The system is completely broken

Maria Reyes4 said:I know it is. Don't fall for that whole "sugar-coated" illusion😁
Unfortunately, I don't have some magic trick for just relaxing and letting go.

But look at this other issue—the real reason we're even talking—which involves only three people I've actually managed to connect with like this all year.

Does that seem small to you?
Connecting deeply with three people in a single year isn't "small"—not by a long shot. We aren't talking about casual acquaintances or one-night stands; we're talking about three actual human connections. Trust me, three in a year is plenty. Far from it.🙂

No, no, hold on—three people I've actually physically spent time with... Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little with two of them, but if things had been different or if there had been more opportunities, they probably wouldn't have even made the cut. One was just a one-night thing; I backed off immediately because she was totally silent on the date, turned into a complete nightmare once we were alone, and then by the next day, she was already acting like we were soulmates. With the second one, it was more of a little fling that dragged on, but honestly, I wasn't even that into it—mostly because I wasn't getting anything out of it except the illusion of not being single, and I basically had to play the part of the sensitive guy just to get through it. I don't mind being a good friend, but she really wasn't someone I could ever actually desire.

As for this third one, you could maybe call her my second or third significant connection in three years, though I only really knew her through a couple of hangouts and maybe fifty texts, so maybe that doesn't even count. She’s someone I started talking to back in mid-March, and after our communication got cut off twice at her suggestion, we finally met up recently. She’s actually glad we met, and the people who know her better than I do swear she isn't playing games.

Anyway, some people apparently bond with ten or more people this way, just like I did with those first two.😬 My average since starting high school has been less than one person per year.🙈

Hannah Allen5 said:No, no, hold on—three people I've actually physically spent time with... Okay, maybe I exaggerated a little with two of them, but if things had been different or if there had been more opportunities, they probably wouldn't have even made the cut. One was just a one-night thing; I backed off immediately because she was totally silent on the date, turned into a complete nightmare once we were alone, and then by the next day, she was already acting like we were soulmates. With the second one, it was more of a little fling that dragged on, but honestly, I wasn't even that into it—mostly because I wasn't getting anything out of it except the illusion of not being single, and I basically had to play the part of the sensitive guy just to get through it. I don't mind being a good friend, but she really wasn't someone I could ever actually desire.

As for this third one, you could maybe call her my second or third significant connection in three years, though I only really knew her through a couple of hangouts and maybe fifty texts, so maybe that doesn't even count. She’s someone I started talking to back in mid-March, and after our communication got cut off twice at her suggestion, we finally met up recently. She’s actually glad we met, and the people who know her better than I do swear she isn't playing games.

Anyway, some people apparently bond with ten or more people this way, just like I did with those first two.😬 My average since starting high school has been less than one person per year.🙈

Now you’ve got me confused—I honestly thought your whole mission was to find that one specific person, your soulmate, until death actually does part you.

It seems you’re just chasing hollow numbers now—it's all vanity metrics at this point.

Do you even know what you're after? To be some kind of social magnet—all chic and effortless? Why? Is the goal just to have them flocking to you, or is it about having enough options that you can finally start picking?

I suppose I should ask myself what the point is... three major realizations in a single day? 🙂 pff

When you suggest that I stick to facts or adopt a more streamlined approach—perhaps a more grounded perspective—I feel compelled to explain my reasoning, if only to prevent this from devolving into complete nonsense 🙂

To be honest, reading through your contributions in this thread feels somewhat like revisiting those heady, philosophical years when I spent quite a long time drifting in abstraction (believing myself to be in some sort of turmoil, which, I suppose, was true... everything is interconnected, after all)

.. Now, I have no desire to cast myself as some sort of sage, but you really have overcomplicated things... specifically regarding your claim that the past isn't a burden because nothing actually happened. Perhaps if something *had* happened, you would feel better? You might have possessed some meaningful experience to draw upon while contemplating the future..

In fact, I’ve just been having a brief internal dialogue with myself, hoping that these thoughts might resonate with you... I suspect there is nothing wrong with your mind or its processing. Firstly, you possess a brain, and it appears to be functional enough... I am not saying that to set you apart from the mindless masses, but rather simply as a matter of objective fact 😉

Some time ago, I received advice here from England-a to adhere to a certain frame of reference or a similar guiding principle. If I were to offer you any counsel, it would be this: regardless of how much you wander, try to maintain a core system of values that provides stability. Something constant—a sense of purpose. In short, a philosophy 😁

Personally, after enduring endless exhausting monologues and various "serious" discussions with people... I have found that these "simple" perspectives and conclusions tend to hold up remarkably well against established standards. At least, they have for me.. mmda ☕

I hung out with a few people back in high school—just surface-level stuff, really. I barely even touched actual socialization with girls

And what did I have to do to make it happen? Burn through massive amounts of cash—buying them drinks, coffee, cigarettes, joints, whatever else they wanted—just to get someone to talk to me for one night, only for them to act like I don't even exist the next morning.
When I finally stopped being a pushover and quit paying for "friendship," I ended up totally alone. Just completely isolated.

