Why don't we feel sexual attraction toward family members?

goldenscout14 said:To be perfectly honest, I’m at a bit of a loss here. What exactly is a "scentless scent"? Is that just an oxymoron? Are you suggesting we simply don't perceive it on a conscious level? Furthermore, I'm genuinely unsure if there is actually such a stark difference between how pheromones influence mate selection in men versus women, or if such a gap even exists to that degree. For my part, I suspect that men also rely on pheromonal cues when choosing a partner—alongside a massive array of other signals, of course—though I certainly don't believe pheromones act as the sole deciding factor. And what, precisely, is the role of pheromones in the biological mechanism for avoiding inbreeding? Do they play any actual part in that specific aspect of partner selection?

http://webcache.googleusercontent.co...rtnera&ct=clnk

A quick note on the section titled >

So, it isn't actually about the scent itself, contrary to what is being claimed here. That study involving the men's t-shirts is particularly intriguing, though it leaves a staggering amount of unanswered questions. For instance, how can we possibly generalize results derived from other species? Furthermore, I find it highly questionable how the second study managed to dismiss the possibility that social conditioning during childhood might be the true culprit. Isn't it plausible that the female subjects were simply conditioned by society to view incest as taboo, and thus, upon encountering a similar scent later in life, they subconsciously generalize that aversion, leading them to reject potential partners who share those olfactory traits? Essentially, society conditions us to recognize incest as wrong, we encounter the scent of kin, and subsequently, that scent triggers a reflexive avoidance of anyone who smells remotely similar. We also have to consider that humans are primarily visual creatures, whereas scent—much like other senses—is utilized far less intensely than it is by many other mammals. Given that, shouldn't we be more skeptical about attributing the entire mechanism of incest avoidance, or even mate selection in general, solely to pheromones?

So what’s the move with adoptees? Half the time they don't even know, and when they do, most don't give a damn about finding their birth parents, let alone dealing with an entire biological family tree.

Maybe it’s because I know my family and relatives way too well to ever feel that kind of spark... 😬

Why even ask? So what, your niece or some younger cousin thinks you're some kind of god and your ego hits 300? Give me a break. Even pedophilia can be called "attraction," but let's call it what it actually is: sick.

I don't get it. You trying to tell me something? I'm talking about people who were adopted and might run into a relative and hook up without having a clue they're related. That's just incest by ignorance.

Gonna expand on this thread since there’s really no point in starting a whole new one

1. Why is it that we—or at least most of us, based on what I've seen—don't feel that spark for long-term partners of the opposite (or even the same 😁) gender who happen to be our relatives or close friends?

And let's be real, this definitely isn't some weird genetic glitch

And who’s going to tell me that?

My take on the matter...

I suppose I am reading ☕

~Scarlett~ said:
I recall seeing some data suggesting we share about 98% of our DNA with bonobos—maybe even more...

There are different ways to crunch those numbers. Even if the gap is just 2%, on a genetic level, that's still massive. But hey, if certain people want to act like primates, be my guest.

steelcrane5 said:I was sitting around the other day and this question popped into my head—it might sound a bit silly, honestly. I was thinking about how I have quite a few attractive cousins in my family, and obviously, there isn't even a flicker of attraction there, which got me wondering... what is it that actually stops us from seeing relatives in that way? Is there some sort of built-in mechanism in our brains that just shuts down any kind of sexual thought when we look at a family member? Like, why is it fundamentally impossible for me to imagine being with a cousin?

I hope you guys get where I'm coming from, I really don't mean anything bad by asking! 🙂

Now, this is actually a fascinating question. 🙂

I've always wondered about the exact psychological or biological gear that shifts when we distinguish between family members and everyone else in a sexual context... it's wild to think about.

Zachary Hayes2 said:I don't get it. You trying to tell me something? I'm talking about people who were adopted and might run into a relative and hook up without having a clue they're related. That's just incest by ignorance.

It looks like you've taken that personally, but I'm asking the author here, obviously... 😁

steelcrane5 said:I was sitting around the other day and this question popped into my head—it might sound a bit silly, honestly. I was thinking about how I have quite a few attractive cousins in my family, and obviously, there isn't even a flicker of attraction there, which got me wondering... what is it that actually stops us from seeing relatives in that way? Is there some sort of built-in mechanism in our brains that just shuts down any kind of sexual thought when we look at a family member? Like, why is it fundamentally impossible for me to imagine being with a cousin?

I hope you guys get where I'm coming from, I really don't mean anything bad by asking! 🙂

It’s because you know they’re family. If you didn't have that knowledge, who's to say you wouldn't find them just as attractive as anyone else out there?

