I'm too polite (old-school manners)

George Newman11 said:There’s definitely some frustration simmering under the surface here. You probably want to elevate yourself above the "common crowd," so you impose these rigid rules on yourself—only to resent anyone who doesn't follow them. It breeds frustration, obviously, but I suspect the root cause is the initial irritation that drove you to become "overly polite" in the first place.

It’s highly likely you lack sufficient self-confidence. If you actually had it, as someone who values decorum, you’d just ask people on the street to move or give them a quick lesson in etiquette. Instead, you swallow the resentment. That tells me you aren't secure in yourself or your own perspective.

If that's the case, don't sweat it; it can be fixed. This behavior suggests you subconsciously refuse to accept any sense of being "lesser," so you rebel by placing yourself on a pedestal above everyone else. You’re forcing yourself toward an impossible standard of perfection, which triggers these subconscious frustrations that are difficult to recognize. As a certain famous writer once noted, it's pure elitism.

P.S. I'm no psychologist, but I'm saying this because I went through something similar before I finally learned how to loosen up.

By the way, what do your friends think about all this?

Well, yes... just descend to the level of primitive behavior surrounding you 😵... acting as if you're somehow superior... honestly, it's embarrassing... have some shame... 🤣 one could practically die from the sheer frustration of it all (just an illustration here—not intended as a serious or malicious suggestion)

You just reminded me of something. I was walking along the sidewalk when some idiot parked just inches from a building entrance. It was winter—lots of snow and slush everywhere, and the only way to get to the curb was through a patch of mud. It wouldn't have even bothered me if he hadn't stepped out and started chatting right in front of his car, completely blocking the tiny bit of space he’d left for pedestrians. I approached slowly, waiting a few seconds to see if he’d budge, but then the old lady he was talking to gave me this look, like, "Ugh, move along, loser, can't you see we're being cool here?" She eventually started moving, but only reluctantly, and I just snapped. I walked straight over the hood of his car. He tried to make some threats at first, but once he realized I wasn't intimidated—that I was actually just itching to teach him a lesson—he started apologizing and scrambling to move the car.

So, look: be polite with the intellectuals, but be blunt with the idiots. You'll learn eventually. You might hesitate five times, wondering if you should wait for people to move, but the sixth time? You'll just push right through them.

Man, honestly, how lucky is your wife to have you by her side? It’s truly heartwarming stuff, really. But, if I’m being honest, sometimes there’s a certain kind of charm in being a total jerk, too.

The guy isn't doing anything wrong, yet you all jumped down his throat.🙄 We really shouldn't resort to extremes, but honestly, a little bit of basic decency and good manners wouldn't hurt anyone.
I truly believe that so much of what we label as "bad behavior" actually stems from a lack of upbringing and simple social etiquette; I witness it every single day, and frankly, it gets under my skin—whether it's something minor or something major. While some people might find these things annoying, they often just brush them off without giving them a second thought.
It drives me absolutely crazy when people push their way into a space, like a bus or a subway car, before letting those who are trying to exit get out first. It makes my blood boil when a crowd of teenagers sits slumped over in public transit while a pregnant woman, an elderly person, someone with a disability, or a parent with a small child is standing right next to them. I can't stand seeing people spit on the street, littering, smacking their lips while they eat, or having no idea how to use utensils properly—you know, the types who cut everything up into tiny bits and then shovel it in with a fork like toddlers, or hold a steak like it's some kind of weapon, or try to eat finger foods with their hands. Look, do whatever you want in your own home, but for heaven's sake, when you are out in public, please eat with some dignity! Or when people sprawl out across a sidewalk as if they’ve just liberated Denver, only to give you a blank, vacant stare when you politely ask them to move. Then there are the drivers who park their cars right on the sidewalk, leaving zero room for pedestrians, or block someone's driveway entirely—just general chaos and rudeness in traffic. And don't even get me started on people who dare to open my gate to let their pets into my yard, or fail to pick up after their dogs. Even when I walk into a shop or a building and offer a polite greeting, and the other person can't even muster a response... it's just exhausting. These are all unpleasant behaviors, and I feel like anyone with even a shred of class wouldn't act this way. Of course, I realize that someone who parks on a sidewalk because they were in a massive rush and had nowhere else to go isn't necessarily a bad person, nor is a kid who might need to sit down because they're feeling unwell or exhausted. There are situations where these things aren't tragic, but I see these lapses in judgment so frequently that I'm starting to think it's mostly just a fundamental lack of manners and upbringing. Or maybe I just have a different definition of "culture" than everyone else? Is it possible I'm conflating basic home training with social sophistication? I don't know...
But the absolute worst part of it all is that whenever I actually speak up to these people, *I* am the one who ends up looking rude and ill-mannered simply because I had the audacity to say something!