Now I’m sitting here, trying to meditate and find some kind of mental balance, but the problem is I’m totally disconnected from the rest of the world—aside from my parents. I have zero social experience, let alone any intimacy or emotional connection with anyone. And I'm already 19! People are already breathing down my neck to take responsibility, get a job, deal with a mountain of obligations

But honestly? My ambitions and my emotional needs are still stuck where they were four years ago... and that's the core of it. I just want to find a solid crew—loyal friends who actually give a damn, people I can be happy with and who are worth investing in. And I want a beautiful girl—someone I can truly love and enjoy, and who I can actually receive love from. Someone whose embrace feels like peace and sanctuary.

I haven't felt anything like that for even a second. My mind—given how much these needs go unmet—is probably going to stay stuck at a 15-year-old's level forever.
It’s just impossible to pile more weight on my shoulders right now—jobs, bills, responsibilities, all of it. It looks easier for everyone else; they navigate life better because they actually have something to show for it—they have a social circle, friends, a girlfriend or wife, actual happiness.

Sometimes I look at my neighbor—he’s in a wheelchair and heads to work every single day—but he’s got tons of friends and a wonderful wife. It makes me think... man, if I could just trade my legs for emotional fulfillment in life (which, in my book, is the whole point), I would.

Because otherwise, physical hurdles have always been a struggle for me, especially since this entire social and psychological situation feels so confusing, unfair, and just plain illogical.

Look, I don't have some mental illness or a formal diagnosis. But I consider myself healthy if I can pull myself through this depression and hardship just to finish high school, hit the gym, and try to take care of myself physically.

But adding more obligations and more responsibilities on top of everything? Dammit, I can't. I just can't.😢(((( I feel pathetic, overwhelmed, and honestly, I'm already too exhausted and miserable to handle anything else.

That feeling when you're running across a field toward a girl whose heart you can see overflowing with love from a distance... or that feeling when you're sitting in a pub with your crew, everyone grabs a pint, you toast to each other, and you spend the night laughing because you know you're a real, loyal group of friends...

If I could just get even one hour of that feeling a day, then spending the next eight hours working on the worst construction site in America would feel like a total breeze.

Maria Reyes4 said:Now you’ve got me confused—I honestly thought your whole mission was to find that one specific person, your soulmate, until death actually does part you.

It seems you’re just chasing hollow numbers now—it's all vanity metrics at this point.

Do you even know what you're after? To be some kind of social magnet—all chic and effortless? Why? Is the goal just to have them flocking to you, or is it about having enough options that you can finally start picking?

Maybe I didn't express myself very clearly before. I mean, I wouldn't mind grabbing a drink once a month, or maybe once every few months, with a totally normal person where nothing happens. I don't care about the numbers, really... they don't matter to me. I wouldn't want to be the thirtieth guy for a girl if she's only been on her third date, but honestly, even that's not a big deal if she's a decent person....

But, look, take this year for example—the woman I had a one-night stand with is just unstable and naive, and a buddy of mine who knows her independently of me actually got the impression she might have some serious cognitive issues. Then there's this other one who has zero self-esteem and all these psychological struggles stemming from trauma, but I won't get into the gritty details.

Before all that, I was in a relationship with a single mom who was twelve years older than me, and that's basically been my whole world since 2005.

Why did I stay with any of them? Well, to be completely honest, with those two, I thought—and I think I was right—that it would make being alone feel a little less heavy. With the older one, you could almost say she actually saved my life, because before her, I was genuinely considering every dark option out there. I accepted whatever came my way because it felt somewhat ungrateful to turn down a decent opportunity while simultaneously mourning the fact that nobody wanted me... Because I just can't handle being alone; I couldn't go five years without anyone looking my way, especially when the people who *did* look at me were the types no one else wanted, or the types who couldn't keep anyone interested.

So, anyway, it's finally over. She reached the conclusion that she doesn't want to be just another "trophy," even though I spent like eight or nine months just trying to get to know her. Not to mention all the tears and the stress involved. It sounds a little pathetic to talk like this about someone you only saw twice in person, but I think I could have truly seen a future with her (well, aside from the fact that we exchanged something like fifteen thousand messages on Facebook)

Hannah Allen5 said:Maybe I didn't express myself very clearly before. I mean, I wouldn't mind grabbing a drink once a month, or maybe once every few months, with a totally normal person where nothing happens. I don't care about the numbers, really... they don't matter to me. I wouldn't want to be the thirtieth guy for a girl if she's only been on her third date, but honestly, even that's not a big deal if she's a decent person....

But, look, take this year for example—the woman I had a one-night stand with is just unstable and naive, and a buddy of mine who knows her independently of me actually got the impression she might have some serious cognitive issues. Then there's this other one who has zero self-esteem and all these psychological struggles stemming from trauma, but I won't get into the gritty details.

Before all that, I was in a relationship with a single mom who was twelve years older than me, and that's basically been my whole world since 2005.

