Is this a normal reaction or what?

Hey everyone... I’m not entirely sure if this is the right place for this kind of thing, but I’ll give it a shot....

To make a long story short, my boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago to be with someone else (and honestly, it wasn't even the first time; he cheated on me once before), but we managed to stay on decent terms... we talked a few times and hung out occasionally, just as friends. Then, a couple of days ago, he suddenly started blowing up my phone, asking if I was seeing anyone, whether I thought his new girlfriend was actually good enough for him, and why I hadn't tried to get back together with him after we split up. He even started grilling me about whether our sex life had been good (he’s always been pretty insecure about intimacy, which seems to be a recurring theme in most areas of his life, really)....

Anyway, he eventually jumped to the conclusion that the sex must have been great, because otherwise, why would I have stayed with him for three years and "cheated" on him? In a moment of pure, mindless sarcasm, I asked him how he could possibly be so sure I hadn't cheated on him (I know, I know, I shouldn't have said it, but it was just a joke, and when I saw his reaction, I was so stunned I didn't even realize I should take it back)... and that’s when he absolutely lost it. He started sending these vile messages calling me every name in the book—just total trash—telling me I’m dead to him now. He was cursing God, Jesus, my mother, everything under the sun. He went as far as wishing I’d drop dead from whatever happened with that guy he thinks I cheated with. He claimed I broke his heart, that I’m a terrible person, and said he hopes I never fall in love again and stay alone forever.... When I woke up, I had 38 missed calls and a mountain of texts just like that, sent all through the night....

So, basically, I want to know if this is a normal reaction for a guy who cheated on his girlfriend, dumped her, and acted like a complete lunatic just because she jokingly suggested she might have cheated on him.... I get that his ego is bruised, but the things he said to me were way over the line. To be honest, I’m actually feeling a little scared now.🤷

Thanks to everyone for the input, and sorry for the long-winded post:-)

- let the idiot run.

- nah, that’s not a normal reaction.

- how am I supposed to stay on good terms with someone who cheated on me and left me for someone else?

quietseal2 said:- let the idiot run.

- nah, that’s not a normal reaction.

- how am I supposed to stay on good terms with someone who cheated on me and left me for someone else?

I don't know... maybe it's because I'm being naive... since we've known each other since we were kids, I tried to just brush it off and maintain some kind of civil relationship, mostly because of our history and the fact that I'm forced to see him around campus at college and stuff, so we wouldn't end up acting like total strangers...

But honestly, I was just floored by what he actually managed to say to my face after everything... and yeah, I have zero intention of hanging out with him ever again.

Harold Thomas10 said:I don't know... maybe it's because I'm being naive... since we've known each other since we were kids, I tried to just brush it off and maintain some kind of civil relationship, mostly because of our history and the fact that I'm forced to see him around campus at college and stuff, so we wouldn't end up acting like total strangers...

But honestly, I was just floored by what he actually managed to say to my face after everything... and yeah, I have zero intention of hanging out with him ever again.

I don't think you're stupid. 🙂
It looks like his life is pretty empty right now, so he's using you to feed his ego.
Good on you for putting him in his place, though. Now you see who he really is.
I can't stand people with complexes or those who can't take a joke.

Like they say in those old movies—"a kick in the butt is a step forward!"

If someone doesn't respect you—and they clearly don't, given how they cheated on you—I guess I just don't see any valid reason to stay on good terms with them.

After a nasty breakup, there isn't really a friendship left, and honestly, sometimes even after a clean break. You can say hi if you run into them, but for a maniac like that, even that feels like too much.

quietseal2 said:I don't think you're stupid. 🙂
It looks like his life is pretty empty right now, so he's using you to feed his ego.
Good on you for putting him in his place, though. Now you see who he really is.
I can't stand people with complexes or those who can't take a joke.

Like they say in those old movies—"a kick in the butt is a step forward!"

Hehehe... tell me about it. :-)

Anyway, I’m actually relieved I finally saw this side of him because I’ve truly never experienced this version before... or heard him talk like this. Usually, he’s the kind of guy who wouldn't even dream of swearing; he’s always been incredibly polite and well-mannered...

But then there's this girl he left me for, claiming he's head over heels and wants to marry her one day. So, I wouldn't go as far as saying his life isn't interesting—it's more like he's dealing with some massive internal issues.

Look, honey, just be thankful to God that He actually gave you a sense of humor 😳

Harold Thomas10 said:Hey everyone... I’m not entirely sure if this is the right place for this kind of thing, but I’ll give it a shot....

