Why don't we feel sexual attraction toward family members?

steelcrane5 said:I was sitting around the other day and this question popped into my head—it might sound a bit silly, honestly. I was thinking about how I have quite a few attractive cousins in my family, and obviously, there isn't even a flicker of attraction there, which got me wondering... what is it that actually stops us from seeing relatives in that way? Is there some sort of built-in mechanism in our brains that just shuts down any kind of sexual thought when we look at a family member? Like, why is it fundamentally impossible for me to imagine being with a cousin?

I hope you guys get where I'm coming from, I really don't mean anything bad by asking! 🙂

"Hillbilly," man... I nearly had a heart attack just reading that thread title. You could have at least phrased it a bit more delicately. For a split second, I actually thought you were going to ask why we aren't sexually attracted to our parents or siblings.

In truth, attraction to cousins isn't quite as taboo as people tend to assume. However, that certainly doesn't mean anyone would immediately act on such impulses. It is much like how one wouldn't simply walk up to a complete stranger they find attractive and ask if they want to sleep with them.

Take me, for instance; I am somewhat attracted to one of my female cousins because she has such a gentle spirit. Though, I have heard she can be quite the gossip. I don't often think of her in a sexual way, but if the thought does cross my mind occasionally, I don't feel any sense of shame. Rather, it feels like a moment of quiet fulfillment. And yet... when that feeling arises, I feel no need to escalate or prolong it, nor do I feel the need to suppress it.

Mind you, she isn't exactly a beauty.

Kenneth Garcia9 said:Maybe cats are just socially conditioned too? 🤷 I wouldn't bet my life on it... someone "healthy" might still be lured in by a family member if they weren't aware of the blood connection.

Oh, heavens, spare me from such skepticism...

Alex Thomas27 said:I’m with you on that. There’s actually this concept called "genetic attraction." It’s that weird pull you feel when you run into a long-lost relative. It even applies to parent-child dynamics.

The thing is, you don't perceive them as a relative; you see them as a potential partner, and the attraction is amplified because your genetic material is so compatible.

It works the exact opposite way with childhood friends. If you've known someone since you were kids, you end up seeing them more like a brother or sister. Even if you can clearly tell the difference between an actual blood relative and a friend, that feeling remains. And that goes for real siblings, too.

For example, my brother listed one of his first-grade buddies as a sibling on Facebook. Since I grew up with my twin brother and we spent every single summer vacation together until we were eleven, the idea of anything romantic happening between us is just revolting.

Still, marriages between people who grew up together aren't exactly a rare phenomenon.

Nicole Barrett76 said:"Hillbilly," man... I nearly had a heart attack just reading that thread title. You could have at least phrased it a bit more delicately. For a split second, I actually thought you were going to ask why we aren't sexually attracted to our parents or siblings.

In truth, attraction to cousins isn't quite as taboo as people tend to assume. However, that certainly doesn't mean anyone would immediately act on such impulses. It is much like how one wouldn't simply walk up to a complete stranger they find attractive and ask if they want to sleep with them.

Take me, for instance; I am somewhat attracted to one of my female cousins because she has such a gentle spirit. Though, I have heard she can be quite the gossip. I don't often think of her in a sexual way, but if the thought does cross my mind occasionally, I don't feel any sense of shame. Rather, it feels like a moment of quiet fulfillment. And yet... when that feeling arises, I feel no need to escalate or prolong it, nor do I feel the need to suppress it.

Mind you, she isn't exactly a beauty.

Exactly—that's the crux of it. Biological attraction can happen between any two people of the opposite sex; it's just how nature works, nothing inherently "sick" about the chemistry itself.
But let's be real: social conditioning plays a much bigger role in how we actually behave than biology does. Someone made a good point earlier about a friend's wife—the same logic applies whether it's a brother's wife or a sister's husband, etc. A sane, civilized person isn't going to let raw instinct override everything else.
That said, there are still plenty of primitives out there—I know one personally—who prioritize their primal urges over social bonds. It's purely animalistic... ☕

People suppress that stuff because of the taboo... like, that whole "third cousin" rule was basically cooked up just to protect offspring health. It’s all about genetics, really. Interestingly enough, the old-school aristocracy actually did the opposite—they embraced it—but that's a whole different conversation.

It might be worth getting some perspective from people living in the Appalachian regions, specifically across Kentucky, Tennessee, Alabama, and West Virginia.
I suppose I'm not entirely sure what the current legal landscape looks like there, but I imagine marriages between close relatives—like cousins—are probably more common in those parts.

Alex Thomas27 said:I’m with you on that. There’s actually this concept called "genetic attraction." It’s that weird pull you feel when you run into a long-lost relative. It even applies to parent-child dynamics.

The thing is, you don't perceive them as a relative; you see them as a potential partner, and the attraction is amplified because your genetic material is so compatible.