Why did I stay with any of them? Well, to be completely honest, with those two, I thought—and I think I was right—that it would make being alone feel a little less heavy. With the older one, you could almost say she actually saved my life, because before her, I was genuinely considering every dark option out there. I accepted whatever came my way because it felt somewhat ungrateful to turn down a decent opportunity while simultaneously mourning the fact that nobody wanted me... Because I just can't handle being alone; I couldn't go five years without anyone looking my way, especially when the people who *did* look at me were the types no one else wanted, or the types who couldn't keep anyone interested.

So, anyway, it's finally over. She reached the conclusion that she doesn't want to be just another "trophy," even though I spent like eight or nine months just trying to get to know her. Not to mention all the tears and the stress involved. It sounds a little pathetic to talk like this about someone you only saw twice in person, but I think I could have truly seen a future with her (well, aside from the fact that we exchanged something like fifteen thousand messages on Facebook)

You have my full support in working on your own self-esteem.
Keep your head up, sending love.😉

Hannah Allen5 said:Maybe I didn't express myself very clearly before. I mean, I wouldn't mind grabbing a drink once a month, or maybe once every few months, with a totally normal person where nothing happens. I don't care about the numbers, really... they don't matter to me. I wouldn't want to be the thirtieth guy for a girl if she's only been on her third date, but honestly, even that's not a big deal if she's a decent person....

But, look, take this year for example—the woman I had a one-night stand with is just unstable and naive, and a buddy of mine who knows her independently of me actually got the impression she might have some serious cognitive issues. Then there's this other one who has zero self-esteem and all these psychological struggles stemming from trauma, but I won't get into the gritty details.

Before all that, I was in a relationship with a single mom who was twelve years older than me, and that's basically been my whole world since 2005.

Why did I stay with any of them? Well, to be completely honest, with those two, I thought—and I think I was right—that it would make being alone feel a little less heavy. With the older one, you could almost say she actually saved my life, because before her, I was genuinely considering every dark option out there. I accepted whatever came my way because it felt somewhat ungrateful to turn down a decent opportunity while simultaneously mourning the fact that nobody wanted me... Because I just can't handle being alone; I couldn't go five years without anyone looking my way, especially when the people who *did* look at me were the types no one else wanted, or the types who couldn't keep anyone interested.

So, anyway, it's finally over. She reached the conclusion that she doesn't want to be just another "trophy," even though I spent like eight or nine months just trying to get to know her. Not to mention all the tears and the stress involved. It sounds a little pathetic to talk like this about someone you only saw twice in person, but I think I could have truly seen a future with her (well, aside from the fact that we exchanged something like fifteen thousand messages on Facebook)

Nobody just wakes up and thinks that out of nowhere. I’m not saying you actually view her as a trophy, but you definitely give off the vibe of someone who plays games with people.

Maybe you finally pulled it off—the whole "chic magnet" thing. Just be prepared to deal with the fallout that comes with it. See the quote above.

If you're going to play a character around women, you need to realize the risk—some might fall for it, sure, but others are going to see right through you.

Lawrence Bailey77 said:I suppose I should ask myself what the point is... three major realizations in a single day? 🙂 pff

When you suggest that I stick to facts or adopt a more streamlined approach—perhaps a more grounded perspective—I feel compelled to explain my reasoning, if only to prevent this from devolving into complete nonsense 🙂

To be honest, reading through your contributions in this thread feels somewhat like revisiting those heady, philosophical years when I spent quite a long time drifting in abstraction (believing myself to be in some sort of turmoil, which, I suppose, was true... everything is interconnected, after all)

.. Now, I have no desire to cast myself as some sort of sage, but you really have overcomplicated things... specifically regarding your claim that the past isn't a burden because nothing actually happened. Perhaps if something *had* happened, you would feel better? You might have possessed some meaningful experience to draw upon while contemplating the future..

In fact, I’ve just been having a brief internal dialogue with myself, hoping that these thoughts might resonate with you... I suspect there is nothing wrong with your mind or its processing. Firstly, you possess a brain, and it appears to be functional enough... I am not saying that to set you apart from the mindless masses, but rather simply as a matter of objective fact 😉

Some time ago, I received advice here from England-a to adhere to a certain frame of reference or a similar guiding principle. If I were to offer you any counsel, it would be this: regardless of how much you wander, try to maintain a core system of values that provides stability. Something constant—a sense of purpose. In short, a philosophy 😁

Personally, after enduring endless exhausting monologues and various "serious" discussions with people... I have found that these "simple" perspectives and conclusions tend to hold up remarkably well against established standards. At least, they have for me.. mmda ☕

Honestly, someone out there claims that bad experiences are better than no experiences at all. But how am I supposed to know if I haven't even had any bad ones yet? What if life just decides to hit me with all the bad stuff once I hit 30? 😬 In a way, every single negative and every single positive just shifts me off my baseline. Then again, if things were actually going poorly right now, I guess I’d probably be wishing I’d had some good opportunities instead—you can never really win, can you? 😁

Way back when, I got some advice from what I think was England-a suggesting I stick to some sort of reference system or something along those lines... so, what would you advise? I mean, look, through thick and thin, just try to have some core value system that will "stabilize" you... something that stays constant—like a sense of purpose... basically a philosophy. 😁

A reference system is what we use to measure our own progress, right? If that's the case, it feels pretty hard to judge objectively. 😁 When I'm totally screwed, it feels like I've hit rock bottom, but when I'm doing okay, it feels like even though I'm on my own, everything isn't quite so bleak...

lonestag3 said:I hung out with a few people back in high school—just surface-level stuff, really. I barely even touched actual socialization with girls

And what did I have to do to make it happen? Burn through massive amounts of cash—buying them drinks, coffee, cigarettes, joints, whatever else they wanted—just to get someone to talk to me for one night, only for them to act like I don't even exist the next morning.
When I finally stopped being a pushover and quit paying for "friendship," I ended up totally alone. Just completely isolated.

