Help... Is this depression? Should I stay or should I walk? :(

4:06 AM. I've been Googling for five or six hours, searching for any shred of a lead that might pull me out of this current situation...
First, hello to everyone. I am new here. My apologies for starting a new thread; I tried responding to an existing one, but for various reasons, I couldn't get past the gatekeeper and kept getting looped back to the start...
However, reading the comments regarding depression—specifically the possibility of recovery—gave me a glimmer of hope...
To be clear, this isn't about me. It is about a man I love with everything I am...
We have been together for eight months, a relationship that held immense promise. We had to maintain a long-distance dynamic by circumstance, though we were physically together whenever possible... we spent every day building a life together, planning our future, knowing we were inseparable. He proposed during a vacation we shared... he truly is the man of my dreams. His understanding, his tenderness, his patience, and the way he fights for us... all those days counted, the waiting, the trust we built...
Since we decided to commit to a life together, and because he lives and works in a much more stable country, we agreed that I would leave my precarious job and move to him... we planned to take things step by step, from language lessons to finding work, navigating the bureaucracy required to stay together...
We counted down the days... and exactly three weeks ago, I arrived...!!
He was my person. That incomparable feeling of being held by someone you know loves you unconditionally...
In his house, I found so many little traces of our life that he had carefully kept on display... we couldn't have been happier... but...
That happiness lasted maybe two or three days...
I caught a bad case of tonsillitis during the first week, so the house was a chaotic mess with his relatives coming over to meet me. Meanwhile, I started noticing a shift in him...
Since I know him intimately and we are best friends above all else, I asked him what was happening. He told me he just wasn't feeling well—that he felt confused. Hoping it was temporary, I let it go...
My illness passed, but the atmosphere in the house only worsens...
We talk, but he has started avoiding me. When I try to kiss him, he turns his head away. A few days ago, he pushed me away so forcefully that I am now actually afraid to approach him... afraid of how he will react...
During our conversations, he has said things that left me speechless. Statements like, "I love you, I feel you in my soul... but it feels like someone ripped you out of me. I don't have that intense connection I had all this time. Physically, I am attracted to you—very attracted—but I don't want to make love to you without that spark, because then it would just feel like casual sex, and that's not what I want with you. It's like I'm split in two; one part wants you desperately, the other pulls me away from you..." Looking at his pale, indifferent gaze, I cannot recognize the man who has become my entire world...
It isn't anyone else. I've checked his phone. He comes straight home from work, doesn't spend time on the computer, and leaves his phone on the table. There are zero signs of another woman, and I trust him. I know him, just not like this...
He withdraws into himself. He is always tired. When I reach for his hand, he pulls it away...
I have tried everything. First, I tried sleeping in the other room, but he came to me and begged me to come back to our bed. In fact, every night when he goes to sleep, I feel the urge to join him. When we lie down together, he pulls me close, puts my head on his shoulder, and holds my hand... he falls asleep, while I lie there struggling.
He heads to work in the morning and, breaking all his usual habits, stops texting me entirely. When I asked him why, he claimed he spends his whole shift thinking about me, but that he’s just desperately trying to force himself to feel that spark again—the one he feels he's lost.
I tried packing my bags, though deep down I know I don't want to. I love him. He came to me, begging me to unpack, insisting he can't let me go.
Through tears, he tried to explain this void he's feeling, how much he misses the intense connection we once had. He broke down like a child, admitting he's terrified that the feeling might never return.
He’s haunted by this internal split: one part of him craves solitude, while the other part refuses to let me leave.
The engagement ring is still on his finger. My photo is his phone lock screen, and our vacation picture is his desktop background. He even wears the necklace I gave him during our trip. It’s just that, mentally, he isn't really "there" anymore.
I attempted to take the ring off. He came to me, calm as always, no aggression. We sat on the floor, and I sobbed like a child because I feel like I'm losing my mind. He simply put the ring back on my finger and told me that this is where he belongs.
He keeps repeating the same thing: "I stand by everything I promised you, but in this state, I can't fulfill those promises. If you think it will be easier, then walk away... but that isn't what I want. I am not your enemy. I understand your pain, which makes this harder. I don't want to hurt you." It's exhausting. He used to be so attuned to me; if I was even slightly upset, he’d spend hours talking me through it. Now, he can watch me fall apart for hours and just stare. He knows I'm drowning, yet he seems powerless to change anything besides watching us drift day by day.

