Is honesty always a virtue?

Brutal honesty is really just selfishness wrapped up in a thin layer of self-righteousness.

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:I’m a brutally honest person—sometimes to a fault, really. And honestly? I don't even worry about how it affects me; my real anxiety comes from the thought of hurting someone else with the truth. Like, let's say you stumble upon something, or you realize something, or you do something that you know a close friend or family member would absolutely hate to hear. In those messy moments, is it actually worth being blunt? Is it better to drip-feed them the truth bit by bit, or should you just let the whole thing blow up naturally when it's bound to happen anyway?

How much of a straight-shooter are you guys, and how do people usually react when you lay it all out there?

If we messed up and did something to someone close to us, I think being honest is the only way to go. You gotta try to explain yourself and, if you need to, just ask for forgiveness.
If we stumble upon some truth, the real trick is figuring out how to break the news—how much to share and, most importantly, just being there for them through the fallout.

Personally, I love it when people are straight with me. It doesn't offend me or make me mad.
I’d say I’m the type of person who likes to sugarcoat the truth just a tiny bit to take the edge off.
But honestly? Sometimes you just have to lie... like, I can't exactly tell my kids exactly how stressed or overwhelmed I am with everything going on.🤷

The truth hurts—no matter how much you try to dodge it, it’s going to hurt eventually.

What can I say about myself? Hmmm... sometimes I prefer to just keep certain things to myself—especially when it concerns my own business. I tend to be quiet and don't have much of an urge to talk much—maybe that's a flaw, maybe it's a virtue... depends on who you ask. Being honest is honestly fucking hard because, at the end of the day, you have to look reality in the eye and deal with the fallout. There’s always that classic line: "I lied for your own good."

"Speaking the truth is often the greatest adventure," Friedrich Dürrenmatt once said.
I guess we humans are just wired that way—so stubborn, yet somehow so easy to mold. We usually end up accepting the truth after things get messy enough. 🙄 Truth hurts, sure, and it hits hard, but it opens your eyes. I tend to prefer it, most of the time, though maybe not if it's just going to crush someone else. I mostly just listen to my conscience. ☕

Nicholas King said:Brutal honesty is really just selfishness wrapped up in a thin layer of self-righteousness.

Maybe if you weren't holding such a rigid stance, you might actually be able to look at things from a different angle—a third, or even a fifth perspective. If you could step into someone else's shoes for a moment, you might realize that people often act based on their own internal compass, simply trying to treat others the way they themselves would want to be treated.

That's how you end up with all sorts of types: you have the manipulators who lie just to gain leverage over people, then you have those "empathetic" liars who can't stomach hurting anyone's feelings so they lie out of pity. Then there are the ones who claim to be empathetic but don't actually care about anyone else; they just lack the backbone to tell the truth, so they sugarcoat everything. 🤣
And let's not forget the people who aren't even aware they're lying to themselves, which inevitably leads to them unintentionally deceiving everyone else.
At the end of the day, you've got all kinds of people driven by all kinds of motives. 🙂

Try swapping out "lie" for "truth" in all of this and see if that broadens your perception a bit.

(To be blunt) It’s all pretty situational, depending on how you choose to frame it. 😉

copperfox22 said:Maybe if you weren't holding such a rigid stance, you might actually be able to look at things from a different angle—a third, or even a fifth perspective. If you could step into someone else's shoes for a moment, you might realize that people often act based on their own internal compass, simply trying to treat others the way they themselves would want to be treated.

That's how you end up with all sorts of types: you have the manipulators who lie just to gain leverage over people, then you have those "empathetic" liars who can't stomach hurting anyone's feelings so they lie out of pity. Then there are the ones who claim to be empathetic but don't actually care about anyone else; they just lack the backbone to tell the truth, so they sugarcoat everything. 🤣
And let's not forget the people who aren't even aware they're lying to themselves, which inevitably leads to them unintentionally deceiving everyone else.
At the end of the day, you've got all kinds of people driven by all kinds of motives. 🙂

Try swapping out "lie" for "truth" in all of this and see if that broadens your perception a bit.

