Struggling Parents

dustysailor28 said:Coming in here just to be a jerk, are we?
Try reading it slowly this time—I purposely wrote my last post at a snail's pace specifically for people like you who just want to troll.

Now you're just the one looking stupid. 😢

That bolded sentence of yours? It’s basically the textbook definition of stupidity.

Stop obsessing over this forum and go find a job. Once you’ve got enough cash stashed away—you move. end of Story. Or did you just join this place so you could blame the country and the government for everything? 🤣

I’m being totally honest when I say I don't think you're cut out for what you're aiming for. Plus, you didn't even mention how old you are, which is pretty crucial to know.

Honestly, as long as you're still in college, regardless of how old you actually are, parents still carry some level of responsibility for their kid.
Sure, maybe you've got a little side hustle to cover your own coffee and snacks, and yeah, you're an adult now, but that doesn't mean a dad can just check out or act like he doesn't care.
My own mom was pretty tough on me sometimes—kind of intense, if I'm being real—but looking back, I honestly can't help but be grateful for how she handled things.
If we'd been left to our own devices during those years, we probably would've tried way too much stuff, and let's face it, things could have gone south really fast.
Just my two cents.

dustysailor28 said:The second someone drops a popcorn emoji, I know exactly what’s happening—they think they’re watching some big cinematic drama unfold, when really, they’re just being obnoxious. In this case, it's pretty obvious you're just here for the entertainment value, so honestly? I’m going to skip your entire post. Go ahead and take that "main character" energy somewhere else—maybe find another thread to stir the pot in. By the way, I liked your old avatar better.

I’m telling you, I’ll head over to the apartment eventually—but definitely not tomorrow. If I show up even a second earlier than expected, he’s going to absolutely lose his mind because he'll think I actually moved back in. forever Home. You feel me? 🙂

My girlfriend actually has a job, but since she isn't getting a steady paycheck right now, we’re basically fighting a constant uphill battle just to stay afloat. As for me, I pick up various freelance gigs or side hustles whenever they pop up—you know, those little jobs that come along every now and then. The problem is, there are almost zero student employment opportunities out there that offer anything more than a quick month of work. I’m always hunting for something more substantial—something that might last six months or so—because if her paychecks were actually hitting our bank account on schedule, we wouldn't be in this mess. Do you see why we're so screwed? Honestly, the system is just rigged against us from every single angle. 😢 And then you've got those frail old folks.

Look, I am not some dependent living off my parents. Every single month, I manage to land at least three different gigs, and they actually have the nerve to ask me to pay them back for whatever little things I spend—which, honestly, would be the absolute peak of jerk behavior on their part. I barely eat more than one small meal a day, so I’m certainly not running up a massive grocery bill. I don't ask them for a dime, they don't give me any money, and they don't buy me anything. If they really expected me to chip in for these tiny little household expenses, then I’d expect my sister to be doing the exact same thing, considering she’s the one still actually living in that house.

So, is there actually a way—some kind of strategy or logical comeback—to use when he starts bashing the whole idea of independence again? I need something solid so that when he inevitably starts clutching his pearls and accusing me of "just philosophizing" or talking like some uneducated rube, I actually have a point.

Are you planning on moving out of town? You mentioned working student jobs, so I assume you're in college. A couple can survive on one income, provided that income isn't just what a cashier at Walmart makes. Does what you're studying actually have a future (you know, like, is it a high-demand field)? Maybe you and your partner could scrape by together using her salary and your side hustles if life is really that much of a nightmare right now. It would basically be survival mode, but until you get on your feet, you should probably just tough it out—I'm guessing it'll be worth it in the end. Her inconsistent pay sounds like a mess, though... does she have any chance of finding another job (I know the economy is rough)?

edit: Yeah, the guy who posted a few posts above me might have been a bit blunt, but he hit the nail on the head. If you're truly ready to pay the price for living independently—and trust me, it won't be easy—then it's time for you and your partner to grit your teeth and just go for it. Someone who actually wants something won't let anyone stand in their way, but the real question is: do you actually want this? Neither the government nor anyone else is going to look out for you except yourself.

feralorca4 said:That bolded sentence of yours? It’s basically the textbook definition of stupidity.

