Friendships vs. Acting Roles

I’m not entirely sure if I picked the right title for this thread... but... anyway, let me just jump straight into the question: why on earth do some people switch up their roles when you're just, say, hanging out with friends?

They sit there and listen to you, totally willing to offer advice and everything, but then—and this is the part that gets me—they go and talk about your situation to someone else as if it isn't some deep, meaningful issue. It’s like they’re treating your life like some trivial little human-interest story in the local newspaper, you know? Just all sarcasm, jokes, and acting like they're somehow above it all!

I actually ended up calling out someone recently because they did the exact same thing to me... and well, they just shut down and got all huffy and offended... almost like I was the one in the wrong here, which, I don't know, doesn't seem right at all. I mean, obviously, I did confront them verbally, but I kept it really polite and civil since that's just how I was raised 😍

Well, at least you handled him with some class. 👍 👍

See, that’s just how most people operate (at least within my social circle, though I wouldn't go so far as to call them friends) and that is precisely why most people end up without any genuine connections. I have one true friend, whereas most people don't have a single soul they can actually count on. 😳

Kenneth Morris57 said:I’m not entirely sure if I picked the right title for this thread... but... anyway, let me just jump straight into the question: why on earth do some people switch up their roles when you're just, say, hanging out with friends?

They sit there and listen to you, totally willing to offer advice and everything, but then—and this is the part that gets me—they go and talk about your situation to someone else as if it isn't some deep, meaningful issue. It’s like they’re treating your life like some trivial little human-interest story in the local newspaper, you know? Just all sarcasm, jokes, and acting like they're somehow above it all!

I actually ended up calling out someone recently because they did the exact same thing to me... and well, they just shut down and got all huffy and offended... almost like I was the one in the wrong here, which, I don't know, doesn't seem right at all. I mean, obviously, I did confront them verbally, but I kept it really polite and civil since that's just how I was raised 😍

It's because, frankly, most people don't actually care. Most people don't feel any genuine emotional weight from someone else's struggles. You're better off being your own man when it comes to solving your problems.

In their eyes, your crisis is nothing more than gossip over morning coffee at Starbucks. It's just another story. There is no real empathy intended to help you; they simply play the part of a friend out of basic social politeness, purely so you won't think they're ignoring you or dismissing your words.

The worst thing you can do is show vulnerability or air your grievances in person. People operate on a principle of social hierarchy and dominance. They watch for moments of weakness, waiting for an opportunity to assert themselves and socially dominate someone who is currently down.

There are only two people who truly assist me with my issues, and they do it best.

One is myself, facing the problem and seeking the solution.
And the other is the positive, creative side of my own mind that generates the resolution or provides the drive to escape the mess.

Everyone else is just there to ensure I don't say anything to them. I won't give them the chance to spiritually wound me or socially degrade me by reducing my significant realities to something insignificant.

Honestly, I don't even lose sleep over it. I make it a point to be completely upfront and transparent with everyone right from the jump—no games, no filters—so people find out exactly who they're dealing with pretty damn fast. Some folks just won't hit me back, and you know what? That’s fine by me. They drift out of my life, and the ones who actually vibe with the real me? They’re the ones who stick around.

Kenneth Morris57 said:I’m not entirely sure if I picked the right title for this thread... but... anyway, let me just jump straight into the question: why on earth do some people switch up their roles when you're just, say, hanging out with friends?

They sit there and listen to you, totally willing to offer advice and everything, but then—and this is the part that gets me—they go and talk about your situation to someone else as if it isn't some deep, meaningful issue. It’s like they’re treating your life like some trivial little human-interest story in the local newspaper, you know? Just all sarcasm, jokes, and acting like they're somehow above it all!

I actually ended up calling out someone recently because they did the exact same thing to me... and well, they just shut down and got all huffy and offended... almost like I was the one in the wrong here, which, I don't know, doesn't seem right at all. I mean, obviously, I did confront them verbally, but I kept it really polite and civil since that's just how I was raised 😍

What we're looking at here is a total breakdown of discretion, which—if you ask me—is pretty much one of the absolute pillars of friendship.
Quincy:

and they do the whole thing through sarcasm, jokes, and acting all high and mighty!

In my view, this isn't just about breaking a bond of friendship; it’s a failure of basic human decency.

Look, some people... I guess you could say they lack a certain filter. They might leak a secret before they even realize they should have kept it quiet—but hey, maybe you can still be friends with those types, provided you just account for their "information leakage" and don't trust them with anything vital.

But you simply cannot call someone a friend if they sit there and mock your struggles.

Look, you might be expecting too much from her, but let’s be real: what she did was wrong. It just wasn't right.
And honestly? You might be partially at fault too, just by expecting anything else in the first place...
Everything you say can and will be used against you—it’s like one of those gritty Hollywood crime dramas where a single slip-up ruins everything.🙂
In everyday conversation, this kind of thing is a complete train wreck, though I’ve definitely found myself in similar spots at work.
They bait you, they reel you in, and then they turn it all around to use it against you.
That’s how they see it. But you? You're looking at her thinking she’s someone with actual empathy, so you’re left scratching your head, wondering why everyone thinks you're the problem.

I’ve run into situations a few times now where people seemed to know way more about my private business than they ever should have. Why? Because apparently, having leverage over someone gives them a false sense of security or power.
It's the same deal here. When she tore into you like that, she probably felt like she was standing on a pedestal, looking down on you.