(To be blunt) It’s all pretty situational, depending on how you choose to frame it. 😉

Nobody is perfect, and you can't expect anyone to be brutally honest all the time. Sometimes people just don't have the balls to admit something—they get gripped by fear of how people will react, or maybe it might even cost them their lives. Who knows? Fate is a damn cruel thing.

It's better to ask what makes people liars... that's the question that will clear many things up...

Narcissists might claim they’re just being brutally honest, but their idea of "truth" is usually pretty twisted compared to ours.😛 Since that's how they function, they basically assume their take is the only one that actually matters.🙂 I guess not all of them are brutally honest, though—some are, some aren't. It varies from person to person, I suppose.
It’s definitely hard to admit things, especially when you have to deal with the fallout... 🤣 but we should probably be totally honest with ourselves first.
As for how we treat others, that's a different story. We should probably just follow our conscience and do what we feel is right. 😛 😂

Nicholas Gonzalez8 said:I’m a brutally honest person—sometimes to a fault, really. And honestly? I don't even worry about how it affects me; my real anxiety comes from the thought of hurting someone else with the truth. Like, let's say you stumble upon something, or you realize something, or you do something that you know a close friend or family member would absolutely hate to hear. In those messy moments, is it actually worth being blunt? Is it better to drip-feed them the truth bit by bit, or should you just let the whole thing blow up naturally when it's bound to happen anyway?

How much of a straight-shooter are you guys, and how do people usually react when you lay it all out there?

Well, I found out today that someone very close to me actually hates my guts because I finally opened up to them. I shared things I had been keeping inside for months, just laying everything out on the table. Of course, some of those truths aren't exactly flattering for them (and since I was being honest, they weren't), so now I'm the bad guy. Then I tried apologizing for it, which felt like I was just hiding the truth again. I guess I'm glad I told them everything, though; the truth always seems to make things feel lighter.

People just can't handle the truth about who others really are, so I guess they settle for lies instead. ☕

I’ve always been an open book. To me, honesty is essential, though I find it frustrating when people use "being honest" as an excuse to just tear someone down without offering any actual advice on how to improve.🙂

I don't get it. How is being honest "undesirable" unless someone is trying to point out a flaw? Isn't that exactly when honesty matters most?

Let’s say you’re an artist, or at least you think you are. Your paintings are masterpieces in your eyes, then some random person walks by, looks at them, and tells you straight to your face that they're garbage. Would you burst into tears, or would you try to deck them?
And are they supposed to follow that up with a tutorial on how to fix it, or maybe offer to paint it for you instead?

The person complaining doesn't always owe you an explanation, especially in a situation like that. Sometimes you just see that something is off and there's no fixing it. It's better to snap someone out of their delusion than to let them sit there trying to sell you a load of nonsense.

It reminds me of a scene from an old sitcom on ABC where the wife signs up for a wine tasting course and comes home acting like a total connoisseur. She starts reciting this memorized script about flavor profiles to her husband, basically lecturing him on how much more sophisticated she is than he is. So, what does he do? He pours cheap boxed wine into an expensive bottle and lets her taste it. She keeps talking nonsense about the "notes" of the vintage, until he finally snaps and tells her directly that she has absolutely no idea what she's talking about. Brutal, but fair.

I am 100% in favor of bringing people back down to earth when they start getting ahead of themselves. From what I can tell, you seem to think that shouldn't be done...

I was always raised to be brutally honest, and honestly, that whole mindset has really come back to bite me. I guess I’ve pushed way too many people away just because I couldn't help but say exactly what was on my mind 😢

Eric Gray2 said:Honesty is a virtue. In a broad, general sense, at least. When you're dealing with honest people, you know exactly where you stand—there’s no deception or sugarcoating involved. At least, that’s how most people see it.

But...

Personally, I’ve always felt that you don't necessarily need to say everything that comes to mind directly to everyone's face. There is a time and a place for things, and there's a way to handle them. There is also the option of just staying silent if being "honest" isn't actually going to accomplish anything positive—especially if nobody even asked for our opinion in the first place.
I truly value it when people are upfront with me; I really do. But beating a dead horse or pointing out the obvious isn't being honest—in my book, it's just being tactless.