Nathan Kelly5 said:You just reminded me of something. I was walking along the sidewalk when some idiot parked just inches from a building entrance. It was winter—lots of snow and slush everywhere, and the only way to get to the curb was through a patch of mud. It wouldn't have even bothered me if he hadn't stepped out and started chatting right in front of his car, completely blocking the tiny bit of space he’d left for pedestrians. I approached slowly, waiting a few seconds to see if he’d budge, but then the old lady he was talking to gave me this look, like, "Ugh, move along, loser, can't you see we're being cool here?" She eventually started moving, but only reluctantly, and I just snapped. I walked straight over the hood of his car. He tried to make some threats at first, but once he realized I wasn't intimidated—that I was actually just itching to teach him a lesson—he started apologizing and scrambling to move the car.

So, look: be polite with the intellectuals, but be blunt with the idiots. You'll learn eventually. You might hesitate five times, wondering if you should wait for people to move, but the sixth time? You'll just push right through them.

Respect, man. I live by that same rule, works on those guys in BMWs too. 😉

Some people tell me I’m just too sensitive—that I expect far too much from others. Personally, I call it my "Why I Hate Stephanie" complex. Stephanie was this little girl who treated me with such blatant disrespect back when I was just a kid from a working-class family. She actually snatched a piece of food right out of my hands and tossed it onto the filthy floor! And since the floor was mostly covered in old jam, that spot was ruined forever. Years later, I remember reading how Hemingway touches on why buttered toast always seems to land face down. My best friend from my days in Stanleyville was Louis—he eventually moved away to New York City, and honestly, I can’t remember anything about him except his black hair, though that was back when I was maybe four years old. Stephanie was just that dominant, that overwhelming. There was also this other girl in our circle who used to sleep on a mattress on the floor with her mom. That whole apartment building was basically a battlefield, and I managed to leave it with about one and a half people on my side. I actually wrote an essay about Louis when I started school; the teacher expected us girls to write about our female friends, but he was the only one I had. I don't really recall what I wrote, but looking back, I think he had that classic, understated charm that made him such an easy subject for my stories. Maybe it was even something about his hair. As for Stephanie, she probably just leaves a bad taste in your mouth, at best. That's just the kind of person she was.

As for me, I’m currently eating watermelon cut into cubes because it’s just more practical that way. I’m not exactly a tech wizard, either. I once had an encounter with a total primitive who bumped into me with his car on a crosswalk; he just stood there cutting the air with his hand and chewing behind the glass while I dealt with the aftermath. Then yesterday, at the bank where the line wasn't moving at all, some guy tried to cut right ahead of everyone. The teller—who works in a place that doesn't even use a number system—called him out on it. He knew perfectly well that people were standing right next to him who had arrived before him; he totally acknowledged it. Meanwhile, the rest of us just stood there waiting for our turn. At one point, he looked at me—I think he actually felt awkward—and I just thought, *please, don't, you're making me feel sick.* Right before him, a woman stormed up to the same window after huffing and puffing in line for ages—her bangs were flying everywhere in the AC vent—and then once she got to the counter, she stayed there for forty-five minutes straight asking "this" and "that." Like, why were you sighing and complaining earlier if you weren't going to care about how long you were usurping a single miserable service window while everyone else behind you is losing their minds? And then people like that actually think they deserve respect. Honestly, I have more respect for a butcher who smells like his job than for people who leave a stench of entitlement on everything they touch.

Robert Martinez6 said:Ever had this dream of living in some refined, civilized utopia populated exclusively by decent people?🙄

I’m just too polite—too well-bred, really. In today’s world, that seems to be a liability, a fact I've learned the hard way.
My parents raised me this way, and frankly, I can't seem to shake it—even though part of me wishes I could.
For instance, if there's even a slight misunderstanding with a neighbor, my first instinct is to extend an olive branch—to check if *I* was the one in the wrong and offer them a drink to smooth things over.
I always greet acquaintances on the street, I always give up my seat on the subway, I actually use silverware (yes, even for watermelon), and I have a genuine distaste for any form of crudeness...
I was just heading down to the corner store. In those ten short minutes, I witnessed absolute chaos: people blocking the crosswalk while they chatted (forcing me to walk through the grass just to get past), some guy spitting right on the sidewalk, and some idiot flying through a red light and splashing pedestrians with a puddle...

The rude ones always seem to come out on top, but I simply don't have it in me to change...

The issue is you're living in Mexico, where most people are just arrogant jerks who think laws don't apply to them. That doesn't necessarily make it a bad thing, though. 😁

You're sitting here complaining about some idiot running a red light, but I've seen a hundred people in New York City jaywalking through red lights while cars are forced to sit there idling. 😂

I think that tells you everything you need to know about the local mindset. And like I said, it’s not all bad; at least Mexicans don't act like spineless sycophants in politics, groveling to foreign leaders the way our President and Prime Minister constantly do.