Now I’m sitting here, trying to meditate and find some kind of mental balance, but the problem is I’m totally disconnected from the rest of the world—aside from my parents. I have zero social experience, let alone any intimacy or emotional connection with anyone. And I'm already 19! People are already breathing down my neck to take responsibility, get a job, deal with a mountain of obligations

But honestly? My ambitions and my emotional needs are still stuck where they were four years ago... and that's the core of it. I just want to find a solid crew—loyal friends who actually give a damn, people I can be happy with and who are worth investing in. And I want a beautiful girl—someone I can truly love and enjoy, and who I can actually receive love from. Someone whose embrace feels like peace and sanctuary.

I haven't felt anything like that for even a second. My mind—given how much these needs go unmet—is probably going to stay stuck at a 15-year-old's level forever.
It’s just impossible to pile more weight on my shoulders right now—jobs, bills, responsibilities, all of it. It looks easier for everyone else; they navigate life better because they actually have something to show for it—they have a social circle, friends, a girlfriend or wife, actual happiness.

Sometimes I look at my neighbor—he’s in a wheelchair and heads to work every single day—but he’s got tons of friends and a wonderful wife. It makes me think... man, if I could just trade my legs for emotional fulfillment in life (which, in my book, is the whole point), I would.

Because otherwise, physical hurdles have always been a struggle for me, especially since this entire social and psychological situation feels so confusing, unfair, and just plain illogical.

Look, I don't have some mental illness or a formal diagnosis. But I consider myself healthy if I can pull myself through this depression and hardship just to finish high school, hit the gym, and try to take care of myself physically.

But adding more obligations and more responsibilities on top of everything? Dammit, I can't. I just can't.😢(((( I feel pathetic, overwhelmed, and honestly, I'm already too exhausted and miserable to handle anything else.

That feeling when you're running across a field toward a girl whose heart you can see overflowing with love from a distance... or that feeling when you're sitting in a pub with your crew, everyone grabs a pint, you toast to each other, and you spend the night laughing because you know you're a real, loyal group of friends...

If I could just get even one hour of that feeling a day, then spending the next eight hours working on the worst construction site in America would feel like a total breeze.

Come on, in that department, less is more and everyone's on equal footing; nobody is taking advantage of anyone else.

And I'm still stuck with the same ambitions and emotional desires I had four years ago... which is really the core of it, finding the right crew and loyal friends that I can be happy with and who I won't regret giving a part of myself to, plus one amazing girl whom I can enjoy loving, and enjoy receiving her love from, and always find peace and comfort in her embrace.

I guess I'm in a similar spot. My experience is roughly at that level, but my age isn't. And man, just when you think you've finally found someone who is truly awesome, you realize it doesn't work out that easily.

Quote

It’s just honestly impossible to pile on even more responsibilities—whether we're talking about work, crushing financial stress, or just general life obligations—when things are already this heavy. I mean, maybe it looks easier for other people to just breeze through life, but I guess they have it a bit different because, at the end of the day, they actually have something to show for it; they have actual social circles, solid friendships, partners, or just some kind of genuine happiness to lean on.

Honestly, you don't really have much of a safety net right now if things go south, but I guess it might actually be easier to get back on your feet if you manage to land a job first, especially since you aren't exactly juggling a social life or a girlfriend at the moment—it’s probably the opposite case, isn't it? 😁

I mean, honestly, physical barriers have always been such a massive struggle for me when it comes to managing my anxiety, mostly because I just can't wrap my head around how this whole social-psychological mess is even possible, let alone how unfair and completely illogical it all feels.

Maybe you’re just wired differently. I mean, honestly, it feels like no matter how much effort you put in—whether you're being the absolute best version of yourself or if you're just having a rough patch—society still seems to have this massive problem with people who don't fit the standard mold. It's like, if you aren't playing by their specific rules, they just can't seem to wrap their heads around you.

I guess I should probably start by saying that when people like Hannah Allen5 jump into these discussions, they tend to overlook the sheer complexity of what we’re actually dealing with here. It feels like everyone wants a quick fix, but maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. Honestly, it's pretty frustrating how often we see these half-baked arguments being tossed around without any real substance behind them. I mean, don't get me wrong, I want things to work, but you can't just ignore the underlying issues and expect everything to magically fall into place, right? It’s just one of those things where if you don't look at the big picture, you're basically just spinning your wheels.

