Neither here nor there?!

nimblenomad8 said:I tried calling yesterday and the day before—during the day, at night, even in the middle of the night—but nobody picks up. It’s just ringing out there with zero response. I’m living in France, and honestly, I’m a bit lost regarding those sanctions, but from what I gather about how they operate, they move incredibly fast when it comes to "the child's best interest." Now I'm just stuck not knowing what my next move should be. I really wish I had someone to talk to, someone to actually vent to, but unfortunately, everyone is just way too far away...

From what I've seen with people close to me, there is a very strong awareness regarding psychological support after a trauma in France.
It is completely normal to feel terrible, confused, or anxious... and to seek out professional help because of it. Honestly, it would be strange if you felt perfectly fine, as if nothing had happened.

Take a look at this thread on the Health PDF. It’s designed for members to support one another, and reading through might help you realize you aren't alone in feeling this way. And please, don't hesitate to reach out to a professional; having someone help you sort through the mental fog will make things much easier...

EDIT: Regarding the phone calls, try going through the main switchboard and ask to be transferred...

Honestly, they’re being so incredibly sweet that it’s actually making me feel a little nauseous. It’s a lot. They offered to help, and I'm heading to a specialized unit this Monday that handles cases just like mine. One lady there once mentioned that they’re required to step in if they sense anything "isn't right" with a mother, just so they can act quickly. Maybe she didn't mean it quite so literally, or maybe my brain is just spiraling right now—it's hard to tell when my thoughts are racing like this. It makes everything feel so heavy and awkward. Still, I don't really have a choice. I'm genuinely not doing well and I'm pretty lost on how this is all going to play out. To make matters worse, I start my new job on Monday, I've got college finals looming, and I have no clue how I'm going to juggle it all—not to mention the constant anxiety from the echoes in my head.

I finally saw my therapist. Honestly, I wish I’d gone sooner. She really listened and asked if I actually wanted to keep coming back. On one hand, I definitely do—for the kids. But on the other, I don't want to do it for myself because I hate how it messes with my headspace.
The point is, they're there to help unconditionally. Based on her reaction yesterday, I could tell she was genuinely worried, and she promised me there wouldn't be any "consequences." I went back again today and tried to pull myself together. I told her I'm trying not to think so negatively and that I'm working hard to move past it.
Yesterday, a close friend from New York City called me up. She means the world to me, and she said she’d swing by just to be there for me. It gave me a little boost, even if it was just for a moment.
After my session today, I was driving home when suddenly my phone rings. Unknown number. I picked up and felt this literal chill run down my spine. It was one of "those" people—one of the ones who practically harassed me about how I dared to stay pregnant and what I was going to do with a child... I stayed quiet for as long as I could before telling her I knew exactly who she was and that I didn't want to talk. But she insisted on talking just so she could feel justified. She actually snapped at me, saying she never said those things and asking why I was so gullible to listen. Then, she had the nerve to tell me that everything is for the best now, to just take a deep breath, and that every wound heals in time. I'm not writing this to blame her, but it's the way she trivializes the whole thing that hurts. To her, it's nothing. And she thinks if anyone disagrees, we should just accept it because it's "legal" and therefore morally right?! Whatever. Not only did she knock me right back into that dark place, but now I'm spiraling even worse. It's hitting me all at once. I'm finally seeing the full scale of what happened and what I've done. Everything is crashing down on me; I feel like I can't breathe, my heart is just aching, and I can still feel that heaviness inside me, just imagining...

Look, life is just one long series of highs and lows—it’s practically built that way. There’s always going to be something that kicks you while you're down and something else that pulls you back up. When you're in one of those dark moods, my advice? Don't overthink it. Seriously, don't sit there spiraling. Just crash on the couch and sleep it off, or go hit the gym, or blast some upbeat music—whatever works. You just need to find a way to stay busy enough to drown out all those nagging thoughts and emotions before they take over.

Let the past stay in the rearview mirror where it belongs. It doesn't matter what happened yesterday. Focus on right now and what's coming next instead.

Look, I’ve been around the block. That doesn't mean I'm some genius, but I’ve hit rock bottom more times than I can count. There were moments when walking away from everything felt like the easiest option. But just like you, I have two kids who have relied on me since day one. When I was drowning, the thought of what would happen to them was the only thing that kept my head above water. I just took it one damn day at a time. My mantra? "God, just give me enough strength to get through today." That’s how I pushed myself. Believe me, nobody else is going to pull you up—they'll just sedate you until you're useless. Give yourself a mission: focus on getting those kids through life. It helps enough to get you through the worst of this. Like I said, I just pushed through day by day. I used to stash the pills my psychiatrist prescribed in a drawer and toss them later. Now, the only thing I really need is something to help me sleep, because the nights are the hardest part.
Hang in there. Every storm eventually runs out of rain.