My mother is being a nightmare, help!

Yeah, right
The best part? Apparently, Dad is sending money home. When I actually asked her why I never see a cent of it, she claimed she’s spending it all on my clothes and food 🙄
I mean, I get some clothes here and there—usually stuff my brother outgrows immediately—but it’s far from a monthly shopping spree. And don't even get me started on the food situation. To me, having lunch and dinner isn't a luxury; it's just basic living. It feels like she's just using that as a convenient excuse to dodge the question...

I was just thinking about what Jerry Martinez5 said. 🤦

It really feels like your mother is treating you like Cinderella. It’s as if you’re some kind of servant rather than a child who deserves a decent upbringing—especially during puberty, which is already such a complicated stage for anyone to navigate, don't you think?

The constant restrictions on going out, the nagging combined with insults whenever you don't perform tasks perfectly, having zero allowance, being treated completely differently than your brother without any valid reason, and then dealing with that cold, condescending attitude... it’s honestly terrible. Wouldn't it be absurd if she acted this way while you were failing classes or refusing to help out at home? But since you're actually trying, it’s just unthinkable.

To be blunt, your mother is acting like a truly unkind person, though I'd prefer to use much harsher language if I could.

Since everyone here seems to have an opinion, I'll offer my own bit of advice: why not reach out to a trusted adult, perhaps a school counselor or a psychologist? If you explain the situation clearly and ask them to step in and speak with her, it might change things. Since she doesn't seem to take your needs seriously, maybe a neutral third party can finally open her eyes to reality. Hang in there; you have my full sympathy.

Wait, did I actually say she was treating him normally?

The woman is just being stubborn. Honestly, I don't see what he can even do about it. It doesn't look like actual abuse to me, so I definitely wouldn't suggest he drop out of high school at sixteen just to try and support himself.

Maybe reach out to his dad behind her back? Who knows, maybe the father would be willing to take him in?

Jerry Martinez5 said:Wait, did I actually say she was treating him normally?

The woman is just being stubborn. Honestly, I don't see what he can even do about it. It doesn't look like actual abuse to me, so I definitely wouldn't suggest he drop out of high school at sixteen just to try and support himself.

Maybe reach out to his dad behind her back? Who knows, maybe the father would be willing to take him in?

I was specifically referring to this point, but please, excuse me, I didn't even finish reading the rest:

It's like this. For me, the absolute worst part of everything is how his mom only lets him go out on Saturdays, and even then, only until 10 PM. She wouldn't even let him go stay at a friend's cabin for the weekend. That's all, nothing more.

I actually suggested that he try sitting down for a real talk with his mom—mostly because it might ease his own mind if he at least gives it a shot, and perhaps it could be eye-opening for her too.

Maybe—and I say this tentatively—it could be the first time in ages that someone truly engages with her as a human being. You know, someone who sees the underlying issue, who actually cares, who acknowledges how she’s been hurt, and recognizes that things aren't easy for her either, which might explain why she acts the way she does.

Now, Jerry Martinez5, you didn't mention that the mother is acting normally, but you did suggest that he should probably stop trying to change her altogether. Personally, though, I feel like there's still a glimmer of hope here—it isn't too late. I think the whole situation might even serve as a catalyst for her to finally take some steps toward reclaiming her own privacy and finding her own sense of fulfillment.

Ashley Young4 said:I was just thinking about what Jerry Martinez5 said. 🤦

It really feels like your mother is treating you like Cinderella. It’s as if you’re some kind of servant rather than a child who deserves a decent upbringing—especially during puberty, which is already such a complicated stage for anyone to navigate, don't you think?

The constant restrictions on going out, the nagging combined with insults whenever you don't perform tasks perfectly, having zero allowance, being treated completely differently than your brother without any valid reason, and then dealing with that cold, condescending attitude... it’s honestly terrible. Wouldn't it be absurd if she acted this way while you were failing classes or refusing to help out at home? But since you're actually trying, it’s just unthinkable.

To be blunt, your mother is acting like a truly unkind person, though I'd prefer to use much harsher language if I could.

Since everyone here seems to have an opinion, I'll offer my own bit of advice: why not reach out to a trusted adult, perhaps a school counselor or a psychologist? If you explain the situation clearly and ask them to step in and speak with her, it might change things. Since she doesn't seem to take your needs seriously, maybe a neutral third party can finally open her eyes to reality. Hang in there; you have my full sympathy.

That’s a pretty one-dimensional way to look at the whole situation...