I am completely disoriented. I feel wretched. It is a surreal, agonizing experience to go from being the most loved woman in the world to feeling utterly alone overnight. It makes no sense. He has told me a hundred times, "This isn't about you. You are the kind of woman any man would be lucky to have, but I just don't know what is happening to me."
I've withdrawn. Even when he's right there, I stay quiet because it hurts too much when he says he feels like he's been hollowed out. It hurts when he calls me by my name; he used to call me his everything, his goddess, his soul. It hurts when I can't hug him because he feels uncomfortable. It hurts when he tells me he fears this will last forever. It hurts knowing that when he comes home from work, that magic is gone. It hurts when he says, "I love you, but I don't know what's happening to me." It hurts to look at him and see no smile, no light in his eyes. It hurts because there's nothing left to talk about except this shadow hanging over us.

😢 (God... I've only been here three weeks. And for fifteen of those days, it's been like this. I love him. I would do anything to get that feeling back, because I know we are perfect together. I know how it feels to love with that absolute intensity—the intensity he lost in a heartbeat.)
It kills me when his alarm goes off in the morning. No matter how heavy our conversation was the night before, he still kisses my hair every single morning. But then he comes home from work, and it's like he's being driven away from me by some invisible force.
I'm lost. I don't know how to act or how to handle this. I know I'm giving in to my tears, which isn't like me. I know I need him. I can't imagine life without him. Despite the effort, the anger, the disappointment, and the endless tears, I just cannot face the reality of leaving.
Judging by his behavior, I suspect he’s spiraling into depression. I’ve read similar stories here where I see myself reflected in others, yet I am completely lost on how to handle this. I don't know what to do. I would do anything just to reach the moment where he holds me again, so we can face this together—living out those plans and dreams we both prepared for.

Please, I need help—whether it's advice or just some empathy. I have never felt this low in my life. I have no one to turn to with all this weight I'm carrying while living here in the Netherlands, specifically in Amsterdam. I've been here about twenty days, spending every single day praying to God that my man wakes up from this nightmare and breaks free from this vicious cycle.

Forgive the length of this post. I am simply overwhelmed by sadness, loneliness, and worry.😢(((

Dear placidpilot10, he is simply an incompetent man incapable of sustaining a healthy relationship. He is addicted to intense, infantile emotions. He functions perfectly in "relationships" that aren't even real; you essentially see him just enough to maintain a certain "high." Of course, it’s all just a series of "highs" delivered via phone or the internet.
The issue here is that you, too, are currently playing that part when you are with him. I know exactly what I am talking about. I once had a long-term "relationship" filled with those same "highs" with someone just like him. I truly hope it takes you less time than it took me to detach yourself and finally see clearly. To start calling things by their real names.
Do not comfort yourself by blaming his depression. While he likely deals with a certain amount of depression, it is probably just enough to serve as a tool for manipulation.
As for the other woman, if she isn't there right now, you can be 100% certain she will be eventually. (After all, he cannot survive without those "highs.")
Your priority should be fixing yourself so that, as soon as possible, this stops affecting you.
It would be ideal if you could return to your actual life, to your unstable job and such, but unfortunately, I doubt you will.
There is another option: if you intended to stay there and live, then again: call things by their real names and exploit that pathetic fool. 👍(I am being serious.)

