When people treat you like you're stupid: how to deal with the blow to your self-esteem

Casey Ramos78 said:I'm pretty slow myself—which is probably why I feel pretty dim. I don't even get jokes half the time; I take everything way too seriously. Put me in a group of more than two people and I just shut down. Honestly, the only time I can actually relax and crack a joke is when I'm talking one-on-one, eye-to-eye.

how many are we talking about?

Chris Chase5 said:how many are we talking about?

21
Doesn't even matter anymore. Whatever issues I started this thread over? Gone. Spent today hanging out with a buddy and honestly—it felt good. Just being myself... and I guess that's always how it's gonna be.

Yeah, that’s exactly what all my driving instructors kept telling me, and honestly, I bet those DMV examiners feel the same way too. Of course, following that logic totally tanked my chances, and now I'm stuck in this endless loop where I can't pass no matter what I do!

Hannah Turner4 said:I don't even know how to start this. Growing up, everyone always told me I was a good-looking kid, you know? I never really had issues with my looks back then. But then, when I was about 11, I got into a car accident and ended up gaining a ton of weight. I wasn't that cute little kid anymore. I stayed at that weight until I was 17, which is when I finally decided to go on a diet. I managed to drop about 45 pounds. I figured things would get better after that. Everyone kept telling me, "You're handsome, but if you just lost some weight, you'd be perfect." So, I did it just to please people. It was pretty shallow and stupid of me, I guess. Anyway, now that I'm 18, I've totally transformed. I'm actually about 10 pounds underweight now. People tell me I'm gorgeous—some even said I should try modeling, but I passed because of school. I thought life would finally start looking up, but man, it hasn't. People just won't stop picking at me. They comment on my looks constantly and they've totally wrecked my confidence. Guys bump into me on purpose in the hallways, and there's all this gossip floating around that I'm stuck-up or gay (not sure why, but whatever). I've always been the guy who helps everyone out and I've never been arrogant. I'm a great student too. I was targeted before, but now it feels even worse. I just feel like no matter what I do, it's wrong. My self-esteem is basically trashed. When I look in the mirror, I see a handsome face, but somehow it still looks ugly to me. I don't get it. I don't do anything bad to anyone, I'm trying my best... but nothing's working. I'm feeling pretty depressed and I honestly don't know what to do.

Dust follows a fast horse. Man, those people are just jealous of you. I honestly believe they meant well when they suggested you lose weight. Guys act just like girls do. Most girls can't stand other girls who look good. Guys are just as envious of guys who look great and have success with women. Don't let them wreck your confidence. People can be wolves. They'll tear someone down just for the fun of it. It seems to me like you're trying to please them, but nothing you do is ever enough. Friendly advice? Stop trying. Let them know you don't care. If someone bumps into you in the hall, bump back next time. Get some payback. Let them know they can't push you around. Don't sweat anyone's opinion. These people won't be in your life forever. Try to distance yourself from that crowd for a while and only hang out with people who build you up. Do the things you love and the things you're good at. That builds confidence. Also, making money helps boost your ego, too. Most importantly: DON'T CHANGE FOR ANYONE. You are the smartest and best version of yourself, so who cares what they think? You're going to need that attitude later in life.
I noticed this thread was posted quite a while ago. I hope you've sorted things out by now. If not, I hope my advice helps. Best,

Seriously, nobody can touch your confidence unless you hand them the keys to your headspace. Who cares what they’re whispering? You don't live inside their heads—you live in your own skin. It shouldn't matter one bit if they call you stuck-up or, even worse, throw around slurs about your sexuality.
People can be such absolute idiots sometimes, and honestly, it feels like there are more of them every day—and you know why? Because they're just jealous and pathetic. They take all their own frustrations out on everyone else just to feel something.
If I were dealing with people like that, I'd just give them a polite "get lost" and cut them out of my life entirely. I'd hold my head even higher, because at the end of the day, even if they're talking behind your back, you're still miles ahead of them.

Casey Ramos78 said:I’ve actually made some huge strides with my confidence over the last couple of years—like, I care way less about what people think now, even if I still struggle with it occasionally. But then, out of nowhere, something happens that just nukes my self-esteem. Someone told me this year (well, not to my face, but you get it) that they think I'm an idiot. Now? I can't stop obsessing over it. Every time I'm around them, I'm desperately trying to act smart, but it's just not working. I feel like a total moron whenever we hang out, which is weird because I don't feel this way with anyone else. It's just this one person, yet it makes me question if I actually *am* stupid in general, and honestly, my confidence is back in the gutter. My old insecurities are just resurfacing big time. Am I actually dumb or what? And how am I supposed to prove to them that I'm not? ... Just a million questions spinning in my head.

A bit of philosophical humor, if you can call it that;

how on earth does one explain stupidity to a fool?! 😬

Don't sweat it too much... you laid everything out clearly enough in your opening post. Just let it go. Honestly, why even bother trying to measure yourself against them or compete? Especially when you look at the state of the world today and the things people get up to... maybe it's better to just steer clear of the fools and maintain some shred of dignity.👍

Casey Ramos78 said:I’ve actually made some huge strides with my confidence over the last couple of years—like, I care way less about what people think now, even if I still struggle with it occasionally. But then, out of nowhere, something happens that just nukes my self-esteem. Someone told me this year (well, not to my face, but you get it) that they think I'm an idiot. Now? I can't stop obsessing over it. Every time I'm around them, I'm desperately trying to act smart, but it's just not working. I feel like a total moron whenever we hang out, which is weird because I don't feel this way with anyone else. It's just this one person, yet it makes me question if I actually *am* stupid in general, and honestly, my confidence is back in the gutter. My old insecurities are just resurfacing big time. Am I actually dumb or what? And how am I supposed to prove to them that I'm not? ... Just a million questions spinning in my head.

It is absolutely obvious from the way you wrote this that you aren't stupid or limited in any way; you're just lacking confidence and a bit of faith in yourself. Define your own worldview and how you approach life, and then just stick to it. Don't give any weight at all to comments like the one you described... after all, isn't it a hallmark of foolish people to see stupidity everywhere except in themselves?