Stop obsessing over this forum and go find a job. Once you’ve got enough cash stashed away—you move. end of Story. Or did you just join this place so you could blame the country and the government for everything? 🤣

I’m being totally honest when I say I don't think you're cut out for what you're aiming for. Plus, you didn't even mention how old you are, which is pretty crucial to know.

Hahahahhaa. Someone clearly had their sense of humor surgically removed. 😛
I'm 26, though I really don't see how that's even remotely relevant. 🤷
So, according to you, anyone without a job isn't allowed to hang out on the forum? Does that mean the entire "Jobs" section—especially the thread for unemployed people—should just be deleted because, heaven forbid, some people are lurking on a forum instead of actively hunting for work 0/24 (they probably are looking in the morning, but by the evening when everyone else is off the clock, there’s nothing left to find, but oh, look, Mr. Genius has arrived to lecture us—and if they're applying online, there are tabs specifically designed to handle multiple things at once, yet this person still felt the need to drop by...)??!!

Dana Gray26 said:sorry, but no matter how brave you think you are for "coming out of the closet"
your immaturity really shines through in your words.
first of all, those are your parents, and regardless of what they're like, you should be grateful you even have the option to breathe and consider moving out.
suicide attempts, I won't comment on that
nor running away from home, based on what I've gathered, at seventeen

my view of you is that you're just a rebel without a cause who hasn't fully defined herself as a person yet. You should slow down and think, because this all still feels like an immature plan.

I can't comment on the situation at your house, but I wouldn't be surprised if you've exaggerated it in your own head. If it really is as you say, get a decent job (if you're an adult, retail and serving are always hiring; you don't need student services, just find something official where you get a paycheck and you'll see the money... you just have to try harder to find it).

Suicide isn't a topic for this board, so stop commenting on it.
You clearly haven't understood anything. 😛

sorry, but you can't just get a formal job unless you freeze your status or something worse happens. 🙄

It is truly fascinating how you all manage to comment on absolutely everything except what I actually asked: how to approach a rural area. Since everyone's concentration levels here are apparently nonexistent, does nobody actually have any experience? Clearly not; you're all just fakers. ☕

Dennis Adams said:Are you planning on moving out of town? You mentioned working student jobs, so I assume you're in college. A couple can survive on one income, provided that income isn't just what a cashier at Walmart makes. Does what you're studying actually have a future (you know, like, is it a high-demand field)? Maybe you and your partner could scrape by together using her salary and your side hustles if life is really that much of a nightmare right now. It would basically be survival mode, but until you get on your feet, you should probably just tough it out—I'm guessing it'll be worth it in the end. Her inconsistent pay sounds like a mess, though... does she have any chance of finding another job (I know the economy is rough)?

edit: Yeah, the guy who posted a few posts above me might have been a bit blunt, but he hit the nail on the head. If you're truly ready to pay the price for living independently—and trust me, it won't be easy—then it's time for you and your partner to grit your teeth and just go for it. Someone who actually wants something won't let anyone stand in their way, but the real question is: do you actually want this? Neither the government nor anyone else is going to look out for you except yourself.

That’s where the massive problem lies. If she had a steady paycheck—and if her boss wasn't a total bottom-of-the-barrel scumbag—we would have already moved into our own place.

Regarding the last point.

NO NO NO NO NO NO. Like anyone else looking for work, she has a chance, even if it's slim. She spent years searching for this specific job. This whole employment situation is absolute garbage. If her rights were actually respected in this country, she’d have a regular, predictable salary, and I’d be able to find a job that doesn't vanish in five minutes, and then we’d finally leave.

dustysailor28 said:Hahahahhaa. Someone clearly had their sense of humor surgically removed. 😛
I'm 26, though I really don't see how that's even remotely relevant. 🤷
So, according to you, anyone without a job isn't allowed to hang out on the forum? Does that mean the entire "Jobs" section—especially the thread for unemployed people—should just be deleted because, heaven forbid, some people are lurking on a forum instead of actively hunting for work 0/24 (they probably are looking in the morning, but by the evening when everyone else is off the clock, there’s nothing left to find, but oh, look, Mr. Genius has arrived to lecture us—and if they're applying online, there are tabs specifically designed to handle multiple things at once, yet this person still felt the need to drop by...)??!!

