Growing up with emotional and physical abuse

1. Why is it that sometimes—and honestly, it feels like most of the time—the easiest choice is just to keep spinning in circles? It’s comfortable territory, right? You know exactly where you stand, even if you're going nowhere. Why do we choose that repetitive loop over actually breaking out, even if stepping outside means risking total failure?
2. And why is it that the second I started opening up about all this, especially after chewing on some of the answers from this forum, I felt this sudden, overwhelming urge to just shut down and stop talking about it entirely?
(Am I healed? Yay! 🎉) — Nope, definitely not.
3. Regarding what redharbor9 said: look, I’ve looked through some of those materials, and it’s not like it’s rocket science, BUT I DON'T LIVE IN WASHINGTON, D.C., I live in a small town with maybe 40,000 people.

John Price11 said:1. Why is it that sometimes—and honestly, it feels like most of the time—the easiest choice is just to keep spinning in circles? It’s comfortable territory, right? You know exactly where you stand, even if you're going nowhere. Why do we choose that repetitive loop over actually breaking out, even if stepping outside means risking total failure?
2. And why is it that the second I started opening up about all this, especially after chewing on some of the answers from this forum, I felt this sudden, overwhelming urge to just shut down and stop talking about it entirely?
(Am I healed? Yay! 🎉) — Nope, definitely not.
3. Regarding what redharbor9 said: look, I’ve looked through some of those materials, and it’s not like it’s rocket science, BUT I DON'T LIVE IN WASHINGTON, D.C., I live in a small town with maybe 40,000 people.

Is there seriously nothing even remotely close? Just ask someone. I bet somebody knows, or you can just look up your town online... 🙂

You didn't exactly hand-pick your parents (though I suppose some of those esoteric circles might disagree with me on that one 😛)
but if they’ve already gone ahead and dictated—well, let's call it "shaped"—your past,
then why on earth are you letting them dictate your future too?

do you really want to spend every single moment surrendering to melancholy,
just letting life toss you around like a wave hitting the rocky coast
or would you rather actually grab the wheel and steer your own life for once?

the key is sitting right there in your hands.

I honestly think you’re already on the right track just by being aware of what's going on. You actually see where things are falling apart, and that's huge. Most people? They just want to live in a fantasy land where everything is perfect, kind of like those folks who pretend everything is fine while they shove all their massive problems under the rug. Then they wonder why they end up miserable and stuck, always pointing fingers at everyone else instead of looking in the mirror. I guess, if I were you, I might try digging into some of those old issues from back when you were a kid—maybe with a therapist or something—just so you can finally clear the air and move on. Right now, it just seems like you're spinning your wheels and struggling unnecessarily.

Merry Christmas, everyone!
Honestly, I’m just so sick of the constant verbal assault from people throwing around words like "family," "get-togethers," and "holiday feasts."
Look, when things are actually good, fine—it’s great. But when your family dynamic is anything but "normal," trying to survive these holidays can be a total nightmare...

I would welcome some insight from the experts in this group 😉

The core issue isn't actually how you view your parents, but rather how you perceive yourself...
It is through our relationship with our parents that we build our foundational sense of self-worth, and in your case, you were handed a fundamentally flawed blueprint...
The moment you learn to embrace who you truly are—flaws, strengths, and all—is the moment you gain the capacity to properly heal those old wounds. It’s about realizing that if an event from twenty years ago still stings today, there is a valid reason for that pain. You have to understand that making mistakes isn't a failure of character; after all, we are all prone to error...