Dear Linda Bishop4, thank you for your patience and for taking the time to read through my dilemma...
Returning to work isn't an option; everything was settled months before I even arrived.
I was granted a three-month visa, expiring February 2nd, which we intended to extend for another three months. During that window, I was supposed to learn enough language to pass the exam at the Dutch Consulate so we could submit our application for permanent residency...
I feel hopeless. It's as if my true self is asleep, and I can't figure out how to wake her up. Deep down, I feel his love, and I can tell he’s struggling through this too. I have no idea how to act or what to think. All I know right now is that the ground is slipping away from beneath me.😢(

I’ve sat through so many conversations where people just leave me completely speechless... hearing things like, "I love you, I feel you in my soul... deep in my heart... but it's like someone ripped you out of me. That incredible spark I had all this time? It's gone. You're physically attractive—believe me, I'm drawn to you—but I don't want to be intimate with you without that connection. Without it, it feels like nothing more than hollow sex, and that's just not what I want with you..." It's like I've split into two different people , one side of me craves you intensely... while the other part is pushing me away." Looking into those pale, empty eyes, seeing that total lack of interest... I just can't recognize the man who used to be my entire world anymore.

Just pack your bags and head home...😲
The guy is clearly battling himself, and honestly, who knows how deep this rabbit hole goes or what kind of mess he's actually tangled himself in. When you were long-distance, everything worked perfectly fine! But the second you're together in person, the intimacy hits a wall—it's a constant tug-of-war of "I want to, but I don't." Once you find out exactly what his deal is... well, you'll be left picking up the pieces.

He's being haunted by this sense of being torn in two; one part of him wants to be alone... while the other part wants me to stay right here...

That doesn't really sound like clinical depression to me...

Honey, bite the bullet and just ask him straight up: what does HE actually want from you???

Look, he’s not necessarily a jerk or some total loser incapable of a real relationship—unless he actually doesn't love her.
Or maybe he just doesn't love her anymore... 🤷
The way I see it? He's definitely not feeling the love. Period.
But he's almost certainly feeling guilty, or like he owes her something...

Honey, sorry if I'm being blunt here—I just don't want you living in a fantasy world.
Focus on yourself.
Get back to your own life.
Put that energy into you.
Throw yourself into your job—even if it's a bit shaky right now—your future, and most importantly, your own emotional independence.
Don't go looking for validation for your fears when you already know the truth deep down.
Just try to make the best out of the reality you're facing.
Don't play the victim; value yourself and do the work.
It's really not the end of the world... 🙂

I mean, what exactly are you expecting from an eight-month long-distance relationship?
Are you anticipating some sudden transformation into eternal love and a perfect marriage just because you spent twenty days living together?
The truth is, neither of you truly knows the other yet. Please don't be angry with me, but it's simply the reality of the situation.

Bradley Wood3 said:Look, he’s not necessarily a jerk or some total loser incapable of a real relationship—unless he actually doesn't love her.
Or maybe he just doesn't love her anymore... 🤷
The way I see it? He's definitely not feeling the love. Period.
But he's almost certainly feeling guilty, or like he owes her something...

Honey, sorry if I'm being blunt here—I just don't want you living in a fantasy world.
Focus on yourself.
Get back to your own life.
Put that energy into you.
Throw yourself into your job—even if it's a bit shaky right now—your future, and most importantly, your own emotional independence.
Don't go looking for validation for your fears when you already know the truth deep down.
Just try to make the best out of the reality you're facing.
Don't play the victim; value yourself and do the work.
It's really not the end of the world... 🙂

Not quite.

He’s a jerk, sure, but he’s also a total manipulator because he leans on that whole tired trope about being a "lost soul" who just needs to find himself—or maybe he won't, or maybe he'll stay lost forever, blah, blah, blah...