To make a long story short, my boyfriend broke up with me a few months ago to be with someone else (and honestly, it wasn't even the first time; he cheated on me once before), but we managed to stay on decent terms... we talked a few times and hung out occasionally, just as friends. Then, a couple of days ago, he suddenly started blowing up my phone, asking if I was seeing anyone, whether I thought his new girlfriend was actually good enough for him, and why I hadn't tried to get back together with him after we split up. He even started grilling me about whether our sex life had been good (he’s always been pretty insecure about intimacy, which seems to be a recurring theme in most areas of his life, really)....

Anyway, he eventually jumped to the conclusion that the sex must have been great, because otherwise, why would I have stayed with him for three years and "cheated" on him? In a moment of pure, mindless sarcasm, I asked him how he could possibly be so sure I hadn't cheated on him (I know, I know, I shouldn't have said it, but it was just a joke, and when I saw his reaction, I was so stunned I didn't even realize I should take it back)... and that’s when he absolutely lost it. He started sending these vile messages calling me every name in the book—just total trash—telling me I’m dead to him now. He was cursing God, Jesus, my mother, everything under the sun. He went as far as wishing I’d drop dead from whatever happened with that guy he thinks I cheated with. He claimed I broke his heart, that I’m a terrible person, and said he hopes I never fall in love again and stay alone forever.... When I woke up, I had 38 missed calls and a mountain of texts just like that, sent all through the night....

So, basically, I want to know if this is a normal reaction for a guy who cheated on his girlfriend, dumped her, and acted like a complete lunatic just because she jokingly suggested she might have cheated on him.... I get that his ego is bruised, but the things he said to me were way over the line. To be honest, I’m actually feeling a little scared now.🤷

Thanks to everyone for the input, and sorry for the long-winded post:-)

- Not a normal reaction.
- Be glad you're done with him.
- If he keeps calling, change your number.

Don't meet up with him under any circumstances. No coffee, no talking.

He's lucky he has a girlfriend. But that doesn't mean he won't try to harass you. Just stay cold and firm.

Jerry Martinez5 said:- Not a normal reaction.
- Be glad you're done with him.
- If he keeps calling, change your number.

Don't meet up with him under any circumstances. No coffee, no talking.

He's lucky he has a girlfriend. But that doesn't mean he won't try to harass you. Just stay cold and firm.

Thanks so much🙂 I was actually wondering if my reaction was out of line, but I really wanted to hear from people who aren't emotionally involved in the whole mess and could give me an objective perspective....

I had been feeling so guilty about the whole situation, but now I'm just thanking God that I did what I did, because I know exactly what kind of person he truly is...

There’s a massive difference between realizing how insecure he actually is and seeing just how aggressive he can get.

If he were just dealing with an inferiority complex, I might actually feel bad for him.

Wait, so you're telling me he's never had an aggressive outburst before?

Jerry Martinez5 said:There’s a massive difference between realizing how insecure he actually is and seeing just how aggressive he can get.

If he were just dealing with an inferiority complex, I might actually feel bad for him.

Wait, so you're telling me he's never had an aggressive outburst before?

Look, I knew from the jump that he was insecure, but I kept holding onto this naive hope that he’d just grow out of it as he got older and more mature...

Now that I’m thinking back on it, he definitely had those outbursts, it’s just that they never happened when I was around, so I didn't get to witness them firsthand. Last summer, he was away on a business trip in Miami while I was back home in Chicago, and we got into this stupid argument over text—I can't even remember what it was about—and he ended up slamming his phone onto the floor and completely smashing it. He did the same thing once with a pair of glasses, too...

He’s generally a pretty high-strung guy, and he’s had his moments, but it was usually directed at his buddies or one of his close friends...

Run from that idiot!
I won't go into all the details here—it's a bit much...

Look, that guy is an aggressor, and you honestly can't predict what kind of crazy he might pull next...
...It might actually be smart to just shoot him a quick text. Just tell him that the whole thing with the salad was nothing more than a way to give him a taste of his own medicine, and make it clear that you aren't the type of person who would ever cheat or spread diseases around...
Also, let him know straight up that his behavior and those messages are exactly why you’re cutting all ties with him... and then just stop there. Don't say another word. You need to avoid him like the plague, because at this point, that's exactly what he is...
...Just send enough to settle him down so he doesn't try to play the victim... BECAUSE HIS OPINION DOESN'T MEAN A THING. He thinks he owns you until you find someone else to take charge...
.....If there's an older, strong man in your family, it might be a good idea to have him step in and tell this guy to back off... maybe even throw in a warning about calling the cops if he doesn't...
....And if he keeps bothering you after that, call the police. Someone acting like that usually has plenty of other trouble lurking under the surface...

