Ghost of You...

... is all that I have left.

I’ve been sitting on this problem for a long time—ignoring it, really—and I think I’m finally ready to actually talk about it with someone. I know this kind of thing usually goes in the group thread, but I didn't want to post it there because, honestly, I was afraid it would just get lost in the noise and ignored.

So, here goes. About five years ago, I was seeing this girl, and everything just felt right—you know that feeling? Like, I just knew she was "The One." It had to be her. But... she passed away. After a year and a half of having the most incredible relationship of my life, she died from leukemia.

It completely leveled me. My whole world just collapsed, and I haven't been the same since. I went from being this happy, carefree kid—the kind who used to spend all day playing in the sand—to becoming the saddest version of myself. Crying became my new normal. There were days where I’d find myself breaking down three times a day, just thinking about her.

For a long time, I couldn't even look at anyone else. I didn't want to talk about it, mostly because I just didn't know how to put it into words, or maybe I just didn't want to face it. Recently, though, I met someone new. She’s wonderful—she tries so hard for me, and I’ve grown to care for her deeply. I truly want to build something with her, BUT... I can't seem to shake the memory of my late girlfriend. I don't want to act like she never existed, because she was... she was beautiful. And I loved her so much.

I guess I just need a little kindness right now. Thank you.

Maybe this isn't the warmest way to put it, but I'm trying to be honest.

If you're in the middle of a deep depression, you really need to focus on getting treatment instead of diving headfirst into new relationships. Honestly, maybe go see a psychiatrist.

The thing is, you can't just "forget" someone—not because they were somehow the greatest love in all of history, but because your brain chemistry simply won't let you move on. Depression is this state where these chronic, stressful, or just plain sad thoughts keep looping, and you can't shake them, which just feeds back into the depression itself. It’s basically a mental illness where the mind is suffering. And you can't get relief for what you're suffering from because... well, it's impossible.

Usually, you fight depression through time, staying active, hanging out with friends, and surrounding yourself with positive vibes. The whole point of doing that is to get those activities to pump positive neurotransmitters into your system to bring you back to a baseline.

But, when you don't have that kind of lifestyle or if the depression is just too heavy, sometimes you have to raise those neurotransmitter levels artificially with medication.

In my opinion, these deep depressive states happen because of past patterns—like being way too attached (almost like an addiction) to one specific person while lacking any connection to anyone else, you know? There's no alternative outlet. The fact that you're searching for kind words here on the forum really points to that. It’s like you were using that person like a drug, and now that the drug is gone, your brain is crashing into depression. I guess during the time you were together, that addictive effect between you two probably ramped up significantly. Maybe you're also trying to hide how depressed you actually are from everyone else, or trying to compensate for it. I suspect you might have built up this shield of "shame" around yourself. You've been stuck in this spiral for a long time now, sort of dissociating from life and reality. You really should talk to a psychiatrist.

So, yeah. It might not be pretty, but I hope it helps.

My friend,

You know deep down that you can’t just excise her from your soul, nor would you ever truly want to; it's an inescapable truth. When your time eventually comes to leave this world, she will likely be one of those final, lingering thoughts drifting through your mind. Rather than trying to build a dam against your emotions, try not to spin your wheels endlessly over things that are simply beyond your control. It is better to find peace within yourself and with her—to offer forgiveness and carry a small fragment of her spirit in your heart forever, as if it were a compass providing strength throughout your journey.

As for your current girlfriend, open up to her completely and share everything that weighs on your heart. Look her straight in the eyes while you do it.

I’m really grateful for these two posts. 🙂 Oh, I almost forgot to mention—I’ve actually been seeing my psychiatrist for quite a while now. But, surprisingly, I haven't been prescribed any antidepressants. 😢 It turns out my doctor doesn't think they're necessary for me at this stage. 🙄

brisktrucker said:... is all that I have left.