If you moved somewhere else, maybe you'd actually find a city with more sophisticated people. 😁

When you’re hanging out with decent people, it’s just common sense to act like one and keep the conversation classy
🙂
And honestly, showing a shred of respect for the people around you isn't exactly rocket science; it means not standing right in the middle of a sidewalk, not blocking an accessible entrance for someone in a wheelchair, and not screaming into your phone while you're packed into a subway car...

But since we live in a world where expecting basic manners feels like chasing some impossible utopia, I guess you have to learn how to speak other "languages"—different ways of handling things—which unfortunately sometimes includes the one language only the most primitive types seem to understand: raw, blunt force.

That guy’s influence is undeniable... I don't think anyone can actually dispute it.😛

Since our culture is already standing on such shaky ground anyway, it's pretty obvious who is going to "win"... or rather, prevail. I suppose the reality is that they are already in control; everyone else is just painting over the cracks while, until yesterday, they were still extinguishing lights with axes.😁 Honestly, mother, you have my respect.🙏

Which is why one should probably align with the winners quickly... everything cultured is bound to suffer.☕

Lawrence Bailey77 said:That guy’s influence is undeniable... I don't think anyone can actually dispute it.😛

Since our culture is already standing on such shaky ground anyway, it's pretty obvious who is going to "win"... or rather, prevail. I suppose the reality is that they are already in control; everyone else is just painting over the cracks while, until yesterday, they were still extinguishing lights with axes.😁 Honestly, mother, you have my respect.🙏

Which is why one should probably align with the winners quickly... everything cultured is bound to suffer.☕

Though the concept of culture can be defined through various lenses (various sciences and disciplines—anthropology, philosophy, history, ontology, psychology, etc.)

From its Latin roots (cultus—to cultivate or till), the term is mostly, and increasingly, used to denote 'culture of the mind,' in the sense of education and intellectual refinement.

And since that is the only thing separating us from other species (animals 😁), culture (both personal and social) simply cannot be destroyed.

It can only be built upon...

Susan Price30 said:Though the concept of culture can be defined through various lenses (various sciences and disciplines—anthropology, philosophy, history, ontology, psychology, etc.)

From its Latin roots (cultus—to cultivate or till), the term is mostly, and increasingly, used to denote 'culture of the mind,' in the sense of education and intellectual refinement.

And since that is the only thing separating us from other species (animals 😁), culture (both personal and social) simply cannot be destroyed.

It can only be built upon...

There is certainly a vast amount one can achieve... though I suppose it requires rigorous schooling, disciplined study, and actually using one's brain. Beyond that, if I may offer my humble opinion, one ought to feel something deeper than just a collection of rehearsed phrases and practiced motions.☕

Honestly, this constant use of the word "can" has become so incredibly worn out in the American vernacular that I almost find it uncouth—if you'll forgive my bluntness regarding such pedestrian language.

Anyway, thanks for the glimmer of hope, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c2VopBJiYGQ

Or more specifically:

When we talk about culture, we're referring to the entire collection of processes, shifts, and creations born from the material and spiritual efforts of human society... At its core, the fundamental purpose of culture should be to facilitate the preservation, continuity, and advancement of human civilization.

The reason some people, like hollowtrucker77, respond most effectively to the language of force is primarily because they come from environments where there was little to no progress to begin with...

Sometimes I used to wonder if I was losing my mind... but now, I’m certain I am.😉

I just want to see some sign of progress... even just a tiny bit of movement. Am I going blind from all this constant fighting and spitting at the walls? Because I can't see anything anymore. Please, I'm asking you, help me see.

We live in a society where being a victim is considered a disgrace... a culture where the primitive and the aggressive are actually celebrated and held up as ideals... a world where your worth is strictly tied to what you can pay.😁

To put it simply, we are living among people who can't tell the difference between genuine respect and mere intimidation. So, here is the question:

How does one even measure progress in a society built entirely on false values? I mean... it's a lie. Watch closely... because the very foundation of this society is a lie.

My old man once told me, "It only takes one person to tear down what ten worked to build"... but then that same person usually ends up kissing someone's ass afterward to stay on top. I suppose I can accept that bad things happen. I can accept that there are all sorts of broken people out there.

But I cannot accept being exploited, insulted, or abused. If you can somehow endure having that done to you, how on earth can you justify passing those same patterns down to your children? Why would anyone do that?

Karen Cook51 said:Look, being polite is great and all, but there’s a fine line between manners and just being extra. Chill out, man. 🙂

So, I gotta know—do you actually sit there using a knife and fork to eat stuff like Mars or Twix bars? 😁
And are you always this buttoned-up, or is this just a performance for the crowd?