(And if I may add... this really comes down to cultural norms and whether something is considered taboo or not. For instance, in Japan or various other parts of Asia, certain familial dynamics are viewed much differently... everything is just handled differently there.)
Ultimately, it all boils down to social conditioning and moral prejudices.

hmmm, so maybe there’s a theory out there that people can only be attractive to you for the first few years of knowing them? Like, after that initial window passes, if you haven't felt that spark, you're probably never going to feel it... or even if you had a little crush on them for a second, the more you actually get to know who they are, the more that attraction just completely evaporates.
or am I totally off base here?
to me, it feels a lot like how things work with my guy friends—you know, those platonic friendships where the more you hang out and really see what makes them tick, the less "exciting" they seem in that way. any chance of a romantic connection probably only existed right at the start when you were still basically strangers to each other...

I can honestly say I’ve never experienced a situation where someone I befriended became an object of attraction, let alone a relative... 😳 😁

I don’t know, man—sometimes I just get hit with this massive wave of obsession over someone new, you know? It’s like I’m terrified they’re gonna vanish from the internet or something, so I end up downloading every single one of their YouTube videos just to be safe... only to wake up the next morning and realize I’m actually not even that

But hey, when it comes to those unrequited crushes that drag on for decades, it’s not like the spark dies down—if anything, the craving just gets way more intense than ever

Sam Robinson said:It looks like you've taken that personally, but I'm asking the author here, obviously... 😁

The OP actually started this thread way back in 2011... 😬

Anyway, just wanted to jump in and add my two cents:
A buddy of mine was telling me about heading out to one of those small-town festivals—you know, deep in the heart of the Midwest, doesn't really matter where—and he’s always playing bodyguard to make sure his cousin doesn't accidentally fall for a relative (since everyone in those tiny towns is basically related anyway, haha!)... So, while they're chatting away, he just swoops in like, "Hey, she's actually family!" It's like some kind of anti-incest intervention... people scatter and then nobody even knows which branch of the family tree they belong to anymore...

But yeah... anything can happen... personally, I've never even looked at a cousin that way... but that's just me, I'm pretty picky, so I guess it really just depends on the person and what sparks that attraction... just some thoughts...

jadewolf16 said:Gonna expand on this thread since there’s really no point in starting a whole new one

1. Why is it that we—or at least most of us, based on what I've seen—don't feel that spark for long-term partners of the opposite (or even the same 😁) gender who happen to be our relatives or close friends?

And let's be real, this definitely isn't some weird genetic glitch

Unless, of course, we are talking about those sensationalized "incest" stories you see splashed across the tabloids.🕺

Jacob Cooper5 said:Now, this is actually a fascinating question. 🙂

I've always wondered about the exact psychological or biological gear that shifts when we distinguish between family members and everyone else in a sexual context... it's wild to think about.

Parenting, sibling bonds, friendship, platonic "love," and general respect—these all trigger the release of melatonin and prolactin.

Sexual and romantic relationships (the high-intensity kind) are driven by dopamine and adrenaline.

Prolactin acts as a direct antagonist to dopamine.
Essentially, prolactin is released when we encounter something endearing, like a "cute little baby" or a "sweet puppy."
etc. 🙂 In short, it is the total physiological opposite of erotic arousal...

Based on this theory,
individuals with a dopamine deficiency (such as those suffering from Parkinson's disease) would likely have a lower inclination toward incest compared to the general population,
whereas those with excessive dopamine levels (for instance, individuals with schizophrenia or schizoid disorders) might exhibit a higher predisposition...

Furthermore, during sexual intercourse, dopamine and adrenaline peak during orgasm,
only to plummet immediately afterward, triggering the release of prolactin. It is fascinating how men and women interpret this post-orgasmic state differently;
men often describe it as "postcoital depression,"
while women tend to experience it as "postcoital bliss"...

I don't know what to tell you, but if you're looking for Zora Evenei, you're barking up the wrong tree. kaže:
I’m with you on that. Honestly, it’s been proven—there is such a thing as "genetic attraction." You see it when someone crosses paths with a long-lost relative they haven't seen in years and there’s that immediate, inexplicable pull toward them. It even extends to those deep, fundamental parent-child bonds that just feel hardwired into our DNA from day one.

Look, let’s be honest here—you aren't actually looking at him as some distant relative; you're eyeing him as a potential partner, plain and simple, and the attraction is hitting harder because, deep down, you know your genetic makeup is perfectly compatible.

It’s funny how things actually work out with childhood friends, because once you hit a certain point, the whole dynamic flips on its head. When you’ve known someone since you were both running around in elementary school, you stop seeing them as just some buddy or an acquaintance and start viewing them as a brother or a sister. It doesn't even matter that you can logically tell the difference between your actual blood relatives and the people you grew up with; in your heart, the distinction just evaporates. That goes for your real siblings too, honestly—once that bond is forged through years of shared history, the label of "friend" feels way too small to cover what's actually happening.

Look, I’ve seen some ridiculous things on social media, but my brother just took the cake by listing one of his buddies from first grade as his actual brother on Facebook. It’s honestly pathetic. I grew up with my twin brother, and we were practically glued at the hip—we spent every single summer together until we were eleven years old. There’s a real weight to that kind of bond, you know? So, seeing someone try to manufacture that kind of connection online just because they went to elementary school together? It genuinely makes my skin crawl.