Suicide isn't a topic for this board, so stop commenting on it.
You clearly haven't understood anything. 😛

sorry, but you can't just get a formal job unless you freeze your status or something worse happens. 🙄

It is truly fascinating how you all manage to comment on absolutely everything except what I actually asked: how to approach a rural area. Since everyone's concentration levels here are apparently nonexistent, does nobody actually have any experience? Clearly not; you're all just fakers. ☕

then I offer my deepest apologies 🙄

dustysailor28 said:Hahahahhaa. Someone clearly had their sense of humor surgically removed. 😛
I'm 26, though I really don't see how that's even remotely relevant. 🤷
So, according to you, anyone without a job isn't allowed to hang out on the forum? Does that mean the entire "Jobs" section—especially the thread for unemployed people—should just be deleted because, heaven forbid, some people are lurking on a forum instead of actively hunting for work 0/24 (they probably are looking in the morning, but by the evening when everyone else is off the clock, there’s nothing left to find, but oh, look, Mr. Genius has arrived to lecture us—and if they're applying online, there are tabs specifically designed to handle multiple things at once, yet this person still felt the need to drop by...)??!!

Suicide isn't a topic for this board, so stop commenting on it.
You clearly haven't understood anything. 😛

sorry, but you can't just get a formal job unless you freeze your status or something worse happens. 🙄

It is truly fascinating how you all manage to comment on absolutely everything except what I actually asked: how to approach a rural area. Since everyone's concentration levels here are apparently nonexistent, does nobody actually have any experience? Clearly not; you're all just fakers. ☕

Yeah, let's talk about this. What are you actually looking for from your dad? Is he supposed to pay rent for you and your partner, or some other kind of financial help (since you mentioned that's the biggest issue)? Is he doing so well for himself that he can afford to just throw money away like that? Or are you trying to soften his stance on your partner staying at his place? If he's dead set against it, no amount of talking or taking a specific side is going to help much, and you'll just end up right back where you started.

Dana Gray26 said:then I offer my deepest apologies 🙄

I’m not buying the apology. 🙄

Dennis Adams said:Yeah, let's talk about this. What are you actually looking for from your dad? Is he supposed to pay rent for you and your partner, or some other kind of financial help (since you mentioned that's the biggest issue)? Is he doing so well for himself that he can afford to just throw money away like that? Or are you trying to soften his stance on your partner staying at his place? If he's dead set against it, no amount of talking or taking a specific side is going to help much, and you'll just end up right back where you started.

Give me a break. Seriously, how do you not know how to read? Who exactly said I wanted anything from them? All I want is for them to leave me the hell alone so I can finally realize I have zero interest in spending the rest of my life staring up their backside.

This whole thread is a total joke... People are just showing up to tear each other apart—it’s pathetic. I'm out. Goodbye.
Just a heads-up for everyone here—when someone goes through the trouble of starting a thread, they’re usually looking for actual answers. If you don't have them, you really don't need to chime in just to be a jerk. Instead of the usual trolling, maybe go do something else—I don't know, go take care of yourself or something.

Admin, feel free to just lock this thread—I honestly don't see myself ever coming back here anyway.

dustysailor28 said:Hahahahhaa. Someone clearly had their sense of humor surgically removed. 😛
I'm 26, though I really don't see how that's even remotely relevant. 🤷
So, according to you, anyone without a job isn't allowed to hang out on the forum? Does that mean the entire "Jobs" section—especially the thread for unemployed people—should just be deleted because, heaven forbid, some people are lurking on a forum instead of actively hunting for work 0/24 (they probably are looking in the morning, but by the evening when everyone else is off the clock, there’s nothing left to find, but oh, look, Mr. Genius has arrived to lecture us—and if they're applying online, there are tabs specifically designed to handle multiple things at once, yet this person still felt the need to drop by...)??!!

Suicide isn't a topic for this board, so stop commenting on it.
You clearly haven't understood anything. 😛

sorry, but you can't just get a formal job unless you freeze your status or something worse happens. 🙄

It is truly fascinating how you all manage to comment on absolutely everything except what I actually asked: how to approach a rural area. Since everyone's concentration levels here are apparently nonexistent, does nobody actually have any experience? Clearly not; you're all just fakers. ☕

Man, whatever passes for humor these days... ☕

Look... 26 years old, still a student, unemployed, and living at home. I get the frustration, but you are channeling that energy completely wrong 😲 😂

Look, I’m a full-grown adult. I actually managed to escape the nest for a little while once, but thanks to a string of terrible luck—and by luck, I mean being completely broke—I had to crawl back home because I can't afford my own place.

