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Terrible nursing care: How do you deal with unprofessional staff?

Started by Harold Taylor3 · · 👁 5 views · 54 replies

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Participants Harold Taylor3Joseph King6silverhound11Edward Murphy4Daniel Watson7Anthony Taylor393William Sanchez80Joshua Hall4electricanglerMichael Miller39Eric Gray2Michelle EvansPatrick Cooper2Jeremy Fowler45Linda Castillo6Melissa Sanchez8James Brooks2silvertiger11rapidtinker12swiftcanyon64Matthew Peterson7
Harold Taylor3 Harold Taylor3 NewcomerOP
9 messages
joined Jan 2012
#1 ·
This has likely been discussed before, but I felt compelled to start this thread to address an issue that has become far too common following my grandmother's recent surgery.
Following her procedure, she was unable to get up, wash herself, or even reach the restroom, yet the nurses quite literally left her sitting there, filthy and covered in waste, as if it were intentional.
They didn't even bother to change her catheter in a timely manner.
On top of that blatant neglect, they spoke to her with such a degrading attitude, driving an already frail and elderly woman into an even deeper state of depression.
To be clear, my grandmother was at a 62 miles rural hospital out in the Midwest, so I couldn't visit her every day—only once a week—but when we finally came to pick her up, she was soiled, unwashed, and I am not exaggerating when I say she was on the very brink of giving up on life entirely.

At the same time, my uncle also ended up hospitalized before he passed away; he was immobile, and once again, the sheer cruelty of the nursing staff became painfully apparent.

I find myself wondering how it is possible that staff members, who should be held to the highest standards of human compassion by virtue of their profession, can exhibit such an overwhelming amount of malice.
I experienced this same harsh treatment from nurses firsthand just a few months ago after undergoing my own surgery.
And keep in mind, I am talking about three different hospitals in three different cities, which leads me to believe that this is a systemic issue across many hospitals nationwide.

As for my uncle, no one even bothered to check on him while he lay there, helpless and dying... and he was a relatively young man.

Is there some sort of psychological explanation for why medical technicians and nurses behave this way?
Joseph King6 Joseph King6 Member
18 messages
joined Aug 2011
#2 ·
I find myself wondering about this too... I’ve spent more than my fair share of time lying in hospital beds—sometimes for months at a time—and not once, and I mean never, was anyone particularly kind to me or anyone else for that matter. Honestly, I don't care if their job is exhausting or if the pay is lousy... they knew exactly what they were signing up for when they finished their training... it’s just tragic, really, when someone whose entire job description is based on being human and helping others acts like that.

From snapping at patients, to refusing to change the linens (unless it’s 5 AM when they absolutely have to), to neglecting to change diapers for bedridden patients. Or just completely ignoring the call button because they're too busy watching soap operas or whatever...
silverhound11 silverhound11 Newcomer
3 messages
joined Dec 2011
#3 ·
I’ve actually noticed the exact same thing, and I’ve always had this theory running through my head—though I can't say for certain if I've hit the nail on the head, it just seems to make sense whenever I witness that kind of behavior.
It feels to me like hospitals operate under this incredibly rigid discipline and strict hierarchy, which, honestly, is understandable given that people's lives are literally in their hands. Everyone has their specific rank and level of importance within that system. Because you have these highly specialized doctors who can often come across as quite condescending, many nurses end up feeling undervalued or overlooked. It seems they vent those built-up frustrations on the only people they actually can without risking their livelihood—the patients.
To be perfectly honest, I don't think I've ever met a nurse who truly seemed happy with their job or even genuinely passionate about being there, which probably just adds another layer of frustration to the whole situation.
Harold Taylor3 Harold Taylor3 NewcomerOP
9 messages
joined Jan 2012
#4 ·
Joseph King6 said:I find myself wondering about this too... I’ve spent more than my fair share of time lying in hospital beds—sometimes for months at a time—and not once, and I mean never, was anyone particularly kind to me or anyone else for that matter. Honestly, I don't care if their job is exhausting or if the pay is lousy... they knew exactly what they were signing up for when they finished their training... it’s just tragic, really, when someone whose entire job description is based on being human and helping others acts like that.