Honestly, I don't think this is really about friendship—it's more about just being an acquaintance. See, a true friend is someone close to you, like your spouse, your parents, your kids, or even that one uncle you actually like—someone who truly cares about you or just genuinely vibes with you. But an acquaintance? That’s a whole different ballgame. Most people will probably listen to you if you talk, sure, but let's be real—everyone is dealing with their own stuff. Compared to our own headaches, everyone else's problems can end up looking pretty small, you know? You really have to be more mindful of that.

Kenneth Morris57 said:I’m not entirely sure if I picked the right title for this thread... but... anyway, let me just jump straight into the question: why on earth do some people switch up their roles when you're just, say, hanging out with friends?

They sit there and listen to you, totally willing to offer advice and everything, but then—and this is the part that gets me—they go and talk about your situation to someone else as if it isn't some deep, meaningful issue. It’s like they’re treating your life like some trivial little human-interest story in the local newspaper, you know? Just all sarcasm, jokes, and acting like they're somehow above it all!

I actually ended up calling out someone recently because they did the exact same thing to me... and well, they just shut down and got all huffy and offended... almost like I was the one in the wrong here, which, I don't know, doesn't seem right at all. I mean, obviously, I did confront them verbally, but I kept it really polite and civil since that's just how I was raised 😍

Honestly, I've got zero patience for people like that. I'd probably just stop hanging out with them altogether, or at least never trust them with anything real again. Friends are supposed to be there when things get rough, not use your struggles as punchlines... I guess that says way more about their character than yours.

Kenneth Morris57 said:I’m not entirely sure if I picked the right title for this thread... but... anyway, let me just jump straight into the question: why on earth do some people switch up their roles when you're just, say, hanging out with friends?

They sit there and listen to you, totally willing to offer advice and everything, but then—and this is the part that gets me—they go and talk about your situation to someone else as if it isn't some deep, meaningful issue. It’s like they’re treating your life like some trivial little human-interest story in the local newspaper, you know? Just all sarcasm, jokes, and acting like they're somehow above it all!

I actually ended up calling out someone recently because they did the exact same thing to me... and well, they just shut down and got all huffy and offended... almost like I was the one in the wrong here, which, I don't know, doesn't seem right at all. I mean, obviously, I did confront them verbally, but I kept it really polite and civil since that's just how I was raised 😍

Those are just toxic people. Honestly, it's better to be alone than to deal with that kind of nonsense. There's no point in putting up with anyone like that. Even if they realize they messed up and try to change after you confront them, I’d say just cut them loose. People don't really change; they just learn how to play the game better. When someone treats you like trash, walk away and let them deal with their own mess. The worst thing you can do is become dependent on others. Once you realize that being your own best friend is enough, you'll see how many times you let people walk all over you for no reason. Look in the mirror and respect yourself. If you don't value your own privacy and problems enough to keep them guarded, others won't either—they'll just see you as a pushover who accepts disrespect instead of standing tall.

Is it actual proof, or just mindless chatter? These days, people talk about "heroic" things, but now everything is just a joke. If you can even call this progress. It’s all because of how we raise kids. Instead of letting them go out and learn how to hunt or figure things out for themselves, we coddle them with baby talk and nonsense. We treat them like they're precious little angels, and suddenly a kid is still acting like a toddler well into their thirties. It's a pretty interesting way to raise a human being, if you ask me.

While that person was sitting there with you for fifteen minutes, there was only one topic on the table.

But once they sit down with someone else for fifteen minutes, they won't mention what you were talking about. That’s when you become the scapegoat for whatever happens next.

By the time they come back to sit with you for another fifteen minutes, someone else is going to be left holding the bag for everything that went wrong.

I actually love hearing about what people are going through if I can help fix things. But if a conversation turns into nothing but constant complaining, I’ll just tell them nicely, "Hey, stop whining, or life is really going to kick you when you're down." And if they still don't get the hint? Well, I'll make my boundaries very clear.

It's pretty rare to find people who are genuinely kind, selfless, and caring. Most of society feels like a herd of sheep being crushed by steamrollers—people so focused on their own path that they don't even hear anyone else struggling. Only a few have the strength to resist all that negativity without turning into a steamroller themselves. Most folks just want enough gas in the tank to run you over, though some are such good actors that you won't realize they're coming for you until it's too late.

Don't go putting people on pedestals. I prefer to look at everyone as a cat initially. Then, when a dog wanders into your life, be sure to be kind to them and let them chase the cats away. Those cats are usually only interested in what you can do for them, not who you actually are.

Don't let yourself get soft!

Richard Wells said:People don't really feel anyone else's struggles. Maybe they do, but only if you let them vent and then "fix" things for them—sort of like a trade-off. It’s basically everyone except parents. And look, your buddy has his own circle, too. Honestly, he probably wouldn't even care about your situation enough to keep it quiet; he'd end up venting about it to someone else eventually anyway.

It's because they were raised cooped up in four walls, only ever dealing with their own mess.

I know kids who spent more time in community centers than in their own bedrooms, and they're probably way more social... but hey, who am I to judge? I'm not out here playing saint for everyone. If I were, where would I even be?

Some people get burned in life and someone actually steps up to help them. Now, they're the ones paying it forward.

Sheep, for example—even if they wanted to help one another, they just can't.