And now, the nightmare begins. My dad just doesn't get that I'm not five years old and having one tiny bedroom to myself isn't cutting it anymore. The second I even hint at moving out, he starts screaming about how I have everything I need right here in my room. To make matters worse, I'm a lesbian, so you can imagine the level of tension in this house. I can't even bring a girlfriend over because there is zero privacy. On top of that, I'm vegetarian while they're all messy meat-eaters, so I can't even cook my own meals without a fight. Lately, things have escalated to threats of physical violence—which I don't take lightly; if they actually tried anything, they'd be catching a boot to the head—not to mention the constant yelling, screeching, and arbitrary rules. And then, in his infinite wisdom, he asks me what on earth I could possibly be missing or why I'd even want to be independent. Every time I bring up moving out, I get hit with these cynical jabs like, "You can't handle living alone," or "Who do you think you are?" or "You don't know the first thing about the real world." It drives me insane. I try to point out that even my younger brother moved out of his parents' place, but he just comes up with a hundred excuses why his situation was "normal"—as if he's some logic-defying relic from a bygone era who thinks this is how everyone should live.

So, I’m asking you: how do I make someone like this understand that their kids aren't meant to spend their entire lives staring at their parents' backside, begging for crumbs?

P.S. I know the ultimate way to prove him wrong is to actually move out, but that won't be happening anytime soon—THANKS TO THIS ABSOLUTE DISASTER OF A GOVERNMENT. Seriously, THANKS, go die. Since I'm stuck here for the time being, I actually need some advice.

(I posted this on Red Bull too, but nobody bothered to respond. I guess maybe this platform will actually have some life in it.)

dustysailor28 said:Look, I’m a full-grown adult. I actually managed to escape the nest for a little while once, but thanks to a string of terrible luck—and by luck, I mean being completely broke—I had to crawl back home because I can't afford my own place.

And now, the nightmare begins. My dad just doesn't get that I'm not five years old and having one tiny bedroom to myself isn't cutting it anymore. The second I even hint at moving out, he starts screaming about how I have everything I need right here in my room. To make matters worse, I'm a lesbian, so you can imagine the level of tension in this house. I can't even bring a girlfriend over because there is zero privacy. On top of that, I'm vegetarian while they're all messy meat-eaters, so I can't even cook my own meals without a fight. Lately, things have escalated to threats of physical violence—which I don't take lightly; if they actually tried anything, they'd be catching a boot to the head—not to mention the constant yelling, screeching, and arbitrary rules. And then, in his infinite wisdom, he asks me what on earth I could possibly be missing or why I'd even want to be independent. Every time I bring up moving out, I get hit with these cynical jabs like, "You can't handle living alone," or "Who do you think you are?" or "You don't know the first thing about the real world." It drives me insane. I try to point out that even my younger brother moved out of his parents' place, but he just comes up with a hundred excuses why his situation was "normal"—as if he's some logic-defying relic from a bygone era who thinks this is how everyone should live.

So, I’m asking you: how do I make someone like this understand that their kids aren't meant to spend their entire lives staring at their parents' backside, begging for crumbs?

P.S. I know the ultimate way to prove him wrong is to actually move out, but that won't be happening anytime soon—THANKS TO THIS ABSOLUTE DISASTER OF A GOVERNMENT. Seriously, THANKS, go die. Since I'm stuck here for the time being, I actually need some advice.

(I posted this on Red Bull too, but nobody bothered to respond. I guess maybe this platform will actually have some life in it.)

you're asking the wrong question. your issue isn't about convincing some old-timers that you don't need to live under their roof—it's more like, can you actually pull that off? blah, blah, blah. i guess it's just all coming from a place of pure frustration with them, but venting isn't gonna get you much anywhere.

look, you've got two actual, technical problems you need to tackle.

one: how to move out of your parents' place as fast as possible.

two: how to survive living with them in the meantime while keeping things as chill as possible. if you ask *that* question on a forum, you might actually get some useful advice.

...

