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How crazy am I, really?

Started by Eric Collins5 · · 👁 2 views · 65 replies

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Participants Eric Collins5wiredfox152Amanda Robinson3hollowdriver18restlesspanther11dustypilot11Donna Lopez4William Evans3wearyotter81rapidnomad8dustymaker
Eric Collins5 Eric Collins5 Active MemberOP
91 messages
joined Mar 2013
#1 ·
Alright, here is a transcript of an article I wrote for Reddit regarding my attitude toward physical objects and memories.

Quincy:
I purge absolutely everything:

My call log on my phone—(daily, multiple times a day, including texts and calls).

Text messages—(immediately after reading them; plus, I have my settings configured so it never saves my sent messages or even displays read receipts).

Unknown numbers that have called me.

Honestly, I can’t wait until I haven't heard from someone who has my number—but whom I don't want having it—long enough that I can finally delete them from my device. Perhaps it's just a subconscious hope that they’ve done the exact same thing.

Browser history on my computer—I click through it repeatedly to ensure every single trace is wiped (multiple times a day).

Emails and photos I’ve glanced at once that won't be needed again (actually, I'm just waiting for the moment they cease being useful so I can delete them).

And after all that, I always go straight to the Recycle Bin to permanently delete everything.

My inbox on Reddit; I clear it the very second I reply to a PM.

Old photos of myself and people I will never see again (I’ve always been this way; once, while I was in high school, I tossed some childhood photos in the trash, and my mother nearly murdered me for it).

It might be unrelated, but I peel off all those non-original labels from products.

Old SIM cards—I never kept them; whenever I changed my number, I’d destroy them. On top of that, I wouldn't give the new number to anyone I didn't want having it, nor would I save their numbers in my new contacts. I’ve changed my number several times just to make a clean break when someone I didn't want contacting me ended up with my digits.

Gifts I received from women I used to date—I regularly discard or destroy them once the relationship ends (😠😠 like that beautiful Zippo lighter I got back when I used to smoke; why wouldn't my parents or some relative I'm forced to maintain contact with have given it to me? Now, it's sitting at the bottom of the Chesapeake Bay).😠😠😠

I also occasionally get this feeling that something (bad) will happen if, for example, I don't count the letters of some random word I've conjured in my head right now.

😕

I am burdened by hand-washing compulsions. Every time I'm out in the yard and I toss something directly into a large trash can (like an ice cream stick, for instance), I feel a sense of revulsion at the thought of even touching the bin. I'll use the stick itself to lift the lid just so I can quickly drop the item in without touching the cover. Once, I lifted the lid too far, and it leaned against the wall, so I had to kick the bin just to get the lid to fall back into place.

🙄

Do I even need to mention that every single time I successfully toss trash into the bin, I immediately run off to wash my hands?

😳

There is more to it, but nothing else comes to mind right now... 🤔

Oh, and I am quite an introvert, but I don't have any trouble functioning in life. In fact, I feel like I resolve problems and dilemmas much better than most people; specifically, I don't get caught up in the kinds of messes people usually cook up for themselves.

My question is, what on earth am I actually looking at?

Thanks.

😁
wiredfox152 wiredfox152 Newcomer
7 messages
joined Jul 2010
#2 ·
This all sounds way too familiar to me.. 😬 extremely familiar... though I tend to hang onto certain gifts—some, anyway—while I toss or delete the rest.. I’ve always liked keeping my contact list as massive as possible.. 🤷
At least now I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.... 😍 and honestly, who cares, I don't even know myself..
Eric Collins5 Eric Collins5 Active MemberOP
91 messages
joined Mar 2013
#3 ·
wiredfox152 said:This all sounds way too familiar to me.. 😬 extremely familiar... though I tend to hang onto certain gifts—some, anyway—while I toss or delete the rest.. I’ve always liked keeping my contact list as massive as possible.. 🤷
At least now I know I'm not the only one feeling this way.... 😍 and honestly, who cares, I don't even know myself..

But this part right here, the bolded section...

😍

I’m just as obsessed with it. When I go to destroy things, I make it a point to burn them—if they're flammable, of course—and I just sit there watching the flames.
Sometimes, you can actually see shapes or traces of text appearing in the ashes if there was writing or a picture involved. So, I'll burn those little scraps bit by bit, then use something to smudge the ash until the image is completely gone forever.