I’ve been sitting on this problem for a long time—ignoring it, really—and I think I’m finally ready to actually talk about it with someone. I know this kind of thing usually goes in the group thread, but I didn't want to post it there because, honestly, I was afraid it would just get lost in the noise and ignored.

So, here goes. About five years ago, I was seeing this girl, and everything just felt right—you know that feeling? Like, I just knew she was "The One." It had to be her. But... she passed away. After a year and a half of having the most incredible relationship of my life, she died from leukemia.

It completely leveled me. My whole world just collapsed, and I haven't been the same since. I went from being this happy, carefree kid—the kind who used to spend all day playing in the sand—to becoming the saddest version of myself. Crying became my new normal. There were days where I’d find myself breaking down three times a day, just thinking about her.

For a long time, I couldn't even look at anyone else. I didn't want to talk about it, mostly because I just didn't know how to put it into words, or maybe I just didn't want to face it. Recently, though, I met someone new. She’s wonderful—she tries so hard for me, and I’ve grown to care for her deeply. I truly want to build something with her, BUT... I can't seem to shake the memory of my late girlfriend. I don't want to act like she never existed, because she was... she was beautiful. And I loved her so much.

I guess I just need a little kindness right now. Thank you.

Man...😢 I can't say for certain that I know exactly how you feel, though I can certainly imagine it. I’ll offer two small thoughts that you might—well, if you're open to it—want to consider.

First off, nobody is asking you to forget her, nor should they. She's going to live in your memory forever, holding a very specific place in your heart; you just have to find that spot and let her rest there... within your memories... as a beautiful thing that once was... And life, fortunately (well, for us optimists—only for us), keeps moving forward, so... try to keep up with it; try to live in the present, without her... I know, that sounds blunt, maybe even a bit harsh, forgive me... but sometimes you just have to face certain realities.

Secondly... the pain you're feeling, it feels unavoidable; it's normal... but suffering is only one way to navigate through that state. 🙂 So, don't lose hope... and try to appreciate what life still offers... If you stay steady, you'll get through this... and you will always remember Her exactly as she was, of that there is no doubt.

brisktrucker said:... is all that I have left.

I’ve been sitting on this problem for a long time—ignoring it, really—and I think I’m finally ready to actually talk about it with someone. I know this kind of thing usually goes in the group thread, but I didn't want to post it there because, honestly, I was afraid it would just get lost in the noise and ignored.

So, here goes. About five years ago, I was seeing this girl, and everything just felt right—you know that feeling? Like, I just knew she was "The One." It had to be her. But... she passed away. After a year and a half of having the most incredible relationship of my life, she died from leukemia.

It completely leveled me. My whole world just collapsed, and I haven't been the same since. I went from being this happy, carefree kid—the kind who used to spend all day playing in the sand—to becoming the saddest version of myself. Crying became my new normal. There were days where I’d find myself breaking down three times a day, just thinking about her.

For a long time, I couldn't even look at anyone else. I didn't want to talk about it, mostly because I just didn't know how to put it into words, or maybe I just didn't want to face it. Recently, though, I met someone new. She’s wonderful—she tries so hard for me, and I’ve grown to care for her deeply. I truly want to build something with her, BUT... I can't seem to shake the memory of my late girlfriend. I don't want to act like she never existed, because she was... she was beautiful. And I loved her so much.

I guess I just need a little kindness right now. Thank you.

Now... I'm not sure how much warmth my words actually carried... but they were sincere.

She’d probably... or definitely... want you to be happy. Not suffering; wasting days [you never know what's waiting for you around the corner] on nothing... basically, living in a moment that's never coming back. Whatever brings you joy or satisfaction... just grab it and, generally speaking, enjoy life. Her passing can be a reminder of how life can be ruthless, cruel, and short... Memento mori.

brisktrucker said:I’m really grateful for these two posts. 🙂 Oh, I almost forgot to mention—I’ve actually been seeing my psychiatrist for quite a while now. But, surprisingly, I haven't been prescribed any antidepressants. 😢 It turns out my doctor doesn't think they're necessary for me at this stage. 🙄

Maybe you could try seeing a different psychiatrist?

