Feeling ashamed of failing in front of others

Is this actually normal?
Is it normal to feel this intense, soul-crushing shame in front of everyone just because I didn't pass some college exam... to the point where I’m actively dodging people on campus just so they don't corner me to ask how school is going? 😢
Does anyone actually know what to say when you get hit with those incredibly stupid, repetitive, mind-numbing questions like: "So, how's it going? Did you pass that test? How was your midterm?"

Honestly, I think people ask these things just so they can compare themselves to everyone else later on. There’s really no reason to feel embarrassed about someone sitting in their own living room later, acting like they're smarter than everyone else—including you. Bragging to your parents or old neighbors about passing some college entrance exam doesn't actually mean anything. We live in a culture where success is measured by pieces of paper rather than actual skill. That's more a flaw in our society than you.
You shouldn't feel ashamed when people "kindly" pry into your grades. It honestly just says more about them and how much they love sticking their noses where they don't belong.
It would be great if next time you could just snap back and tell them to go check the university registrar themselves, but... we aren't exactly living in a country full of self-aware people, so... it probably wouldn't matter anyway.

I truly don't see why anyone in a professional field would bother asking you that. Either the person asking is so uninspired that they have nothing better to talk about (meaning they're just looking for a target), or they just need something juicy to gossip about at the local coffee shop, like, "Did you hear about her? She hasn't even finished her degree yet."

No, seriously, you don't need to feel embarrassed. Exams aren't a true reflection of your intelligence or how hard you work... most of the time, they're just a test of how good you are at cramming or finding shortcuts. In 90% of cases, anyway.

I went through the exact same thing. My advice? Just tell them to shove it and say, "Yeah, I did, so what?" It’s none of their business. They aren't the ones paying your bills, man. You don't owe them anything.

I used to be exactly the same way, until I finally had a moment of clarity: you have to live for yourself. And trust me, the world isn't going to end just because you tell someone you didn't pass an exam! Now, I just tell people—the university isn't going anywhere, it’ll still be standing right where it is tomorrow.😉

copperhawk862 said:Honestly, I think people ask these things just so they can compare themselves to everyone else later on. There’s really no reason to feel embarrassed about someone sitting in their own living room later, acting like they're smarter than everyone else—including you. Bragging to your parents or old neighbors about passing some college entrance exam doesn't actually mean anything. We live in a culture where success is measured by pieces of paper rather than actual skill. That's more a flaw in our society than you.
You shouldn't feel ashamed when people "kindly" pry into your grades. It honestly just says more about them and how much they love sticking their noses where they don't belong.
It would be great if next time you could just snap back and tell them to go check the university registrar themselves, but... we aren't exactly living in a country full of self-aware people, so... it probably wouldn't matter anyway.

I truly don't see why anyone in a professional field would bother asking you that. Either the person asking is so uninspired that they have nothing better to talk about (meaning they're just looking for a target), or they just need something juicy to gossip about at the local coffee shop, like, "Did you hear about her? She hasn't even finished her degree yet."

No, seriously, you don't need to feel embarrassed. Exams aren't a true reflection of your intelligence or how hard you work... most of the time, they're just a test of how good you are at cramming or finding shortcuts. In 90% of cases, anyway.

Honestly, what's the big deal? People ask because they're genuinely curious or because they've run out of topics. Personally, I would never ask someone their grades just so I could smugly smirk about my own higher marks.
Nobody actually cares, so there is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed.
Besides, isn't it trendy these days to be a complete failure?
I'm heading to my five-year high school reunion soon, and I already know the drill: everyone will be graduated, married, employed, and acting like responsible adults, while I'll be the lone outlier.
And so what? Who cares.
Just relax.

Since you seem like the type who feels compelled to weigh everyone else's "opinions," I’d suggest sticking only to those people you are emotionally attached to and/or those from whom you have immediate benefits...as for the third group, they fall under the category of "I couldn't care less" 😁so just keep your chin up 👍
Besides, people often ask questions just for the sake of it, much like asking "How are you?"