It works the exact opposite way with childhood friends. If you've known someone since you were kids, you end up seeing them more like a brother or sister. Even if you can clearly tell the difference between an actual blood relative and a friend, that feeling remains. And that goes for real siblings, too.

For example, my brother listed one of his first-grade buddies as a sibling on Facebook. Since I grew up with my twin brother and we spent every single summer vacation together until we were eleven, the idea of anything romantic happening between us is just revolting.

I really have to agree with that! Honestly, I think that’s the core "genetic" reason why there's zero spark there. It’s like trying to look at a sibling or a childhood best friend and suddenly seeing them as a romantic prospect—it just doesn't click, right? If you grew up alongside someone since you were kids, that biological switch just stays flipped to "family mode." You simply can't view them as a partner after all that time. 😁

Thomas Nelson25 said:People suppress that stuff because of the taboo... like, that whole "third cousin" rule was basically cooked up just to protect offspring health. It’s all about genetics, really. Interestingly enough, the old-school aristocracy actually did the opposite—they embraced it—but that's a whole different conversation.

I honestly feel like the whole concept of "health" in relationships doesn't mean much anymore! It’s just... it's lost its way. I mean, look around—you see plenty of perfectly healthy, stable couples out there who just can't seem to have children, right? And don't even get me started on those other connections that are built entirely on physical chemistry alone. It's all a bit skewed these days!

I honestly think we’re running into this wall because society is just too stuck in its ways. We keep clinging to these old-school moral codes inherited from our ancestors, but let's be real—holding onto those outdated values today feels about as useful as trying to practice celibacy before marriage. It's like trying to use a rotary phone in a world full of iPhones; it just doesn't fit the current rhythm of life!

Melissa Ward said:I really have to agree with that! Honestly, I think that’s the core "genetic" reason why there's zero spark there. It’s like trying to look at a sibling or a childhood best friend and suddenly seeing them as a romantic prospect—it just doesn't click, right? If you grew up alongside someone since you were kids, that biological switch just stays flipped to "family mode." You simply can't view them as a partner after all that time. 😁

I honestly feel like the whole concept of "health" in relationships doesn't mean much anymore! It’s just... it's lost its way. I mean, look around—you see plenty of perfectly healthy, stable couples out there who just can't seem to have children, right? And don't even get me started on those other connections that are built entirely on physical chemistry alone. It's all a bit skewed these days!

I honestly think we’re running into this wall because society is just too stuck in its ways. We keep clinging to these old-school moral codes inherited from our ancestors, but let's be real—holding onto those outdated values today feels about as useful as trying to practice celibacy before marriage. It's like trying to use a rotary phone in a world full of iPhones; it just doesn't fit the current rhythm of life!

In reality, isn't it the exact same reason you don't feel any spark toward close family members or those childhood friends you grew up alongside? It all boils down to that intense proximity from such an early age. I can't quite recall the specific scientific paper I came across, but wasn't there something about how that prolonged period of growing up together essentially neutralizes any potential sexual chemistry?

As for distant relatives, I think the logic is pretty straightforward. Once you categorize someone as "family" in your mind, you instinctively lump them into the same bucket as your immediate kin. Just take a second to imagine hooking up with your own sister. Gross, right? You'd probably hit your head against a wall three times just to induce enough amnesia to forget the thought even existed. You'll likely have that same visceral reaction, albeit perhaps a slightly more muted one, when you consider a distant cousin.

steelcrane5 said:I was sitting around the other day and this question popped into my head—it might sound a bit silly, honestly. I was thinking about how I have quite a few attractive cousins in my family, and obviously, there isn't even a flicker of attraction there, which got me wondering... what is it that actually stops us from seeing relatives in that way? Is there some sort of built-in mechanism in our brains that just shuts down any kind of sexual thought when we look at a family member? Like, why is it fundamentally impossible for me to imagine being with a cousin?

I hope you guys get where I'm coming from, I really don't mean anything bad by asking! 🙂

Honestly, you'd probably go after your own mother, let alone a hot cousin, if:
A) Incest wasn't such a massive social taboo
B) Your parents hadn't raised you to believe that feeling sexual attraction toward family is totally off-limits
C) Society and your folks hadn't drilled it into your head that you don't mess around with kin

A lot of guys deal with an Oedipus complex because of that initial bond and attraction to their moms—our first real sexual fantasies and projections are often aimed at family members. Incest is way more common than people care to admit, but in a functional American household, kids are taught to just ignore, suppress, or push those thoughts aside...

Think about it—if you were stranded on a deserted island with just your sister or your mom, you'd see how fast things could get messy and lead to some pretty messed up offspring. It's all about pheromones and instinct; drive goes wherever it's easiest to steer it. You wouldn't hike to the top of a hill just to pee if there's a bush right next to the road, right? Humans are basically animals, and animals just mate whenever they get the chance...