Or, if you want to take the easier route, maybe just pick up some St. John's Wort extract at a CVS or something. Just... please be careful and make sure it is pure St. John's Wort, and not some weird herbal blend where it's just a tiny ingredient in a mix.

"most Studies on Harvard use doses of 300 mg of hydroalcoholic extract called WS 5570 (standardized contents of 3%–6% hyperforin and 0.12%–0.28% hypericin) one to three times daily to achieve a therapeutic effect.[15] No cases of overdose are known.[citation needed]"

So, yeah, just check the ingredients list, look for the concentrations of hyperforin and hypericin, and then sort of calculate how much you might need based on that info above... maybe taking a couple of tablets of a standard supplement from Walgreens daily would be okay... if you start feeling a bit more positive, maybe give it a shot for a week or so and see if it helps...

St. John's Wort is a natural antidepressant, almost on par with the prescription stuff.

(I mean, I'm not usually a huge advocate for herbs and all that, but St. John's Wort is kind of different.)

Oh, and if you do take St. John's Wort, definitely wear sunglasses if you're out in the bright sun.

If you find that it actually works for you, try to use that feeling as a spark. Use it to reconcile with whatever happened. Use it to step out of that mental prison you're in—go talk to people, grab a coffee with a friend, get out and do some sports... you know, just move forward.

brisktrucker said:... is all that I have left.

I’ve been sitting on this problem for a long time—ignoring it, really—and I think I’m finally ready to actually talk about it with someone. I know this kind of thing usually goes in the group thread, but I didn't want to post it there because, honestly, I was afraid it would just get lost in the noise and ignored.

So, here goes. About five years ago, I was seeing this girl, and everything just felt right—you know that feeling? Like, I just knew she was "The One." It had to be her. But... she passed away. After a year and a half of having the most incredible relationship of my life, she died from leukemia.

It completely leveled me. My whole world just collapsed, and I haven't been the same since. I went from being this happy, carefree kid—the kind who used to spend all day playing in the sand—to becoming the saddest version of myself. Crying became my new normal. There were days where I’d find myself breaking down three times a day, just thinking about her.

For a long time, I couldn't even look at anyone else. I didn't want to talk about it, mostly because I just didn't know how to put it into words, or maybe I just didn't want to face it. Recently, though, I met someone new. She’s wonderful—she tries so hard for me, and I’ve grown to care for her deeply. I truly want to build something with her, BUT... I can't seem to shake the memory of my late girlfriend. I don't want to act like she never existed, because she was... she was beautiful. And I loved her so much.

I guess I just need a little kindness right now. Thank you.

🙂

The reality is that grief lasts significantly longer than what people used to believe. For a long time, if anything dragged on past a year, it was labeled as pathological, but modern psychological findings tell a completely different story. That being said, I would strongly suggest finding a specialist to walk you through this process properly. 🙂

Edit: I see now that you mentioned you're already seeing a psychiatrist. That’s a good step, and I truly hope they are a good fit for you. Just a word of caution, though—when we are talking about pure grief and mourning, medication isn't typically the primary solution unless the situation reaches a point where it becomes absolutely necessary. In standard medical practice, it is not common to prescribe antidepressants specifically to treat the state of mourning itself.

Andrew Doyle said:🙂

The reality is that grief lasts significantly longer than what people used to believe. For a long time, if anything dragged on past a year, it was labeled as pathological, but modern psychological findings tell a completely different story. That being said, I would strongly suggest finding a specialist to walk you through this process properly. 🙂

Edit: I see now that you mentioned you're already seeing a psychiatrist. That’s a good step, and I truly hope they are a good fit for you. Just a word of caution, though—when we are talking about pure grief and mourning, medication isn't typically the primary solution unless the situation reaches a point where it becomes absolutely necessary. In standard medical practice, it is not common to prescribe antidepressants specifically to treat the state of mourning itself.

