My eternal self

Michael Gonzalez77 said:Look, I’m no expert, but to me, that 'emotion' felt like a clear sign of respect—like a nod of appreciation. If I’m ever being cynical on this forum, I make sure people know it ( 😢😲😁 ), but I definitely wouldn't direct that toward something like what you mentioned.

In that case, my bad. Deepest apologies.

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If we actually want to figure out what’s really going on, we’ve gotta dive way past all that surface-level noise—all those shallow thoughts and fleeting desires. It’s honestly like trying to break through a thick sheet of ice made of old feelings and half-forgotten memories... You just end up standing there on the edge, totally terrified of slipping under your own superficial worldview because, frankly, you have no clue what kind of madness is waiting for you down in the depths.

But hey, don't hold your breath for anything pleasant—or even anything uncomfortable, for that matter. 🙂

Angela Cox4 said:If we actually want to figure out what’s really going on, we’ve gotta dive way past all that surface-level noise—all those shallow thoughts and fleeting desires. It’s honestly like trying to break through a thick sheet of ice made of old feelings and half-forgotten memories... You just end up standing there on the edge, totally terrified of slipping under your own superficial worldview because, frankly, you have no clue what kind of madness is waiting for you down in the depths.

But hey, don't hold your breath for anything pleasant—or even anything uncomfortable, for that matter. 🙂

TBF puts it best: "Don't dive too deep, or you might drown." 🙂

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I’m honestly just completely tapped out at this point.

Michael Gonzalez77 said:You might need to hang in there for a few more weeks; you just can't sustain that level of intensity indefinitely.
Look, I don't want to sound harsh or cynical, but what you’re describing sounds exactly like my own manic episodes. There isn't much difference. These states are always deeply personal, and honestly, mania can feel like a divine, pure experience—though that really depends on the person. If someone is spiritually inclined, they’ll express it through that lens. But if they lack any spiritual insight or are driven by ego, they’ll just experience it as this overwhelming, intense rush. Regardless, it’s usually mania, and it almost always follows a natural cycle of anxiety or depression.

but staying this positive for several days straight can't be mania, right? I thought those episodes were way shorter, or am I missing something?

@kudos to Drew Gray4 for being real. Keep it up. 🙂

Maria Fox4 said:but staying this positive for several days straight can't be mania, right? I thought those episodes were way shorter, or am I missing something?

@kudos to Drew Gray4 for being real. Keep it up. 🙂

It can actually last for months and then spiral out of control, almost like a wave pattern. Or it might dip away for a while, only to resurface a year later as a continuation of that manic phase.

Michael Gonzalez77 said:It can actually last for months and then spiral out of control, almost like a wave pattern. Or it might dip away for a while, only to resurface a year later as a continuation of that manic phase.

You’re talking like Drew Gray4 needs to pop mania pills just to get back to some "pleasant" baseline where he was taking antidepressants.

No. He woke up to the world, to himself—he finally took control in total freedom. Everything gained actual value, color... there's really nothing more to say about it.

So, what, is he some kind of enlightened saint now? Like he just suddenly saw the light? Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I heard anything like that... 😢 😢

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analoghawk13 said:You’re talking like Drew Gray4 needs to pop mania pills just to get back to some "pleasant" baseline where he was taking antidepressants.

No. He woke up to the world, to himself—he finally took control in total freedom. Everything gained actual value, color... there's really nothing more to say about it.

Actually, you're putting words in my mouth; I never said any of that. 🙂

I'm simply pointing out how much this resembles what he's describing. There isn't really a "spiritual awakening" when you're coming out of severe, crippling anxiety or depression. In those cases, that "awakening" is actually just mania. When deep depression and intense stress wreck your nervous system, you can't hide behind philosophy. That said, I don't think that's what's happening with him, and I truly hope it isn't. People struggle with this their entire lives. Honestly, many just give up because these states swing wildly between feeling "divine" and feeling like you're in literal hell. Psychiatry is mostly just there to manage the symptoms.

People experience these shifts in all sorts of ways, but at the end of the day, they're still just people dealing with real problems.