From snapping at patients, to refusing to change the linens (unless it’s 5 AM when they absolutely have to), to neglecting to change diapers for bedridden patients. Or just completely ignoring the call button because they're too busy watching soap operas or whatever...

I suspect many people here can relate to this topic and might have something to contribute. Personally, I would love to see much more public discourse and reporting on this, because the cruelty displayed by medical staff has reached alarming proportions.

It might sound harsh, but it feels as though some of these individuals almost take pleasure in being callous.

About a year ago, caregivers at a facility for the developmentally disabled posted photos of their residents on Facebook just to mock them publicly.
In my view, that is completely abnormal, and if we lived in a slightly more compassionate society, they would have been fired immediately.
Harold Taylor3 Harold Taylor3 NewcomerOP
9 messages
joined Jan 2012
#5 ·
silverhound11 said:I’ve actually noticed the exact same thing, and I’ve always had this theory running through my head—though I can't say for certain if I've hit the nail on the head, it just seems to make sense whenever I witness that kind of behavior.
It feels to me like hospitals operate under this incredibly rigid discipline and strict hierarchy, which, honestly, is understandable given that people's lives are literally in their hands. Everyone has their specific rank and level of importance within that system. Because you have these highly specialized doctors who can often come across as quite condescending, many nurses end up feeling undervalued or overlooked. It seems they vent those built-up frustrations on the only people they actually can without risking their livelihood—the patients.
To be perfectly honest, I don't think I've ever met a nurse who truly seemed happy with their job or even genuinely passionate about being there, which probably just adds another layer of frustration to the whole situation.

There might be some truth to what you're saying. I have observed that specialists generally maintain a much more decent and humane rapport with patients than the nursing staff does.
A friend of mine, who teaches general subjects at a vocational medical school, tells me the exact same thing; she describes her students as being, to put it mildly, a total disaster, repeatedly warning them that she wouldn't want to end up in their hands if she ever found herself in a hospital.
Their pay isn't exactly meager either; especially nowadays when most wages are quite low, their compensation is more than solid, particularly once you factor in the overtime and holiday shifts...
Edward Murphy4 Edward Murphy4 Active Member
121 messages
joined Nov 2010
#6 ·
I remember staying in the hospital once and honestly, my experience was actually pretty solid.😁 But man, everything I’m hearing lately? It’s anything but good.👎
I mean, that theory mentioned above—it kind of makes sense if you think about it...
Joseph King6 Joseph King6 Member
18 messages
joined Aug 2011
#7 ·
I spent a solid month stuck in a hospital bed, basically a human pincushion—constant blood draws and an IV running three times a day... By the end of it, my arm was so swollen from all the punctures you could barely recognize it. I couldn't sleep for the pain, period. So, there I am at 2:00 AM, practically losing my mind, calling my sister for help... and this nurse comes in looking absolutely livid. She just rips the IV right out of my arm. She tore the vein wide open—blood ended up everywhere... on the sheets, the wall, the floor... You really think she gave a damn about that 5% margin? Not ☕. She just gathered her things and walked out, leaving me to deal with a whole new level of agony 😠
Harold Taylor3 Harold Taylor3 NewcomerOP
9 messages
joined Jan 2012
#8 ·
Joseph King6 said:I spent a solid month stuck in a hospital bed, basically a human pincushion—constant blood draws and an IV running three times a day... By the end of it, my arm was so swollen from all the punctures you could barely recognize it. I couldn't sleep for the pain, period. So, there I am at 2:00 AM, practically losing my mind, calling my sister for help... and this nurse comes in looking absolutely livid. She just rips the IV right out of my arm. She tore the vein wide open—blood ended up everywhere... on the sheets, the wall, the floor... You really think she gave a damn about that 5% margin? Not ☕. She just gathered her things and walked out, leaving me to deal with a whole new level of agony 😠

