#21 ·
coastalcrane55 said:Hey there. I’m curious to see what you guys think about this.
When I was 13, I was staying at a friend's place for summer vacation. We met some guys and hung out with them, even though I wasn't really interested in boys or romance back then. One of them definitely showed interest in me, but I just wasn't feeling it. He kept pushing for things like holding hands and trying to make some kind of connection, and eventually, my friend talked me into becoming his girlfriend because she already had boyfriends and thought it would be cool, you know? 🙄
That’s how my first kiss happened, and honestly, I didn't want anything beyond that.
We ended up being alone together a few times, and every single time he would touch me and try to get me to touch him, too. I didn't really know how to react since that kind of stuff wasn't even on my radar yet. One time he actually tried to have sex with me, but I started fighting him off, so he stopped.
One evening, my friend and I were hanging out alone on her patio, found some beer and wine, and decided to drink. (Again, I'll mention that she was the popular one, and I was just this pathetic, easily influenced kid who didn't know how to say no)
It was the very first time I'd ever tasted alcohol, and it didn't take much for me to get drunk.
I remember that guy just sort of appeared out of nowhere, we laughed, and then we went over to a bench nearby in the dark. Anyway, we had sex. My memory of it is pretty blurry, and I only really figured out what happened from what people told me the next day.
The guy was 15 at the time.
I once mentioned this to someone, and they just told me, "Well, it's your own fault." Am I really to blame? Was that abuse?
I struggle with anxiety and depression, and I won't lie, I've been pretty promiscuous. I'm 18 now and I've slept with more than ten people. I've also dealt with bulimia and anorexia.
Could these things be consequences of what happened?
I hope someone can find the time to read this and give me some kind of answer. Thanks. 🙂
Look, sorry, but I don't get why you're framing this now like it's some insurmountable trauma. You had sex at 13; okay, whatever. Even if you resisted at the moment or gave in or something, it doesn't matter.
Basically, I think you're dwelling on this for no reason. Even if it was a mistake like you say, hey, don't sweat it—there'll be plenty more mistakes, life isn't perfect. That's kind of the whole point. 😉
As for the depression, I don't know what to tell you. It’s hard to meet anyone these days who isn't (a little) depressed anyway, so... it'll pass. 😉