It would be easier to just soak the ashes in water, but I've always preferred scattering them into the wind. There's something about that certainty—knowing that absolutely no one will ever find out what used to be there.

😳

😁
Amanda Robinson3 Amanda Robinson3 Newcomer
5 messages
joined May 2010
#4 ·
Eric Collins5 said:But this part right here, the bolded section...

😍

I’m just as obsessed with it. When I go to destroy things, I make it a point to burn them—if they're flammable, of course—and I just sit there watching the flames.
Sometimes, you can actually see shapes or traces of text appearing in the ashes if there was writing or a picture involved. So, I'll burn those little scraps bit by bit, then use something to smudge the ash until the image is completely gone forever.

It would be easier to just soak the ashes in water, but I've always preferred scattering them into the wind. There's something about that certainty—knowing that absolutely no one will ever find out what used to be there.

😳

😁

By the way, do you ever pray to God for help?
Eric Collins5 Eric Collins5 Active MemberOP
91 messages
joined Mar 2013
#5 ·
Amanda Robinson3 said:By the way, do you ever pray to God for help?

No.

And I really have no interest in getting dragged into some debate about Christian mythology here.

Thanks.
wiredfox152 wiredfox152 Newcomer
7 messages
joined Jul 2010
#6 ·
Yeah... 😂
A buddy of mine once told me—back when we were deep in talks about this kind of stuff—that my conscience isn't exactly spotless (which, honestly, is pretty accurate). He threw out a few phobias and gave some sort of "professional" breakdown... I felt a little shitty for a second, but I got over it quickly 😬.. Truth is, the less I analyze it, the better, haha
It doesn't weigh on me anymore, doesn't hold me back... if anything, I actually find it kind of amusing 😍
There are so many little things like this I can't even list them all right now... you hit the nail right on the head 😉
hollowdriver18 hollowdriver18 Active Member
82 messages
joined Apr 2010
#7 ·
Eric Collins5 said:But this part right here, the bolded section...

😍

I’m just as obsessed with it. When I go to destroy things, I make it a point to burn them—if they're flammable, of course—and I just sit there watching the flames.
Sometimes, you can actually see shapes or traces of text appearing in the ashes if there was writing or a picture involved. So, I'll burn those little scraps bit by bit, then use something to smudge the ash until the image is completely gone forever.

It would be easier to just soak the ashes in water, but I've always preferred scattering them into the wind. There's something about that certainty—knowing that absolutely no one will ever find out what used to be there.

😳

😁

😍😍😍

Could you expand on the bolded part, please?☕

I think I see the issue.☕
hollowdriver18 hollowdriver18 Active Member
82 messages
joined Apr 2010
#8 ·
Eric Collins5 said:Alright, here is a transcript of an article I wrote for Reddit regarding my attitude toward physical objects and memories.

Quincy:
I purge absolutely everything:

My call log on my phone—(daily, multiple times a day, including texts and calls).

Text messages—(immediately after reading them; plus, I have my settings configured so it never saves my sent messages or even displays read receipts).

Unknown numbers that have called me.

Honestly, I can’t wait until I haven't heard from someone who has my number—but whom I don't want having it—long enough that I can finally delete them from my device. Perhaps it's just a subconscious hope that they’ve done the exact same thing.

Browser history on my computer—I click through it repeatedly to ensure every single trace is wiped (multiple times a day).

Emails and photos I’ve glanced at once that won't be needed again (actually, I'm just waiting for the moment they cease being useful so I can delete them).

And after all that, I always go straight to the Recycle Bin to permanently delete everything.

My inbox on Reddit; I clear it the very second I reply to a PM.

Old photos of myself and people I will never see again (I’ve always been this way; once, while I was in high school, I tossed some childhood photos in the trash, and my mother nearly murdered me for it).

It might be unrelated, but I peel off all those non-original labels from products.

Old SIM cards—I never kept them; whenever I changed my number, I’d destroy them. On top of that, I wouldn't give the new number to anyone I didn't want having it, nor would I save their numbers in my new contacts. I’ve changed my number several times just to make a clean break when someone I didn't want contacting me ended up with my digits.

