Feeling socially awkward/isolated

I used to be big on socializing and hitting the town, even though I’ve always been a bit more reserved than the average person. As I get older, I’m realizing I only really need a handful of close friends—people I click with perfectly in a one-on-one setting, or maybe a small group of four at most. Those are the people who actually get me.
Most other social circles just feel draining, and honestly, I don't see the point. I could spend days on my own, watching TV, browsing the web, or just walking through downtown, without feeling any itch to be around people. Over the years, social expectations have started to feel like a heavy lift—family gatherings, holiday parties, and long-winded get-togethers. I can handle about an hour before I hit my limit, but when these things stretch into six or seven hours? It's brutal. After that first hour, boredom sets in and I’m just counting the minutes until I can leave. I dread weddings, christenings, First Communions, birthdays, or those endless office parties...
Common courtesy and social etiquette suggest you shouldn't turn down invitations to weddings or religious ceremonies, and I get that. But what about birthday parties for people who aren't part of that inner circle of four? How do you dodge those without looking like a complete weirdo or being rude?
The thought of spending hours at a kid's birthday party, a family reunion, or a friend's bash where I know the crowd and the conversation won't resonate with me is exhausting. An hour is fine, but six hours...🤦

Back when I was younger and had fewer responsibilities, I knew I was an introvert, but I figured it would eventually just fade away. Once I got married, though, it became much more obvious. My wife started making me feel like some kind of social outcast for avoiding crowds, and there’s this unspoken rule in American culture that couples always have to hang out with other couples. Now, if we’re at a gathering with four or five other pairs and I decide to skip it or bail early, I get labeled as the weirdo or told that I just don't like people.
It isn't that I dislike them; it’s just that I can't stand the topics, the pushiness, and the endless hours of mindless chatter and petty gossip. I’d much rather spend my time reading, going for a hike, hitting the gym, or traveling instead.

Robin Reyes said:Back when I was younger and had fewer responsibilities, I knew I was an introvert, but I figured it would eventually just fade away. Once I got married, though, it became much more obvious. My wife started making me feel like some kind of social outcast for avoiding crowds, and there’s this unspoken rule in American culture that couples always have to hang out with other couples. Now, if we’re at a gathering with four or five other pairs and I decide to skip it or bail early, I get labeled as the weirdo or told that I just don't like people.
It isn't that I dislike them; it’s just that I can't stand the topics, the pushiness, and the endless hours of mindless chatter and petty gossip. I’d much rather spend my time reading, going for a hike, hitting the gym, or traveling instead.

Thank God my partner and I are on the same page about this. If we weren't, I'd be stuck attending weddings, christenings, and pointless get-togethers just to keep from offending someone.

Why do people treat introversion like some kind of illness they can just cure?

cosmiclynx79 said:Why do people treat introversion like some kind of illness they can just cure?

I mean, why would anyone even consider it a disease? 🤔

cosmiclynx79 said:Why do people treat introversion like some kind of illness they can just cure?

Because everyone is just desperate to become part of the hive mind.😉

cosmiclynx79 said:Why do people treat introversion like some kind of illness they can just cure?

Look, introverts aren't antisocial—that's just not how it works. Usually, they just have a tiny, tight-knit circle of friends. They aren't hanging out 24/7, and yeah, going out every single night sounds absolutely exhausting, but thinking they'll *never* leave the house? That's just a total myth.

Speaking from experience here—when you see people who flat-out refuse to socialize at all, that's usually when you're looking at actual mental health struggles.

Quoting Tatjana gromača :-P
Out there on the street, everything just drains me. It makes me slouch, makes me feel old, clunky... like I don't even belong...