This is bordering on a horror movie.
On a different note, I am becoming increasingly curious: is there such a thing as a formal grievance book, or some specific regulatory body we can contact regarding human demons like this nurse?
In the US, you can find a complaint log in almost any restaurant, so how is it that there isn't something similar in hospitals, where it's actually necessary?
Joseph King6 Joseph King6 Member
18 messages
joined Aug 2011
#9 ·
Well, I went ahead and took it up with the head nurse, the department chief, and even the hospital director—showing off my shredded arm as physical proof—and all they did was give me those sympathetic little nods... telling me, "Oh, she's just a bit sharp with you..." Honestly, what a joke...
Daniel Watson7 Daniel Watson7 Newcomer
4 messages
joined Oct 2011
#10 ·
The only bad experience I can think of off the top of my head was back when I was in the maternity ward. Right before the doctor's rounds, a nurse just popped into the room and told us we needed to tuck in the sheets and straighten up the beds immediately. Since I’d just had a C-section, that didn't even cross my mind as an option. It would have taken me at least five minutes just to physically get upright, let alone find the energy to play interior decorator by pulling on bedsheets.
Harold Taylor3 Harold Taylor3 NewcomerOP
9 messages
joined Jan 2012
#11 ·
Joseph King6 said:Well, I went ahead and took it up with the head nurse, the department chief, and even the hospital director—showing off my shredded arm as physical proof—and all they did was give me those sympathetic little nods... telling me, "Oh, she's just a bit sharp with you..." Honestly, what a joke...

"A bit sharp"?
Oh, God...
😢
Anthony Taylor393 Anthony Taylor393 Member
38 messages
joined May 2016
#12 ·
Harold Taylor3;37032117 said:People might have already brought this up, but I wanted to start a thread about how common this issue is after my grandma had her surgery.

After my tonsillectomy, I was staying at a hospital in Chicago. There were six other girls my age in the room with me—all of us just little kids, maybe 6 to 8 years old. Every morning, some older doctor would walk in to check our charts. Then he’d line us all up and tell us who earned a trip home and who wasn't going anywhere.

If one of us started crying, he’d just tell them they were staying in the hospital even longer. 😢
William Sanchez80 William Sanchez80 Newcomer
7 messages
joined Dec 2011
#13 ·
I've spent enough time in hospitals myself to know the score—the ratio of good nurses to bad ones is basically 40:60. And honestly? That 40% of decent people gets totally overshadowed by the other 60%. Look, it's true they’re underpaid, overworked, and stressed out of their minds, but let's be real—there are just a ton of incompetent, clueless people in the mix who can't even hit a vein or start an IV properly. I actually saw this happen once where some useless nurse missed a vein so badly the IV fluid was just leaking under the skin, creating this huge lump... and when we called her out on it, she had the nerve to claim the patient just sprained her wrist or something and basically told us to get lost. Since we weren't having any of it, we called over another nurse, who—of course—fixed the mess immediately and hit the vein perfectly. The kicker? That incompetent nurse actually got pissed at the competent one for "touching" her patients. Thank God the second nurse had the guts to step in and say, "Fine, I'll fix it," even though she knew she'd deal with the drama afterward. And man, did she...

And don't even get me started on that young nurse who was caught on video hooking up with two techs right in the middle of her shift while patients actually needed help. That footage ended up on porn sites and made headlines in The New York Times. I'm betting she didn't even get fired—everything was probably swept under the rug. If I were the Secretary of Health back then, I would've hunted her down myself. Every hospital director in the country would have been summoned to my office, and nobody would have had a moment of peace until they dragged her to the Department of Health just so I could look her in the eye and hand her a termination notice personally... just thinking about how many incompetent, godforsaken people are in that profession... it makes me BLOOD BOILING