Gifts I received from women I used to date—I regularly discard or destroy them once the relationship ends (😠😠 like that beautiful Zippo lighter I got back when I used to smoke; why wouldn't my parents or some relative I'm forced to maintain contact with have given it to me? Now, it's sitting at the bottom of the Chesapeake Bay).😠😠😠

I also occasionally get this feeling that something (bad) will happen if, for example, I don't count the letters of some random word I've conjured in my head right now.

😕

I am burdened by hand-washing compulsions. Every time I'm out in the yard and I toss something directly into a large trash can (like an ice cream stick, for instance), I feel a sense of revulsion at the thought of even touching the bin. I'll use the stick itself to lift the lid just so I can quickly drop the item in without touching the cover. Once, I lifted the lid too far, and it leaned against the wall, so I had to kick the bin just to get the lid to fall back into place.

🙄

Do I even need to mention that every single time I successfully toss trash into the bin, I immediately run off to wash my hands?

😳

There is more to it, but nothing else comes to mind right now... 🤔

Oh, and I am quite an introvert, but I don't have any trouble functioning in life. In fact, I feel like I resolve problems and dilemmas much better than most people; specifically, I don't get caught up in the kinds of messes people usually cook up for themselves.

My question is, what on earth am I actually looking at?

Thanks.

😁

Hey man, 😳

it looks to me like your issue is more of a... how should I put this... classic case, right? 😳

So tell us... how are you holding up with all those ghost stories and demon stuff? 😳

🙂
Eric Collins5 Eric Collins5 Active MemberOP
91 messages
joined Mar 2013
#9 ·
wiredfox152 said:Yeah... 😂
A buddy of mine once told me—back when we were deep in talks about this kind of stuff—that my conscience isn't exactly spotless (which, honestly, is pretty accurate). He threw out a few phobias and gave some sort of "professional" breakdown... I felt a little shitty for a second, but I got over it quickly 😬.. Truth is, the less I analyze it, the better, haha
It doesn't weigh on me anymore, doesn't hold me back... if anything, I actually find it kind of amusing 😍
There are so many little things like this I can't even list them all right now... you hit the nail right on the head 😉

It doesn't stop me either. Like I said, I can function perfectly fine in the real world; it's just a bit silly.

😁

hollowdriver18 said:😍😍😍

Could you expand on the bolded part, please?☕

I think I see the issue.☕

What can I say?
If I suggest that hollowdriver18 has dirty thoughts, she'll just snap back and claim I'm the one with the dirty mind, insisting she was only thinking about tapping a lighter.

So, that's why I just tap the lighter against the ash.

😳

By the way, hollowdriver18, maybe you should post some questions on the psychology...

😳

And why are you trying to make me sound crazier than I actually am?!?!?!

😠
hollowdriver18 hollowdriver18 Active Member
82 messages
joined Apr 2010
#10 ·
Eric Collins5 said:It doesn't stop me either. Like I said, I can function perfectly fine in the real world; it's just a bit silly.

😁

What can I say?
If I suggest that hollowdriver18 has dirty thoughts, she'll just snap back and claim I'm the one with the dirty mind, insisting she was only thinking about tapping a lighter.

So, that's why I just tap the lighter against the ash.

😳

By the way, hollowdriver18, maybe you should post some questions on the psychology...

😳

And why are you trying to make me sound crazier than I actually am?!?!?!

😠

Just let it ride.. listen up🙂

Quincy:
And that's why I'm tapping my lighter against that ash.

😳
Isn't there a lighter at the bottom of the Chesapeake Bay or something?☕
Correct me if I'm wrong.☕
Quincy:B.t.w. hollowdriver18, you could also post some questions over on the psychology sub...
psichology...

😳
Troublemaker.🤣

I'll be the first to admit I remember explicit scenes from movies,
but that's not the point.😳
Let's focus on what matters, please.😳
😳
hollowdriver18 hollowdriver18 Active Member
82 messages
joined Apr 2010
#11 ·
Eric Collins5 said:It doesn't stop me either. Like I said, I can function perfectly fine in the real world; it's just a bit silly.

😁

What can I say?
If I suggest that hollowdriver18 has dirty thoughts, she'll just snap back and claim I'm the one with the dirty mind, insisting she was only thinking about tapping a lighter.