She, on the other hand, is terrifyingly submissive in these desperate attempts—these pathetic hopes—that she can somehow be the one to "awaken" the man who loves her. And let me tell you, I’d bet anything that this version of him only pops up briefly whenever she gets a sudden, irrational urge to humiliate herself, or when she actually starts seriously considering walking away. I’d wager he knows full well that coming back to her isn't easy or simple, for purely existential reasons—it's got all the hallmarks of a situation where she'll struggle to find a decent job or build a stable life back home—which, frankly, is just a godsend for him to keep manipulating her for a little longer.

It’s such a textbook manipulative setup; honestly, it's almost predictable.

Nicholas King said:Not quite.

He’s a jerk, sure, but he’s also a total manipulator because he leans on that whole tired trope about being a "lost soul" who just needs to find himself—or maybe he won't, or maybe he'll stay lost forever, blah, blah, blah...

She, on the other hand, is terrifyingly submissive in these desperate attempts—these pathetic hopes—that she can somehow be the one to "awaken" the man who loves her. And let me tell you, I’d bet anything that this version of him only pops up briefly whenever she gets a sudden, irrational urge to humiliate herself, or when she actually starts seriously considering walking away. I’d wager he knows full well that coming back to her isn't easy or simple, for purely existential reasons—it's got all the hallmarks of a situation where she'll struggle to find a decent job or build a stable life back home—which, frankly, is just a godsend for him to keep manipulating her for a little longer.

It’s such a textbook manipulative setup; honestly, it's almost predictable.

Personally, I'm more inclined to believe he's just terrified of facing certain truths. 🤷
I mean, who would stay in a relationship like that intentionally and maliciously, when it's obvious he isn't happy either?
If this were actual manipulation, he wouldn't have told her everything he did.
To me, this looks like a guy who's too scared to look reality in the eye.
Not exactly a rare phenomenon, either.
A ton of people just don't have the guts to say "goodbye" when the time actually comes.
They'd rather lie to themselves...

placidpilot10 said:Dear Linda Bishop4, thank you for your patience and for taking the time to read through my dilemma...
Returning to work isn't an option; everything was settled months before I even arrived.
I was granted a three-month visa, expiring February 2nd, which we intended to extend for another three months. During that window, I was supposed to learn enough language to pass the exam at the Dutch Consulate so we could submit our application for permanent residency...
I feel hopeless. It's as if my true self is asleep, and I can't figure out how to wake her up. Deep down, I feel his love, and I can tell he’s struggling through this too. I have no idea how to act or what to think. All I know right now is that the ground is slipping away from beneath me.😢(

You will find another job sooner or later; that is truly inconsequential right now. Your real life—that is what matters. Return to it. Abandon the illusions and fantasies that have taken hold of you.
That feeling deep inside you regarding his intentions speaks only to your own desires and longings, and tells you little to nothing about reality.

Nicholas King said:Not quite.

He’s a jerk, sure, but he’s also a total manipulator because he leans on that whole tired trope about being a "lost soul" who just needs to find himself—or maybe he won't, or maybe he'll stay lost forever, blah, blah, blah...

She, on the other hand, is terrifyingly submissive in these desperate attempts—these pathetic hopes—that she can somehow be the one to "awaken" the man who loves her. And let me tell you, I’d bet anything that this version of him only pops up briefly whenever she gets a sudden, irrational urge to humiliate herself, or when she actually starts seriously considering walking away. I’d wager he knows full well that coming back to her isn't easy or simple, for purely existential reasons—it's got all the hallmarks of a situation where she'll struggle to find a decent job or build a stable life back home—which, frankly, is just a godsend for him to keep manipulating her for a little longer.

It’s such a textbook manipulative setup; honestly, it's almost predictable.

Nicholas King, you hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I speak from experience.
placidpilot10, even when he moves on to the next woman (if he hasn't already), he will still insist that everything he told you remains true, but right now, he simply 🙂
placidpilot10, wake up!!

