How do I break through a creative block?

I have a massive problem. I’ve spent my entire life feeling profoundly alone. As a kid, I was subjected to horrific physical and psychological abuse—the kind of stuff that leaves permanent scars. Naturally, I grew up as someone with zero self-confidence, perpetually anxious and socially stunted. I didn't even have a girlfriend until I was 26. I met her by chance; she was quite a bit younger than me and came from a similar background—her father was an alcoholic and abusive. We were together for six years. She was my first, and I was hers. About a year and a half ago, she left me for someone else.😢

I ended up in a psychiatric ward where they diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. Since then, there hasn't been anyone else. I've tried going out with a few women—we’ve shared some kisses—but I simply cannot bring myself to have sex. There is this massive, impenetrable mental block inside me that I just can't break through. Believe me, I want to; I crave intimacy so badly that the frustration and desperation are becoming overwhelming. I realize that women my age are typically looking for established men with solid careers and plenty of experience under their belts. I have neither. My self-esteem is non-existent; I don't even have the courage to say "hello." I feel like a total failure—like a "defective product." Physically, I'm fine—in fact, I look much younger than my actual age (33)—but nothing works. If I try to play a part, it feels fake; if I tell the truth about who I am, it only makes things worse.🙂

He needs to walk in there with total authority—treat them like sheep. If he maintains that dominant posture, they’ll fold immediately.

It’s all quite pointless—feel free to lock this thread. There isn't anyone here who can actually help me.

mistycanyon6 said:I have a massive problem. I’ve spent my entire life feeling profoundly alone. As a kid, I was subjected to horrific physical and psychological abuse—the kind of stuff that leaves permanent scars. Naturally, I grew up as someone with zero self-confidence, perpetually anxious and socially stunted. I didn't even have a girlfriend until I was 26. I met her by chance; she was quite a bit younger than me and came from a similar background—her father was an alcoholic and abusive. We were together for six years. She was my first, and I was hers. About a year and a half ago, she left me for someone else.😢

I ended up in a psychiatric ward where they diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. Since then, there hasn't been anyone else. I've tried going out with a few women—we’ve shared some kisses—but I simply cannot bring myself to have sex. There is this massive, impenetrable mental block inside me that I just can't break through. Believe me, I want to; I crave intimacy so badly that the frustration and desperation are becoming overwhelming. I realize that women my age are typically looking for established men with solid careers and plenty of experience under their belts. I have neither. My self-esteem is non-existent; I don't even have the courage to say "hello." I feel like a total failure—like a "defective product." Physically, I'm fine—in fact, I look much younger than my actual age (33)—but nothing works. If I try to play a part, it feels fake; if I tell the truth about who I am, it only makes things worse.🙂

Are you holding onto some secret resentment deep down because she walked away?
Did you forget how this works? Or do you just need to work on building more intimacy and actually understanding the sexual side of things?

mistycanyon6 said:I have a massive problem. I’ve spent my entire life feeling profoundly alone. As a kid, I was subjected to horrific physical and psychological abuse—the kind of stuff that leaves permanent scars. Naturally, I grew up as someone with zero self-confidence, perpetually anxious and socially stunted. I didn't even have a girlfriend until I was 26. I met her by chance; she was quite a bit younger than me and came from a similar background—her father was an alcoholic and abusive. We were together for six years. She was my first, and I was hers. About a year and a half ago, she left me for someone else.😢

I ended up in a psychiatric ward where they diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. Since then, there hasn't been anyone else. I've tried going out with a few women—we’ve shared some kisses—but I simply cannot bring myself to have sex. There is this massive, impenetrable mental block inside me that I just can't break through. Believe me, I want to; I crave intimacy so badly that the frustration and desperation are becoming overwhelming. I realize that women my age are typically looking for established men with solid careers and plenty of experience under their belts. I have neither. My self-esteem is non-existent; I don't even have the courage to say "hello." I feel like a total failure—like a "defective product." Physically, I'm fine—in fact, I look much younger than my actual age (33)—but nothing works. If I try to play a part, it feels fake; if I tell the truth about who I am, it only makes things worse.🙂

Honestly, if you ask me, there are really only two types of girls out there worth your time. That's it. Two.
It’s either the "savior" types or girls from families similar to yours. Honestly, both groups just have such a massive emotional component to their personalities. Don't they?
You don't even have to try when you're dealing with those typical girls at the local dive bar or the ones ruling the dance floor at the club. They just show up, look exactly how they want to, and that's it. No effort required.
Are you going to be disappointed right out of the gate, or does it happen later once you actually get to know them?