Ha—only George Costanza would attempt something that absurd.🙏

Setting Sal aside for a moment.

The idea that there’s a lack of basic decorum in this part of the country—well, that’s old news at this point.

But then again, as others have pointed out, one shouldn't really lean into the extremes.🤷

Robert Martinez6 said:I don't have any answers for those provocative questions.
Quincy:

You think people on the street are primitives—based on nothing, really (like, imagine if someone didn't move out of your way).

You don't hold a conversation by standing right in the middle of the sidewalk and blocking everyone else from passing. Basic etiquette dictates you step to the side when you're talking.

gentlemaker79 said:You live in the States.

What you're describing is actually pretty standard everywhere else.😉

Since nothing is going to change in the next 50 years, maybe start planning your move out of here.

That was a lovely sentiment you shared there.

North American brother, the North America... what "etiquette" are we even talking about here? You'll just end up being labeled as some eccentric, schizo weirdo... or worse.

I’m not saying we shouldn't strive for better manners and higher standards of behavior.

But in these wilder parts of the world, you simply can't expect things to transform overnight. 🤷

Culture isn't going extinct, and it’s certainly not a sign of weakness
🙂
On the contrary, people tend to fall into this trap of thinking that "culture" or basic decency only exists when someone polite is present to buffer the rude ones, or when you're forced to tolerate the obnoxious
But that's not how it works; true decorum is actually about demanding—not asking, mind you, but demanding—that the rude individuals clear out and stop being an eyesore
Because at its core, etiquette is just a shared playbook for how to act when you're stuck sharing the same space with a bunch of other people

Given that we live in a society where we're effectively forced to inhabit the same crowded environments, learning how to behave isn't optional; it's a necessity
The only real question left is how long this learning curve is going to take, and whether we'll choose the path of least resistance or the hard way

hollowtrucker77 said:Culture isn't going extinct, and it’s certainly not a sign of weakness
🙂
On the contrary, people tend to fall into this trap of thinking that "culture" or basic decency only exists when someone polite is present to buffer the rude ones, or when you're forced to tolerate the obnoxious
But that's not how it works; true decorum is actually about demanding—not asking, mind you, but demanding—that the rude individuals clear out and stop being an eyesore
Because at its core, etiquette is just a shared playbook for how to act when you're stuck sharing the same space with a bunch of other people

Given that we live in a society where we're effectively forced to inhabit the same crowded environments, learning how to behave isn't optional; it's a necessity
The only real question left is how long this learning curve is going to take, and whether we'll choose the path of least resistance or the hard way

God... honestly, I always just sidestep people who decide to park themselves right in the middle of a hallway or a walkway.
I don't know if that counts as bad manners; maybe I'm just uncivilized. I'll just give them a quick kiss on the cheek and move on.😠

I find that people generally have a rather unpleasant odor... yet I feel terribly awkward about suggesting they take a shower. I suppose I’m just an ill-mannered individual for even thinking such things in this society.🤷

Lawrence Bailey77 said:I find that people generally have a rather unpleasant odor... yet I feel terribly awkward about suggesting they take a shower. I suppose I’m just an ill-mannered individual for even thinking such things in this society.🤷

Oh, absolutely. That is such an awkward situation. Honestly, this might be a bit off-topic, but I just had to weigh in.
There is simply no way I could ever tell someone they have body odor. Good grief, the sheer social anxiety of it all.😢

I get him, more or less. This whole watermelon smashing thing is just ridiculous 🤣
Sometimes I eat a slice of pizza with a fork and knife if I'm at home—otherwise, I just end up making a mess with crumbs everywhere. Pure practicality, really. 😬
But seriously.
It drives me absolutely insane when people yell into their phones in movie theaters, bookstores, or basically any public space. People who scream in the street, or those hysterical laughers and whisperers. People who play games everywhere, or park right in the middle of a crosswalk while others are waiting for the light to change. Or folks who insist on walking down bike lanes without ever stepping aside for cyclists, or standing on the left side of the escalator and refusing to move over for anyone in a hurry—which is basic etiquette in most places. Then there are the people shamelessly eating junk food on the subway inches from my face, dropping crumbs on me and shoving food toward my nose. People who won't take off their backpacks on public transit, or those who cough all over everyone else without even covering their mouths. Smokers who can't afford a pack of gum and end up smelling like a wet ashtray from five feet away. People who just act like jerks everywhere they go and think they're the center of the universe, etc., etc...
Unfortunately, I think you find this stuff everywhere, so it might not be worth getting worked up about. Just relax and grab a slice. ☕

In a world that tries to force-feed us these twisted versions of equality and political correctness, maintaining basic manners is actually a way to fight back—it’s a genuine spark for rebellious thought.