Bradley Wood3 said:Personally, I'm more inclined to believe he's just terrified of facing certain truths. 🤷
I mean, who would stay in a relationship like that intentionally and maliciously, when it's obvious he isn't happy either?
If this were actual manipulation, he wouldn't have told her everything he did.
To me, this looks like a guy who's too scared to look reality in the eye.
Not exactly a rare phenomenon, either.
A ton of people just don't have the guts to say "goodbye" when the time actually comes.
They'd rather lie to themselves...

Happiness is subjective. For some, it requires drama, sentimentality, and manipulation—what placidpilot10 calls those "peak emotions" found in long-distance affairs. Some people simply cannot function without that fix.

If this were actual manipulation, he wouldn't have been so honest with her.

Oh, he would!

To me, this looks like a man who is afraid to face the truth.
It’s a common enough phenomenon.

Exactly. The truth in his case is simple: if she hadn't actually arrived, he would still be chasing those "peak emotions." He is addicted to the illusion of intensity. He lacks the capacity to love a woman in a real, lived-in reality. Or at least, as previously noted, he cannot do it with her. And for her, that is the bottom line.

A vast number of people lack the strength to say "Goodbye" when the time comes.
They prefer to lie to themselves...

God, I hope you're right and that's all there is to it. Personally, it feels like he might actually enjoy seeing her in this state, and he has no intention of letting go of that power.

Fine. We can debate the motivations and the "why" indefinitely based on our own individual experiences. But from what I can see, we all seem to agree on one point: it is undeniably clear that she is miserable with him.

Linda Bishop4 said:Nicholas King, you hit the nail on the head. Unfortunately, or fortunately, I speak from experience.
placidpilot10, even when he moves on to the next woman (if he hasn't already), he will still insist that everything he told you remains true, but right now, he simply 🙂
placidpilot10, wake up!!

I have just one question:
Why on earth would someone fly a woman all the way from America to the Netherlands if they genuinely find her attractive but don't actually know her—aside from maybe a single romantic getaway? Why bring her there just to cheat or play games, when he could live his life as a free man in his own city and meet whoever he wants, especially with the world-famous nightlife in Amsterdam right there? Beyond that, what kind of maniac falls in love with someone else in just twenty days? Especially after getting engaged and intentionally bringing a woman from another country to meet his family?
My take is that this guy isn't just a manipulator; he’s completely unhinged. He's truly unstable.
This wasn't some casual fling, like a quick trip from Chicago to New York. You don't fly someone halfway across the world and introduce them to your entire family unless you're planning to use psychological manipulation over the next three weeks just to say goodbye.

Adam Miller46 said:I have just one question:
Why on earth would someone fly a woman all the way from America to the Netherlands if they genuinely find her attractive but don't actually know her—aside from maybe a single romantic getaway? Why bring her there just to cheat or play games, when he could live his life as a free man in his own city and meet whoever he wants, especially with the world-famous nightlife in Amsterdam right there? Beyond that, what kind of maniac falls in love with someone else in just twenty days? Especially after getting engaged and intentionally bringing a woman from another country to meet his family?
My take is that this guy isn't just a manipulator; he’s completely unhinged. He's truly unstable.
This wasn't some casual fling, like a quick trip from Chicago to New York. You don't fly someone halfway across the world and introduce them to your entire family unless you're planning to use psychological manipulation over the next three weeks just to say goodbye.

That distance—or perhaps just a different form of unavailability—is a critical factor in manufacturing and maintaining those "peak feelings." A person like that wouldn't even bother falling for a girl next door.
Cheating isn't the goal. Sex isn't the point. They don't care about hookups. For people like this, sex is secondary. He is simply addicted to the "high" of intense emotions. Cheating becomes inevitable as his current partner becomes more familiar and ordinary. Of course, it serves him well that she clings to him; he needs that "peak feeling" to survive.

Their "relationship" has lasted eight months. My estimate is that he probably doesn't have another full-blown partner right now—maybe some online flirting—but he will soon. Now that she is there, the "peak feelings" are gone. These types of relationships can last years, but only if they never actually attempt life together.