You shouldn't have to justify why you aren't social or why you hate going out. Just because you aren't wired like most kids today doesn't mean your vibe, your feelings, or your goals are wrong or need fixing. The real issue is that the majority will always find the guts to point fingers at anyone in the minority—whether it’s how they think, how they live, or what they want out of life...
It's totally normal to skip the parties and the hangouts. Most of it is just surface-level noise, including those "friendships" people brag about. To borrow a thought from Željko Pervan... being social is overrated, and that constant urge to run in packs is too much. Meanwhile, solitude is totally underrated. Some people just thrive in the quiet, keeping a tiny circle, or spending time alone listening to the birds, the wind in the leaves, or just fishing. Honestly, it's pretty healthy... natural, even...

Gary Perez5 said:Quoting Tatjana gromača :-P
Out there on the street, everything just drains me. It makes me slouch, makes me feel old, clunky... like I don't even belong...

You shouldn't have to justify why you aren't social or why you hate going out. Just because you aren't wired like most kids today doesn't mean your vibe, your feelings, or your goals are wrong or need fixing. The real issue is that the majority will always find the guts to point fingers at anyone in the minority—whether it’s how they think, how they live, or what they want out of life...
It's totally normal to skip the parties and the hangouts. Most of it is just surface-level noise, including those "friendships" people brag about. To borrow a thought from Željko Pervan... being social is overrated, and that constant urge to run in packs is too much. Meanwhile, solitude is totally underrated. Some people just thrive in the quiet, keeping a tiny circle, or spending time alone listening to the birds, the wind in the leaves, or just fishing. Honestly, it's pretty healthy... natural, even...

You only get this one life, whether the world is shallow or not. And Željac talks a big game about solitude, but he lives off pure optimism and would probably lose it if he didn't have paradise surrounding him. Of course he enjoys catching a moment of peace; it's the only way he survives the daily grind. 🍿

Daniel Kelly57 said:You only get this one life, whether the world is shallow or not. And Željac talks a big game about solitude, but he lives off pure optimism and would probably lose it if he didn't have paradise surrounding him. Of course he enjoys catching a moment of peace; it's the only way he survives the daily grind. 🍿

I don't think that's really the point. We all have to work to make a living; we aren't cavemen anymore. It's more that modern society has basically mandated extroversion as the default setting. If you don't fit that mold, people immediately label you as an outcast or someone with a bad attitude.

loneviper2 said:I don't think that's really the point. We all have to work to make a living; we aren't cavemen anymore. It's more that modern society has basically mandated extroversion as the default setting. If you don't fit that mold, people immediately label you as an outcast or someone with a bad attitude.

So what's the alternative? What should society look like? The word "society" itself implies people actually hanging out together. Everyone wants to find their place in that mix somehow. And honestly, it's only natural that a community would gravitate toward outgoing people rather than those who stay isolated. Besides, everyone goes through phases where they want to be out in the crowd and other times when they just need to step back from it all.🍿

Daniel Kelly57 said:So what's the alternative? What should society look like? The word "society" itself implies people actually hanging out together. Everyone wants to find their place in that mix somehow. And honestly, it's only natural that a community would gravitate toward outgoing people rather than those who stay isolated. Besides, everyone goes through phases where they want to be out in the crowd and other times when they just need to step back from it all.🍿

We can't view the world solely through the lens of collectivism.
At the end of the day, we are all individuals.
While the term "society" generally refers to a large group of people, a truly mature and tolerant society will show empathy toward those who don't always think in terms of the collective. When it comes to social responsibility, sure—we have obligations. But needing to constantly, intensely connect with others? Not necessarily. In other words, while you shouldn't reject fundamental social norms, how much you choose to interact with the world is a private matter.

loneviper2 said:We can't view the world solely through the lens of collectivism.
At the end of the day, we are all individuals.
While the term "society" generally refers to a large group of people, a truly mature and tolerant society will show empathy toward those who don't always think in terms of the collective. When it comes to social responsibility, sure—we have obligations. But needing to constantly, intensely connect with others? Not necessarily. In other words, while you shouldn't reject fundamental social norms, how much you choose to interact with the world is a private matter.

