent years doing—all just to fit in. I’ve always been terrified of large crowds, yet I kept forcing myself into them even as I felt myself dying a little bit inside every single time.

I feel as though ever since I finally embraced who I truly am, I can actually breathe and function like a normal person again. It’s been a total rebirth 😁

Also, as has already been mentioned, the way we are raised here plays a massive role. My parents are incredibly preoccupied with what other people think; they live in constant fear of being judged by their neighbors or anyone else. In their eyes, any kind of failure must be hidden away like a shameful secret, just to ensure no one accidentally forms a negative opinion about us 🙄

I know plenty of people who started listening to specific genres of music, reading certain books, or watching particular films solely to seem "cool" or interesting enough to impress the specific crowd they were chasing. And we aren't even talking about high school kids here; I'm talking about people in their mid-twenties. Good grief 🤮

David Fisher23 said:I would argue that one follows the other. It is impossible to offer genuine affection to someone else if we haven't mastered the ability to be kind to ourselves first.

We are stuck in this perpetual loop of projecting expectations onto one another, unable to accept anyone for who they actually are. Honestly, isn't that one of the fundamental fractures in our society?
We have this constant urge to bend others to our own whims, to control them, manipulate them, and demand things from them. We end up grading their value as human beings based on how well they serve us, simply because that is the toxic pattern we’ve inherited from everyone else.
It starts with parents, it's reinforced by society at large, and it carries straight into our romantic relationships.

Regarding those expectations, I'd add that people consistently demand far more than they are willing to contribute. I've seen plenty of relationships where one person is habitually unfaithful, yet they absolutely cannot stomach it when the shoe is on the other foot. It happens in all sorts of ways; for instance, people expect their partners to hang on every word they say, but the moment that partner tries to speak up, they dismiss them or shut the conversation down entirely.

Many people enter relationships for a single, selfish reason: to satisfy their most primal impulses through another person, whether they realize it or not. While obviously flawed, that is essentially how the social machinery turns. I believe we ought to allow another human being to just exist as they are and support their growth, rather than trying to mold them into something else. Unfortunately, fueled by insecurity and low emotional intelligence, we tend to treat people as tools to fulfill our own desires.

People claim to love their partners while simultaneously trying to micromanage every aspect of their personality to suit their own needs. Similarly—and I hear this quite often myself—parents will boast about providing everything for their children in terms of material wealth, yet they rarely provide the one thing that actually matters: the freedom for those children to become their true selves.

If every person performed just one act a day driven purely by love and goodwill—rather than selfishness, fear, or insecurity—the world wouldn't look anything like it does today.

But then again, as they say: "Don't hold your breath."

Exactly this.

I can't tell you how often I've encountered people who seem determined to force a complete overhaul on the very individuals they supposedly cherish. It makes you wonder—if you aren't actually fond of who they are in their natural state, what exactly was it that captured your heart in the first place? ☕

These supposed changes made "in the name of love" are really just a reflection of a total lack of respect and basic decency within our society—or at least, how I perceive it. It’s become perfectly acceptable to just say, "Good luck, either you conform or we won't be happy together," which is honestly such a load of garbage. It's tragic, but unfortunately, it’s just daily life now.😢

As for happiness, well, I’m clearly not one of those people, because despite more than 30 years of trying, neither society nor any individual has managed to sway me or convince me to join in on this mass schizophrenia they call normalcy.😛 And the fact that this behavior is considered "normal"🤣

The truth is, people would probably resort to cannibalism before they actually take a moment to acknowledge the mess they've created and think about it. It’s much easier to just destroy the evidence and ignore the issue than it is to actually grapple with "difficult questions and social phenomena."

For instance: society destroys certain individuals or families under the guise of progress and the "greater good," and then proceeds to paint those very people as the societal problem. Then, when those people start picking through the wreckage, they are labeled as "troublemakers." No, no... they aren't the problem; they are the direct consequence of this society—a consequence of every single person who makes up this collective.🙂

Once people label you as a pushover, man, it’s a real uphill battle to change that perception.

Sadly, it feels like folks tend to cling to your flaws way more than they celebrate your strengths. Sometimes, just walking away seems like the only thing that actually makes sense, doesn't it?

It’s because they’re terrified of being outsiders or outcasts. They can't handle being the "different" one, so they struggle to find real friends and just end up drifting. I actually witnessed this exact transformation during my last friendship; I watched someone go from having actual convictions and a backbone to becoming a total carbon copy of whoever they were dating, just to fit in. Honestly, it feels so slimy, doesn't it? But then again, you can't force people to change who they are.