My advice—since everyone here seems to be an expert on someone else's life—is to find a professional, maybe a social worker or a therapist? Explain what's happening to them and ask if they can sit down and have a serious talk with your mother...

I'll give you that much, you're 100% right there...

ambermaker12, not to state the obvious here... but have you actually tried talking to your father?

Jerry Martinez5 said:Exactly. For me, the absolute worst part is my mom only letting me out on Saturdays, and even then, only until 10 PM. She wouldn't even let me go to a friend's cabin for the weekend. Just that, and nothing else.

I guess I agree with what Basta wrote. Though, I see things a bit differently: your brother is older, finished high school, and isn't working? I suspect she treats him like a total washout, which is why she expects zero from him. She expects way more from you, so she's being way harder on you than he is. What’s the deal with college? Does she actually want you to enroll?

(if she doesn't, I still strongly suggest you go for it. There's nothing better to recommend to a 16-year-old who's doing well in school 👍)

Regarding those chores you mentioned (don't get mad at me), based on your description, she isn't giving you much to do. That's actually more work than most guys usually get, but you probably knock it all out in an hour or two a day, right? It sucks that she criticizes you afterward instead of just saying thanks. And it sucks that she makes such a massive distinction between you and your brother. But again: she treats him like a failure. Would she even make him vacuum the house if she ordered him to? Can she even order him to do anything?

My advice is to just grit your teeth and stop arguing with her. If you have the guts, go to that cabin. Next Saturday, if you can, try coming home by midnight. Making you do chores isn't actually the problem—I really mean that. In ten years, you might actually be grateful (and your future girlfriend will definitely be grateful 🙂). It's a mess that she only gives you $17 a week, though I don't know how much money you guys have. If things aren't tight, which I assume you know, insist on getting the same as your brother. (If you start fighting for it, you won't get it easily... but it's worth the fight)

I really wish you'd realize your brother isn't benefiting from this approach either. She's spoiled him, and I doubt it'll do him any good in the long run.

You aren't going to please her, no matter what. Just like Basta said. Realize she's just... messed up, maybe from the divorce or whatever else 😢. Whatever you do, don't let your grades slip. I know I sound like a nag, but damn, it's a fact: your success in school and whether you go to college determines how you're going to live for the next 70 years 🤷

😂🤦

coastaltrucker16 said:😂🤦

...anything else? (And let's skip the emojis... they've never really been my thing)

There’s no way you can truly be on your own at sixteen. You’ve finished high school, sure, but you still need time to grow. It feels like life is just waiting for you to catch up.🙄
My best advice? Just hang in there. Get through high school and then head off to college. If you pull decent grades, you might even get the chance to study in a different city. That’s your golden ticket to finally getting some breathing room from the old man.👍
You could also try reaching out to your dad. If he’s currently paying child support, you should definitely be entitled to that money—especially if you end up moving away for school.
Bottom line: just grind it out for two more years, then pack your bags and head to a new city for college.👍

ambermaker12 said:I’ve already tried telling her—it's useless, she just won't listen. She constantly gets on my case, acting as if I'm somehow the one behaving like an emotional vampire.

In that case, maybe you should just start acting like him. 🤷

silentpilot6 said:In that case, maybe you should just start acting like him. 🤷

What, just sit around doing nothing while picking everyone else's pockets? 👎

The best advice actually came from Zeus: go study, and figure out how to enroll in a college in a different city. Maybe, if he could somehow pressure his old man into helping. I guess I don't know how smart that move is. I assume he’s already tried talking to his mom a million times and it hasn't worked.

I know parents often spoil the screw-up while they're busy picking on the kid who actually works hard.

If I were in your shoes, the first thing I’d do is reach out to her side of the family. Surely you have an aunt or a grandmother you can talk to? Sit them down, explain what’s happening, and beg them to step in and put a stop to this abuse.

-Second: If you’re still talking to your dad—and I assume you are—just ask him if you can move in with him. Go live where he is, finish high school there, and then maybe head back home for college or find a job.

-Third (though I wouldn't recommend it): If none of that works, go talk to a school counselor or psychologist about what you're going through. Get some advice on how to cope so you can just grind it out for two years until you're finally independent.

That's it.