Rebecca Scott3 said:Look, that guy is an aggressor, and you honestly can't predict what kind of crazy he might pull next...
...It might actually be smart to just shoot him a quick text. Just tell him that the whole thing with the salad was nothing more than a way to give him a taste of his own medicine, and make it clear that you aren't the type of person who would ever cheat or spread diseases around...
Also, let him know straight up that his behavior and those messages are exactly why you’re cutting all ties with him... and then just stop there. Don't say another word. You need to avoid him like the plague, because at this point, that's exactly what he is...
...Just send enough to settle him down so he doesn't try to play the victim... BECAUSE HIS OPINION DOESN'T MEAN A THING. He thinks he owns you until you find someone else to take charge...
.....If there's an older, strong man in your family, it might be a good idea to have him step in and tell this guy to back off... maybe even throw in a warning about calling the cops if he doesn't...
....And if he keeps bothering you after that, call the police. Someone acting like that usually has plenty of other trouble lurking under the surface...

Man, it’s like you’re actually reading my mind.😉

I was actually planning on sending him exactly that. I can't stand the idea of someone walking around with a completely warped perception of who I am—and I don't just mean him. It’s the way he went around asking other people if they knew who I was cheating with, as if he had some right to drag my name through the mud like that. Honestly, after everything he said to me, everything he was capable of throwing in my face, I just want nothing to do with him. I wanted to tell him straight up: because of how you acted, we are done. No contact, no exceptions.

I’ve got to wait another couple of days before I can pull the trigger on this, mostly because someone still owes me a bit of cash. Once that hits my bank account, I’ll reach out and settle things with him. It’s funny, though—he actually tried to tell me he was going to keep the money as "compensation" for the emotional distress I supposedly caused him, or worse, threaten to sue me. The kid is a law student, so he thinks he’s being all clever and intimidating with his legal jargon, but honestly? It just cracked me up. Hahaha.😉

Harold Thomas10 said:Man, it’s like you’re actually reading my mind.😉

I was actually planning on sending him exactly that. I can't stand the idea of someone walking around with a completely warped perception of who I am—and I don't just mean him. It’s the way he went around asking other people if they knew who I was cheating with, as if he had some right to drag my name through the mud like that. Honestly, after everything he said to me, everything he was capable of throwing in my face, I just want nothing to do with him. I wanted to tell him straight up: because of how you acted, we are done. No contact, no exceptions.

I’ve got to wait another couple of days before I can pull the trigger on this, mostly because someone still owes me a bit of cash. Once that hits my bank account, I’ll reach out and settle things with him. It’s funny, though—he actually tried to tell me he was going to keep the money as "compensation" for the emotional distress I supposedly caused him, or worse, threaten to sue me. The kid is a law student, so he thinks he’s being all clever and intimidating with his legal jargon, but honestly? It just cracked me up. Hahaha.😉

I've heard some stupid things, but this takes the cake. What's his legal basis? Claiming you supposedly deceived him? ☕

Reading your posts, I honestly can't wrap my head around how someone like that even exists. The guy is unhinged; there's no fixing that. I feel bad for his future wife, and I feel for whoever ends up being his client if he actually makes it through law school 🤣 .He's definitely overstepping

It's incredible how many idiots are out there ☕

You honestly have no idea how lucky you are to be done with that jerk 🙂
I mean, just move on. Don't bother explaining yourself, don't send any texts... it’s just not worth your energy, and who knows? It might just give him some half-baked, crazy idea to reach out again.

Lik ima probleme... it's obvious he’s insecure, lacks any real backbone, and is just completely unstable. I get that you feel bad for him... but if you aren't looking out for yourself, I have to wonder why you even bother.🙄😉

Just be happy for yourself and give yourself a pat on the back because your ex is finally 😉
There isn't any way you should ever be around him again, and you definitely shouldn't give in to his calls no matter how many he makes...
Having an ex like that is honestly such a blessing since he's out of your life now. 😁
Between those insecurities and his constant irritability, goodness, dealing with him would be like handling a ticking time bomb, truly... 😲

He’s going to be an amazing lawyer someday!👎
Run the other way if you see someone like that...
You're one of the few who realized the joke was on us right away.

Arthur Kim74 said:Just be happy for yourself and give yourself a pat on the back because your ex is finally 😉
There isn't any way you should ever be around him again, and you definitely shouldn't give in to his calls no matter how many he makes...
Having an ex like that is honestly such a blessing since he's out of your life now. 😁
Between those insecurities and his constant irritability, goodness, dealing with him would be like handling a ticking time bomb, truly... 😲

I don't think I have ever met someone in my entire life who was quite this deeply insecure about everything... everything. I remember one specific time when we were still together, he actually told me that as soon as we had kids, he’d be sending them straight to a plastic surgeon to fix anything he deemed "imperfect," just so they wouldn't grow up feeling as self-conscious as he does.

He lost his cool plenty of times—breaking things, throwing fits—but like I mentioned before, I didn't really let it get to me at the time because his outbursts were never directed at me, nor did they happen while I was right there...

Thanks to everyone for the input.🙂