How to distance yourself from someone

Sean Watson48 said:I’ve been in a similar spot. On her end, we were, I think, best friends. She is lovely and all that good stuff—we never fought, our relationship was perfectly civil, there's no argument there—but after a while, I just stopped finding her fun. It felt like hanging out with her was becoming a chore. I definitely felt like this friendship didn't carry much weight for me anymore, and honestly, it started feeling suffocating. Just a "friendship" existing for its own sake. I’d find myself wondering more and more often, "What the hell am I even doing here?" 🤦 And now... how do you actually explain to someone close to you, out of nowhere, that you don't want to hang out intensely anymore? Honestly, I have no clue if there’s a smart way to handle it. My solution, as cowardly and selfish as it was, was the simplest one: I just cut all ties. It was definitely selfish and a total jerk move, but I couldn't bring myself to say it to her face. 😢 On the flip side, ignoring everything swirling in my head and pretending everything was fine seemed like an even worse option. So, I started ghosting her. It was incredibly difficult, and I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, but enough time has passed that we don't just stop hanging out—we don't even say hello anymore. It was an excruciating situation, but looking back, it feels like things ended up where they should have. My advice to you is: if you have the guts, tell her to her face. If not... well, learn from my mistake. Just be prepared for your conscience to sting for a long time. But even that fades eventually. Anyway, good luck. 🙂

Sometimes I’ve thought to myself, "Man, I wish I didn't have a conscience and was just shallow, because life would be so much easier for people without any backbone..." But only sometimes...
Whenever I read a post like this, I immediately change my mind. ☕

I actually cut one "friend" out of my life completely—just ghosted her and ended everything. But she wasn't some sweetheart either, nothing like the person the author is describing. She earned it. She let me down more times than I can count, and she knows exactly why I stopped talking to her. If it were someone who hadn't done anything wrong, I could never just ditch them like that and leave them feeling guilty and confused. I wouldn't have the heart for it. With a decent person, I’d sit them down and have a real, face-to-face conversation because they deserve that respect. Otherwise, my conscience would eat me alive. I'm just wired that way...

The level of intolerance being displayed lately is honestly quite alarming. Personally, the idea of acting that way has never even crossed my mind. It’s not that a person "doesn't suit" you; it’s simply that their behavior is problematic. In those instances, I prefer to be direct: "Look, I don't appreciate how you're acting; it's bothering me when you do this or that." I’ve always felt I have enough patience to accept people for who they are, provided they aren't imposing on me or doing anything genuinely harmful.

To everyone here who claims they can't stand certain friends: you're just being cowards. Instead of having the backbone to say something to their face, you pretend everything is fine and maintain this facade of friendly relations while you're actually seething inside.

Broadly speaking, I see far too much intolerance everywhere these days. Everyone seems obsessed with categorizing people—deciding who fits their vibe and who doesn't. Can we all just relax? It’s perfectly natural to have a small circle of close friends, but there's no need to maintain some rigid, suffocating social hierarchy in your head as if you were living in a caste system in India.

Oh, goldenjackal43... you claim there are people who simply aren't capable of hearing, yet you end up being the demanding one, acting like a total jerk...
But here you are complaining about intolerance... when in reality, your own post just demonstrated exactly what you're talking about... 😛 ... and all of this happens because YOU have never actually had to deal with those kinds of struggles in your own life... 🙄

Terry Grant2 said:Oh, goldenjackal43... you claim there are people who simply aren't capable of hearing, yet you end up being the demanding one, acting like a total jerk...
But here you are complaining about intolerance... when in reality, your own post just demonstrated exactly what you're talking about... 😛 ... and all of this happens because YOU have never actually had to deal with those kinds of struggles in your own life... 🙄

Actually, I have dealt with those issues. I’ve been forced to spend time with people I didn't particularly care for for an entire week at a time, sometimes longer. And whenever I realized something wasn't working, I would be direct about it. If we wanted to end a friendship, we would have done it mutually—clear, loud, and spontaneous.

