nimblenomad8 said:Yeah, you’re probably right—I definitely messed up. I totally get it, and I know I made things sound way simpler than they actually were. The worst part is we were being super careful and using protection, too. And look, it wasn't just me who disappeared; he was actually asking me to fix this because we're stuck in such a messy spot. He was even with me yesterday, so honestly, I have zero issues with him personally. I guess I'm just kicking myself because once I found myself in this situation, I folded before I could really process everything. It all happened so fast! They rushed me through because that whole medication protocol only lasts nine weeks, and I was already hitting my ninth week. I'm fully aware of what I did and how I handled it. I know there are much bigger problems out there in the world, but this experience has been absolutely brutal and painful for me. Honestly, I don't see any connection between whether a baby is conceived in a marriage or just a fling. As a mom, I’d never dream of just jumping into "one-night stands" for the thrill of it. When I got involved with this guy, I never imagined we’d break up after six months, let alone that I'd end up pregnant—especially since, based on my past, it's never been an issue. But when it comes down to it, where the baby came from doesn't matter; the child is yours, period, unless you're dealing with some extreme legal nightmare I don't know about. Anyway, it's done now. Hopefully, things will get easier with time.
Don't get me wrong, but I can't help feeling like you might be being a little irresponsible when it comes to your own future and that of your children. I don't know, maybe it just feels like your actions aren't always guided by much reason or much regard for past experience.
Look, I think being a divorced woman with kids changes the math on dating quite a bit. It isn’t really wise to jump into a relationship just because there's some immediate physical chemistry or an intense spark. You have to look at the bigger picture—the actual probability of building a lasting partnership or even the possibility of having more children down the road. Maybe you should leave those specific possibilities for someone who actually knows what they want. It doesn't seem right to tie yourself to some guy who is just drifting through life, someone who enters a serious relationship with a committed woman and a mother without having any clue where he's headed or how to handle the responsibility. I guess you just have to be careful not to settle for someone who can't hold his own.
I feel like men can be incredibly fickle. For the most part, they tend to act more like spoiled children rather than providing the kind of stability that women actually need—especially for those who have already been wives and are still balancing everything as mothers.
Just imagine a scenario where you’re already divorced and have kids—similar to how things are now—and you decide to marry someone who is constantly saying stuff like, "I don't know what I want," or "I'm not even sure about my own feelings." Then, you end up getting pregnant right before the wedding, only for him to realize the very day before the ceremony that he just isn't feeling it. He casually walks away and leaves you hanging, all while you're carrying triplets.
I don't know, but if I were in your shoes, I’d honestly say that if the next person I slept with wasn't willing to go through the whole legal marriage process first, I might just lose my mind. Maybe I'm being too intense, but I feel like I'd be done with anyone who wouldn't commit to making things official before we even started.
nimblenomad8 said:Man, this is rough. It nearly broke me this time around. Honestly, I don't know when I'll ever feel ready to get close to someone again, though that’s probably the least of my worries right now. My biggest issue is just the guilt eating at me. I’m a believer, and I try my absolute best to live by my values. Yesterday, things got so dark I actually thought about jumping off a building because I felt so sick to my stomach, but thank God I didn't. Today is okay. I’m still dwelling on it—I told myself I wouldn't, but no matter what I do, it just keeps looping back. That feeling, that sense that I let myself be talked into it... it won't go away. I'm going to go for a walk; the sunshine gives me hope, and they say it helps recharge your batteries too. 🙂
You know, back when I was just eighteen and terrified that I might be pregnant, I remember praying to both angels and the devil alike, just begging for it to be a false alarm.
The argument they were making was based on the fact that I had taken two different home tests. One came back negative—and it was actually the more expensive one—while the second one, which was much cheaper, came back positive. But even then, instead of a clear line appearing where it should have been, there was just this faint, pale smudge that barely looked like a line at all. I guess it's hard to be certain when things are that ambiguous.
I’ll admit, I was terrified to take the third test. Honestly, the anxiety had gripped me so tightly that I didn't even know how I was going to handle it. It has been forty-five days of pure mental exhaustion—just constant, overwhelming dread. I can't help but wonder if this massive, mounting fear is actually what threw my body out of whack and caused my period to be late. Maybe the stress just finally caught up with me.
I even went as far as saying that since I'm not pregnant right now, I don't care if I never have children. I told them I’d be willing to abstain for a hundred years if that's what it took.
I honestly think that maybe it wasn't even a faint line at all. It’s possible I just perceived it that way because I was so incredibly terrified. When you're gripped by that kind of fear, I guess you start seeing things that aren't actually there.
Growing up, my parents always taught me that having sex before marriage was wrong. Looking back, that created my biggest moral conflict when it came to my faith and my relationship with God.
Back then, my super-ego was functioning at such an intense level that I felt completely emotionally exhausted—almost like people who physically scourge themselves for their sins.
I’ve never actually shared this with anyone, but it’s something that has stayed deeply etched in my memory.