It's a tough job and yeah, they're slammed, but the reality is they're protected like cornered bears. They can be ignorant and screw up constantly, but they'll NEVER lose their jobs unless they do something absolutely insane! If you actually have proof that medical staff messed up, you have to go after them—hit up the directors, the ethics boards, the legal system, and patient advocacy groups... you probably won't achieve much, but maybe things will change eventually. At the end of the day, if there's a constant stream of complaints against the same person, someone is finally going to get fired, and maybe they'll be at the top of that list... hopefully?
Joshua Hall4 Joshua Hall4 Member
38 messages
joined Dec 2011
#14 ·
I haven't heard a single person recount an experience where nurses or technicians showed genuine kindness and decency after spending a few days or weeks in the hospital.
As others here have already pointed out, the common themes are arrogance, condescension, and sheer rudeness—basically every negative trait imaginable. The most extreme comparison I’ve ever heard regarding how nursing staff treats patients was likening it to the relationship between prisoners in a concentration camp and SS guards who constantly humiliate and dehumanize people who are already suffering. No matter how stressed they might be by their own lives, or how little sleep they got, there is absolutely no excuse for such inhumane behavior. If there were any actual will to put an end to this mess, we could implement oversight programs, perhaps even using undercover patients to report misconduct to hospital administrators. Those directors would then face pressure from the Department of Health if they failed to fix the issue. The reality is that there's neither the budget nor the political will to implement such controls. Fortunately, the staff seems to treat presidents, former governors, and other political elites with respect, while the average citizen is trampled on and dismissed. To wrap this up: God forbid I ever end up in a hospital staffed by people like that.
electricangler electricangler Member
21 messages
joined Mar 2013
#15 ·
Look, I can speak from direct experience here. My mother is a physician—a specialist who also teaches at a medical school. When I was hospitalized (I managed to beat an early stage of cancer), everyone was incredibly sycophantic because of who my mother is. They even moved me into a private suite in the new maternity wing; since the gynecological oncology ward was packed, they gave me all the comfort to myself. I’d get coffee brought to me, and they’d let me join them out on the floor's balcony for a smoke break (it wasn't lung cancer, please, no judgment...). Cookies, chocolates, visits at odd hours, even someone to hold my hand when they drew blood because I can't stand the sight of it—you name it, I had it. Meanwhile, two women in the room next to me were essentially in a coma; one was elderly and frail, and absolutely no one gave her the time of day.
I should clarify: nobody in my family asked for special treatment. It was simply understood that I am "Dr. X's daughter."
So... hm. They know how to be kind and helpful. But only toward those it benefits them to be kind to.
Recently, my great-aunt's husband—an 86-year-old man—was in neurosurgery. He was supposed to be discharged on Monday, per an arrangement my mother made with a colleague, not Friday. This would have allowed his home to be properly equipped for his recovery, as he remains immobile after a fall. However, the nurses over the weekend weren't informed of whose family member was lying there, nor were the doctors on call. Consequently, they processed his discharge Saturday morning without notifying the family. He went the entire Saturday and Sunday without food, without being changed, and no one ensured he received his necessary medications. He nearly dehydrated. Then, on Sunday afternoon, a nurse had the audacity to snap at my aunt, claiming he was discharged Saturday and that they didn't want the responsibility of feeding or changing him if he wasn't officially admitted.
The moment she realized who he was related to, she shut up and suddenly everything was perfect...

(A bit of retribution: yes, it results in more overtime pay, but that woman has been dying from night and weekend shifts for two months now. Not because my mother forces it, but because that woman is just unprofessional.)

Generally speaking, the nurses are mostly burnt out because they are performing the duties of nursing assistants rather than the work they were actually trained for as medical technicians.
I remember back when the hospital where my mother works used the old system, there were distinct roles for medical nurses (technicians) and orderlies (assistants). One would handle cleaning, changing linens, and similar tasks, while the actual nurse focused on their specific clinical responsibilities.
I suspect this degradation has been hard on the older staff, while the younger ones are having their illusions shattered...
Michael Miller39 Michael Miller39 Member
35 messages
joined Jun 2003
#16 ·
I wouldn't exactly go so far as to say their pay is low—we're talking about an associate's degree at most, maybe a bachelor's. It’s not like they spent a decade in medical school mastering neurosurgery.