Take a look at these posts. "Honesty hurts me, but damn it, I have to do this; he was a good friend, but I just can't do this anymore. I don't know what's bothering me, but I don't want to be around him, so I'm going to cut all ties with my friend. It hurts me, poor me, but it's for the best..." It's the same story. Some people have character, some are growing, others are developing new traits, changing, and learning. You think you're living out some grand melodrama, but in reality, you've just ghosted someone without ever giving them a reason.

It’s really just a matter of misunderstanding because everyone would handle things perfectly if they were actually facing a situation like this 🙄
if you haven't actually done anything wrong, then there's no need to pick up her calls or reply to her texts; you can always just say you're busy, but keep it cool enough so she eventually gets the hint, since you shouldn't stick around just out of pity, and honestly, it's much better than being blunt and hitting her with some cliché. People drift apart and lose touch all the time as friendships evolve and change, which is completely normal, so there is really no reason to feel guilty about it.
this way, she’ll likely just assume you two have naturally grown apart, and it won't sting nearly as much as if you went out of your way to tell her something directly to her face.

I'd probably just be a little rude and ignore her XD and if she asks, I'd just say I was tied up, though if she doesn't take the hint after a while or refuses to stop because you mean so much to her, then she'll eventually ask what's going on or if she did something, and that's when you can just tell her straight up.
you might feel like a total jerk for a little while, but that feeling will pass and you'll actually be glad you did it, because maintaining those kinds of "friendships" takes way too much energy and emotional effort.

Gary Mitchell3 said:It’s really just a matter of misunderstanding because everyone would handle things perfectly if they were actually facing a situation like this 🙄
if you haven't actually done anything wrong, then there's no need to pick up her calls or reply to her texts; you can always just say you're busy, but keep it cool enough so she eventually gets the hint, since you shouldn't stick around just out of pity, and honestly, it's much better than being blunt and hitting her with some cliché. People drift apart and lose touch all the time as friendships evolve and change, which is completely normal, so there is really no reason to feel guilty about it.
this way, she’ll likely just assume you two have naturally grown apart, and it won't sting nearly as much as if you went out of your way to tell her something directly to her face.

I'd probably just be a little rude and ignore her XD and if she asks, I'd just say I was tied up, though if she doesn't take the hint after a while or refuses to stop because you mean so much to her, then she'll eventually ask what's going on or if she did something, and that's when you can just tell her straight up.
you might feel like a total jerk for a little while, but that feeling will pass and you'll actually be glad you did it, because maintaining those kinds of "friendships" takes way too much energy and emotional effort.

Exactly!! 👍

Jamie Chase6 said:Sometimes I’ve thought to myself, "Man, I wish I didn't have a conscience and was just shallow, because life would be so much easier for people without any backbone..." But only sometimes...
Whenever I read a post like this, I immediately change my mind. ☕

Same here.😁

goldenjackal43 said:Actually, I have dealt with those issues. I’ve been forced to spend time with people I didn't particularly care for for an entire week at a time, sometimes longer. And whenever I realized something wasn't working, I would be direct about it. If we wanted to end a friendship, we would have done it mutually—clear, loud, and spontaneous.

Take a look at these posts. "Honesty hurts me, but damn it, I have to do this; he was a good friend, but I just can't do this anymore. I don't know what's bothering me, but I don't want to be around him, so I'm going to cut all ties with my friend. It hurts me, poor me, but it's for the best..." It's the same story. Some people have character, some are growing, others are developing new traits, changing, and learning. You think you're living out some grand melodrama, but in reality, you've just ghosted someone without ever giving them a reason.