Look, let me give you a little piece of advice here. I really want to save you from heading down a path that might end up being a total dead end. Why take the risk? 🙂

Truly stellar advice. Honestly, knowing that I don't stand a chance with 99% of women—it’s actually quite comforting. It's not like I'm looking for a knight in shining armor to swoop in and save me—I'll pass. But I am angry. There is a level of fury simmering inside me that most people couldn't possibly fathom in five lifetimes—and believe me, I have plenty of valid reasons for it.

mistycanyon6 said:Truly stellar advice. Honestly, knowing that I don't stand a chance with 99% of women—it’s actually quite comforting. It's not like I'm looking for a knight in shining armor to swoop in and save me—I'll pass. But I am angry. There is a level of fury simmering inside me that most people couldn't possibly fathom in five lifetimes—and believe me, I have plenty of valid reasons for it.

Maybe some people have even more than that. Who knows, right? 🙂

So, what’s actually eating at you? Is it that you feel like you just don't have that magnetic pull with women, or is it more that there's just no spark on either side? Is it them, or is it you?

mistycanyon6 said:I have a massive problem. I’ve spent my entire life feeling profoundly alone. As a kid, I was subjected to horrific physical and psychological abuse—the kind of stuff that leaves permanent scars. Naturally, I grew up as someone with zero self-confidence, perpetually anxious and socially stunted. I didn't even have a girlfriend until I was 26. I met her by chance; she was quite a bit younger than me and came from a similar background—her father was an alcoholic and abusive. We were together for six years. She was my first, and I was hers. About a year and a half ago, she left me for someone else.😢

I ended up in a psychiatric ward where they diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder. Since then, there hasn't been anyone else. I've tried going out with a few women—we’ve shared some kisses—but I simply cannot bring myself to have sex. There is this massive, impenetrable mental block inside me that I just can't break through. Believe me, I want to; I crave intimacy so badly that the frustration and desperation are becoming overwhelming. I realize that women my age are typically looking for established men with solid careers and plenty of experience under their belts. I have neither. My self-esteem is non-existent; I don't even have the courage to say "hello." I feel like a total failure—like a "defective product." Physically, I'm fine—in fact, I look much younger than my actual age (33)—but nothing works. If I try to play a part, it feels fake; if I tell the truth about who I am, it only makes things worse.🙂

Why don't you try pivoting? Just start focusing on the people who are actually looking for something else entirely.
Why on earth should you have to overthink everything or settle for "normal" girls just because you spent some time in a mental health facility? Seriously, since when does a stay at a psychiatric ward dictate who you're allowed to date or what kind of partner you deserve? It doesn't make any sense! Why should anyone feel like they have to dim their light or act like a completely different person just to fit in with someone else's idea of "normal"? Does a past struggle somehow invalidate your right to find a deep, meaningful connection? Not a chance. 🤷
Do you honestly think a normal woman is going to want you?
The second you realize someone is hunting for your attention like that, you already know something is off. It doesn’t matter how much they try to play it cool or hide behind a mask of normalcy—you can just feel it. If they're coming on that strong right out of the gate, they aren't stable. Period.

I wouldn’t call myself a dating expert by any means, but from what I’ve seen, meeting someone new isn't the impossible task it feels like. Think of it in terms of supply and demand. Take an honest look at what you’re bringing to the table—from my perspective, you seem like a quiet, intelligent, and empathetic guy, though maybe a bit socially withdrawn and sensitive—and then look at what you’re actually looking for. What kind of partner are you envisioning? Are you just looking for something casual or something serious? And where would a girl like that even hang out? Basically, audit your own situation. Figure out exactly where you stand and what needs to change to get you moving again after being stuck in neutral. Often, it’s something simple, like finally quitting smoking or cutting ties with a toxic person... just something to break the cycle and get things heading in a better direction.
Honestly, motivational speakers have helped me plenty. There’s an endless amount of them on YouTube, along with plenty of ways to work on your spiritual side
(like this video http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AM_xR9JFYuU )...

