Started by mistyraven · · 👁 6 views · 74 replies
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redharbor9 said:Look, if we're talking about giving actual advice or helping someone out, then yeah, it matters big time to the person asking for help.😉
nimbleviper142 said:But in what way, exactly? Am I just being an idiot here? I honestly don't see how it changes the story whether it's a guy-girl thing, girl-girl, or guy-guy.
The OP isn't even responding anyway, so this whole debate is pretty much pointless...
redharbor9 said:I already said that, but everyone just kept doubling down on the "she" thing. It honestly shows how little people actually read here and how useless they are at giving advice. Which basically brings us back to the whole point of why anyone even bothers asking for help on this forum...
And another thing—if the OP wants actual useful feedback, they need to stop being so vague and actually engage with the replies. Otherwise, there's nothing to work with.
nimbleviper142 said:Honestly, what the hell does a partner's gender even have to do with any of this? Who cares? Like, does it actually change anything? It’s a totally irrelevant detail, yet you guys are clinging to it like it's some kind of holy grail...
Hannah White2 said:Honestly, that’s just how you’re wired—a guy who actually gives a damn about his own headspace and uses his brain is always going to struggle when a partner has a messy history.
Subconsciously, you're doing the math, right? You realize that if things go south down the road, you can't exactly bank on that person being loyal.
Don't just bury those feelings, though—even if it means calling it quits—because you don't want to be sitting there kicking yourself later...
redharbor9 said:I don't get why you're getting so worked up about this, and honestly, you don't even seem like you actually want to see... Look, this thread is about one specific topic. Go argue about that somewhere else.🙂
Lisa Hernandez3 said:I know you did—my apologies. I only said it because they kept right on with the same behavior even after you were gone. And, since I promised, I'll pick up where I left off with the story after this post:
Perhaps this isn't even central to the main topic—though we might only figure that out if the thread starter, as redharbor9 puts it, actually participated more frequently—but I suppose if there’s an error here, we should just fix it and move back to the actual subject at hand. I mentioned earlier that all of this might be linked to how dominant the partner is—which could potentially be the real trigger for those "past history" issues—but that is really just a theory. It might also have something to do with whether the relationship is between two men, assuming we actually want to insist on whether the partner's gender matters to the discussion or not.
nimbleviper142 said:worked up 😁
you're right, I'm losing sleep over this 🤣
haven't gotten an actual explanation yet so I'm just gonna assume you're just talking nonsense
so clearly some people care about gender, but why? 🤷 personally, I don't see any reason why, or how the whole thing would change if it were a same-sex relationship. but hey, I guess that's somehow become a factor in this mess.
redharbor9 said:That's how you rationalize things? 🙂 Imagine walking into a therapist's office...
You: "I'm having trouble with my boyfriend, this relationship is weighing me down..."
Therapist: "How is your girlfriend weighing you down in this relationship?"
You: "My boyfriend..."
Therapist: "So, your girlfriend..."
If that doesn't give you even the slightest feeling that nobody is listening to you or taking you seriously, fine... but just know you're the outlier and most people would find that infuriating. So
As for more advice, online counseling, or venting, take it to the DMs or start a new thread.😉
nimbleviper142 said:Yeah, I'm curious too. It’s kind of weird for a guy to suddenly get hung up on a partner's past after THREE YEARS together.
That's why I'm asking what rattled him so much. How can you even tell if it's something major or just some random thing?
For example: there's a massive difference between "honey, you aren't my first" and "honey, I spend my weekends digging up graves." 🤷
nimbleviper142 said:god 🤦
Look, if you're not trying to be a jerk, just read the thread from the top and try again.
1. The OP never specified their partner's gender, nor did they insist it was a guy—I'm the one constantly assuming it's a girl. Honestly, it feels like you're the one who needs to take your own advice 😉
2. I don't think even after my third post you've actually grasped what I'm asking.
I want to know WHY the partner's gender matters to this topic, but you're dodging the question. Even though you kept bringing it up as a major factor in several posts. 🤷
Feel free to use an example if that makes it easier for you to explain.
The OP isn't replying, so we're free to discuss this however we want. I just used a male-female dynamic as a random example because I don't see how gender changes anything here. As far as I'm concerned, it could be a romance between two guys or a guy and a squirrel 🤷
btw, the only post where I actually mentioned gender was:
There, I edited it. Can I get an answer to my question, or were you just talking just to hear yourself speak? 🍿
2. Honestly, even after my third post, you still haven't grasped what I'm asking.
I want to know WHY the partner's gender matters for this thread, but you're dodging the question.
mistyraven said:Look, I know I can be possessive and jealous, but I never let it show. I usually just bottle it all up inside.
Between dealing with depression and everything else making life miserable, this is just one more thing on the pile—not sure if it’s a big deal or not, honestly.
mistyraven;24538124 said:I’ve been following along—glad to see this debate
because he stayed by my side when nobody else would; he never turned his back on me, no matter what. God knows how many times I hit rock bottom and spiraled into depression.
Look—you’ve already laid out the facts, and now you're claiming he’s never truly loved anyone but you. You have the distinction of being the first one in his heart—honestly, that matters more than anything else. You need to work on yourself and your own confidence, because if you let this insecurity take over, you’ll ruin everything. Have some faith in yourself and trust him—jealousy is a total disaster and it only destroys things. Stop dwelling on the past; focus on the good things ahead of you. Good luck.
mistyraven said:Look, he basically said everything—even that he hasn't truly loved anyone else but you. I mean, you've got the honor of being his first real thing, which honestly feels more important than anything else. You probably need to work on yourself and that self-esteem a bit, though—your insecurity might end up tanking the whole thing if you aren't careful. Just try to believe in yourself more and trust him, too... jealousy is just a total wrecking ball. Don't dwell on what happened in the past; just focus on all the good stuff ahead of you. Good luck.
thanks so much... i'll try... 😍
Casey Cox69 said:No problem at all—glad I could at least get a smile out of someone!! Wishing you and your partner the best, and if things get rocky, I'm here.😉
mistyraven said:Honestly, it’s just good to see there are still decent people out there—not just on this board, but in general.
About a year ago, I finally came out to my sister, and our relationship is way better now than it ever was before.
First shock? The total lack of reaction. A day or two passed... everything seemed totally normal... ☕
She’s never once used a slur during an argument, and she never even threatened to out me...
She's three years younger than me, but man, she's mature for her age... got a pretty cool sister, I guess.😍
Casey Cox69 said:Glad to hear it. You're her brother—her priority will always be your happiness. I have a close friend who is gay; unfortunately, his family found out by accident and they couldn't handle it—it's gut-wrenching to watch him deal with that kind of rejection.
redharbor9 said:It’s just a phase. Once the initial emotional wave hits and dies down—usually after a couple of days—that's when the actual thinking kicks in. They start asking questions, overanalyzing everything, and spiraling. That’s your window to step in, talk to them, give them the facts, and guide them through it. If you need a roadmap for this kind of stuff, check out the book "More Than Acceptance."