It's that classic "me, myself, and I" syndrome.🙄 People who only care about their own needs. They wake up one day and decide to screw over someone who never did anything wrong, someone who was always there for them, and then they just stop talking to them forever. Let them sit there wondering what happened... gross. Have some guts and say it to their face. This whole thing where people just block you on Facebook? It's a joke.😂😂😂They might even move to a different city and change their identity just so they never have to run into that person again.👍

Thomas Rodriguez14 said:Hey everyone! Hope I’m in the right spot for this—if not, mods, please feel free to move this thread. So, I'm looking for some advice on the best way to distance myself from someone? It's a girl I call a friend, and honestly, she isn't bad at all—actually, she's great—and we get along fine. But for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, I just want to drift away... you know, reach that "see ya later" stage. She hasn't actually done anything wrong or anything like that, but I just can't describe this vibe I get when I'm around her. Basically, I just want to create as much space as possible. What's the best way to handle this? Thanks in advance for any help!

Before deciding to run from someone, I would definitely take a hard look at that "unknown reason, that indescribable feeling I get when I'm with her."

Sometimes, people who trigger those vague feelings are actually bringing us unknown gifts. They act like a mirror, reflecting something inside us that is ready to evolve and improve.

So, don't skip over those weird feelings. Dive into them. Once you strip away your own unknown projections from her, you'll see her for who she truly is, rather than what she triggers in you. Then, make your choice about whether you want to hang out with her or not.

rustymarlin322 said:Same here.😁

It's that classic "me, myself, and I" syndrome.🙄 People who only care about their own needs. They wake up one day and decide to screw over someone who never did anything wrong, someone who was always there for them, and then they just stop talking to them forever. Let them sit there wondering what happened... gross. Have some guts and say it to their face. This whole thing where people just block you on Facebook? It's a joke.😂😂😂They might even move to a different city and change their identity just so they never have to run into that person again.👍

Oh, please, let's dial down the drama here... 🙄

It’s not like they’re committing a felony just because they want to cut ties... seriously... Why all this intense reaction? It’s almost as if we're preparing for some major criminal trial...

In reality, isn't it much healthier to distance yourself from people who end up draining your energy and leaving you feeling empty? Life is far too short to spend it performing or engaging in meaningless friction with others, regardless of how dear they might be to us... it's better for everyone involved... Does anyone actually enjoy staying in those types of relationships? But no, let's insist on staying in a hollow connection just to protect someone else's feelings... which ultimately leads to more hurt in the long run anyway, because people can sense when something is fundamentally off... 🙄

By the way, Sandra Morgan2 gave you the best advice you've heard so far... 😉

Honestly, those people who constantly dwell on "I like this" or "I don't like that" are such a total drag; they’re actually the ones draining the life out of you with that perpetual indecisiveness. If I catch someone acting like that, it doesn't even have to be me who walks away. It’s just that I have zero interest in navigating someone else's mental clutter. When I head out to grab a coffee or spend an afternoon downtown, I really just want to unwind and relax, not deal with that kind of unnecessary baggage.

Thomas Rodriguez14 said:Hey everyone! Hope I’m in the right spot for this—if not, mods, please feel free to move this thread. So, I'm looking for some advice on the best way to distance myself from someone? It's a girl I call a friend, and honestly, she isn't bad at all—actually, she's great—and we get along fine. But for some reason I can't quite put my finger on, I just want to drift away... you know, reach that "see ya later" stage. She hasn't actually done anything wrong or anything like that, but I just can't describe this vibe I get when I'm around her. Basically, I just want to create as much space as possible. What's the best way to handle this? Thanks in advance for any help!

So you want to ghost a friend? Why? I mean, you became friends for a reason... I guess I'd think about it a few times first, and if it really isn't working, I'd probably just tell her the truth. It might sting for a second, but honestly, the truth is usually better in the long run.🤷

Terry Grant2 said:Oh, please, let's dial down the drama here... 🙄

It’s not like they’re committing a felony just because they want to cut ties... seriously... Why all this intense reaction? It’s almost as if we're preparing for some major criminal trial...