I mean, just take a look at Facebook—the sheer amount of superficiality there is staggering. You see people who haven't spoken in years, let alone seen each other, constantly liking photos and playing pretend at being close friends simply because that's the social script everyone follows. 🙄 Everything is just filled with clones...

If you constantly find yourself being the resident weirdo in your social circle—especially in a place as stuck-in-its-ways as certain parts of middle America—there’s a pretty good chance you just happen to have an above-average critical thinking capacity.

Out of all the flaws humans possess, my absolute biggest pet peeve is people who fold under pressure. I mean, sure, some things are unavoidable because you don't want to start a riot just to prove a point, but there are so many moments where people follow the herd for zero reason. When someone is a total pushover, honestly, it’s revolting. It’s one of those things that just kills any respect I had for them instantly.

Of course, organized religion plays a massive part in this, but it goes down to the smallest, most mindless gestures too—like the forced "bless yous," the empty "cheers," or those scripted New Year's greetings. It’s all just mindless conformity that erodes actual character, or at least ruins my opinion of the person doing it.

I always think of this one image whenever this topic comes up.

http://i.snag.gy/kdu77.jpg

Because they are weak, fearful, and desperate for validation

yeah, it’s been days already...

Raymond Walker5 said:Another layer to this is that so many people struggle to offer genuine love—not even to themselves, let alone others. We carry these endless expectations of one another, finding it nearly impossible to accept people for who they truly are. Honestly, it’s one of the biggest systemic issues in our society today.
We constantly try to bend others to fit our own needs and desires. We want to control, manipulate, or demand things, ranking a person's worth as a human being based purely on how useful they are to us, simply because that's the pattern we've seen others use on us.
It starts with parents, continues through society, and manifests in our romantic relationships.

Sometimes, it isn't just about a lack of guidance from parents or social structures; it's also about the individual's inability to reach a level of maturity where they can finally think for themselves. It takes immense strength to break away from those heavy societal expectations and rigid stereotypes.
In the end, most people walk around believing they have a unique "personality," completely unaware that who they are is largely a byproduct of their environment. Their thoughts aren't truly theirs, and their worldview isn't something they built—it was programmed into them.

Too many people enter relationships for one singular reason: to satisfy their own lowest impulses through another person, whether they realize they're doing it or not. Of course, that's fundamentally wrong, but it's how the world operates. I truly believe we need to learn to let other beings exist as they are, helping them flourish in their own truth rather than demanding they become something else to suit us. Unfortunately, driven by insecurity and narrow mindsets, we tend to expect others to be the vessels for our own unfulfilled wants.

If every single person made just one small gesture toward someone else each day—purely out of love and goodwill, rather than selfishness, fear, or insecurity—the world would be a completely different place.

Raymond Walker5, your posts are killer!

Arthur Kim5 said:Because they are weak, fearful, and desperate for validation

Exactly... and honestly? That’s precisely why a collective needs them—those weak, frightened people who are practically begging to be part of the group...

Raymond Walker5 said:To truly grasp what’s happening, you first have to understand human psychology, which—if we're being honest—is actually quite simple.
I don't really feel like diving into a massive deep dive right now (though I probably will eventually), but unfortunately, so many people never bother to build any actual character of their own. From a very young age, there's this deep-seated urge and necessity to belong to something. Because of that, people flock to all sorts of cliques and groups just to feel like they possess some inherent value or are part of something "bigger" than themselves.
So, you see some people joining extremist political factions, others joining a local pottery club, some diving headfirst into religion, and others signing up for a specific political party. They do all of this primarily so they can feel superior to everyone else by association. They base their entire self-worth on how much others validate them. If that external validation disappears, their whole ego just collapses into pure agony.

Of course, most people are conditioned from childhood to nurture social stereotypes and conformity. In our society, losing your innocence early—both socially and sexually—is often seen as a way to gain "status." You’re expected to be born, go through school, get a job, find a partner, reproduce, work, earn money, and then die. It’s almost like we're programmed like praying mantises; once the mating is done, the male is essentially expendable.

Society has trained us to accept a lot of nonsense as "normal," treating certain milestones as things that must be achieved at any cost. For instance, if you were in Japan and you lost your job or got laid off, you might feel like committing harakiri out of sheer shame, because to society, if you aren't materially useful or productive anymore, you basically cease to exist in your own eyes and everyone else's.

In other words, conformism is just an extended version of the herd mentality. Rising above it and saying "NO" to the status quo is incredibly difficult because most people suffer from a sort of "follower" mindset, easily swayed by either those with more power or simply by whoever happens to be in the majority.