People get engaged and then fall for someone else, or they get engaged while already being in love with someone else. It happens quite frequently.

The guy is definitely mentally unstable. But her problem is staying in a relationship like this instead of setting boundaries and packing her bags. If she doesn't, he'll just come back with more sweet talk and empty promises, and she'll go right back to the same cycle.

He doesn't want to say goodbye to her. That is exactly what I fear.

So, here’s the short version—a few days ago I just completely hit a wall and decided I needed to go talk to my doctor to figure out what the hell to do
My oldest daughter basically blew up her life—dropped out of school, ended up pregnant, and honestly, things are looking pretty grim right now. It’s just been way too much for me to carry on my own. I actually have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow for an evaluation based on the referral code they gave me: REACTIO PSICHOGENES.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar? And does anyone actually know what that diagnosis even means? It isn't set in stone since I haven't seen the specialist yet, but still...

Jeremy Martinez8 said:So, here’s the short version—a few days ago I just completely hit a wall and decided I needed to go talk to my doctor to figure out what the hell to do
My oldest daughter basically blew up her life—dropped out of school, ended up pregnant, and honestly, things are looking pretty grim right now. It’s just been way too much for me to carry on my own. I actually have an appointment with a psychiatrist tomorrow for an evaluation based on the referral code they gave me: REACTIO PSICHOGENES.
I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has dealt with something similar? And does anyone actually know what that diagnosis even means? It isn't set in stone since I haven't seen the specialist yet, but still...

And how exactly does this relate to the topic at hand?😕

Look, I'm just asking questions here—and hey, if I've totally missed the mark, then mods, feel free to move my post wherever you want, I don't care

I’m honestly just looking for some actual advice, not a lecture from some "genius" who’s only hanging around because they love the sound of their own voice

Linda Bishop4 said:That distance—or perhaps just a different form of unavailability—is a critical factor in manufacturing and maintaining those "peak feelings." A person like that wouldn't even bother falling for a girl next door.
Cheating isn't the goal. Sex isn't the point. They don't care about hookups. For people like this, sex is secondary. He is simply addicted to the "high" of intense emotions. Cheating becomes inevitable as his current partner becomes more familiar and ordinary. Of course, it serves him well that she clings to him; he needs that "peak feeling" to survive.

Their "relationship" has lasted eight months. My estimate is that he probably doesn't have another full-blown partner right now—maybe some online flirting—but he will soon. Now that she is there, the "peak feelings" are gone. These types of relationships can last years, but only if they never actually attempt life together.

People get engaged and then fall for someone else, or they get engaged while already being in love with someone else. It happens quite frequently.

The guy is definitely mentally unstable. But her problem is staying in a relationship like this instead of setting boundaries and packing her bags. If she doesn't, he'll just come back with more sweet talk and empty promises, and she'll go right back to the same cycle.

He doesn't want to say goodbye to her. That is exactly what I fear.

What exactly are you basing these conclusions on?
We know absolutely nothing about this man other than how he's acted over the last twenty days.
Where did you get the idea that he can't fall for someone local, or that he only liked her while she was some unavailable online fantasy? You're suggesting that now that she's becoming more accessible and real, he'll start cheating with someone in town who—miraculously—is both available and exciting at the same time... 😕 ....It doesn't follow.
I prefer to assume we are dealing with somewhat normal people here, rather than internet addicts or teenagers stuck in a permanent state of adolescent fantasy.

Linda Bishop4 said:That distance—or perhaps just a different form of unavailability—is a critical factor in manufacturing and maintaining those "peak feelings." A person like that wouldn't even bother falling for a girl next door.
Cheating isn't the goal. Sex isn't the point. They don't care about hookups. For people like this, sex is secondary. He is simply addicted to the "high" of intense emotions. Cheating becomes inevitable as his current partner becomes more familiar and ordinary. Of course, it serves him well that she clings to him; he needs that "peak feeling" to survive.