mistycanyon6 said:It’s all quite pointless—feel free to lock this thread. There isn't anyone here who can actually help me.

ehej, buddy, slow your roll... you’ve got a serious, chronic issue on your hands involving a whole lot of people. and your plan is to just wander off to some place you've never even stepped foot in?

mistycanyon6 said:Truly stellar advice. Honestly, knowing that I don't stand a chance with 99% of women—it’s actually quite comforting. It's not like I'm looking for a knight in shining armor to swoop in and save me—I'll pass. But I am angry. There is a level of fury simmering inside me that most people couldn't possibly fathom in five lifetimes—and believe me, I have plenty of valid reasons for it.

It feels like you're spending a massive amount of your energy living in the past.
Draw a line in the sand (mentally, not literally)
Try to look toward what's coming next and focus on where you are right now.

I know, I know—it sounds like one of those cheesy Hallmark cards, but if you were sitting in a real therapist's office in Chicago, that’s exactly what they’d tell you.

On a different note, how are things going with your friends? Do you have anyone close you can really lean on?

Nathan Foster4 said:Maybe some people have even more than that. Who knows, right? 🙂

So, what’s actually eating at you? Is it that you feel like you just don't have that magnetic pull with women, or is it more that there's just no spark on either side? Is it them, or is it you?

Why don't you try pivoting? Just start focusing on the people who are actually looking for something else entirely.
Why on earth should you have to overthink everything or settle for "normal" girls just because you spent some time in a mental health facility? Seriously, since when does a stay at a psychiatric ward dictate who you're allowed to date or what kind of partner you deserve? It doesn't make any sense! Why should anyone feel like they have to dim their light or act like a completely different person just to fit in with someone else's idea of "normal"? Does a past struggle somehow invalidate your right to find a deep, meaningful connection? Not a chance. 🤷
Do you honestly think a normal woman is going to want you?
The second you realize someone is hunting for your attention like that, you already know something is off. It doesn’t matter how much they try to play it cool or hide behind a mask of normalcy—you can just feel it. If they're coming on that strong right out of the gate, they aren't stable. Period.

I see absolutely no reason to answer your questions—it's painfully obvious they were designed solely for you to take pleasure in my misery. Apparently, only a complete lunatic would ever consider being with me. As long as you get to feel "normal," right?

Sam Green73 said:It feels like you're spending a massive amount of your energy living in the past.
Draw a line in the sand (mentally, not literally)
Try to look toward what's coming next and focus on where you are right now.

I know, I know—it sounds like one of those cheesy Hallmark cards, but if you were sitting in a real therapist's office in Chicago, that’s exactly what they’d tell you.

On a different note, how are things going with your friends? Do you have anyone close you can really lean on?

I don't really have any friends left. Everyone is already tied up in relationships or marriages; nobody reaches out to me anymore.

Look, man, your crisis isn't just about being single... You're getting hit from all angles: lack of motivation, money, drive, self-confidence, MY FRIEND... I’m telling you, fix those other areas first and finding a woman won't be the issue—especially if you sort out your finances :P

Lisa Garcia48 said:Look, man, your crisis isn't just about being single... You're getting hit from all angles: lack of motivation, money, drive, self-confidence, MY FRIEND... I’m telling you, fix those other areas first and finding a woman won't be the issue—especially if you sort out your finances :P

That last part is gold... "fix the finances." I believe it because it’s absolutely impossible.

bolddriver21 said:That last part is gold... "fix the finances." I believe it because it’s absolutely impossible.

What do you mean by impossible? It’s an uphill battle, sure, but anything is doable if you actually put in the work, right? I'm convinced that even in a mess of a country like this, you can make it if you've got the grit and the drive...🙂

Right. You hit the nail on the head there—fix everything and suddenly all my problems will just vanish into thin air. I clearly failed to account for such an obvious solution in my initial reasoning.

Look, there’s no magic wand you can wave to make all your problems vanish overnight. These issues—they build up slowly, right? Like layers of dust. So, you’re going to have to commit to making these tiny, incremental positive moves every single day. But hey, don't let that overwhelm you. Seriously. Give it a year, and I promise you’ll be able to feel a massive difference in your life.