That’s actually the first time I’ve read that being sad for more than a year isn't considered "pathological." I've lost three close family members over the last four years—and when you factor in massive life changes and constant stress, there's no way I'm "over it" in a single year. People can say whatever they want, but let's face it: life is a lot harder to navigate today than it used to be. You have to deal with things in real-time.

Henry Lopez13 said:That’s actually the first time I’ve read that being sad for more than a year isn't considered "pathological." I've lost three close family members over the last four years—and when you factor in massive life changes and constant stress, there's no way I'm "over it" in a single year. People can say whatever they want, but let's face it: life is a lot harder to navigate today than it used to be. You have to deal with things in real-time.

I am so incredibly sorry to hear that. 😢 I really hope you're finding some way to navigate through all of it.

I have immense respect for soulmates—truly—but when someone you love passes away, life doesn't just stop; it keeps moving. And perhaps the most comforting thought is knowing exactly where they are; you can always go visit them at their resting place.
It’s only natural that they live on in your memory, and honestly, it’s a beautiful thing if you can integrate pieces of their personality into your own—in a way, they become part of who you are—but life moves forward nonetheless.
If she truly loved you, she would want you to find happiness with someone else. Life isn't just twenty or thirty years; it’s often seventy or more, and someone who loved you wouldn't dream of wanting you to spend those decades alone.
The truth is, when you've experienced real love, it feels like nothing else—just some nameless stranger—could ever touch that memory or feeling. It makes sense that you wouldn't feel anything for someone else, especially if that person doesn't believe in concepts like "soulmates," destiny, or true love, and instead focuses solely on being able to get along with everyone around them.

brisktrucker said:... is all that I have left.

I’ve been sitting on this problem for a long time—ignoring it, really—and I think I’m finally ready to actually talk about it with someone. I know this kind of thing usually goes in the group thread, but I didn't want to post it there because, honestly, I was afraid it would just get lost in the noise and ignored.

So, here goes. About five years ago, I was seeing this girl, and everything just felt right—you know that feeling? Like, I just knew she was "The One." It had to be her. But... she passed away. After a year and a half of having the most incredible relationship of my life, she died from leukemia.

It completely leveled me. My whole world just collapsed, and I haven't been the same since. I went from being this happy, carefree kid—the kind who used to spend all day playing in the sand—to becoming the saddest version of myself. Crying became my new normal. There were days where I’d find myself breaking down three times a day, just thinking about her.

For a long time, I couldn't even look at anyone else. I didn't want to talk about it, mostly because I just didn't know how to put it into words, or maybe I just didn't want to face it. Recently, though, I met someone new. She’s wonderful—she tries so hard for me, and I’ve grown to care for her deeply. I truly want to build something with her, BUT... I can't seem to shake the memory of my late girlfriend. I don't want to act like she never existed, because she was... she was beautiful. And I loved her so much.

I guess I just need a little kindness right now. Thank you.

The absolute worst part is knowing you found "THE one."
If you were with someone who wasn't your ideal, losing them wouldn't hurt nearly as much—it would just be another loss. But when you finally find that perfect match, everything you ever wanted to experience and feel, it’s incomparable. This isn't just a breakup, and it isn't just a standard death... because you aren't just losing a partner you dated for a few years—of which there are countless—you are losing the specific person you truly knew and loved. There is simply no comparison.

brisktrucker said:I’m really grateful for these two posts. 🙂 Oh, I almost forgot to mention—I’ve actually been seeing my psychiatrist for quite a while now. But, surprisingly, I haven't been prescribed any antidepressants. 😢 It turns out my doctor doesn't think they're necessary for me at this stage. 🙄

Sounds like your psychiatrist knows what they're doing.

Because let's be real—pills aren't going to fix your life's problems.

David Vaughn75 said:Sounds like your psychiatrist knows what they're doing.

Because let's be real—pills aren't going to fix your life's problems.