Generally speaking, we live in a culture that believes the majority is always right, which is absolute nonsense. The majority is frequently quite foolish. Independent thought is rarely given any real value here.
A huge portion of the evil in this world stems from the fear of being cast out, which has led to people following ideologies and conforming to extremes for the sake of survival.

I know plenty of people from smaller towns in California who have told me straight up that if you haven't landed a career, found a spouse, and started a family by the time you hit 20, you're considered a total failure.
We are a primitive species that measures its worth through material success. When we fail to meet the arbitrary standards imposed on us by society, we view ourselves as failures.

One of the biggest absurdities was something like forcing young people to serve in the military—which, thank God, has been abolished—and framing it as a "duty." The idea that we owe anything to anyone simply because we were born is total idiocy, and we have to say NO to it if we ever want society to actually progress.

Early on in my life, I learned to expect absolutely nothing from anyone, and because of that, the close relationships I do have tend to be very healthy. I surround myself with intelligent people, people who are critical of society, empathetic toward the marginalized, and supportive of those whom society has rejected.

People ask, "Why do people give in to the pressure?" It's because they lack character. It's because they believe everything their parents or authority figures told them is the ultimate truth. People are trained like animals by religions, societies, and institutions using subtle blackmail and fears instilled from birth. If you won't behave, you'll be punished... if you don't have the latest sneakers, kids at school will mock you... if you don't get straight A's, you'll end up doing manual labor... if you don't serve your military term, you'll end up in prison... if you don't kiss up to your boss at work, you'll get fired... if you don't believe in religious nonsense, you'll go to hell... if you don't make a killing, you're a loser...

And that is how you create a deeply psychologically damaged society. Some will argue, "Well, that's just life; it's cruel and you have to fight to survive." They'll cling to that supposed "survival of the fittest" nonsense. But it's actually the exact opposite. It's like this because you all *decided* to make it this way and chose to make life difficult. Evolution doesn't care about the "stronger" individual surviving; if that were the case, the strong would just spend all their time devouring the weak. Evolution cares about moving forward, regardless of everything—even if it means moving forward without humans entirely. Life wouldn't fail if humans disappeared. We aren't the only ones on this planet, nor are we the center of the universe.

We’re still such an underdeveloped species, honestly. We constantly find ourselves expecting things from everyone else, yet we struggle to offer even a shred of positivity to ourselves, let alone to anyone else.

To build on what you were saying, here’s a pretty cliché example from my own life back when I used to go out more often. I had this friend who constantly expected me to get up and dance. But why on earth would I dance if I wasn't actually having fun? Why should I do something that doesn't suit me just to satisfy her specific idea of a "successful night out"?

We have this fundamental inability to accept that what works for us might be completely wrong for someone else. Just because it feels normal to us to wake up at 4 AM, commute three hours to work, pull twelve-hour shifts every single day including weekends, and essentially reduce our entire existence to mere survival—that doesn't mean it's normal for anyone else.
Personally, I don't believe that life has to be lived at any cost. Because of that, I certainly don't feel obligated to survive at any cost just to fuel those social structures that seem to crave nothing but self-sacrificing slaves. I don't see any reason to play along with anyone's conformist illusions; everything we've built around us is just an illusion that we can walk away from whenever we choose.

I lost the need to be accepted or loved by others a long time ago. In my younger years, that was my heaviest burden—this massive illusion that I actually needed to have friends, much less that I needed to cater to the whims of people who are even bigger idiots than I am.
By being born, we didn't sign some cosmic contract stating that we owe anything to anyone, least of all to people who blindly follow and suck up to every social norm and stereotype out there.

As Bukowski roughly put it: "I don't like people, nor do I want to be near them, but I need them just so I can eat." And that really is the only condition we should agree to: reducing our relationship with this unwanted social system to the bare minimum required to sustain us and provide the basic necessities of life with as little hassle as possible.

Straight facts.

I guess some people actually pull off living totally solo, away from everyone, and I lowkey respect that, especially if they chose to ditch civilization on purpose.

And maybe, adding to that Bukowski thing about food, there's also that need for physical, sexual contact—not just all that "emotional connection" stuff. Anyone who can actually find that? They're probably chill.

Lisa Chase3 said:Straight facts.

I guess some people actually pull off living totally solo, away from everyone, and I lowkey respect that, especially if they chose to ditch civilization on purpose.

And maybe, adding to that Bukowski thing about food, there's also that need for physical, sexual contact—not just all that "emotional connection" stuff. Anyone who can actually find that? They're probably chill.

Most people probably ditch civilization because they have something to prove. But isn't it more about proving it to themselves? Showing they can actually live out their own desires?

Still, you really have to go through all that internal stuff first before you're ready to head out into the wild for an adventure.