I don't really deal with that issue myself.🤣🤣
The people around me aren't exactly known for their academic rigor, anyway.😁 I don't know any hardcore overachievers.🤷 Everyone just cruises through—they take an exam, skip a few months, then spend an entire year grinding out a thesis... It's chill.😍

And honestly, if some nosy old lady asks me about college, I couldn't care less.☕
She’s only asking because she's bored. It's either schoolwork or whether or not I have a boyfriend!😂😂

Why do people bother asking others how they’re doing? It strikes me as a rather hollow ritual. Most of the time, it's simply because they lack anything remotely substantive to contribute to a conversation, or perhaps it's just become this mindless, reflexive social script we all follow to avoid awkward silence.

wiredpanther14 said:Is this actually normal?
Is it normal to feel this intense, soul-crushing shame in front of everyone just because I didn't pass some college exam... to the point where I’m actively dodging people on campus just so they don't corner me to ask how school is going? 😢
Does anyone actually know what to say when you get hit with those incredibly stupid, repetitive, mind-numbing questions like: "So, how's it going? Did you pass that test? How was your midterm?"

If you’re actually losing sleep over how they’ll react—just lie to them. 😉

I struggle with that exact same issue, though I haven’t actually failed an assignment yet. It’s more that the moment I see a grade dip even slightly below an A,
it starts weighing on me heavily...

I’ve never actually failed a class before (though hey, anything can happen), but if I ever did, there’s no way I’d let anyone know. Not even my own people. They’d just end up gossiping about it at some family dinner, and honestly, for someone with my pride, that would be a total nightmare... So I’d probably just lie and tell everyone that all the credits are maxed out and there’s no room left in my schedule just to get out of it. 🙂

People here can be so weirdly judgmental, which is why I’d definitely play dumb about failing if it ever came down to it. But since I haven't, I'll just say it straight: I passed, because I always pass. It's not like I have a choice—I'm paying for this myself, and I'm not about to flush that money down the drain. Besides, my university is easily one of the most expensive schools in Canada (in Ontario, tuition is getting out of hand right now).

Ugh, tell me about it—I hate being grilled about college when my grades are basically in freefall right now... I’m staring down the barrel of failing the year, and honestly? I have zero clue if I can actually clear all these finals by the fall. But here’s the kicker: I’m not even scared of failing the classes—I’m terrified of the fallout. The judgment, you know? It’ll blow up in my face with my family, my relatives, probably even people at school... everyone will suddenly decide I’m just some lazy loser who’s given up on life. Okay, sure, sometimes I tell myself I’ve already hit rock bottom, but then I catch myself actually hitting the books because deep down, I know I’ve still got it.

Seriously, why on earth do you care so much about what other people think? I mean, what actually changes if everyone knows you nailed it, or if they think you totally flopped?
At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how you see yourself. If you truly believe you’re a total loser, it won't matter if every single person in America stands up and calls you a genius—that inferiority complex is going to stick around and just eat away at your soul. Sure, praise and validation from the crowd can give your ego a little boost, but once you realize it doesn't actually mean anything, you'll see. You can live without being popular, but you absolutely cannot live without self-respect. Once you get that, your whole sense of priority shifts.
It’s honestly sad, but so many people who obsess over success are constantly comparing themselves to others. Or even worse, some people just love knowing that someone else failed so they can feed their own bitterness and enjoy watching someone else struggle. I remember running into this old acquaintance after ages, and he pulls out his transcript right in front of me with this nasty little smirk on his face. He looks at briskskipper71 and asks, "Are you still stuck in college?" I told him I only had a few finals left to go... and he just gives me this even more crooked grin. Then he asks if I'll even graduate before I'm thirty. I just told him, "Probably not, but I'll be Mr. Scientist by thirty-one." Honestly, the guy was such a wreck that I actually felt embarrassed for him...
...because, let's face it, people can be a pretty corrupt race—dirty and just plain mean....

goldenraven9 said:Honestly, what's the big deal? People ask because they're genuinely curious or because they've run out of topics. Personally, I would never ask someone their grades just so I could smugly smirk about my own higher marks.
Nobody actually cares, so there is absolutely no reason to be embarrassed.
Besides, isn't it trendy these days to be a complete failure?
I'm heading to my five-year high school reunion soon, and I already know the drill: everyone will be graduated, married, employed, and acting like responsible adults, while I'll be the lone outlier.
And so what? Who cares.
Just relax.