Angela Cox4 said:I’m honestly just completely tapped out at this point.

Nice one! That's how you do it. Not many people have the guts to take the plunge, and even fewer actually stick with it. ;-)

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Michael Gonzalez77 said:Actually, you're putting words in my mouth; I never said any of that. 🙂

I'm simply pointing out how much this resembles what he's describing. There isn't really a "spiritual awakening" when you're coming out of severe, crippling anxiety or depression. In those cases, that "awakening" is actually just mania. When deep depression and intense stress wreck your nervous system, you can't hide behind philosophy. That said, I don't think that's what's happening with him, and I truly hope it isn't. People struggle with this their entire lives. Honestly, many just give up because these states swing wildly between feeling "divine" and feeling like you're in literal hell. Psychiatry is mostly just there to manage the symptoms.

People experience these shifts in all sorts of ways, but at the end of the day, they're still just people dealing with real problems.

There are definitely people who would be classified as depressed due to organic medical issues.
But the idea that > the depression and stress leading up to it absolutely wrecked your nervous system < is impossible to prove. The notion that depression destroys the nervous system on a hardware level? That's ideology. At best, it's correlation.

What actually matters is a person's life situation. And a situation is made up of facts, interpretations, perspectives, and mood.
Plus, you have external demands on how you're supposed to function. You "Must Not Be Depressed." And that’s where the vicious cycles start.

> psychiatry is just quasi-help for the symptoms <
Sure, there's some truth to that, but there's also the fact that quick quasi-therapy often just permanently locks you into a low state. How often does one single, heavy-handed label—like, "You Just Have Anxiety-Driven Depression"—create the whole reality? Suddenly, you're forced to interpret, feel, and act based on that label just to defend yourself.

analoghawk13 said:There are definitely people who would be classified as depressed due to organic medical issues.
But the idea that > the depression and stress leading up to it absolutely wrecked your nervous system < is impossible to prove. The notion that depression destroys the nervous system on a hardware level? That's ideology. At best, it's correlation.

What actually matters is a person's life situation. And a situation is made up of facts, interpretations, perspectives, and mood.
Plus, you have external demands on how you're supposed to function. You "Must Not Be Depressed." And that’s where the vicious cycles start.

> psychiatry is just quasi-help for the symptoms <
Sure, there's some truth to that, but there's also the fact that quick quasi-therapy often just permanently locks you into a low state. How often does one single, heavy-handed label—like, "You Just Have Anxiety-Driven Depression"—create the whole reality? Suddenly, you're forced to interpret, feel, and act based on that label just to defend yourself.

Every intense emotional state leaves its mark, obviously. Every illness has a root cause, and for most, that stems from severe stress or heavy emotional burdens—that’s nothing new.
Then, the chronic issues and pain that arise from that—both physically and mentally—create a feedback loop. Those states impact your functions, which feeds back into the cycle, causing symptoms to flare up and fade away periodically. Depression absolutely wrecks a person's life, their behavior, their thought patterns, their relationships, and their drive to live.

analoghawk13 said:There are definitely people who would be classified as depressed due to organic medical issues.
But the idea that > the depression and stress leading up to it absolutely wrecked your nervous system < is impossible to prove. The notion that depression destroys the nervous system on a hardware level? That's ideology. At best, it's correlation.

What actually matters is a person's life situation. And a situation is made up of facts, interpretations, perspectives, and mood.
Plus, you have external demands on how you're supposed to function. You "Must Not Be Depressed." And that’s where the vicious cycles start.

> psychiatry is just quasi-help for the symptoms <
Sure, there's some truth to that, but there's also the fact that quick quasi-therapy often just permanently locks you into a low state. How often does one single, heavy-handed label—like, "You Just Have Anxiety-Driven Depression"—create the whole reality? Suddenly, you're forced to interpret, feel, and act based on that label just to defend yourself.

You're theorizing more than stating facts now, but okay, I get what you mean. Just let's not talk about mental illness in such broad, abstract terms; I was simply offering my opinion to him, not making an absolute claim.