Exactly. I don't see where the argument even is. Most people are fine with this. It only becomes an issue when people are forced into being antisocial against their will. 🍿

I don't think we're talking about people who are forced into isolation against their will. It's more about those who are naturally solitary—the ones who simply don't fit in because they find loud, overbearing social circles exhausting.

Robin Reyes said:I don't think we're talking about people who are forced into isolation against their will. It's more about those who are naturally solitary—the ones who simply don't fit in because they find loud, overbearing social circles exhausting.

That’s exactly why I say Željko Pervan’s take doesn't carry much weight here since he's the total opposite. What kind of "antisocial" people are we even talking about? What are they actually doing? Where exactly are they failing to fit in? Most people just have their own small circle they hang out in. Not every social group out there is loud and overbearing.🤔

quietbison86 said:Look, introverts aren't antisocial—that's just not how it works. Usually, they just have a tiny, tight-knit circle of friends. They aren't hanging out 24/7, and yeah, going out every single night sounds absolutely exhausting, but thinking they'll *never* leave the house? That's just a total myth.

Speaking from experience here—when you see people who flat-out refuse to socialize at all, that's usually when you're looking at actual mental health struggles.

Agreed. If I were to add one thing, it’s that some introverts (myself included) actually have pretty large friend groups. The only real difference I've noticed compared to extroverts is that hanging out too much feels draining. Even when we're having a blast, it wears us down—whereas extroverts get recharged by being around people and could probably live in a crowd 24/7. We also tend to avoid being the loudest person in the room or forcing our way into conversations; we don't feel this constant itch to broadcast every random thought or tiny detail of our lives to everyone else. Personally, I love hitting up a party and grabbing a 🤣, but I also crave massive amounts of alone time. Honestly, I wouldn't mind spending a couple of weeks stuck inside my house by myself; I can always find something interesting to read or work on...

I’m cut from the same cloth. I prefer one-on-one conversations where there’s actual substance—shared interests and topics that allow a discussion to breathe. Or maybe a small group of three at most. Once the crowd gets larger than that, I tend to fade into the background; the noise and the constant social posturing just drown everything else out. Sitting through massive gatherings for hours is a struggle. Whether it’s a huge family reunion or a long birthday party that drags on for five or six hours, I’m usually checking my watch after sixty minutes, just waiting for an excuse to slip out.
Being alone doesn't bother me either. I stay busy researching things, reading, browsing, or hitting the gym. I can easily spend hours just walking by myself without feeling a bit bored.🤷

Honestly, I’ve always been more about hanging with a small crew where we actually vibe... though I can hold my own in a massive crowd if I have to.

Robin Reyes said:I’m cut from the same cloth. I prefer one-on-one conversations where there’s actual substance—shared interests and topics that allow a discussion to breathe. Or maybe a small group of three at most. Once the crowd gets larger than that, I tend to fade into the background; the noise and the constant social posturing just drown everything else out. Sitting through massive gatherings for hours is a struggle. Whether it’s a huge family reunion or a long birthday party that drags on for five or six hours, I’m usually checking my watch after sixty minutes, just waiting for an excuse to slip out.
Being alone doesn't bother me either. I stay busy researching things, reading, browsing, or hitting the gym. I can easily spend hours just walking by myself without feeling a bit bored.🤷

+1, though I’d make one little exception: family gatherings and birthdays aren't necessarily "hard" or stressful for me, they're just incredibly boring most of the time. 🐔

I think some people just can't wrap their heads around how anyone could actually enjoy being alone for a while, but I guess that's because they aren't very good company for themselves.
Personally, I almost never get bored when I'm on my own, regardless of what phase of life I'm in or what I happen to be doing.
The only time I feel a strong need to spend a ton of time together with someone is when I'm in a (high-quality) relationship. 🙂

I’ve been a bit of a hermit since high school ended, you know? If I tried to go through a phase like that now, it would feel totally fake. Sure, I’m definitely more on the introverted side, but once I actually get moving and find my groove, man, I just want to be out there socializing with everyone!