Look, if I take on any more obligations or responsibilities right now, I honestly don't know what I'll do. I just can't. Seriously, I just can't. I feel so incredibly disappointed in myself and totally overwhelmed, and honestly, I already feel way too pathetic and exhausted to even consider adding anything else to my plate.

Wait, you really have to. I mean, is someone actually forcing your hand—even if the circumstances are making it feel inevitable—or is this just some idea you’ve cooked up in your own head about what you "must" do? 🤷

I guess I should probably address what Lawrence Bailey77 was getting at earlier, though honestly, it feels like we’re just spinning our wheels here. It seems like maybe some people think they can just ignore the reality of how things actually work in America, which is pretty much a recipe for disaster if you ask me. I don't know, perhaps I'm being too harsh, but it really feels like there's this constant, exhausting push to overlook the obvious flaws in the system, and it's just incredibly frustrating to watch everyone pretend everything is fine when it clearly isn't. I mean, if we can't even agree on the basic facts of the situation, then I suppose any conversation we have is basically just shouting into a void, which is just a massive waste of everyone's time.

You know that feeling when you’re sprinting across an open field, just desperate to reach the girl you see in the distance, seeing that genuine, heartfelt glow in her eyes that tells you she’s absolutely head over heels for you? Or maybe it’s that other feeling, where you’re just hanging out at a local pub with your best friends, everyone grabs a cold craft beer, you all raise a glass together, and you spend the entire night laughing your heads off, knowing deep down that you’ve got a crew that is actually real and stays loyal no matter what... I mean, if I could get even just one hour of that feeling every single day, then honestly, spending the next eight hours working on some absolute nightmare construction site in Chicago would probably feel like a total walk in the park to me.

First thing's first: you’re expecting way too much.🤣 Unless you actually go and get married or something, then I guess even an hour a day might end up being way too much for you to handle.

Honestly, it’s just another thing to consider—I guess there’s a massive sense of relief that comes once you actually realize you have someone like that in your corner, and honestly, just being fully aware of that fact makes everything feel a whole lot easier to handle. 🙂

Maria Reyes4 said:Nobody just wakes up and thinks that out of nowhere. I’m not saying you actually view her as a trophy, but you definitely give off the vibe of someone who plays games with people.

Maybe you finally pulled it off—the whole "chic magnet" thing. Just be prepared to deal with the fallout that comes with it. See the quote above.

If you're going to play a character around women, you need to realize the risk—some might fall for it, sure, but others are going to see right through you.

To be honest, I don't even know. One day she’s being all sweet to me (and I’m occasionally reciprocating), and then suddenly, she just writes something like that.

Okay, maybe I am getting a little too worked up about this, but I try so hard not to show how much I care because I feel like my enthusiasm gets misinterpreted as pure desperation way too easily. It seems like, based on some things she's said, she's had pretty problematic experiences with guys in the past, including the ones who were actually trying to be decent.

What I mean is, if my excitement—and these words that are just spilling out of me right now—gets taken as some kind of smooth-talking jerk behavior...🤷

It all basically boils down to two big questions for me:

1. Why is it that I can't seem to appeal to a totally normal, stable woman? (Even though I can somehow attract people who, honestly, seem like they have much less going for them than I do in so many ways.)

2. Why would anyone even want me in the first place? I'm being real here—I'm supposedly nice, funny, and loyal, but at the same time, I'm often clumsy, inexperienced (if we're talking about the non-sexual side of things 😳), sometimes high-strung, desperate, too blunt (meaning my conversations tend to veer off in weird directions 😬), unemployed, and so on.

It feels like all I'd really need is to find people who aren't actually interested in *me*, but just want a boyfriend—people who don't even have much to offer themselves, let alone the things I actually bring to the table. 🙂

Enough with all this constant complaining. Just go out there and build something worthwhile; if you put in the work, you'll find your peace.

Hannah Allen5 said:Honestly, someone out there claims that bad experiences are better than no experiences at all. But how am I supposed to know if I haven't even had any bad ones yet? What if life just decides to hit me with all the bad stuff once I hit 30? 😬 In a way, every single negative and every single positive just shifts me off my baseline. Then again, if things were actually going poorly right now, I guess I’d probably be wishing I’d had some good opportunities instead—you can never really win, can you? 😁

Way back when, I got some advice from what I think was England-a suggesting I stick to some sort of reference system or something along those lines... so, what would you advise? I mean, look, through thick and thin, just try to have some core value system that will "stabilize" you... something that stays constant—like a sense of purpose... basically a philosophy. 😁

A reference system is what we use to measure our own progress, right? If that's the case, it feels pretty hard to judge objectively. 😁 When I'm totally screwed, it feels like I've hit rock bottom, but when I'm doing okay, it feels like even though I'm on my own, everything isn't quite so bleak...

Come on, in that department, less is more and everyone's on equal footing; nobody is taking advantage of anyone else.

And I'm still stuck with the same ambitions and emotional desires I had four years ago... which is really the core of it, finding the right crew and loyal friends that I can be happy with and who I won't regret giving a part of myself to, plus one amazing girl whom I can enjoy loving, and enjoy receiving her love from, and always find peace and comfort in her embrace.