In reality, isn't it much healthier to distance yourself from people who end up draining your energy and leaving you feeling empty? Life is far too short to spend it performing or engaging in meaningless friction with others, regardless of how dear they might be to us... it's better for everyone involved... Does anyone actually enjoy staying in those types of relationships? But no, let's insist on staying in a hollow connection just to protect someone else's feelings... which ultimately leads to more hurt in the long run anyway, because people can sense when something is fundamentally off... 🙄

By the way, Sandra Morgan2 gave you the best advice you've heard so far... 😉

I’m not the type to stick around in a relationship if we aren't talking anymore. But look, if that person has always been decent and honest with me, I’m going to return that energy. They earned a face-to-face conversation. I can't just vanish and leave them wondering what the hell happened. I know what it means to have actual integrity, and I’d never end things like that—that’s just not who I am. But hey, everyone has their own way of handling things, I guess. Still, all that stuff about blocking someone on Facebook, deleting contacts, and changing phone numbers? It feels less like cutting off an old friend and more like you're hiding from a mass murderer. 🙄I'm not the one being dramatic here. If anything, I'm the one holding back.🙄
Maybe the OP is just head over heels for this girl and doesn't want to admit it, so they're looking for any excuse to bail. That could totally be what's going on.😁

I have to admit, I’m finding this whole situation a bit difficult to wrap my head around.

It seems like you don't have one specific, glaring reason for wanting to create some distance, yet there's this clear urge to pull away. You mentioned that she’s actually quite dear to you and a perfectly lovely person, but for some reason, being around her just doesn't feel right anymore. It’s such a strange, heavy feeling, isn't it? And now you're left wondering how to gracefully drift apart on your own without making a scene.

😵

rustymarlin322 said:I’m not the type to stick around in a relationship if we aren't talking anymore. But look, if that person has always been decent and honest with me, I’m going to return that energy. They earned a face-to-face conversation. I can't just vanish and leave them wondering what the hell happened. I know what it means to have actual integrity, and I’d never end things like that—that’s just not who I am. But hey, everyone has their own way of handling things, I guess. Still, all that stuff about blocking someone on Facebook, deleting contacts, and changing phone numbers? It feels less like cutting off an old friend and more like you're hiding from a mass murderer. 🙄I'm not the one being dramatic here. If anything, I'm the one holding back.🙄
Maybe the OP is just head over heels for this girl and doesn't want to admit it, so they're looking for any excuse to bail. That could totally be what's going on.😁

I find myself inclined to agree with that sentiment as well... doesn't it just seem like the most logical conclusion to reach? 😁 And she just won't have him...? 🤷

Terry Grant2 said:Oh, please, let's dial down the drama here... 🙄

It’s not like they’re committing a felony just because they want to cut ties... seriously... Why all this intense reaction? It’s almost as if we're preparing for some major criminal trial...

In reality, isn't it much healthier to distance yourself from people who end up draining your energy and leaving you feeling empty? Life is far too short to spend it performing or engaging in meaningless friction with others, regardless of how dear they might be to us... it's better for everyone involved... Does anyone actually enjoy staying in those types of relationships? But no, let's insist on staying in a hollow connection just to protect someone else's feelings... which ultimately leads to more hurt in the long run anyway, because people can sense when something is fundamentally off... 🙄

By the way, Sandra Morgan2 gave you the best advice you've heard so far... 😉

thanks for the support lol and yeah, I agree—Cherie really did give me the best advice

Terry Grant2 said:I find myself inclined to agree with that sentiment as well... doesn't it just seem like the most logical conclusion to reach? 😁 And she just won't have him...? 🤷

Trust me—it’s not about anyone being an idiot or anything like that. 😁

The most dishonest move you can make is simply choosing to ignore it...

Personally, I am a huge believer in being kind—truly, deeply kind—to everyone we meet. Even toward those who aren't particularly nice to us, right? And heaven knows we should certainly be kind to people who are objectively decent human beings! But honestly, following that philosophy to its extreme has landed me in social circles where I feel like nobody actually *knows* me or even appreciates me. I don't feel like an equal in those relationships, let alone comfortable; it feels as though my warmth, my kindness, and my softness are constantly being mistaken for mere weakness or being a pushover.