In my opinion—and I might be wrong here—I just don't think the human body was ever meant to handle the sheer weight of modern civilization and all the pressure it throws at us.

People really need freedom, you know? To just do what they want. I guess that’s the only way we’re actually happy. Like, back in the day, if you were hungry, you’d just head out into the woods, hunt a bear, and eat it. Problem solved. The motivation to take down a bear is right there, plain and simple—you're starving. Then, eventually, agriculture happened. You work half the year planting and growing food, watching over it, and then finally eating it. You have supplies, so you can survive longer without having to go out and hunt. It gives you periods where you don't have to work constantly. Now, civilization keeps moving forward... today you have a job, maybe doing paperwork, and that paperwork supports some business process that enables this or that... and then the company makes money and pays you at the end of the month. So you take that money, and when you're hungry, you just go to the grocery store and buy food.

The big thing here, I think, is how effort and reward are totally disconnected now. If your brain can't bridge the gap between the work you put in and the reward you get—well, depression becomes almost inevitable. In those early communities, effort and reward were pretty much directly linked... But today? Sometimes you work your tail off and you actually get penalized for it... let alone getting to feel the direct fruit of your labor.

That's just one example of how our brains aren't wired for the conditions of modern society. Our thought processes try to adapt; some people adapt better than others, some worse, and some might even have an innate difficulty that makes it incredibly hard, or impossible, to adjust. But it’s all just adaptation, really. Just compensation for this unnatural environment we built for ourselves.

So, yeah, I guess that's my take. I think medication has its place. It has just as much justification as civilization itself does.

Jessica Fowler4 said:In my opinion—and I might be wrong here—I just don't think the human body was ever meant to handle the sheer weight of modern civilization and all the pressure it throws at us.

People really need freedom, you know? To just do what they want. I guess that’s the only way we’re actually happy. Like, back in the day, if you were hungry, you’d just head out into the woods, hunt a bear, and eat it. Problem solved. The motivation to take down a bear is right there, plain and simple—you're starving. Then, eventually, agriculture happened. You work half the year planting and growing food, watching over it, and then finally eating it. You have supplies, so you can survive longer without having to go out and hunt. It gives you periods where you don't have to work constantly. Now, civilization keeps moving forward... today you have a job, maybe doing paperwork, and that paperwork supports some business process that enables this or that... and then the company makes money and pays you at the end of the month. So you take that money, and when you're hungry, you just go to the grocery store and buy food.

The big thing here, I think, is how effort and reward are totally disconnected now. If your brain can't bridge the gap between the work you put in and the reward you get—well, depression becomes almost inevitable. In those early communities, effort and reward were pretty much directly linked... But today? Sometimes you work your tail off and you actually get penalized for it... let alone getting to feel the direct fruit of your labor.

That's just one example of how our brains aren't wired for the conditions of modern society. Our thought processes try to adapt; some people adapt better than others, some worse, and some might even have an innate difficulty that makes it incredibly hard, or impossible, to adjust. But it’s all just adaptation, really. Just compensation for this unnatural environment we built for ourselves.

So, yeah, I guess that's my take. I think medication has its place. It has just as much justification as civilization itself does.

Humans are evolutionarily designed to solve problems, not to just pop a magic pill and watch them vanish. If that were the case, we never would have survived lions or natural disasters. You have to engage your brain to tackle an issue.

Pills are there for when it becomes literally impossible to function any other way.

David Vaughn75 said:Humans are evolutionarily designed to solve problems, not to just pop a magic pill and watch them vanish. If that were the case, we never would have survived lions or natural disasters. You have to engage your brain to tackle an issue.

Pills are there for when it becomes literally impossible to function any other way.

I guess I agree. Honestly, maybe the OP should try engaging their own brain a bit more and figure out a way to actually raise people from the dead to fix this mess.

By the way, I’d love to hear about all those genius solutions we supposedly came up with for earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, or meteor strikes.