Yeah, I checked—I’ve scrolled through nearly a hundred different threads, and honestly? It’s a total ghost town. Nobody’s actually saying anything.

I definitely won't be making my move for at least another year because I've got some serious baggage to clear first. But by next year, I should have everything sorted out.
The truth is, I went through a really dark period—a botched suicide attempt—that hit my family hard, and for a little while, they were all over me, acting like I was made of glass. But now that some time has passed, it's like we're right back to square one. It's as if they just collectively decided to forget the whole thing ever happened.

dustysailor28 said:Yeah, I checked—I’ve scrolled through nearly a hundred different threads, and honestly? It’s a total ghost town. Nobody’s actually saying anything.

I definitely won't be making my move for at least another year because I've got some serious baggage to clear first. But by next year, I should have everything sorted out.
The truth is, I went through a really dark period—a botched suicide attempt—that hit my family hard, and for a little while, they were all over me, acting like I was made of glass. But now that some time has passed, it's like we're right back to square one. It's as if they just collectively decided to forget the whole thing ever happened.

from what I can tell, the text in both posts is exactly the same, and it doesn't even clearly state the question.

What you actually need is some constructive advice on how you can change your own behavior to improve the relationship with your parents since you're stuck living under their roof—but the way you wrote this makes it sound like you're asking how to aggressively force them to change their attitudes and lifestyles... which, honestly, is impossible. Do you see the difference?

...

And what on earth was the motivation behind that suicide attempt? 🍿

Looking at it from that perspective, it’s somewhat more apparent why they insist on treating you like an immature child. 🤔

It appears you'll just have to swallow your pride and endure some unpleasantness until your financial situation is sorted out—or rather, until you manage to sort it out yourself—and once that's settled, you can finally head straight toward independence.

Is moving into an apartment with your girlfriend really off the table? Is it not an option?

Honestly, try to be out of the house as much as humanly possible just to minimize the friction.
You aren't going to change them, after all. 🤷

Go for walks, dive into some hobbies, lose yourself in a library, hang out with friends, maybe even pick up some freelance gig... just anything to keep you away from them so you don't waste energy on these incredibly unproductive arguments.
Nothing actually gets resolved; you're all just grating on each other's nerves.

Those are the classic dead-end fights where nobody achieves anything, yet everyone feels a little better after venting, almost as if seeing the other person get upset provides some twisted sense of relief that helps ease the tension in the house. 🤣

You can't change them, period. Just remember that. Your only real move is to work on changing yourself—either by walking away entirely or by staying put and learning how to tune out their nonsense.
There isn't some magical third option.

I don't get one thing.

You claim you won't be able to go anywhere for at least a year.
So why even bother arguing about moving out with your dad—when you know damn well that move isn't actually happening?

How does that even land with them—telling them you're leaving, only to end up doing absolutely nothing?

To me, it sounds exactly like those 18-year-olds shouting, "You can't tell me what to do, I'm an adult!"—even though they have zero career, zero job, and zero savings, and within three days, they're practically begging their parents for grocery money.

Threatening to move out is pointless if there's no actual foundation behind it.
Honestly, it’s pointless even when there is.

Your only real move is to just lay low—put your head down for a year until things settle, mind your own business, stop the arguments (which means swallowing your pride a lot), and work your ass off so you can actually afford to live on your own.

LOL, I knew a few kids back in the day who felt the exact same way at 18—thinking they were totally ready to go solo. That whole "rebel teen" phase is such a classic move (and yeah, let’s be real, at 18 you're still basically a kid, just like I was back then). Until you're actually ready to foot the bill for your own life, you're gonna have to deal with all the crap your "old school" parents throw your way. They're the ones keeping you afloat, so they're the ones making the rules. Thank God the world hasn't gone so completely sideways yet that kids being supported by their families get to dictate terms to the people paying the bills. Take that as your wake-up call: go find a job, you and your girlfriend, and move into your own place together. That’s when the real struggles start. If you can actually make it through that, then you guys are meant to be.

edit: Just realized you aren't even 18 yet, but honestly, it's the same story. My advice stays the same: you and your girl need to find some work, grab an apartment, and start living on your own.

dustysailor28 said:Look, I’m a full-grown adult. I actually managed to escape the nest for a little while once, but thanks to a string of terrible luck—and by luck, I mean being completely broke—I had to crawl back home because I can't afford my own place.