My point in reaching out to the guy is this: I hope he isn't experiencing mania, because when someone goes through a manic episode—whatever kind it may be—they can feel enlightened, like they're Jesus or God. We all know people like that, and there's nothing wrong with it. But afterward, those lower moods tend to follow because the brain functionally and hormonally "burns out." Much like a drug, it exhausts its normal resources and falls into a deficit, leading to states that are just another form of "spending," only much more unpleasant. — Of course, it doesn't have to be intense, and I'm not claiming that's exactly what's happening in his case; in fact, I really hope it isn't.

Michael Gonzalez77 said:Every intense emotional state leaves its mark, obviously. Every illness has a root cause, and for most, that stems from severe stress or heavy emotional burdens—that’s nothing new.
Then, the chronic issues and pain that arise from that—both physically and mentally—create a feedback loop. Those states impact your functions, which feeds back into the cycle, causing symptoms to flare up and fade away periodically. Depression absolutely wrecks a person's life, their behavior, their thought patterns, their relationships, and their drive to live.

You're theorizing more than stating facts now, but okay, I get what you mean. Just let's not talk about mental illness in such broad, abstract terms; I was simply offering my opinion to him, not making an absolute claim.

My point in reaching out to the guy is this: I hope he isn't experiencing mania, because when someone goes through a manic episode—whatever kind it may be—they can feel enlightened, like they're Jesus or God. We all know people like that, and there's nothing wrong with it. But afterward, those lower moods tend to follow because the brain functionally and hormonally "burns out." Much like a drug, it exhausts its normal resources and falls into a deficit, leading to states that are just another form of "spending," only much more unpleasant. — Of course, it doesn't have to be intense, and I'm not claiming that's exactly what's happening in his case; in fact, I really hope it isn't.

Yeah, let's drop the wind thing from the debate. I'm with you there.

And my point was more like... actually, let me rephrase:
sometimes I just get a bit tired of people who are perfectly content cruising along in this endless loop of shallow success and total mediocrity.
I honestly think life only hands out real happiness to those who can push through the fog of a heavy, complicated existence toward something a little brighter.
It’s not just about those >> extreme states of 'divine' bliss ... <<, it’s about widening the spectrum of what life can actually be for you.
I really hope Drew Gray4 caught onto a sense of freedom he'll never forget, regardless of how he feels when he wakes up tomorrow.

Anyway, it felt a bit like watching someone try to explain away the obvious.

analoghawk13 said:Yeah, let's drop the wind thing from the debate. I'm with you there.

And my point was more like... actually, let me rephrase:
sometimes I just get a bit tired of people who are perfectly content cruising along in this endless loop of shallow success and total mediocrity.
I honestly think life only hands out real happiness to those who can push through the fog of a heavy, complicated existence toward something a little brighter.
It’s not just about those >> extreme states of 'divine' bliss ... <<, it’s about widening the spectrum of what life can actually be for you.
I really hope Drew Gray4 caught onto a sense of freedom he'll never forget, regardless of how he feels when he wakes up tomorrow.

Anyway, it felt a bit like watching someone try to explain away the obvious.

That expansion happens in different ways. It doesn't matter if someone is dealing with illness (think Hemingway, Beethoven, and others) or if they're navigating it through their mental state—people who haven't hit depression or anxiety. Mania, for instance, can be liberating and refining; it allows a person to tap into their potential with incredible ease because they're finally leaning into who they really are. Before that, they might have been held back, like dead capital sitting idle. It's about an open expression of self-love and seeing God in everything, based on whatever philosophical foundation one wants to project—beauty, timeless perceptions, etc. But that's a tougher path, one that puts a person through significant trials.

Life offers happiness to everyone by default. We always feel like we're lacking something, but life itself isn't missing anything. Our own ignorance, disorientation, and certain flaws in our character make us feel like we have to "push through the fog." I wasn't saying that struggle is inherently bad; I'm just aware that's one way it manifests.

I agree that those who endure a lot without letting it distort or break them eventually reap the rewards of something truly sublime.