Overthinking things during a depressive episode—especially when it's about stuff you can't change—is kind of just self-inflicted masochism. If it goes on too long, it's basically pathological.

Actually, dwelling on the negative is like a "depression addiction."

I don't know if anyone else has put it quite like this, but I'll give it a shot. This is just my layperson's take on it, anyway.

Ruminating, or just obsessing over negative thoughts, acts like a type of addiction. See, rumination—just like any other state where you're intensely focused—inevitably stimulates the dopamine system, which the brain marks as a "reward." Even though the actual content of the thoughts causes anxiety and sadness, the part of the brain registering that intense focus doesn't care about the misery; it just sees a source of stimulation and logs it as such.
That side effect of anxiety and sadness is what drives depression, because it lowers your baseline dopamine levels (compared to when you aren't ruminating). When dopamine is low, the brain starts looking for ways to replenish it. It reaches for whatever source seems easiest or most immediate—which, wouldn't you know it, is rumination. It's right there, always available. That gives a quick spike of dopamine, followed by lingering anxiety that drops your levels again as soon as you stop, which then triggers that craving for dopamine all over again. It becomes this loop where the brain thinks this is the only way to "feed" itself. That's how this whole depression addiction cycle builds up and gets deeper.

If you're someone who is naturally more reactive—meaning your dopamine system is a bit harder to control—then this addiction can grab hold of you pretty easily, just like any other habit. People with certain genetic predispositions involving dopamine signaling—maybe folks with ADHD, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia—seem especially vulnerable. They tend toward deep moods and heavy rumination because their hyper-reactive dopamine systems are constantly trying to compensate for inherent signaling issues.

So, yeah... that's my take.

Just my two cents. I haven't heard it explained exactly like that before, but that's just how it feels to me.🙂

Personally, I tend to lean toward using medication to correct these kinds of states.

People living in big cities tend to be incredibly neurotic—mostly because they’ve completely lost that primal, animalistic ability to just function.
When an animal runs into a hurdle, it reacts. It doesn't sit around at a Starbucks or stare at a computer screen, overthinking and spiraling into endless analysis.
It’s the same way they handle the past, too; animals only retain history as useful lessons learned, rather than dwelling on memories or raw emotions for the sake of feeling them.
That’s why you don't see them grieving or sinking into depression—they simply pivot toward whatever gives them the best chance at survival.

The fix for these overwhelming emotions is pretty simple: we need to embrace our natural instincts more and stop being so forced or mentally blocked by the constraints of modern "civilization."

David Bishop3 said:People living in big cities tend to be incredibly neurotic—mostly because they’ve completely lost that primal, animalistic ability to just function.
When an animal runs into a hurdle, it reacts. It doesn't sit around at a Starbucks or stare at a computer screen, overthinking and spiraling into endless analysis.
It’s the same way they handle the past, too; animals only retain history as useful lessons learned, rather than dwelling on memories or raw emotions for the sake of feeling them.
That’s why you don't see them grieving or sinking into depression—they simply pivot toward whatever gives them the best chance at survival.

The fix for these overwhelming emotions is pretty simple: we need to embrace our natural instincts more and stop being so forced or mentally blocked by the constraints of modern "civilization."

Yeah, exactly. We’re living unnaturally. Civilization itself is unnatural. They always say civilization is what sets us apart from animals, but I feel like the logic there is actually pretty flawed. Like, we’re different because of things we manufactured ourselves. How does building a sewer system actually make us physically different from animals? I mean, we still deal with the same biological realities.

Basically, building this whole civilization hasn't actually changed our genetic code. But the life we've created over the last few centuries expects us to perform like robots.

EDIT: nothing at all

Jessica Fowler4 said:I guess I agree. Honestly, maybe the OP should try engaging their own brain a bit more and figure out a way to actually raise people from the dead to fix this mess.

By the way, I’d love to hear about all those genius solutions we supposedly came up with for earthquakes, volcanoes, tsunamis, or meteor strikes.