I guess I'm in a similar spot. My experience is roughly at that level, but my age isn't. And man, just when you think you've finally found someone who is truly awesome, you realize it doesn't work out that easily.

Quote

It’s just honestly impossible to pile on even more responsibilities—whether we're talking about work, crushing financial stress, or just general life obligations—when things are already this heavy. I mean, maybe it looks easier for other people to just breeze through life, but I guess they have it a bit different because, at the end of the day, they actually have something to show for it; they have actual social circles, solid friendships, partners, or just some kind of genuine happiness to lean on.

Honestly, you don't really have much of a safety net right now if things go south, but I guess it might actually be easier to get back on your feet if you manage to land a job first, especially since you aren't exactly juggling a social life or a girlfriend at the moment—it’s probably the opposite case, isn't it? 😁

I mean, honestly, physical barriers have always been such a massive struggle for me when it comes to managing my anxiety, mostly because I just can't wrap my head around how this whole social-psychological mess is even possible, let alone how unfair and completely illogical it all feels.

Maybe you’re just wired differently. I mean, honestly, it feels like no matter how much effort you put in—whether you're being the absolute best version of yourself or if you're just having a rough patch—society still seems to have this massive problem with people who don't fit the standard mold. It's like, if you aren't playing by their specific rules, they just can't seem to wrap their heads around you.

I guess I should probably start by saying that when people like Hannah Allen5 jump into these discussions, they tend to overlook the sheer complexity of what we’re actually dealing with here. It feels like everyone wants a quick fix, but maybe that's just wishful thinking on my part. Honestly, it's pretty frustrating how often we see these half-baked arguments being tossed around without any real substance behind them. I mean, don't get me wrong, I want things to work, but you can't just ignore the underlying issues and expect everything to magically fall into place, right? It’s just one of those things where if you don't look at the big picture, you're basically just spinning your wheels.

Look, if I take on any more obligations or responsibilities right now, I honestly don't know what I'll do. I just can't. Seriously, I just can't. I feel so incredibly disappointed in myself and totally overwhelmed, and honestly, I already feel way too pathetic and exhausted to even consider adding anything else to my plate.

Wait, you really have to. I mean, is someone actually forcing your hand—even if the circumstances are making it feel inevitable—or is this just some idea you’ve cooked up in your own head about what you "must" do? 🤷

I guess I should probably address what Lawrence Bailey77 was getting at earlier, though honestly, it feels like we’re just spinning our wheels here. It seems like maybe some people think they can just ignore the reality of how things actually work in America, which is pretty much a recipe for disaster if you ask me. I don't know, perhaps I'm being too harsh, but it really feels like there's this constant, exhausting push to overlook the obvious flaws in the system, and it's just incredibly frustrating to watch everyone pretend everything is fine when it clearly isn't. I mean, if we can't even agree on the basic facts of the situation, then I suppose any conversation we have is basically just shouting into a void, which is just a massive waste of everyone's time.

You know that feeling when you’re sprinting across an open field, just desperate to reach the girl you see in the distance, seeing that genuine, heartfelt glow in her eyes that tells you she’s absolutely head over heels for you? Or maybe it’s that other feeling, where you’re just hanging out at a local pub with your best friends, everyone grabs a cold craft beer, you all raise a glass together, and you spend the entire night laughing your heads off, knowing deep down that you’ve got a crew that is actually real and stays loyal no matter what... I mean, if I could get even just one hour of that feeling every single day, then honestly, spending the next eight hours working on some absolute nightmare construction site in Chicago would probably feel like a total walk in the park to me.

First thing's first: you’re expecting way too much.🤣 Unless you actually go and get married or something, then I guess even an hour a day might end up being way too much for you to handle.

Honestly, it’s just another thing to consider—I guess there’s a massive sense of relief that comes once you actually realize you have someone like that in your corner, and honestly, just being fully aware of that fact makes everything feel a whole lot easier to handle. 🙂

I don't feel like I "have" to, but look—I'm not planning on living my entire life under my mom's roof and spending her money... so yeah, in that sense, I have to.😉

First thing: I expect too much??? Seriously? If you see some guy out on the street, happy as hell, hugging his girlfriend while his buddies pull up in a car to whisk them away to a party... you wouldn't say that guy is "expecting too much." (Though, I guess that's basically the blueprint for everyone my age right now, like the 18-to-20 crowd.)

Second thing: that kind of self-awareness? It's a pipe dream. I dream about it every single night—just hoping that one day things will finally flip, that I'll actually have an ace up my sleeve, and that basic justice will prevail so I can finally feel that clarity, because deep down, I know I deserve it. I need it.

That hope—that one day I'll actually figure it out—is the only thing keeping me going. The real question is: am I losing my mind?

Because isn't that the literal definition of insanity? Doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I wake up every damn day with that same hope, but nothing ever changes.