Honestly, if you’re trying to change your mom, I think you’re wasting your breath. You should probably just focus on building a life for yourself. Maybe try this little experiment for a month: just completely ignore her nagging. Just do whatever she tells you to do, but do it in a way that hurts you the least. It looks like your brother has already figured out how to navigate this successfully. Just study, focus on your goals, and realize you need to move out as soon as humanly possible. You’re going to have to swallow a lot of pride, I guess. Man, I really wish I could tell you to just slam your fist on the table and demand to be treated the same way your brother is—you could probably pull it off, but it won't actually change anything. If I were you, I’d just go through the motions without making a scene. It's not hard, even if it feels totally humiliating. I know because I've been there, and you don't really have much of a choice. Back when I was a student, I lived in my aunt's apartment in Chicago. It was about 1,000 square feet, but the living situation was terrible. Even with all that space, I was sharing a room with relatives. I was basically Cinderella for almost four years. Instead of actually studying, I spent most of my time doing chores just because I didn't have any other options. But hey, I managed to graduate and finally get away from them. If I had stood up for my rights, since it was my aunt's place, I probably would've been kicked out. That would have meant dropping out of school, and instead of being in grad school now, I'd be stuck at home with nothing but a high school diploma and some failed college credits. Oh, and those relatives? They actually made it to college, but they never made it past freshman year.

ambermaker12 said:Let me break this down briefly. I live with my brother and my mother. Our relationship is basically a Cinderella story—and not the fairy tale kind. It’s a disaster. To put it bluntly, she treats me like garbage, while my brother is the golden child. He doesn't openly hate me, but when I actually need a hand with something, he acts like we're strangers. There’s no reason for it; I’m a decent kid—not rude, not lazy, none of that. My grades have always been solid—straight As in middle school, mostly As and Bs now in high school—so there aren't any major issues there. But every single day when I get home from school, I’m expected to handle chores that would make most people do a double-take. For instance, I get home, and before my mother gets back around 4:00 PM, I have to wash the dishes, start the laundry, hang it up, fold the dry clothes, and lately, even organize her things. If I put something back in the wrong spot because I don't know her specific system, she blows up at me, calling me incompetent or stupid. It's constant. I’m expected to take out the trash, vacuum and clean both my room and hers (!) twice a week, mop the floors, you name it. Meanwhile, my brother doesn't have to lift a finger; he isn't in school and doesn't work, so he just sits around all day on his PC or watching TV. And when my mother finally walks through the door, she’s never satisfied. She always finds something to nitpick—why this wasn't done a certain way or how I could have done better. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time she gave me a shred of praise. So, after she finishes criticizing my housework, I try to get some studying done, then ask if I can go out for a bit in the evening—maybe grab coffee or see friends—but she won't let me go out for more than once a week. She claims I need to study and that I'll ruin my GPA if I don't 🙄
On weekends, she lets me go out Saturday night, though I rarely have the cash to do anything since my weekly allowance is only $17, which barely covers lunch at school or supplies like notebooks and photocopies. On top of that, she expects me to have enough left over for coffee on Saturdays. That is physically impossible. Meanwhile, she gives my brother whatever he wants, around $33, without a second thought because "he's older and has more needs." He can be out 24/7. I'm grounded by 10:00 PM on Saturdays, no exceptions. He stays out whenever he feels like it; once he even stumbled in at 5:00 AM drunk, and she didn't even notice because she was asleep. She just asked him when he got in, and whatever he said, it didn't matter. If I had done that, I would have been grounded for a month. Now, my friends are inviting me to a cabin for New Year's Day, and when I asked if I could go, she naturally said no. When I asked why she's constantly so harsh with me, she just told me to look at how I act and try to be more like my brother 😕 (meaning, she thinks I should stop complaining about how she treats me)
The absolute worst part happened this past summer. I took on a job to save up for a trip to Florida, and I actually managed to earn some money. She even let me go on the trip, which was great. I kept my cash in my wallet, but then $333 went missing. When I told her, she acted like she felt bad for me, only for me to find that exact money in my brother's possession. Her response? She just told him to give it back to me. Thinking about her makes me sick. I don't know what to do, but I can't live like this anymore. Please, I need advice before I lose my mind.

Interesting...
But what about all that talk regarding Christmas?
"Mom is already in the kitchen, Dad's napping, my brother is watching cartoons......."

I think I'll find some more posts to catch up on whenever I have a free moment.☕

Man, I don't know... if he isn't being honest with us, I really hope he's at least being real with himself. Like, maybe he actually understands what his own issues are in life.

David Palmer5 said:Interesting...
But what about all that talk regarding Christmas?
"Mom is already in the kitchen, Dad's napping, my brother is watching cartoons......."

I think I'll find some more posts to catch up on whenever I have a free moment.☕

It's entirely possible they only get together on rare occasions like that; nothing out of the ordinary there...
... anything is possible, I suppose...