I'm with you on that... if I run into a friend I haven't seen in forever, I'm definitely asking how school is going, since that's pretty much their entire personality right now... plus, it's way less invasive than, like, "so how's your love life?" or "are you guys fighting again?" Ugh... I only dive into relationship drama with my inner circle... asking about college is just general small talk and doesn't have to be a competition...

I mean, I'm not going to ask someone "what's up" just so I can measure their life against mine, or check in on their relationship hoping things are going worse than mine...

Sure, there are certain types of people—you know, the gossipy ones—who would ask those things just to have something to talk about later... but if it's a friend, an acquaintance, or family... it's totally normal... it's basically the same as asking "where are you working now?" or "how's the job treating you?" blah blah blah...

wiredpanther14 said:Is this actually normal?
Is it normal to feel this intense, soul-crushing shame in front of everyone just because I didn't pass some college exam... to the point where I’m actively dodging people on campus just so they don't corner me to ask how school is going? 😢
Does anyone actually know what to say when you get hit with those incredibly stupid, repetitive, mind-numbing questions like: "So, how's it going? Did you pass that test? How was your midterm?"

Ah, I see. So it’s not just casual small talk; it’s a direct interrogation.
The answer is simple. Lie. Just lie like there's no tomorrow.
"Oh yeah, I aced it. It was amazing, I'm so happy!" 😍"

In 99% of cases, the prying stops immediately because that kind of response throws them off. Most of the time, their goal is just to see if they're doing better in life than you are. Once they realize they aren't winning, continuing the interrogation makes things awkward for them—and people usually run away from awkwardness.

The absolute worst part is when you deal with jealousy from those distant relatives... like some random aunt or cousins out of nowhere

It never really got under my skin, honestly. Part of it was because I actually crushed it in college, and the other part was just... I didn't give a damn what people asking those questions thought about my degree. I had a thousand and one other things on my plate, so compared to everything else going on in my life, this was basically background noise.

wiredpanther14 said:Is this actually normal?
Is it normal to feel this intense, soul-crushing shame in front of everyone just because I didn't pass some college exam... to the point where I’m actively dodging people on campus just so they don't corner me to ask how school is going? 😢
Does anyone actually know what to say when you get hit with those incredibly stupid, repetitive, mind-numbing questions like: "So, how's it going? Did you pass that test? How was your midterm?"

It’s completely normal, but honestly, it’s unnecessary. Don't let it get to you. Things happen—you pass, you fail. Plenty of other people are struggling too, so why feel ashamed? You think everyone else is cruising through perfectly? Hold your head up high and value yourself. You aren't the first person to hit a bump in the road. Change your mindset for your own sake.
Just be honest. Say, "Not yet, but I've still got time. It's not the end of the world if I didn't nail it this time." 😉The same people asking the questions will shut up the moment they fail something themselves... Just keep moving forward. Don't let them get you down! 🙂

Oh, please don't let things like that get you down! 🙂

It’s totally normal. Honestly, I spent an entire year avoiding my neighbors after I failed my classes once. 😁