Overthinking things during a depressive episode—especially when it's about stuff you can't change—is kind of just self-inflicted masochism. If it goes on too long, it's basically pathological.

Actually, dwelling on the negative is like a "depression addiction."

I don't know if anyone else has put it quite like this, but I'll give it a shot. This is just my layperson's take on it, anyway.

Ruminating, or just obsessing over negative thoughts, acts like a type of addiction. See, rumination—just like any other state where you're intensely focused—inevitably stimulates the dopamine system, which the brain marks as a "reward." Even though the actual content of the thoughts causes anxiety and sadness, the part of the brain registering that intense focus doesn't care about the misery; it just sees a source of stimulation and logs it as such.
That side effect of anxiety and sadness is what drives depression, because it lowers your baseline dopamine levels (compared to when you aren't ruminating). When dopamine is low, the brain starts looking for ways to replenish it. It reaches for whatever source seems easiest or most immediate—which, wouldn't you know it, is rumination. It's right there, always available. That gives a quick spike of dopamine, followed by lingering anxiety that drops your levels again as soon as you stop, which then triggers that craving for dopamine all over again. It becomes this loop where the brain thinks this is the only way to "feed" itself. That's how this whole depression addiction cycle builds up and gets deeper.

If you're someone who is naturally more reactive—meaning your dopamine system is a bit harder to control—then this addiction can grab hold of you pretty easily, just like any other habit. People with certain genetic predispositions involving dopamine signaling—maybe folks with ADHD, bipolar disorder, or schizophrenia—seem especially vulnerable. They tend toward deep moods and heavy rumination because their hyper-reactive dopamine systems are constantly trying to compensate for inherent signaling issues.

So, yeah... that's my take.

Just my two cents. I haven't heard it explained exactly like that before, but that's just how it feels to me.🙂

Personally, I tend to lean toward using medication to correct these kinds of states.

Force yourself to go outside, hang out with your wife's friends, clean the house, play some pickup basketball... give your life some direction and the depression will clear out.

You can't bring the dead back, but you can choose how you carry yourself in the face of it.

And seeing the solution solely in pills tells me you're uneducated on the subject, because after a while, you end up needing more and more antidepressants just to stay level. You're essentially a product of this "instant gratification" civilization that views any minor discomfort in life as a catastrophe that absolutely must be eradicated.

What I'm telling you is backed by lived experience; what you're saying is just an excuse to take the path of least resistance. "I feel bad, so gimme the meds, blah blah blah."

☕

Matthew White2 said:Man...😢 I can't say for certain that I know exactly how you feel, though I can certainly imagine it. I’ll offer two small thoughts that you might—well, if you're open to it—want to consider.

First off, nobody is asking you to forget her, nor should they. She's going to live in your memory forever, holding a very specific place in your heart; you just have to find that spot and let her rest there... within your memories... as a beautiful thing that once was... And life, fortunately (well, for us optimists—only for us), keeps moving forward, so... try to keep up with it; try to live in the present, without her... I know, that sounds blunt, maybe even a bit harsh, forgive me... but sometimes you just have to face certain realities.

Secondly... the pain you're feeling, it feels unavoidable; it's normal... but suffering is only one way to navigate through that state. 🙂 So, don't lose hope... and try to appreciate what life still offers... If you stay steady, you'll get through this... and you will always remember Her exactly as she was, of that there is no doubt.

Now... I'm not sure how much warmth my words actually carried... but they were sincere.

So, here I am, a month later. Not much has changed really, I just felt like reaching out and typing this out.

I can't tell if this is normal, but lately, it's hitting me how much I actually take after her. Her parents still treat me like one of their own, which is tough because I honestly don't know how to act around them anymore. 😢

I've been back at the cemetery three or four times now. Every single time, I go there with a bouquet of roses and some silly little note, and I end up driving home in tears.

I miss her—it hurts like hell. If I could just have five minutes with her, just five minutes to say the things I never got to...