So who's the crazy one here? Me? Or maybe the other 7 billion people on this planet?! 🤷

@darkic, I just realized my nickname still says "chick magnet," and I honestly thought I'd changed it already. Anyway, I guess that label stuck to me after Mike's last wild night out; I showed up looking like a total mess, and I ended up spending most of the evening hanging out with a girl while everyone else just watched us...

Morgan Chase5 said:Enough with all this constant complaining. Just go out there and build something worthwhile; if you put in the work, you'll find your peace.

To be honest, I actually thought I was doing something meaningful🤷 But maybe this is just a sign that I need to move on—I mean, three fights like this in ten days, when nothing happened before... But where to go? I have absolutely no clue.🙄

lonestag3 said:I don't feel like I "have" to, but look—I'm not planning on living my entire life under my mom's roof and spending her money... so yeah, in that sense, I have to.😉

First thing: I expect too much??? Seriously? If you see some guy out on the street, happy as hell, hugging his girlfriend while his buddies pull up in a car to whisk them away to a party... you wouldn't say that guy is "expecting too much." (Though, I guess that's basically the blueprint for everyone my age right now, like the 18-to-20 crowd.)

Second thing: that kind of self-awareness? It's a pipe dream. I dream about it every single night—just hoping that one day things will finally flip, that I'll actually have an ace up my sleeve, and that basic justice will prevail so I can finally feel that clarity, because deep down, I know I deserve it. I need it.

That hope—that one day I'll actually figure it out—is the only thing keeping me going. The real question is: am I losing my mind?

Because isn't that the literal definition of insanity? Doing the exact same thing over and over and expecting a different result.

I wake up every damn day with that same hope, but nothing ever changes.

So who's the crazy one here? Me? Or maybe the other 7 billion people on this planet?! 🤷

Okay, so first off, this is more of a "should" than a "must," so try not to view it as some massive burden (because saying "must" makes it sound way heavier than it is). And don't get hung up on those couples you see hugging and stuff; that isn't necessarily the full picture, it's just the tip of the iceberg. Like I said, you can't expect your partner to be smiling at you for an hour every single morning.😁 She won't be there every morning.😁 And she won't be smiling every single time.😈 But just knowing she’s there and that she cares about you... that’s what carries you through even when you aren't right next to her.
Quinn:

second thing: I can only dream of having that feeling. I dream about it every night—hoping that one day things will turn around, that I'll finally have an ace up my sleeve, and that basic justice will prevail so I can finally feel that sense of peace because deep down, I know I deserve it.

So I'm asking you, what they asked me, and really what I've been asking myself for a few posts now: What do you actually bring to the table for a girl? Think about how you interact with others—are you intelligent, funny, a good listener, empathetic, or socially skilled? Being loyal, honest, and selfless aren't exactly the traits that make someone crave you initially; those are just bonuses once they're already interested.

Quinn:

because, I mean, isn't the whole definition of insanity just doing the exact same thing over and over again while somehow expecting a different result? I feel like I wake up every single morning clinging to that same sense of hope, yet absolutely nothing ever actually changes. So, who’s the crazy one here? Maybe it’s me, or maybe it’s just the other seven billion people roaming this planet?! 🤷

Well, it’s not seven billion. Let's say we assume all seven billion are between the ages of 20 and 50, and if that's the case, then I honestly believe more than a billion people aren't in a relationship or marriage that actually works. They're either flying solo, stuck in a terrible partnership they shouldn't have entered, or staying in one for all the wrong reasons.

And I guess one way to look at it is that nobody is actually insane if they're at least questioning whether they might be.😛

Hannah Allen5 said:@darkic, I just realized my nickname still says "chick magnet," and I honestly thought I'd changed it already. Anyway, I guess that label stuck to me after Mike's last wild night out; I showed up looking like a total mess, and I ended up spending most of the evening hanging out with a girl while everyone else just watched us...

To be honest, I actually thought I was doing something meaningful🤷 But maybe this is just a sign that I need to move on—I mean, three fights like this in ten days, when nothing happened before... But where to go? I have absolutely no clue.🙄

Okay, so first off, this is more of a "should" than a "must," so try not to view it as some massive burden (because saying "must" makes it sound way heavier than it is). And don't get hung up on those couples you see hugging and stuff; that isn't necessarily the full picture, it's just the tip of the iceberg. Like I said, you can't expect your partner to be smiling at you for an hour every single morning.😁 She won't be there every morning.😁 And she won't be smiling every single time.😈 But just knowing she’s there and that she cares about you... that’s what carries you through even when you aren't right next to her.
Quinn:

second thing: I can only dream of having that feeling. I dream about it every night—hoping that one day things will turn around, that I'll finally have an ace up my sleeve, and that basic justice will prevail so I can finally feel that sense of peace because deep down, I know I deserve it.

So I'm asking you, what they asked me, and really what I've been asking myself for a few posts now: What do you actually bring to the table for a girl? Think about how you interact with others—are you intelligent, funny, a good listener, empathetic, or socially skilled? Being loyal, honest, and selfless aren't exactly the traits that make someone crave you initially; those are just bonuses once they're already interested.

