Depression or just a phase?

Taylor Smith3 said:I behave quite differently with men than I do with my family. For instance, there are things my sister would absolutely lose her mind over, yet if my boyfriend did the same, it might pass entirely unnoticed. It might sting, certainly, but I wouldn't make a scene; I would likely even find an excuse for him. In short, I am far more tolerant toward men than I am toward the rest of the world.

My current partner and I haven't been together very long, so he probably doesn't have a fully formed view of how I handle these specific issues. He describes me as being difficult, though he doesn't see me as someone who is constantly looking for a fight. Regarding this situation with my friend, he completely takes my side and doesn't think I'm overreacting just because I've asked about it a million times, even if he does tell me I'm being foolish or overcomplicating things and should just move on. Ultimately, he doesn't view me as an aggressive or high-strung person.

There, I managed one response before heading out; let me socialize in peace, as you can see I'm not going anywhere 😛

Fair enough. Now I'm curious about this "extra tolerance" you have for guys. Why is that?
Has it always been this way, or have there been specific guys where you couldn't let things slide?
If so, what was it about them?

One more thing: looking at all this talk about arguing, there's really only one downside: 'maybe the other person gets hurt.' It’s good that you can vent, see if they actually care, and then follow it up with some out-of-this-world makeup sex.
Is there anything else negative about it?

placidranger said:Fair enough. Now I'm curious about this "extra tolerance" you have for guys. Why is that?
Has it always been this way, or have there been specific guys where you couldn't let things slide?
If so, what was it about them?

One more thing: looking at all this talk about arguing, there's really only one downside: 'maybe the other person gets hurt.' It’s good that you can vent, see if they actually care, and then follow it up with some out-of-this-world makeup sex.
Is there anything else negative about it?

I suspect it stems from my lack of self-confidence (please don't ask me why 😬) and the fact that I spent a long time wanting a boyfriend, yet no one seemed interested—at least not the specific people I wanted. Eventually, I just grabbed onto my first boyfriend because I didn't want to let go, and I ended up swallowing a lot of nonsense. It was a similar story with the next one; even though I didn't have much patience for him, I still forgave various stupidities that I now regret. Back then, I lacked tolerance and would get angry over things very quickly, staying upset for days until he finally came to "beg for mercy," at which point I'd move past it, even though I think I consciously allowed myself to be mistreated in some instances. Nowadays, I overlook things because most of them are trivialities, and the guy I'm with now provides me with the most happiness I've ever had; I believe he doesn't deserve to be constantly messed with over nothing, and sometimes, it really is just nothing.

As for the downsides of arguing... hmm... perhaps it's the tendency for people to descend into a primitive state instead of resolving their disagreements through actual conversation.

Taylor Smith3 said:I suspect it stems from my lack of self-confidence (please don't ask me why 😬) and the fact that I spent a long time wanting a boyfriend, yet no one seemed interested—at least not the specific people I wanted. Eventually, I just grabbed onto my first boyfriend because I didn't want to let go, and I ended up swallowing a lot of nonsense. It was a similar story with the next one; even though I didn't have much patience for him, I still forgave various stupidities that I now regret. Back then, I lacked tolerance and would get angry over things very quickly, staying upset for days until he finally came to "beg for mercy," at which point I'd move past it, even though I think I consciously allowed myself to be mistreated in some instances. Nowadays, I overlook things because most of them are trivialities, and the guy I'm with now provides me with the most happiness I've ever had; I believe he doesn't deserve to be constantly messed with over nothing, and sometimes, it really is just nothing.

As for the downsides of arguing... hmm... perhaps it's the tendency for people to descend into a primitive state instead of resolving their disagreements through actual conversation.

Right. So you think being tolerant is fine if it's just stupid stuff, but bad if you let someone walk all over you.
What kind of things do you tolerate, and what's a dealbreaker?

The worst part about arguing... hmm... is when people descend into that primitive level instead of just talking through the disagreement.

Are there really no downsides to arguing? And is it always a bad thing to drop down to that "primitive level"—assuming that's even how you define it?

placidranger said:Right. So you think being tolerant is fine if it's just stupid stuff, but bad if you let someone walk all over you.
What kind of things do you tolerate, and what's a dealbreaker?

The worst part about arguing... hmm... is when people descend into that primitive level instead of just talking through the disagreement.

Are there really no downsides to arguing? And is it always a bad thing to drop down to that "primitive level"—assuming that's even how you define it?

It depends entirely on the timing and the specific relationship involved. It is a nuanced issue. I tend to dwell on these things quite extensively; no disagreement reaches a resolution without significant contemplation, analysis, and several conversations with various people.

placidranger said:Right. So you think being tolerant is fine if it's just stupid stuff, but bad if you let someone walk all over you.
What kind of things do you tolerate, and what's a dealbreaker?

The worst part about arguing... hmm... is when people descend into that primitive level instead of just talking through the disagreement.

Are there really no downsides to arguing? And is it always a bad thing to drop down to that "primitive level"—assuming that's even how you define it?

Personal insults. I believe they are.

I am being rather brief today, I realize, so please excuse me. I finally pinpointed the source of my current frustration during a conversation with another woman on a message board. While this is the immediate catalyst, the underlying issues still linger in the background.

fair enough, fair enough 👍