And now, the nightmare begins. My dad just doesn't get that I'm not five years old and having one tiny bedroom to myself isn't cutting it anymore. The second I even hint at moving out, he starts screaming about how I have everything I need right here in my room. To make matters worse, I'm a lesbian, so you can imagine the level of tension in this house. I can't even bring a girlfriend over because there is zero privacy. On top of that, I'm vegetarian while they're all messy meat-eaters, so I can't even cook my own meals without a fight. Lately, things have escalated to threats of physical violence—which I don't take lightly; if they actually tried anything, they'd be catching a boot to the head—not to mention the constant yelling, screeching, and arbitrary rules. And then, in his infinite wisdom, he asks me what on earth I could possibly be missing or why I'd even want to be independent. Every time I bring up moving out, I get hit with these cynical jabs like, "You can't handle living alone," or "Who do you think you are?" or "You don't know the first thing about the real world." It drives me insane. I try to point out that even my younger brother moved out of his parents' place, but he just comes up with a hundred excuses why his situation was "normal"—as if he's some logic-defying relic from a bygone era who thinks this is how everyone should live.

So, I’m asking you: how do I make someone like this understand that their kids aren't meant to spend their entire lives staring at their parents' backside, begging for crumbs?

P.S. I know the ultimate way to prove him wrong is to actually move out, but that won't be happening anytime soon—THANKS TO THIS ABSOLUTE DISASTER OF A GOVERNMENT. Seriously, THANKS, go die. Since I'm stuck here for the time being, I actually need some advice.

(I posted this on Red Bull too, but nobody bothered to respond. I guess maybe this platform will actually have some life in it.)

Don't run, just stay put. 😢 What kind of trouble is the government giving you?

dustysailor28 said:Look, I’m a full-grown adult. I actually managed to escape the nest for a little while once, but thanks to a string of terrible luck—and by luck, I mean being completely broke—I had to crawl back home because I can't afford my own place.

And now, the nightmare begins. My dad just doesn't get that I'm not five years old and having one tiny bedroom to myself isn't cutting it anymore. The second I even hint at moving out, he starts screaming about how I have everything I need right here in my room. To make matters worse, I'm a lesbian, so you can imagine the level of tension in this house. I can't even bring a girlfriend over because there is zero privacy. On top of that, I'm vegetarian while they're all messy meat-eaters, so I can't even cook my own meals without a fight. Lately, things have escalated to threats of physical violence—which I don't take lightly; if they actually tried anything, they'd be catching a boot to the head—not to mention the constant yelling, screeching, and arbitrary rules. And then, in his infinite wisdom, he asks me what on earth I could possibly be missing or why I'd even want to be independent. Every time I bring up moving out, I get hit with these cynical jabs like, "You can't handle living alone," or "Who do you think you are?" or "You don't know the first thing about the real world." It drives me insane. I try to point out that even my younger brother moved out of his parents' place, but he just comes up with a hundred excuses why his situation was "normal"—as if he's some logic-defying relic from a bygone era who thinks this is how everyone should live.

So, I’m asking you: how do I make someone like this understand that their kids aren't meant to spend their entire lives staring at their parents' backside, begging for crumbs?

P.S. I know the ultimate way to prove him wrong is to actually move out, but that won't be happening anytime soon—THANKS TO THIS ABSOLUTE DISASTER OF A GOVERNMENT. Seriously, THANKS, go die. Since I'm stuck here for the time being, I actually need some advice.

(I posted this on Red Bull too, but nobody bothered to respond. I guess maybe this platform will actually have some life in it.)

They think you aren't ready for independent living because—spoiler alert—you AREN'T.

Someone who isn't asking stupid questions on a forum, isn't attempting suicide, and isn't blaming their parents because they "forgot" things or "everything is fine as it was"... how old are you, anyway?

EDIT:
BTW, I am a pretty liberal person, so it's totally insane to expect parents to hand you money to live in a rental apartment when you already have a free roof over your head... that's a whole different story if you're funding it yourself. Otherwise, you just look foolish.

EDIT2:
Your whole vibe here is just funny to me... I seriously cannot believe people with your mindset actually think life is going to be any easier out in the real world.