So, what you're saying is every single "high" in life is just a manic episode in disguise? Like, someone falls head over heels in love, the spark dies down, and then they just shrug and go, "Oh, I guess that was just mania."
Either way, there’s no shot they would have even considered that diagnosis if the patient hadn't brought up medication first. It's like doctors just grab at any diagnosis they can find the moment someone mentions pills.

Maria Fox4 said:So, what you're saying is every single "high" in life is just a manic episode in disguise? Like, someone falls head over heels in love, the spark dies down, and then they just shrug and go, "Oh, I guess that was just mania."
Either way, there’s no shot they would have even considered that diagnosis if the patient hadn't brought up medication first. It's like doctors just grab at any diagnosis they can find the moment someone mentions pills.

I don't usually bother with rhetorical questions, but I can tell this one was aimed right at me.

Look, I'm not a doctor. I'm just someone who has been living with bipolar disorder for the last 13 years 🙂 and I've experienced—more than once—exactly what this kid is describing (which, honestly, is about 50% luck and 50% misery). That's why I spoke about what I went through.

Nobody except people actually living through this can truly grasp it through some theoretical example. It's like trying to explain the effects of microdosing mescaline; you can't really abstract it without experiencing those subtle yet incredibly deep shifts where your personal impressions shape how you perceive the world through hormones and biology. Of course, I'm talking about mescaline based on theory here, and I'm not trying to trivialize things with bad analogies just because of a defensive reflex or cynical rhetoric.

I am not handing out diagnoses. This condition isn't exactly rare, but the experience is deeply tied to an individual's personality, goals, and beliefs. I'm simply sharing my own life to show that it's not quite what you think. What I don't know, you don't know either. I'm not claiming to be an authority, so please don't claim that I'm trying to act like one.

If you still don't get what I'm talking about, YouTube is full of explanations, or you could listen to Beethoven's symphonies—they might tell you more than I ever could.

Michael Gonzalez77 said:I don't usually bother with rhetorical questions, but I can tell this one was aimed right at me.

Look, I'm not a doctor. I'm just someone who has been living with bipolar disorder for the last 13 years 🙂 and I've experienced—more than once—exactly what this kid is describing (which, honestly, is about 50% luck and 50% misery). That's why I spoke about what I went through.

Nobody except people actually living through this can truly grasp it through some theoretical example. It's like trying to explain the effects of microdosing mescaline; you can't really abstract it without experiencing those subtle yet incredibly deep shifts where your personal impressions shape how you perceive the world through hormones and biology. Of course, I'm talking about mescaline based on theory here, and I'm not trying to trivialize things with bad analogies just because of a defensive reflex or cynical rhetoric.

I am not handing out diagnoses. This condition isn't exactly rare, but the experience is deeply tied to an individual's personality, goals, and beliefs. I'm simply sharing my own life to show that it's not quite what you think. What I don't know, you don't know either. I'm not claiming to be an authority, so please don't claim that I'm trying to act like one.

If you still don't get what I'm talking about, YouTube is full of explanations, or you could listen to Beethoven's symphonies—they might tell you more than I ever could.

😁

fine, point taken.
I wasn't trying to drive the OP away, but looks like they've already checked out anyway.

Hey everyone, just wanted to check in briefly. It’s not that I’ve gone MIA on you, I truly just haven't been able to find a spare moment to sit down and write.

Work has been consuming more than a week straight now, draining a massive amount of my energy and time from sunrise to sunset, and when the weekend finally rolls around, my priority is spending quality time with my kid. This past week brought plenty of tests; I handled some well, and others were a bit more of a struggle, but regardless, I'm no longer living purely on autopilot. Now, if I do happen to slip back into those old subconscious patterns, I can "wake up" from that state almost immediately and return to acting from a place of conscious awareness—meaning I'm not being driven by negative emotions like anger or jealousy anymore.