Quinn:

because, I mean, isn't the whole definition of insanity just doing the exact same thing over and over again while somehow expecting a different result? I feel like I wake up every single morning clinging to that same sense of hope, yet absolutely nothing ever actually changes. So, who’s the crazy one here? Maybe it’s me, or maybe it’s just the other seven billion people roaming this planet?! 🤷

Well, it’s not seven billion. Let's say we assume all seven billion are between the ages of 20 and 50, and if that's the case, then I honestly believe more than a billion people aren't in a relationship or marriage that actually works. They're either flying solo, stuck in a terrible partnership they shouldn't have entered, or staying in one for all the wrong reasons.

And I guess one way to look at it is that nobody is actually insane if they're at least questioning whether they might be.😛

Smart? Yeah, I consider myself that—mostly because diving into deep, alternative topics is how I unwind, and debating heavy arguments with people feels like mental sparring practice for me. I'm a bit withdrawn, quiet, and—let's be real—my social skills aren't exactly top-tier. I've been the weirdo, the outlier, since I was five or six years old. As for loyalty, honesty, and that natural urge to help everyone like some kind of modern-day Mother Teresa? That's just my thing. It's not about being a suck-up or forcing it on anyone, but man, it makes me wonder how cold and emotionally shallow people have become. When loyalty and a genuine will to love don't mean anything to someone, then what's even the point of socializing?

It shouldn't feel like trading commodities on the New York Stock Exchange or constantly haggling over reputation and material stuff.

When someone first talks to me, I can hold my own—I can talk your ear off at a level where there are zero awkward barriers. Seriously, if some random person approaches me, after three sentences I'm talking to them like we've been best friends for five years. But when it comes to taking the lead socially? I am the total opposite of those "alpha male" types everyone raves about. Still, I'll tell people exactly what's on my mind and give straight advice when needed—even if they end up thinking, "Who is this weirdo? I don't even know him, and he's already jumping in with advice."

Hannah Allen5 said:@darkic, I just realized my nickname still says "chick magnet," and I honestly thought I'd changed it already. Anyway, I guess that label stuck to me after Mike's last wild night out; I showed up looking like a total mess, and I ended up spending most of the evening hanging out with a girl while everyone else just watched us...

To be honest, I actually thought I was doing something meaningful🤷 But maybe this is just a sign that I need to move on—I mean, three fights like this in ten days, when nothing happened before... But where to go? I have absolutely no clue.🙄

Okay, so first off, this is more of a "should" than a "must," so try not to view it as some massive burden (because saying "must" makes it sound way heavier than it is). And don't get hung up on those couples you see hugging and stuff; that isn't necessarily the full picture, it's just the tip of the iceberg. Like I said, you can't expect your partner to be smiling at you for an hour every single morning.😁 She won't be there every morning.😁 And she won't be smiling every single time.😈 But just knowing she’s there and that she cares about you... that’s what carries you through even when you aren't right next to her.
Quinn:

second thing: I can only dream of having that feeling. I dream about it every night—hoping that one day things will turn around, that I'll finally have an ace up my sleeve, and that basic justice will prevail so I can finally feel that sense of peace because deep down, I know I deserve it.

So I'm asking you, what they asked me, and really what I've been asking myself for a few posts now: What do you actually bring to the table for a girl? Think about how you interact with others—are you intelligent, funny, a good listener, empathetic, or socially skilled? Being loyal, honest, and selfless aren't exactly the traits that make someone crave you initially; those are just bonuses once they're already interested.

Quinn:

because, I mean, isn't the whole definition of insanity just doing the exact same thing over and over again while somehow expecting a different result? I feel like I wake up every single morning clinging to that same sense of hope, yet absolutely nothing ever actually changes. So, who’s the crazy one here? Maybe it’s me, or maybe it’s just the other seven billion people roaming this planet?! 🤷

Well, it’s not seven billion. Let's say we assume all seven billion are between the ages of 20 and 50, and if that's the case, then I honestly believe more than a billion people aren't in a relationship or marriage that actually works. They're either flying solo, stuck in a terrible partnership they shouldn't have entered, or staying in one for all the wrong reasons.

And I guess one way to look at it is that nobody is actually insane if they're at least questioning whether they might be.😛

ok, so I'm basically generalizing across almost the entire population—at least in urban areas. The numbers are just a rough guide. Otherwise, I highly doubt socialization in somewhere remote like Tibet or certain Buddhist regions boils down to petty rivalry and manufactured dominance. (By "manufactured," I mean behavior that doesn't flow straight from the soul—where the definition is unconditional love and wanting happiness—but instead gets filtered through these unnatural barriers and distorted realities that eventually cause problems).

At least I'm not the only one looking at the definition of insanity this way.😁

I’m going to jump in on this last point, mostly because I’m pretty convinced this is how it actually works. If you’re just sitting there contemplating suicide, you aren't actually going to go through with it; it’s more like you'll end up doing it when everything finally just snaps and you hit a breaking point. And honestly, if you truly believe you're losing your mind, you’re probably sane enough to realize it, because otherwise, all those "crazy" people would be lining up to check themselves into a mental health facility voluntarily😬