How do I forgive myself?

Brenda Cooper3 said:Why don't you try facing your fear head-on?
It’s the simplest solution, yet easily the most difficult. Ultimately, the choice is yours. 🤷

Sarah Wood8 said:So, because some idiot messed with you back in high school, you’ve just decided to stop living your life entirely? If there’s anything worth forgiving, it’s the fact that you’re currently sabotaging your own future over something that happened years ago.
Just turn the page and move on, because high school—and honestly, anything from that era—doesn't hold a damn bit of weight in your life anymore.
Look, I get that you're sensitive, but you're eventually going to have to grow out of that. Just get out of the house and stop giving a damn about who sees you or what they think.
Have some self-respect. The world isn't perfect and not everyone is a decent person, but that shouldn't be an excuse to throw your life away because of some bully who fed off your instability in high school. There are people who went through much worse during their teen years and came out stronger for it. Try looking at it from that perspective.

Steven Martinez13;25459699 said:

briskcobra12 said:So, I was talking to some actual professors the other day—real academics, mind you—and they were out here preaching that high school is where you basically bake your character in stone. They were insisting that who you are during those four years is exactly who you’ll be for the rest of your life. Honestly? That hit me like a ton of bricks. It’s such a heavy, almost fatalistic thing to say, right? Like, once you hit eighteen, you're just stuck with whatever version of yourself showed up to homeroom. It’s a pretty grim way to look at growing up.😢

True, but finding actual friends is hard when my social life is basically just commuting between home and college. I have friends at school, sure, but they're just "college friends"—once graduation hits, that's it. As for high school, I don't think anyone there thinks poorly of me since I never insulted anyone and I was always decent to everyone. I actually used to annoy this one guy just by being too nice to him and never snapping back, but I'm pretty sure they all just think I'm a weirdo.

briskcobra12;25459772 said:

Steven Martinez13 said:It’s true, but honestly, finding real friends feels nearly impossible when my life barely extends beyond my commute to college... I have people there, but those connections seem strictly limited to the classroom, and once the semester ends, everything just fades away... I don't think my old high school classmates hold anything against me, since I never went out of my way to hurt anyone and always tried to be kind, though I remember even annoying that one guy just by being too nice and never pushing back... still, I can't help but feel they probably just thought I was a bit odd...

Being a little different from the crowd isn't actually a flaw; if anything, it's a strength, which is exactly what I meant when I mentioned how important it is to respect yourself...
As for meeting people, I used to find my circle through university by focusing on individuals who actually caught my interest; I’d start with a conversation, then maybe grab a coffee, then another after a lecture, and eventually, we'd head out for the night, letting things develop naturally... but you really do have to make the choice to take that first step sometimes...
just be brave...

Steven Martinez13;25459868 said:

briskcobra12 said:True, but finding actual friends is hard when my social life is basically just commuting between home and college. I have friends at school, sure, but they're just "college friends"—once graduation hits, that's it. As for high school, I don't think anyone there thinks poorly of me since I never insulted anyone and I was always decent to everyone. I actually used to annoy this one guy just by being too nice to him and never snapping back, but I'm pretty sure they all just think I'm a weirdo.

Morgan Rodriguez57 said:Honestly, based on what you wrote... you should probably reach out for some professional help...

Just a few—maybe three, four, five—😬 little pieces of advice for you:

1. Stop telling yourself how much of a loser you are...
2. Nobody can actually hurt us unless we give them the green light to do so...
3. Insults and outbursts? They usually just come from someone with a really miserable, struggling soul—you shouldn't fear people like that or take their words to heart, you really shouldn't... instead, try to see what's actually going on inside them and just feel a bit of pity...
4. Try to get out there every single day for at least thirty minutes or an hour—maybe a walk or a quick bike ride through the neighborhood...
5. You might want to consider getting a pet, just something to look after and care for...

Nicholas Alvarez said:On point 1: Absolutely. We’re all a bit pathetic in our own way.
Point 2: I'm with you there.
Point 3: I have to disagree. One should never show pity. Pity only feeds their delusions of grandeur. Instead, we ought to demonstrate that we are just as flawed as they are, judging them—and ourselves—with equal, unrelenting ruthlessness.
Points 4 and 5: Escaping from one's problems isn't a permanent fix, though a brief reprieve is certainly beneficial. I agree.

briskcobra12 said:Also, I should probably mention that staying focused on college and actually hitting the books is becoming impossible when my head is such a complete wreck. I used to have actual goals, you know? I was driven. Now, I just wake up, drift through the day, and go to bed at night just to feel like I survived another twenty-four hours. It’s a cycle. And look, I get it—plenty of people are dealing with much heavier stuff, but this constant mental fog is honestly nauseating. I feel totally useless right now.😢

Lisa Smith7 said:They’ve already told you everything you need to hear.
Let’s be honest, most of us didn't exactly find studying for our degrees to be some grand joy. 🙂
Try setting a tiny, manageable goal—like passing one specific exam or just reading two or three pages of your textbook. If you catch yourself spiraling into self-pity while you're trying to work, stop. Just stop. Take a deep breath and ask yourself what that's actually accomplishing. You can either sit there wallowing and feeling miserable, or you can actually learn something. I've been there, and I know how brutal it feels, but you have to try to look at things logically in those moments. You can spend your time mourning your past, or you can give it your all so your future doesn't end up looking just like it does now.🙂

briskcobra12 said:I honestly hope time does its thing, I really do, but let’s be real—time isn't going to fix everything if I don't step up and help it along. Every single day I find myself stuck in this loop, questioning why I even bother, and part of me is terrified that time alone won't be enough to heal this mess without my input... Is it actually possible that I'm going through puberty right now? Like, seriously, at nineteen? That's just ridiculous.

But I know that’s simply impossible.

Lisa Smith7 said:It’s entirely plausible. Honestly, you’re only nineteen. You’re practically still navigating puberty at this point.

But I know that’s simply impossible.

You can’t move forward with that kind of mindset. It’s a dead end. At some point, you just have to snap out of it and make a choice about what you actually want from this life. You have to look yourself in the mirror and say, "I can do this, and I am going to do this," rather than constantly whispering that it's impossible. I spent years telling myself the same old excuses while sitting in a cubicle in Chicago, waiting for permission to succeed. It never comes. You have to decide.
Nothing is going to change overnight. It doesn't work that way. But right now, you actually have a choice in how you want to spend the rest of your years. Decide what kind of person you want to be. Then, put in the work to actually become that person. Don't do it for some boss at Goldman Sachs or to impress your neighbors in Chicago. Do it for yourself. I know. It’s an uphill battle. It's exhausting. But it can be done.