How to walk away from a toxic relationship

brightridge59 said:First things first, please try not to cross-post the same topic across several different subforums.

I’m having a little trouble following your logic here. Since you aren't emotionally attached to this individual, I don't quite see what makes cutting ties such a difficult hurdle.
If you were stuck in a toxic cycle where an unhealthy dependency had formed, I might understand the struggle to walk away, but from what you've shared, I don't see any signs of that kind of entanglement. 🤷

But why does his perspective actually matter in this equation?

At the end of the day, you're the one who made the decision to step away from the relationship. How can he possibly force your hand, and why should his potential ego issues weigh so heavily on your choice?

Maybe I'm not emotionally attached, but I think I am addicted, because I have this nagging feeling that things won't ever get better than they are now. Even though I want to cut him out completely, I'm terrified of just being alone. And his ego is a huge factor because his reaction makes it so much harder for me to actually push him out of my life for good.

brightotter24 said:The thing is, my own life is kind of a mess right now too, and he isn't exactly a saint himself. I've told him more than once that I'm done, but he just completely ignores me. I mean, a sane person would have walked away by now, even if it was just to save their own pride.😕

He’s not a saint, sure, but you seem to be jumping back into these relationships for "totally the wrong reasons"—you know, because you're lonely, frustrated with other parts of your life, nursing a bruised ego, punishing yourself, or just plain curious... but definitely NOT because there's any actual affection or love involved.😉

They say insanity is just doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result.

You have to take charge of your own life instead of waiting for him to change. You remind me of this neighbor of mine who was backing out of her driveway, slammed right into another car while trying to park. We were sitting right there on the patio, just a few feet away. And her reaction? "Well, why didn't any of you yell at me?"😍

So, what do you think? Who should have been watching—us, or her?

Honestly, you aren't valuing yourself at all by staying in a relationship like this—there isn't a shred of self-respect left. You claim you're just "using" him, but from the way you write, it sounds like he’s doing the exact same thing; it seems like you two found a perfect, albeit messy, match. I deal with my own loneliness and barely have any friends myself, but I would never—ever—enter a relationship with someone I don't even like. I think I'd rather die of solitude than go down that path. If you keep this up, you'll likely end up married to someone you aren't even physically attracted to, simply because you're terrified of being alone. I know people who weren't in a healthy headspace before or after such situations, and they end up settling out of pure desperation just to avoid the silence. For everyone's sake, it's better to just end it now.

Look, you need to end this weird situation immediately. In my book, what you two have isn't even a relationship. You aren't having sex—and I’m not talking about religious reasons or anything that could actually justify it; I'm talking about the fact that he doesn't even attract you. You straight-up said he repulses you. Honestly? Just run. If you don't, this dynamic is going to start draining your soul and frustrating you so much that being alone—the very thing you were trying to avoid by starting this "relationship"—is going to start looking like a much better option. Besides, it isn't fair to him either. The longer you drag this out, the more you're just going to hurt him. It's pretty clear there’s no love, no chemistry, and no respect on your end. It seems like you're only doing this because you like the attention and you're terrified of being lonely, but you already know deep down those aren't valid reasons to stay. You know how it goes: garbage input, garbage output. You can't expect anything meaningful to come from a connection where you aren't putting anything in. Is it really better to be with a guy who makes you feel sick to your stomach than it is to just be by yourself?? Stop dragging both him and yourself through the mud. Take control of your life and just walk away.

You really have to learn how to be comfortable in your own skin—it’s something you have to work at, day in and day out. At the end of the day, you are your own best friend. Mature people—real adults—understand how to be alone without spiraling into despair. You need to structure your life; map out your days and actually plan your activities. Honestly, it helps to write things down on paper just to stay grounded. Call some friends or reach out to someone who makes you feel more centered than he does. It is much better to tackle this now rather than later, because once you get hooked on his version of "attention," letting go becomes an uphill battle. Give yourself the chance to exist without being dependent on anyone else—that is the only way you'll ever be ready for a truly high-quality relationship.

brightotter24 said:Well, I guess you did a pretty decent job summarizing everything 🙂, but honestly, if anyone here has actually dealt with something similar, maybe you could point out some details I haven't quite wrapped my head around yet 🙂

Since you’re asking, here is what you aren't seeing: years will vanish in the blink of an eye, and before you know it, you'll be sitting there wondering where your life went while you were stuck in neutral. You have no idea how much sheer, exhausting energy a relationship like this drains from you.