Sometimes, it is just impossible to pinpoint exactly why you feel so drained at the end of an interaction. Is it because you simply don't click with the group and lack common ground—making everything feel forced and awkward (which seems to be the case here)? Or maybe you feel like someone is emotionally leaching off you, dumping all their baggage onto your shoulders? Sometimes it’s that sinking feeling that people are only hanging out with you because their "real" friends are busy—you know the type, where they treat you like their best friend for two days when they're lonely, only to completely forget you exist once their other plans fall through. Other times, it’s a clash of core values or life stances that we hold dear, or perhaps it’s their condescending, arrogant attitude toward us. And sometimes, people just don't get it! There are a thousand reasons, but when we are in the company of certain people, they act like absolute energy vampires. I truly believe this; after spending time with them, instead of feeling bright and happy, you just feel hollowed out, pathetic, and exhausted! It doesn't actually matter what the specific reason is—if we aren't enjoying ourselves, we need to walk away. It’s exactly like staying in a bad relationship. We get to choose our friends and our partners, and I firmly believe we have every right to do so.
I was honestly appalled by some of the comments attacking that young woman... If he isn't enjoying her company, why stay? But to just snap at her and tell her straight to her face that being around her is uncomfortable or exhausting? I don't know. Some people are suggesting he should just tell her how draining she is, but I think that would hurt her even more and create unnecessary insecurities! She is likely a perfectly fine person who probably has other friends who genuinely love her company—it’s just that *he* doesn't vibe with her, and that should be that.
I have also made the decision to distance myself from certain relationships—at least enough to thin out my contact list, my coffee dates, and my phone calls. And I’m doing this after years of unsuccessfully trying to avoid it, purely out of fear of hurting someone's feelings. Then, I finally took a moment to remember how many times *I* have been hurt and humiliated. Honestly, if you don't stand up for yourself and allow people to walk all over you, you're partly to blame. Every time something happened, I used to convince myself I had misread the situation, or that my "friends" were just looking out for my best interests. But then I finally decided to consider the alternative: maybe they aren't being sincere? Maybe they aren't, and regardless, I just don't mesh with them, and clearly, they don't understand me any better. But knowing the types of people I'm talking about, if I were to be honest about what bothers me, I would be labeled a complete lunatic! For instance, if I told someone, "I'm sorry, but when I share a problem that's weighing on me, it hurts when you respond with condescension or a smirk instead of empathy," I wouldn't dare say that to their face. Even when I desperately want to, I won't, because friends shouldn't act that way—I certainly don't act that way—and I feel like they would just attack me or call me "weird." I don't necessarily think they are bad people, but it bothers me enough that I no longer want them close. So, I will handle it in a neutral way to avoid causing pain, by gradually phasing them out. Perhaps it sounds selfish, but I truly believe it is normal to be "selfish" in this context... I mean, if we wouldn't stay in a romantic relationship just because someone is "nice" while we feel uncomfortable or "weird" around them, then breaking up would be considered selfish too, wouldn't it? It's all about how you handle the exit. Telling that girl, "Look, I feel awkward around you and I can't quite put my finger on why, but I'm just not comfortable," isn't necessarily the right move, nor is it necessarily moral just because it's 100% honest. That is your subjective impression of her and your relationship; there is no need to insult her or cause deep emotional damage that might leave her fearful of future friendships or worried that everyone finds her unpleasant. I know that if someone told me they felt "weird" around me, I would feel terrible about everyone else, too!

It is perfectly normal to cut ties with people. I tend to view it as a bit of spring cleaning. Just like how I’ll go through my entire house once a year—emptying out the closets, clearing out the attic, the whole bit—I apply that same logic to acquaintances and friends alike.

There isn't anything abnormal about it, provided you understand your own reasoning for "decluttering" them, if that's how we want to put it. I have always been quite certain about these things. Now, in your case, it seems less defined; you're mostly just operating on a gut feeling. But fine, I suppose intuition can be right sometimes.

How does one distance themselves? Well, it's quite simple... much like any other type of detachment. You simply ignore them on every level. Most reasonable people will pick up on the hint and drift away on their own.😉

I really don't see what the massive issue is here.🤷