#41 ·
Honestly, my biggest headache—the thing that really messes with my head—is dating. I just get bored with girls way too fast. It’s like I hit a wall almost immediately.
I’m pretty convinced it isn’t about failing to find "the one" or whatever. That whole concept doesn't even make sense to me.
The only time I was ever actually, truly obsessed with someone was when she was playing games with me. Leading me on, keeping me on a short leash, feeding me just enough attention to keep me hooked while treating me like an afterthought. That was the only time I felt "crazy" for someone.
The real problem is how I end up sabotaging every single relationship with some stupid mistake. I’ll have this massive outpouring of emotion, totally lose myself in it, and then the next day, I’ll say something shitty just to kill the vibe. Then I catch myself wondering if I ever actually cared about her in the first place... and that's when the panic sets in. Am I just playing her? Is this all a lie? Then the guilt kicks in... and it’s just the same damn cycle over and over.
Talking it out with women who actually get what I'm going through helps. It lets the steam out, and after we talk, I feel okay for a minute. Free. Like I can actually feel something again.
But still, some things are just hard to stomach. I don't know. My brain won't shut up—it's constantly running, never stopping for a second.
Maybe I’m just too young to be dealing with this much baggage. But then I meet someone incredible—someone older, more grounded, actually ready for something real—and I find myself pushing them away. Just like they do to me. And then, fuck, it’s so hard not to just wreck everything, and I don't even know why I do it.
I’m pretty convinced it isn’t about failing to find "the one" or whatever. That whole concept doesn't even make sense to me.
The only time I was ever actually, truly obsessed with someone was when she was playing games with me. Leading me on, keeping me on a short leash, feeding me just enough attention to keep me hooked while treating me like an afterthought. That was the only time I felt "crazy" for someone.
The real problem is how I end up sabotaging every single relationship with some stupid mistake. I’ll have this massive outpouring of emotion, totally lose myself in it, and then the next day, I’ll say something shitty just to kill the vibe. Then I catch myself wondering if I ever actually cared about her in the first place... and that's when the panic sets in. Am I just playing her? Is this all a lie? Then the guilt kicks in... and it’s just the same damn cycle over and over.
Talking it out with women who actually get what I'm going through helps. It lets the steam out, and after we talk, I feel okay for a minute. Free. Like I can actually feel something again.
But still, some things are just hard to stomach. I don't know. My brain won't shut up—it's constantly running, never stopping for a second.
Maybe I’m just too young to be dealing with this much baggage. But then I meet someone incredible—someone older, more grounded, actually ready for something real—and I find myself pushing them away. Just like they do to me. And then, fuck, it’s so hard not to just wreck everything, and I don't even know why I do it.