But eventually, you realize that it's your journey and nobody else's. 😉

Keep your head up—you're going to crush whatever you set your mind to. 😍

briskskipper71 said:Seriously, why on earth do you care so much about what other people think? I mean, what actually changes if everyone knows you nailed it, or if they think you totally flopped?
At the end of the day, the only thing that matters is how you see yourself. If you truly believe you’re a total loser, it won't matter if every single person in America stands up and calls you a genius—that inferiority complex is going to stick around and just eat away at your soul. Sure, praise and validation from the crowd can give your ego a little boost, but once you realize it doesn't actually mean anything, you'll see. You can live without being popular, but you absolutely cannot live without self-respect. Once you get that, your whole sense of priority shifts.
It’s honestly sad, but so many people who obsess over success are constantly comparing themselves to others. Or even worse, some people just love knowing that someone else failed so they can feed their own bitterness and enjoy watching someone else struggle. I remember running into this old acquaintance after ages, and he pulls out his transcript right in front of me with this nasty little smirk on his face. He looks at briskskipper71 and asks, "Are you still stuck in college?" I told him I only had a few finals left to go... and he just gives me this even more crooked grin. Then he asks if I'll even graduate before I'm thirty. I just told him, "Probably not, but I'll be Mr. Scientist by thirty-one." Honestly, the guy was such a wreck that I actually felt embarrassed for him...
...because, let's face it, people can be a pretty corrupt race—dirty and just plain mean....

Don't get ahead of yourself. Look, I’m good. I’m not going to cheat you, steal from you, or lie to you—unless we're playing something like Call of Duty and things get intense. Then I’ll turn into that Hobbit from Lord of the Rings and start screaming "my precious" twenty times in a row. 😲

Morgan Bishop4 said:I'm with you on that... if I run into a friend I haven't seen in forever, I'm definitely asking how school is going, since that's pretty much their entire personality right now... plus, it's way less invasive than, like, "so how's your love life?" or "are you guys fighting again?" Ugh... I only dive into relationship drama with my inner circle... asking about college is just general small talk and doesn't have to be a competition...

I mean, I'm not going to ask someone "what's up" just so I can measure their life against mine, or check in on their relationship hoping things are going worse than mine...

Sure, there are certain types of people—you know, the gossipy ones—who would ask those things just to have something to talk about later... but if it's a friend, an acquaintance, or family... it's totally normal... it's basically the same as asking "where are you working now?" or "how's the job treating you?" blah blah blah...

In other words, you're out of questions.
Maybe try something like... "Hey. You look incredible. Heading to the Metallica show?" Or whatever works, depending on what they're actually into.
Why do people always ask those mindless, pointless questions that serve absolutely no purpose?
It’s the same every time. Honestly, being asked how college is going makes me want to gag. Even when I’m absolutely crushing my classes, that question is just nauseating. Why? Because there's no winning. If I say, "Man, things are going great," I feel like an arrogant jerk who's just bragging about passing every exam. I don't like starting conversations that way. It leaves a bad taste in my mouth. But if I say, "Exams are killing me," then people just give me that patronizing pity, saying stuff like, "Hang in there, it'll get better." Either way, I already know exactly how the conversation is going to end. It's totally predictable, and honestly, it's just a terrible way to start a chat.

So, my boyfriend and I were out running errands the other day when he ran into an old friend of his who works at a local Target. We ended up chatting for a bit. About five minutes in, she asks me how college is going. I just gave her the usual: "Oh, you know, hanging in there... trying to find the motivation to actually study. The usual struggle." Then she hits me with this: "See? I didn't go to college. I just work at Target." Or something like that. That was the vibe.
Now I feel like an idiot just for bringing this up. Look, it’s not that I’m judging people based on what they do or who they are—that's not my style. It’s more that, honestly, some women probably just make up these scenarios in their heads. It's a general thing, really, whether you're talking about college students or established professionals like us. But in reality? It's just not true. 🙏

For fuck's sake... stop asking me those damn questions about college!

bluewalker33 said:The absolute worst part is when you deal with jealousy from those distant relatives... like some random aunt or cousins out of nowhere

It’s not that they aren't there. 😁
When I first started college... my aunt was basically screaming from the rooftops about how "my little girl is going to university! She's doing this and she's doing that!"
And I’m just sitting there, watching everyone's faces. People are working so hard to act polite and sweet, but inside? They're thinking exactly what any normal person would: "I couldn't care less what she enrolled in. Just leave me alone. Why does this matter?"

Isn't that just how it is? 😁