I honestly don't know why people act like they've discovered fire when they start talking about this stuff, because we've been circling the same drain for decades now. It’s all just noise designed to make you feel like you’re missing out on some grand revolution, when in reality, it’s just the same old corporate machinery grinding away under a different name. You see these people acting all high and mighty, convinced they've cracked the code, and it’s frankly exhausting to watch. They make these massive, sweeping claims with such unearned confidence that you almost have to admire the sheer audacity of it, even if the logic behind it is thinner than a cheap napkin at a roadside diner. I’ve seen enough "game-changers" come and go to know that most of what passes for innovation today is really just repackaged mediocrity being sold to a public that’s too tired to check the math. We're living in an era where everyone wants to be an expert without actually doing the work, and quite frankly, it’s getting ridiculous. kaže:
Look, this isn't some high-minded intellectual curiosity or some deep psychological study on why we chase novelty; it’s much more primal than that, rooted in that subtle, skin-level scent that women usually pick up on. And I’m not talking about an actual smell—not like some heavy cologne or perfume you can actually pin down and describe to someone—but rather that almost imperceptible, scentless magnetism where someone just becomes inexplicably, irresistibly attractive to you for no reason at all.
Look, you have to understand that while most people are out there chasing any random connection they can find, biological reality is actually playing a much more sophisticated game behind the scenes. When you look at blood relatives, they’re genetically almost identical, which sounds like a win for compatibility until you realize nature has built in this incredibly visceral, built-in fail-safe. Basically, when it comes to actual sexual attraction—that raw, primal drive to mate—relatives essentially radiate this repellent pheromone signal that tells your brain "absolutely not." They quite literally smell wrong to us. It's this deep-seated, evolutionary mechanism designed to prevent inbreeding, making sure we stay far away from anyone whose genetic makeup too closely mirrors our own.
Look, if you strip away all the superficial nonsense and just look at the raw mechanics of attraction, we’re talking about a primal pull toward anyone whose genetic makeup is the complete opposite of our own. It’s basic biology, really. If we keep following this animalistic logic to its ridiculous conclusion, it’s like watching some high-maintenance, show-quality Toy Poodle—the kind that looks perfect on a pedestal—get paired up with another pristine poodle of the exact same breed, only for her to turn around and completely lose her mind over the ugliest, most scruffy little Dachshund wandering through the park. It’s messy, it’s irrational, and frankly, it’s exactly how the world works.

When it comes to men, I’m convinced it all boils down to social conditioning—it's just how they're programmed from day one by a society that rewards that specific kind of behavior.

Don't these two theories seem fundamentally opposed if you actually stop to think about them for more than a second? I’ve heard the second one tossed around quite a bit, and honestly, it makes way more sense to me when you factor in the whole pheromone aspect of things. I mean, come on, we all know from experience that the magnetic pull we feel toward different people isn't some uniform, steady stream; the intensity of that sexual attraction fluctuates wildly from one person to the next, so it’s pretty obvious there’s something much deeper and more biological at play here.

I’m telling you right now, if we don't start pushing for a much more aggressive version of freedom, we’re basically just circling the drain while pretending everything is fine. It’s all well and good to talk about liberty in these vague, poetic terms that sound great on a bumper sticker, but without actual, teeth-baring strength behind our individual rights, we’re just waiting for the next bureaucratic overreach to swallow us whole. We need a brand of freedom that isn't just passive or polite; we need something robust and unapologetic. Anything less is just an illusion of autonomy that'll vanish the second someone in a suit decides it's convenient to tighten the leash. kaže:
Honestly, I’m not entirely sure where to start with this one. What even is a "scentless smell"? Is that just an oxymoron we're tossing around now? I can't help but wonder if you're suggesting we simply fail to perceive it on a conscious level, or if the sensation just doesn't exist in any meaningful way. Then there’s the whole debate about whether pheromones actually play a significant role in how men and women select sexual partners—and if they do, I highly doubt the difference between the sexes is nearly as massive as some people claim. Personally, I’ve always felt that men rely on pheromonal cues just as much as anyone else when they're vetting a potential partner, though obviously, those scents are just one tiny piece of a much larger, more complex puzzle involving a thousand other physical and social signals. And don't even get me started on the biological mechanics of avoiding inbreeding; I’m curious if pheromones actually serve a functional purpose in that specific evolutionary safeguard, or if it's all just speculative biology at this point.

You can actually catch a faint whiff of pheromones on a conscious level once in a while. There are those moments where you’re just completely drawn to someone’s natural scent or even just the smell of their shirt, much like what that study pointed out. But if we're talking about the subconscious? I guarantee it hits way harder than that.
Sure, we tend to lean on our eyes more than our noses, but that's only true in our conscious minds; heaven knows what's really going on deep down in the subconscious 🙂