This thread is getting a bit old, but it remains fascinating.
Honesty is absolutely a virtue.
However, everything said after the word... "but"... is where that true virtue lies.🙂
I voted in favor of the idea that truth should be revealed gradually, both our own and that of others.
That process of discovery creates an atmosphere where a person actually develops motivation or interest in others. Don't you think?
Which is much more interesting—the effort of uncovering the truth, particularly in the field of psychology.
We all know that truth is one of the most effective tools for healing. After all, a therapist can only help if they actually know the truth.

hiddenbear62 said:I was always raised to be brutally honest, and honestly, that whole mindset has really come back to bite me. I guess I’ve pushed way too many people away just because I couldn't help but say exactly what was on my mind 😢

Look at it this way: those people didn't actually deserve your friendship in the first place.
If someone decides that your honesty is a valid reason to pick a fight or cut ties, they aren't worth your energy.
In a sense, you did yourself a favor. The real work starts now—finding the people who actually value your transparency. That part is definitely harder, but once you find them, you can finally stop filtering yourself and just exist. You'll be happy, and the connection will feel much more substantial. It makes the wait and the effort totally worth it.

hiddenbear62 said:I was always raised to be brutally honest, and honestly, that whole mindset has really come back to bite me. I guess I’ve pushed way too many people away just because I couldn't help but say exactly what was on my mind 😢

Look, honesty is great, but it isn't enough to just say, "Well, I'm right and you're wrong." 😂 It's really about your intention. There's a huge difference between being honest to help someone improve and being honest just to tear them down. I've had plenty of people distance themselves from me simply because my "honesty" felt more like me acting superior to everyone else. ☕

Dennis Adams said:Man, I am totally with you on this. I could never bring myself to trash talk someone in front of a crowd just to look like some big shot. If I've got something to say to someone, it’s a one-on-one thing. And yeah, like you said, you shouldn't go sticking your nose where it doesn't belong. It weirds me out how people claim they want the truth, but then they get all offended the second you actually give it to them.

"The truth shall set you free," or so some wise guy once said.
But let's be real—there are certain truths that are just plain brutal to face, even when you're alone with your own thoughts. Usually, when people get angry about hearing the truth, it’s because it’s something they’ve been desperately trying to ignore in themselves.
When you're navigating these waters, you have to realize that if there's a part of the truth someone isn't ready to swallow, it might be smarter to hold your tongue or just wait for a better moment to bring it up.

Richard Wells said:Look, sticking to the truth isn't just an option—it’s the only way. But here’s the kicker: it’s all about how you deliver it. If you want people to actually listen, you’ve got to ditch the judgment and just stick strictly to the facts.

I bolded the part I think is the core issue: the delivery.

People usually get pissed off when they feel like someone is talking down to them. If they sense good intentions, they shouldn't be angry. If they still blow up after asking for the truth, then clearly they can't handle 😁

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and I'm pretty sure it's why I've become the black sheep of my family. Everyone acts all sweet to your face, but talks differently behind your back.

I don't tolerate that, and I know how to say so 🙂

signature for the whole post above

Exactly. It’s less about what’s actually being said and more about how it’s delivered. The actual content always takes a backseat. We look at who’s talking first, then we analyze their tone and non-verbal cues, and only then—if we're feeling generous—do we even consider the substance of the message.

You could tell someone, with all due respect, that they sound like a total fanatic, and they might not even blink. But you tell them, "Nice hat," and suddenly you've started a fight.

Richard Wells said:Look, sticking to the truth isn't just an option—it’s the only way. But here’s the kicker: it’s all about how you deliver it. If you want people to actually listen, you’ve got to ditch the judgment and just stick strictly to the facts.

Even if the truth comes wrapped up in a bunch of annoying biases, you still have to be able to recognize it and hear it for what it actually is, without letting those prejudices get in the way.