Second off, the job isn't exactly high-stakes or physically grueling; it's mostly centered on caregiving, empathy, and being decent to patients.

Thirdly—compensation isn't just about the paycheck; it's also about the perks. I suspect they get some pretty solid benefits too. 😁

So, frankly, it irritates me when people paint them as these poor, underpaid victims. They chose this career path. They knew what they were getting into.

Honestly, if someone messes up, I think you should file a formal written complaint against them by name. Take photos, document everything, and send it to the hospital director, the health inspector, the Department of Health, and anyone else you can think of. Post it online.

Maybe then, once people realize we might all end up needing that kind of care ourselves, we'll actually be motivated to fix things.

Fortunately, my family hasn't had any bad experiences in hospitals lately; if anything, it's been fine. But still...

edit: I honestly don't understand how you can (as a human being) fail to help another human being. What electricangler wrote—how can you just not change someone's clothes or check if they've eaten, especially if they're bedridden? Are people really becoming this numb? brrrr a

As for how they are treated—they have unions for a reason. They should elect representatives and fight for themselves.
Eric Gray2 Eric Gray2 Regular
254 messages
joined Jul 2014
#17 ·
It isn't just about the RNs, either—you've got LPNs working the floor too.

Nursing comes with a massive amount of responsibility—I mean, just think about the protocols involved in medication administration. You have to ensure the right patient, the right time, the right dose, the right drug, and the right route of administration. And that’s true for every single patient on the list. Honestly, that's just one small slice of what they're actually accountable for.

There really should be formal mechanisms in place so people can report unprofessional behavior to the proper medical boards. But at the same time, I truly believe that after working in this field for a few years, you have to learn how to stop crying over every single patient and develop some actual distance. That doesn't mean, of course, that you just let someone suffer for half a day, but it is physically impossible to get emotionally sucked into everyone's life story and feel deep empathy for every soul you encounter. If you try, you'll burn out before you know it.
electricangler electricangler Member
21 messages
joined Mar 2013
#18 ·
I can't say I've ever seen one actually weep over their patients. However, witnessing them borderline abuse them? That's something I saw far too often growing up alongside my mother in various hospitals. Honestly, I don't get it. Why aren't they put through psychological testing for basic humanity and empathy before they're even hired?
Eric Gray2 Eric Gray2 Regular
254 messages
joined Jul 2014
#19 ·
It’s because employers care way more about whether you're married or if you have plans to start a family than almost anything else 🤷
Michael Miller39 Michael Miller39 Member
35 messages
joined Jun 2003
#20 ·
Eric Gray2 said:It isn't just about the RNs, either—you've got LPNs working the floor too.

Nursing comes with a massive amount of responsibility—I mean, just think about the protocols involved in medication administration. You have to ensure the right patient, the right time, the right dose, the right drug, and the right route of administration. And that’s true for every single patient on the list. Honestly, that's just one small slice of what they're actually accountable for.

There really should be formal mechanisms in place so people can report unprofessional behavior to the proper medical boards. But at the same time, I truly believe that after working in this field for a few years, you have to learn how to stop crying over every single patient and develop some actual distance. That doesn't mean, of course, that you just let someone suffer for half a day, but it is physically impossible to get emotionally sucked into everyone's life story and feel deep empathy for every soul you encounter. If you try, you'll burn out before you know it.

I'll admit I might be wrong, BUT... what kind of "protocol" are we even talking about? There's a patient list, a med list, some cups, and then you hand them out. I honestly don't see what part of that is complicated. All you need is thirty minutes of peace and focus, and you're done. They aren't the ones prescribing the meds; they're just supposed to distribute them. If I'm missing something here, please, enlighten me.

Also, we aren't talking about holding hands or weeping with the patient here—in fact, they *should* maintain professional distance. We are talking about actually doing the job. If your job description includes maintaining hygiene for an immobile patient, then I really don't know what excuse you can make when they find someone covered in dried feces. That doesn't just happen instantly.

There is a huge difference between keeping your distance and simply failing to do your job.

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