Their "relationship" has lasted eight months. My estimate is that he probably doesn't have another full-blown partner right now—maybe some online flirting—but he will soon. Now that she is there, the "peak feelings" are gone. These types of relationships can last years, but only if they never actually attempt life together.

People get engaged and then fall for someone else, or they get engaged while already being in love with someone else. It happens quite frequently.

The guy is definitely mentally unstable. But her problem is staying in a relationship like this instead of setting boundaries and packing her bags. If she doesn't, he'll just come back with more sweet talk and empty promises, and she'll go right back to the same cycle.

He doesn't want to say goodbye to her. That is exactly what I fear.

I would argue that's the exception rather than the rule, and those cases aren't exactly healthy...
Besides, mature adults don't just fall in and out of love constantly based on nonsense like children do.

Regarding the gentleman mentioned in the opening post, I honestly first suspected an attachment disorder due to his patterns of ambivalence—that constant cycle of pulling closer then pushing away. He even seeks that fetal-like comfort in bed... though upon reflection, perhaps it's just a reaction to extreme stress.
He doesn't truly know his partner; she isn't a staple of his daily routine. While he enjoys her company and sees potential for life together, their intense feelings lack any grounding in physical, everyday reality, aside from that one annual vacation. He hasn't interacted with her as a living, breathing person for months, and suddenly, one day, she moves in.
That can be quite a shock to the system. Especially if he has been living entirely alone up until this point.
To make matters worse, she falls ill right at the same time a swarm of visiting relatives descends on the house—people he likely hasn't seen in ages. He has to manage the hosting duties while trying to care for her recovery. It is not easy.
And amidst all this chaos, he hasn't even had the chance to actually bond with her. They haven't moved past being digital "holograms" to being actual human beings, unlike during that one trip. This is why I considered a borderline diagnosis; he needs to reconnect with the person and the feeling. But I could be completely wrong.🤷
Perhaps he should consult a specialist.🙂

I have no information regarding the user "alexandrinha." There is no content provided to rewrite. kaže:
What exactly are you basing your conclusions on?

It comes down to her claims, my own observations, and what I’ve seen from others in similar situations. Honestly, how else is one supposed to evaluate the truth?
Of course, I could be wrong. I am open to anyone who arrives with different experiences, whether they are their own or those they have gathered from others.

It’s only a matter of time before the infidelity begins. He will end up with someone from the city. Someone who, quite surprisingly, will be both accessible to him and actually interesting at the same time....

I never actually said that. On the contrary, I suspect it’s far more likely to be a scam—probably playing out through some online correspondence or similar nonsense.

It isn't about the internet addicts, the delusional fantasizers, the cheapskates, or that adolescent mindset.

I didn't say any of that. I specifically said he’s an addict for "peak sensations." Sex is secondary to him, not that he's actually horny. Looks don't matter here; they could be anything.

I would argue that we are looking at exceptions rather than the rule here. Even those specific instances aren't exactly standard.

I have seen plenty of such "exceptions" firsthand. You can find them in the export industry, and you can find them right here on this forum or over on the Life Together boards.

I’m no expert, but I dropped by to say🙂

Adam Miller46, I'm right there with you. Moving from casual Skype calls to sharing a roof overnight is a massive leap—it's a huge shift to make all at once. Things might have moved just a little too fast for both of them.
Honestly, if he weren't dealing with his own current situation, she might have already retreated into her shell after three days of living together—you know, that feeling where you see him leave the toothpaste cap off or just be generally messy and immediately think, "Oh no, I made a huge mistake." Maybe he’s also feeling this intense pressure to make everything perfect, feeling like the weight of her happiness is on his shoulders. Even when you love someone, that kind of pressure can totally backfire.

It takes time for the dust to settle. The main thing is to keep talking through it—don't let that connection slip, stay close, and whatever you do, don't become enemies.