Take those social anxieties or whatever blocks you're dealing with, for example. You don't need to go out and hunt for a serious girlfriend immediately. Just start by meeting different women, hanging out, keeping things low-pressure, and just building friendships. Trust me, you’ll learn a ton from just being social, and it’ll help you loosen up. And look—on the flip side, maybe you'll actually click with someone, and you'll both realize you want something deeper. Things usually fall into place much more naturally when you aren't forcing them.

If you want more, check out my thread advice for a good life. I’ve laid out a bunch of useful tips covering pretty much everything—managing your headspace and emotions, navigating relationships, getting your finances in order, all that stuff. I kept it straightforward and easy to follow so you won't get lost in the weeds.

Hopefully, this gives you a bit of a roadmap. Good luck 🙂

mistycanyon6 said:Right. You hit the nail on the head there—fix everything and suddenly all my problems will just vanish into thin air. I clearly failed to account for such an obvious solution in my initial reasoning.

Sorry if I'm sounding cliché, but you don't need some cosmic epiphany or a lightning bolt from the sky to get moving. You don't need specialized expertise, or to be the most attractive or talented person in the room. Having a specific talent—something where you naturally outshine everyone else—is obviously a plus, especially if you back it up with enough grit to become elite at it. But even if you feel like you lack that right now (which I doubt), there's no reason not to start figuring out where you stand, why you feel this way, how you plan to move, and what tools you have to work with...
From my perspective, it looks something like this: 1. Assess your surroundings to see exactly where you are and what the actual problems are. 2. Figure out which actions will solve those immediate issues. 3. Use your willpower to actually start solving them (starting small is better; checking things off builds confidence and momentum). 4. Turn it into a habit. Once it becomes a habit, you don't even need the willpower anymore... it just becomes part of who you are.
I'm probably ten years younger than you, so maybe I'm still naive or clueless, but since I can't see that myself, here's my best advice: test whatever you decide to do on yourself first. None of us on this forum know the subtle nuances of your life; only you do. Any "authority," whether it's someone here or someone in real life, will likely just make your current mess even more complicated. The only real advice is to figure it out for yourself...

mistycanyon6 said:I see absolutely no reason to answer your questions—it's painfully obvious they were designed solely for you to take pleasure in my misery. Apparently, only a complete lunatic would ever consider being with me. As long as you get to feel "normal," right?

So, according to you, women are either "normal"—meaning they won't touch you because you don't fit the mold of some 30-something guy with a steady career and plenty of experience—or they're complete psychos.
I’m not sitting here enjoying your misery. I'm just pointing out how delusional you are when it comes to what you want and how you look for it.
You ended up in a psychiatric ward with a formal diagnosis, but hey, at least everyone else is just as crazy as you are, right?🙄

Nathan Foster4 said:So, according to you, women are either "normal"—meaning they won't touch you because you don't fit the mold of some 30-something guy with a steady career and plenty of experience—or they're complete psychos.
I’m not sitting here enjoying your misery. I'm just pointing out how delusional you are when it comes to what you want and how you look for it.
You ended up in a psychiatric ward with a formal diagnosis, but hey, at least everyone else is just as crazy as you are, right?🙄

What kind of unreality? I honestly have no idea what you're getting at. My point was simply that the concept of "normalcy" is incredibly unstable—it’s subjective. What does "being normal" even mean to you?
You were the one who claimed that only a total psycho could ever be with me. How on earth can you say something like that and still be standing?

mistycanyon6 said:What kind of unreality? I honestly have no idea what you're getting at. My point was simply that the concept of "normalcy" is incredibly unstable—it’s subjective. What does "being normal" even mean to you?
You were the one who claimed that only a total psycho could ever be with me. How on earth can you say something like that and still be standing?

Look, I don't go around calling people with psychiatric diagnoses "crazy"—and that includes you—so please don't put words in my mouth by saying I claimed only a "crazy woman" could be with you.
And if we're going to talk about disrespecting people with mental health struggles, let's be real: you're the only one here using labels and insults, especially since you're out here throwing them around while carrying a diagnosis yourself.
By your own logic, you think you're "normal," yet you imply that any woman who actually finds you is just "crazy." Makes sense, right? Not really.
Get a grip.
Once you figure out what you actually bring to the table, maybe then you can decide what kind of partner you're looking for. Stop acting like "normal" women your age should just abandon their preference for successful, stable, and experienced men just to give you a shot.