Of course, nothing is perfect, but I’m accepting things exactly as they are. I intentionally shared quite a bit about myself, and I noticed some people interpreted my illness in a different light. I don't really know what to say to that; I was honest about everything. Yes, I am ill, I am undergoing treatment, and I am taking medication—I've actually changed my prescriptions quite a bit recently. On top of all that, I manage a high-responsibility, mentally taxing job with long hours, all while providing for my family, supporting my parents, and working incredibly hard to balance it all. Right now, my feet are firmly planted on the ground. I'm not falling for any illusions regarding reality; self-awareness doesn't necessitate immediate change, though it could, and it will be interesting to see how things unfold and what my true self decides to choose. To be honest, I don't see any signs of mania or bipolar phases in myself. That said, I'm staying cautious and not forcing anything. Life feels just as heavy as it did before, except for me—I've become spiritually unburdened, and because I'm carrying so little spiritual baggage despite all these hardships, life feels much easier to navigate.

It’s a beautiful day today; make sure to get out into nature and engage all your senses.

Drew Gray4 said:Hey everyone, just wanted to check in briefly. It’s not that I’ve gone MIA on you, I truly just haven't been able to find a spare moment to sit down and write.

Work has been consuming more than a week straight now, draining a massive amount of my energy and time from sunrise to sunset, and when the weekend finally rolls around, my priority is spending quality time with my kid. This past week brought plenty of tests; I handled some well, and others were a bit more of a struggle, but regardless, I'm no longer living purely on autopilot. Now, if I do happen to slip back into those old subconscious patterns, I can "wake up" from that state almost immediately and return to acting from a place of conscious awareness—meaning I'm not being driven by negative emotions like anger or jealousy anymore.

Of course, nothing is perfect, but I’m accepting things exactly as they are. I intentionally shared quite a bit about myself, and I noticed some people interpreted my illness in a different light. I don't really know what to say to that; I was honest about everything. Yes, I am ill, I am undergoing treatment, and I am taking medication—I've actually changed my prescriptions quite a bit recently. On top of all that, I manage a high-responsibility, mentally taxing job with long hours, all while providing for my family, supporting my parents, and working incredibly hard to balance it all. Right now, my feet are firmly planted on the ground. I'm not falling for any illusions regarding reality; self-awareness doesn't necessitate immediate change, though it could, and it will be interesting to see how things unfold and what my true self decides to choose. To be honest, I don't see any signs of mania or bipolar phases in myself. That said, I'm staying cautious and not forcing anything. Life feels just as heavy as it did before, except for me—I've become spiritually unburdened, and because I'm carrying so little spiritual baggage despite all these hardships, life feels much easier to navigate.

It’s a beautiful day today; make sure to get out into nature and engage all your senses.

It doesn't look like mania to me. I’ve got half my family dealing with bipolar disorder, so I know what to look for. If you're up for it, though, why don't you tell us how you actually ended up getting sick and what they're prescribing you? Anyway, it's honestly refreshing to see someone actually enjoying life. The bigger issue is that people immediately think it's weird just because everyone else seems to be stuck in a constant funk.

I took a leap of faith into the unknown, and the world met me halfway, catching me in its embrace. Since that moment, nothing has been the same. I feel deeply rooted within myself, much like a century-old oak tree—tranquil, steady, unyielding, and firm. Even though heavy winds still blow through my life and storms continue to rage, nothing can shake me from the core of my being. I might bend with the gusts, but I always snap back. That sense of self remains incredibly intense. It hasn't been long, yet it feels as though a hundred lifetimes have passed since the day I penned my very first post. Time seems to move more slowly now.
Just as I began to perceive this spiritual reality, I found that God seemed to draw me even closer. It started with spontaneous prayer. I’ve become so hungry for that connection that I find myself praying during every spare second, whether I'm at work or home. It is truly inexplicable. I read the various threads on this forum, but none of them spark a desire to write; I simply find I have nothing left to say. I cannot express myself in any medium quite like I can in my own.

It is a true wealth to be gifted with life—to participate in this grand game we play, to create, to experience, and to learn. Embrace everything being offered to you. Take frequent moments to peek inward and observe what is unfolding within your soul alongside the rhythms of your daily activities and your evolving understanding of life.
That's all for now, greetings to everyone!