So, that's why I just tap the lighter against the ash.

😳

By the way, hollowdriver18, maybe you should post some questions on the psychology...

😳

And why are you trying to make me sound crazier than I actually am?!?!?!

😠

It’s not like I went looking for a psychology thread or anything 😳

get it together 😳
Eric Collins5 Eric Collins5 Active MemberOP
91 messages
joined Mar 2013
#12 ·
hollowdriver18 said:Just let it ride.. listen up🙂

Quincy:
And that's why I'm tapping my lighter against that ash.

😳
Isn't there a lighter at the bottom of the Chesapeake Bay or something?☕
Correct me if I'm wrong.☕
Quincy:B.t.w. hollowdriver18, you could also post some questions over on the psychology sub...
psichology...

😳
Troublemaker.🤣

I'll be the first to admit I remember explicit scenes from movies,
but that's not the point.😳
Let's focus on what matters, please.😳
😳

There really isn't much left to say... 😳

I started this thread in the psychology section because I wanted to hear people's thoughts on my disorder, how common it is, all that stuff...

Man, this is one of those rare moments where I'm actually being serious, and you just have to come along and poke at me!

😠

😁
hollowdriver18 hollowdriver18 Active Member
82 messages
joined Apr 2010
#13 ·
Eric Collins5 said:There really isn't much left to say... 😳

I started this thread in the psychology section because I wanted to hear people's thoughts on my disorder, how common it is, all that stuff...

Man, this is one of those rare moments where I'm actually being serious, and you just have to come along and poke at me!

😠

😁

Fine. ☕

Let's get back to the tapping. 😳

So, was it a lighter or not? 😳
restlesspanther11 restlesspanther11 Newcomer
2 messages
joined Aug 2010
#14 ·
Eric Collins5 said:Alright, here is a transcript of an article I wrote for Reddit regarding my attitude toward physical objects and memories.

Quincy:
I purge absolutely everything:

My call log on my phone—(daily, multiple times a day, including texts and calls).

Text messages—(immediately after reading them; plus, I have my settings configured so it never saves my sent messages or even displays read receipts).

Unknown numbers that have called me.

Honestly, I can’t wait until I haven't heard from someone who has my number—but whom I don't want having it—long enough that I can finally delete them from my device. Perhaps it's just a subconscious hope that they’ve done the exact same thing.

Browser history on my computer—I click through it repeatedly to ensure every single trace is wiped (multiple times a day).

Emails and photos I’ve glanced at once that won't be needed again (actually, I'm just waiting for the moment they cease being useful so I can delete them).

And after all that, I always go straight to the Recycle Bin to permanently delete everything.

My inbox on Reddit; I clear it the very second I reply to a PM.

Old photos of myself and people I will never see again (I’ve always been this way; once, while I was in high school, I tossed some childhood photos in the trash, and my mother nearly murdered me for it).

It might be unrelated, but I peel off all those non-original labels from products.

Old SIM cards—I never kept them; whenever I changed my number, I’d destroy them. On top of that, I wouldn't give the new number to anyone I didn't want having it, nor would I save their numbers in my new contacts. I’ve changed my number several times just to make a clean break when someone I didn't want contacting me ended up with my digits.

Gifts I received from women I used to date—I regularly discard or destroy them once the relationship ends (😠😠 like that beautiful Zippo lighter I got back when I used to smoke; why wouldn't my parents or some relative I'm forced to maintain contact with have given it to me? Now, it's sitting at the bottom of the Chesapeake Bay).😠😠😠

I also occasionally get this feeling that something (bad) will happen if, for example, I don't count the letters of some random word I've conjured in my head right now.

😕

I am burdened by hand-washing compulsions. Every time I'm out in the yard and I toss something directly into a large trash can (like an ice cream stick, for instance), I feel a sense of revulsion at the thought of even touching the bin. I'll use the stick itself to lift the lid just so I can quickly drop the item in without touching the cover. Once, I lifted the lid too far, and it leaned against the wall, so I had to kick the bin just to get the lid to fall back into place.

🙄

Do I even need to mention that every single time I successfully toss trash into the bin, I immediately run off to wash my hands?

😳

There is more to it, but nothing else comes to mind right now... 🤔

Oh, and I am quite an introvert, but I don't have any trouble functioning in life. In fact, I feel like I resolve problems and dilemmas much better than most people; specifically, I don't get caught up in the kinds of messes people usually cook up for themselves.

My question is, what on earth am I actually looking at?

Thanks.

😁

I'm just not seeing why you threw a lighter into the Chesapeake Bay?
dustypilot11 dustypilot11 Member
33 messages
joined Nov 2010
#15 ·
hollowdriver18 said:It’s not like I went looking for a psychology thread or anything 😳

get it together 😳

I bet it's attachment issues and struggling to deal with actual people (or even trash cans)... plus, just blowing up emotionally in a way that's totally immature and out of line. What do you think? ☕

Smells like obsessive-destructive disorder to me☕

Eric Collins5 said:There really isn't much left to say... 😳

I started this thread in the psychology section because I wanted to hear people's thoughts on my disorder, how common it is, all that stuff...

Man, this is one of those rare moments where I'm actually being serious, and you just have to come along and poke at me!

😠

😁

And then you gotta try and drag me back down too🤷 😁
hollowdriver18 hollowdriver18 Active Member
82 messages
joined Apr 2010
#16 ·
restlesspanther11 said:I'm just not seeing why you threw a lighter into the Chesapeake Bay?

There it is. ☕

And then I'm supposed to be the one seeing problems where they don't exist. 🙄🙄☕

Eric Collins5, please be specific... this is absolutely vital. 😳
Eric Collins5 Eric Collins5 Active MemberOP
91 messages
joined Mar 2013
#17 ·
hollowdriver18 said:It’s not like I went looking for a psychology thread or anything 😳

get it together 😳

Now you've just totally confused me!!!

😠

hollowdriver18 said:Fine. ☕

Let's get back to the tapping. 😳

So, was it a lighter or not? 😳

It's very possible it was, or maybe some other object nearby—I can't quite recall.

🤷

restlesspanther11 said:I'm just not seeing why you threw a lighter into the Chesapeake Bay?

A Zippo isn't something you just throw away easily. I tossed it into the ocean just so it would be far away from me.
I think that might be the reason, though I wouldn't bet my life on it.
Eric Collins5 Eric Collins5 Active MemberOP
91 messages
joined Mar 2013
#18 ·
dustypilot11 said:I bet it's attachment issues and struggling to deal with actual people (or even trash cans)... plus, just blowing up emotionally in a way that's totally immature and out of line. What do you think? ☕

Smells like obsessive-destructive disorder to me☕

And then you gotta try and drag me back down too🤷 😁

Look, I don't have some weird fetish for trash cans 😳 let alone for people.

🤷

It isn't that I feel better after all that destruction or deleting stuff—it's just that I had to do it. It was an absolute necessity.
I don't feel any better or worse afterward.

🤷
hollowdriver18 hollowdriver18 Active Member
82 messages
joined Apr 2010
#19 ·
dustypilot11 said:I bet it's attachment issues and struggling to deal with actual people (or even trash cans)... plus, just blowing up emotionally in a way that's totally immature and out of line. What do you think? ☕

Smells like obsessive-destructive disorder to me☕

And then you gotta try and drag me back down too🤷 😁

isusPokmater 🤣🤣😂

Alright, let's get serious. 😳
The part that sticks out to me is how Nan equates human beings with trash cans. 😳
What's the consensus here, colleagues? 😳
Specifically Nan, what's your take on that little parable? 😳

I'm smelling borderline obsessive-destructive disorder. ☕

borderline guarantee ☕
dustypilot11 dustypilot11 Member
33 messages
joined Nov 2010
#20 ·
hollowdriver18 said:isusPokmater 🤣🤣😂

Alright, let's get serious. 😳
The part that sticks out to me is how Nan equates human beings with trash cans. 😳
What's the consensus here, colleagues? 😳
Specifically Nan, what's your take on that little parable? 😳

I'm smelling borderline obsessive-destructive disorder. ☕

borderline guarantee ☕

Not sure... That Florida canal vibe feels sketchy as hell 🧐

You think it’s some deep metaphor about being born and going back to the womb? Feels like it's trying way too hard to cut ties with the past or something. Maybe there's a link there ☕

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